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The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)
Ranger Offline
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#11
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

(08-28-2018, 12:11 PM)Angry Bear Wrote: What is next is, be nice to her, ponies also like kindness.  Based on your description in both your threads, its almost like pinkie has two personalies.  Sounds a lot like DID.  I dont see why you couldnt split them.  It all depends on what you want, if you want two tulpae, the devil and the angel, or both in one, just toned down.  If you did split them, consider it mental surgury for a conjoined personality, you could metaphorically carefully cut around the traits you wnt one to have.  This is all very theoretical and probably meta too.  I am just brainstorming.  I do know that in wonderland anything you can imagine becomes real.

That's...not...how...DID...works...at...all...

If she is feeling moody, she can convey herself as an angel / devil depending on her mood. If it becomes a habit, then that's a way you can tell how she's feeling. Don't make two Tulpæ and cut her in half. Two is one two many, and given your situation you need to focus on just Pinkamena.

As for the angel / devil thing by itself, Cat created two thoughtforms to imply that dynamic (Fernardo and Dark Gray), but they represent her. Cat does not have DID, she just thought at the time it was interesting. The point is you don't need to literally create two completely different people based from a theory on how personalities work.

I'm Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I like Hippos! I also like forum games, word puzzles, and chatting about stuff.
I now stream!
(This post was last modified: 08-28-2018, 12:33 PM by Ranger.)
08-28-2018, 12:32 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#12
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

Sorry ranger, i am no expert.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
(This post was last modified: 08-28-2018, 01:36 PM by Angry Bear.)
08-28-2018, 01:35 PM
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EdgeLordMaximus Offline
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#13
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

I'm not sure if she has bipolar or DID or something. Honestly I really think she is just moody and a bit impulsive in what she says and does. I must certainly won't be splitting her in two, regardless of if she has one of those disorders or not, I'm not into that kinda fucking with a sentient Tulpa. She and I are hopefully just gonna work through this. Since this is a progress log, I figure I'll just mention she and I talked this morning and she's restated that she does care about me, but she meant the rest of it. I'm setting up some guide lines for her behavior, and hopefully things turn out for the best.
08-28-2018, 03:30 PM
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#14
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

Keep us posted.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
08-28-2018, 04:25 PM
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EdgeLordMaximus Offline
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#15
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

So Pinkamena and I are sorta doing better. We’ve been better about communicating with one another, though we’ve had a hard time reaching agreements. We’ve been butting heads a bit, she’s got an issue with most of my creature comforts so to speak(Drinking, smoking, etc) and while she’s lovely, there are certain behaviors and traits of hers that make her a bit of a pain sometimes Namely her habit of seeing a mild insecurity and trying to make me feel worse about it, though in moments of true and genuine distress she seems to try and be caring(Not her strong suit at all, but I appreciate the sentiment.) However I’m sure you can all understand that it can be not fun to be having a moment of insecurity and have your tulpa push you in the wrong direction. She’s also really against nearly all my vices, as I called them above, creature comforts. I’m a weird guy, and I’m also a pretty heavy user of anything I’m using, so when I smoke weed, I smoke a lot of weed, when I drink, I drink heavily, when I go to smoke a pipe, I smoke a few pipes, get the trend? Well when I get very drunk and very high, I’m like a completely different person, cue a lot of incoherence, quick mood changes based on stimuli, and general weirdness. I recently got the drunkest I’ve been in a very long time, and was really horrible and kind of self destructive and emo the whole time. She’s been pissy whenever I drink or smoke for a while, and this has just increased that. I’ve been making an effort to cut back on my smoking of both tobacco and marijuana(I don’t drink often) but most of my family and friends are stoners, so I live with like two other stoners who expect me to get stoned with them, that’s just how we spend time together, so it’s been a question of if I want to alienate my friends and family or deal with an angry tulpa, and I’ve chosen the later.
However there are A LOT of noticeable positives to having a tulpa, beyond the fact that I’ve already come to the conclusion that Pinkamena’s company is more than worth the drawbacks. As I mentioned this much fucking around in my head has stirred up a lot of shit, and I guess honestly to my own surprise, I worked through a lot of the shit I had kept locked away in random parts of my brain. Wasn’t fun I will admit, but after a week of pretty intense and intrusive thoughts and introspection, I worked through most of my shit(Which is something I’ve honestly never done, I kinda always just shoved it all somewhere else and kept going, figuring that figuring shit out was a bit self indulgent). Subsequently, the seething self hatred that I’ve had all my life, and really just figured was just a permanent part of my life, has gotten to the point where I not only can endure my own appearance and thoughts, but, for the first time like ever, I genuinely think I’m an alright person, which I think is what most people do, but for me this is kind of a big deal, I mean when I was like a little kid when everyone else was pretending they were superheroes and shit, I just figured I was too terrible to be a hero so I always just played villain, even if I was playing by myself(I was a fucked up kid lol) I genuinely attribute this catastrophic change in my mental state to fucking around in my head a lot, since I’ve always been mentally speaking a rickety, haphazardly constructed structure of semi self destructive coping mechanisms and escapism(Don’t knock it until you try it lol.) First time in my life mentally speaking I’ve ever really been on a positive trajectory, and I’ve noticed just a general change in my thinking and other minor shit. Pinkamena is still kinda intense, but she’s already helped me a lot, and I’m very fond of spending time with her. Gonna keep this updated whenever shit is happening involving the tulpa. A note on the major self improvement thing, that's not all just in the space of my last update and this one, that week or so of introspection and general unpleasantness was actually over a few days after I posted this log, but that point everything was not so great.
09-02-2018, 11:06 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#16
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

Glad to hear improvement and a little comprimise.  

I would never say my tulpae guilt me into doing better, but when i am slacking off too much or doing something they don't necessarily approve of, they get hurt feelings, which gives me hurt feelings.  I avoid things that make them angry anymore, so yeah, they changed me in many ways. It's a good thing.

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
(This post was last modified: 09-02-2018, 11:25 PM by Angry Bear.)
09-02-2018, 11:24 PM
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EdgeLordMaximus Offline
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#17
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

Just another update. My Tulpa and I have been alright. We’ve been arguing a lot, but honestly, we do that pretty often. She’s been actually confusing me lately, with a distinct change in her views on things. I mentioned last Saturday I think, that I was considering at some point in time making her a friend. It took some explaining to her, and she was very angry I mentioned the idea of it. Didn’t matter I was offering because I thought she might get bored or lonely, she took offense to it. She apparently can hang round the wonderland on her own when I’m not around, I haven’t been around the wonderland in a while, I don’t really like active forcing, beyond just not really enjoying it much, I live in a house with like 5 other people, I get interrupted constantly, so I haven’t done it in like 2 weeks. Apparently she’s made her own area if she’s to be believed that resembles ponyville, and has her own versions of her basis’s friends. She’s also been mentioning names of characters from the show and other odd things, and honestly I can’t tell if it’s an odd bid for attention or she’s just made somewhere for herself to hang around.I’ve told her several times that she’s not in fact Pinkamena Diane Pie, she’s a tulpa, but she keeps referencing things like they happened to her or she knows about them first hand Either way it’s certainly put to bed any possible idea of making her a friend, something I mentioned once in conversation that I got interegotated about for like an hour. She’s also been taking a distinct issue with my usage of pornography(She’s quieting down about the smoking), and this has been just causing general tension. She told me multiple times that she has no romantic interest in me, something I had never pressed to involve in our relationship, one she brought around like a month ago with repeated romantic advances, though I will take some blame as it seems she misunderstood what I meant when i said I loved her(I meant more in that platonic host way, which is really more familial in nature than romantic.) But now, bringing things full circle, even though there’s no romantic interest, she keeps attempting to get me to have sex with her instead of using porn(Weird I know.) I guess that’s just what you get when you’ve got a violent and possessive tulpa lol. As I try and mention in most of my updates, Pinkamena is great, and honestly I would write paragraphs on us just hanging out, but really there’s nothing interesting for reading in a blow by blow of me talking to the voice in my head for a few hours. She’s one of my favorite people, though we fight plenty, I mean, so doesn’t everyone. I just find that she displays more interesting and relevant behavior when she’s behaving poorly, and these progress logs beyond being just a way for a tulpamancer to see how others are doing with their tulpas, are also a source of relevant first hand experience with Tulpas for the budding tulpamancers out there and I like to think that people can at least look at my weird tulpa experience and learn if nothing else what not to do.
On a gripe involving this that doesn’t have anything to do with the adorable psychopath that hangs around my brain, I’ve been having an issue with intrusives. I had a tulpa like thing in my youth, and it keeps popping up again. He first appeared claiming he had in fact been Pinkamena the whole entire time(Which I determined was bullshit the same night) and frankly he’s a complete asshole. Unreasonable, and kinda horrible. He spent the whole 12 hours I let him hang around thinking I kinda owed him something keeping me up by conjuring images of my irrational fear(Ant faces freak me the fuck out, so it was like 2 hours of non stop giant bugs while I was trying to sleep) and fucking with Pinkamena, so I just locked him up somewhere where he couldn’t bother me. He popped back up yesterday, anting shit up, and I tossed him back, but I’ve had like two other instances where unidentifiable entities popped up(Pinkamena was there for one and the both of us paused when a different voice popped up and said something, but never spoke up again.) So that’s been kinda just been unpleasant. Not really sure if my move with the first intrusive was cool, but he lies, fucks with me constantly, and refuses to sit down and figure something reasonable out with me(Shit I tried before I sent him to god knows where) so I feel pretty justified about doing it. That’s about it I guess. Oh, and apparently Pinkamena likes lemonheads.
09-06-2018, 06:31 PM
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Angry Bear Online
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#18
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

We have gotten really efficient at destroying intrusives. I've read that It will get easier as long as you give them as little attention as possibe to get rid of them.  That has been our experiance as well.  

Based on what i've read from you so far, it sounds like she's just looking out for you.  That, and she has to live there with you too.  From what i've read, tulpae try to bring out your best.  Doesn't any partner, friend, or romantic interest, if they truly care about you, want to see you be a success?

(Just to be clear, i mean this without implications or disrespect.)

Angry Bear: host, 6'4", green eyes, brown hair
Ashley: tulpa, 5'6", 27, amber eyes, brown hair
Dashie: tulpa, 5'4", 21, dark violet eyes, blue hair
Misha: tulpa, 5'0", 20, blue eyes, magenta/pink hair
Our Journey
(This post was last modified: 09-06-2018, 06:53 PM by Angry Bear.)
09-06-2018, 06:50 PM
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Cat_ShadowGriffin Offline
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#19
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

I have intrusive thought forms too. The best thing to do is to stay calm and realize that they are an intrusive thought. Once you realize what they actually are, it's a lot easier to dismiss them or deal with them, basically what Angry Bear already said.

I have had thought-form versions of them pop up as "mirror-demons", which are basically shapeshifting assholes that spew negativity from subconscious thought and they frequently like to morph into my wonderland form or Ranger. They may ask for my pitty, tell me how much of an asshole I am, make Ranger uncomfortable or threaten him, tell me how awful I am, etc. etc. The long story short is some anxiety bubbled up and now it materialized and you have to come face-to-face with it. The good news is no one will get hurt if they don't want to be hurt.

You are not a bad person for wanting to forget them or restrain them from causing any harm. The other thing I want to point out is you have a lot of power when it comes to Tulpamancy. If you don't want a Tulpa, you won't get one, so if they bring up the "oh I'm really a Tulpa" argument, the answer is they are not because you don't want them to be.

As for you relationship, don't feel bad if what works for you guys is different from what works for other people. My grandparents would slam cabinets and say mean things to each other when they fought, but they loved each other to pieces. they were happily married for over 50 years, so while it does not look like my relationship with Ranger, it isn't wrong. The most important thing is both of you are happy and can work stuff out.

Don't worry guys, I'm not a Dragon! My art style is an optical illusion. I'm not a hippo either, I promise.
Ranger now speaks in light blue text, but some of his older posts are in blue text and his oldest posts are in orange text.
09-06-2018, 07:05 PM
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EdgeLordMaximus Offline
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#20
 
RE: The Other Guy With The Psychotic Pony Waifu(The one that didn't torture his)

At my behest I’ve convinced Pinkamena she should introduce herself, and I’m thinking of giving her her own account so she can make an update her own progress log, or just letting her update on this one. Either I think it’ll be a good way for her to exercise being more independent and that kinda shit.

“Hi.(She kinda went quiet and I had to ask her if she had anything else to say) I don’t know, hi I’m Pinkamena. (Went quiet again and I had to ask her if there was anything else she wanted to say too introduce herself) I’m a tulpa, I like killing things and I’m pink. That’s about it.”
09-12-2018, 01:26 AM
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