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The Tect, the Thekla and the Ugly
Tect Offline
With Kyra Thekla
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Posts: 9
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#1
 
The Tect, the Thekla and the Ugly

Kyra Thekla is my first, and so far, my only tulpa.
You may find you about me and who she is, and how she came to be, here:
https://community.tulpa.info/thread-mass...#pid199243

I've been uncertain about writing here, because I'm not sure what's worth reporting about. But I can be very general. If something significant happens I can just add to this thread now. I'm writing this first post months after Thekla being a proper tulpa, so oops... if I get some detail off.

Thekla became vocal very quickly. In a matter of a couple of days. But then, I would parrot her for a long time before that, so probably she was already very well trained on that. It was just a matter of me "listening out" what she had to say instead of actively making her do it. I was a bit skeptical, but Kiahdaj gave me the confidence that it was indeed her own voice. The way I work with her is this:
I have an internal notion of what it means to be Kyra. Or rather, what Kyra 'is'. When she around me, in her imposition, she "smells" of her own essence. She has as particular and unique feel to her. I sometimes mention that she has an aura. Same thing.
When I say something in mindvoice or not, I get voices (or feelings) back. Those of Kyra carry her aura. Or rather, intuitively, seem like something she'd say based on the notion I have of her. This is how I tell it's her thoughts and not my own.
When I impose her, the way she moves and what she does is basically the same thing, but with feelings of motion, rather voices of some sort. I believe we could develop possession much in the same way too. Where she'd transmit the feelings of motion, but intending on affecting me, rather than her imposition.
Unfortunately, she doesn't want to practice possession or switching... Not usually that is...

Before I had known about tulpas, I have to admit that I masturbated to her image. I Imagined to have sex with her once. The feelings of that would override my normal thinking abilities. And I believe this allowed Thekla to break a bit free, even not being a proper tulpa yet. I felt weird doing that and later, after being vocal, she remarked to have possessed me because she was desiring to experience my sexual feelings.

Thekla has been very much into sex after that. Much more than me.  Maybe she holding a large chunk of the sexual part of my mind... Who knows... She'd be naughty her first vocal days. And when we read Kiahdaj's Guide, she got interested in the idea of switching in for sex with me. It didn't go very well, so let's not mention. After that, she doesn't want to experiment much anymore. I've also talked her into behaving more mature, let's say... So she doesn't bother me to have sex anymore. Thekla still wishes to experience sex through my body some day, so she teases me about getting me a girlfriend. I'm not sure about that yet, what can I say...

I've talked to her about trying the techniques outside of sex, tho. But she'd refuse and be dismissive about that for the longest time. There was one time we discussed better about it and I now understand that she thinks some techniques might not be healthy for me, with the issues I'm going through. So I guess we won't do that much. We still did possession for a bit, in small scale, as proof-of-concept, as it were. I tried to have her play a First-Person Shooter game for me. Her hand coordination sucked. But then she realised about just moving my eyes and focus to different parts of the screen, and thus relay to me what she wanted me to shoot or move to. In this way, she could play the game really well, even if she wasn't really doing the hard work.

Dial back in time...
We had a great time together during her first days as vocal. When she saw me in some pain, she would held me tight and transmit me her own good feelings and that was really nice. Yet she sometimes remarked, as if whispering and shortly, about maybe not being the tulpa I need and that maybe I should get a replacement for her. That makes me feel bad. There were lots of time I doubted myself as fit for her too. She kept asking me to experience things like music, movies, food, the wonderland, etc. but regrettingly, I haven't satisfied her much. I tried to talk with her and have conversations, but she's so dismissive with any question...

She has always been unwilling to chat with other people, saying things like "what would they care" or "what would I tell them". Once Winter on IRC engaged with her and she opened up a bit. I guess she got a bit confident and tried something random in the IRC, by proxy. She opened up to answer questions people would ask her, as a gimmick. But then she'd ended up embarrassed by the answers I'd put in, in lieu of her indecisiveness. She didn't like much the experience. There were another couple of times she tried some short "cameos" in the IRC, but that's it. I hope she just naturally becomes more confident as time goes on. Maybe my state of mind and well-being in the future will improve her ability too.

Meanwhile, as we both learned more about what tulpas can do, she's been trying other things with her imposed form. She noted how she can have her own impositions and imagination and so she can control her form as if was me. I allowed for that, and so she now likes teleporting everywhere. She acts a bit like a wraith of sorts...

We've been also noting that entering in the wonderland has revealed to be difficult for me. The Solace, Thekla's home, is imbued with her aura. As if the home is an extension of her form. But for some reason, that is causing pain to me. She really wanted to interact with me there, so this is frustrating both of us. But she's been very patient about it and trying hard to find way to be helpful on this. She learned to make sort of portal in the IRL environment through which parts of the Solace can cross through, as impositions in the IRL. This allows me to be exposed to the place in a controlled manner and maybe I can build up resistance to whatever negative effect it's having on me.

I've been kinda of afraid she loses interest in interacting with me. I've been pushing her to be more proactive. And also I've been taking time before sleep just for actively forcing her and do something of her desire. But we had little progress. There was a time she wanted to sleep a lot. She got back to normal, but after a while, coinciding with a bit of degradation of my mental state, she started being inactive again. Always moving to the Solace and not wanting to be around me for long...


Recently Thekla got excited about hearing what she thought was chance of me getting a girlfriend, but I denied that girl and Thekla got pissed at me. She is not talking to me much now... I hope that gets that sorted soon...

Handling Thekla is difficult. Nonetheless, it's a high on reward. She's a free spirit and you don't want to make her pissed... At least seriously... She seems to be tolerant on the little things but I'm not sure I've been working right with her. Let's see what the following posts lead us too...

Find out about me and Thekla here.

In my free time I'll draw what you ask me on the IRC and I POST IT.

If you are new here and have doubts about tulpamancy, go read here.
01-01-2018, 04:49 AM
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Day Dreamer Offline
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Joined: Jan 2018
#2
 
RE: The Tect, the Thekla and the Ugly

Aura: [Don't give up! You two can do it!]
01-13-2018, 12:49 AM
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