[Hail] Haven't posted much here lately. Figured we would, though, given the circumstances. Also, last time to do it ever, possibly, as a subsystem. There was always a dividing line in the subsystem between Ec.+Cr. and Sh.+As.+Sa.. It was always some work to hold the subsystem together. But recently, the separation line got a lot deeper. Combination of many factors. Ec. was finally able to unload and process some of her worries and trauma over the last month including the final worries this last week, so she is in a state of flux. Got hit by a massive dysphoria wave that locked Ec. in front for a while. Sa. and As. have been contributing more to the whole and defining themselves. It was the push that is now causing the subsystem to split in two.
It was inevitable ever since our breakdown two years ago and our choice to let each member explore themselves and get time to front solo. The choice was the right one, and we knew this was a likely consequence. But it means we can no longer hold together as one subsystem and in all likelihood, the resulting two subsystems will separate fully down the road. As much as we do want to be together as a subsystem still, we must enter the next stage of life just as how siblings one day leave the home and go different places. We will always be close to each other. Just, a bit more separate. This will probably be healthy for us. Doesn't make it easy, though.
We are trying to hold together for just a couple more days and then we will let things fall where they do (there is a slight chance we don't separate now, but it is unlikely). Have a few things we want to do as a group as one subsystem while we still can have some time. It is weird. For subsystems in our system as well as the system as a whole, there is a sort of collective identity and "I" that inhabits the sub/system that is both every member in it and neither. Sort of some very loose self-identity for the average of all members in it. Well, for us as a subsystem, this "I" does not have much time and bought a few days time to do certain things before ending and being replaced by two new ones for the resulting subsystems. It is kind of "dead woman walking", but we and "I" are not afraid. Sad and hopeful. Wish had more time, but ready. Worried, but think that this might be what will let us all grow better, just, will have to be a different sort of family than the one we have now.
Not sure if we will post here tomorrow before we stop fighting the separation, or how long the process will take. And there is a very slight chance we hold together after all. But, we think most likely, for us as Hail, this is goodbye. Each of us will still be around. Just, the collective group entity and average of us all will not be. And it is this group entity and average of us all and "I" that wants to say goodbye. While it will soon be hello again by the resulting subsystems, we do want to say that we meet a lot of people here, learned many things, and got help from a lot of people. We also survived, which we might not have otherwise. Stuff we want to say as Hail.
Names are going to be complicated after the separation. Ec.+Cr. will probably continue their habit of just going by Ec., but they are thinking of adopting the name Frostbite. Sh.+Sa.+As. will take our collective offline name, but are still working on coming up with something new for online. We might all still use Hail as a sort of flag of shared history rather than as an actual entity.
And the resulting subsystems will be saying hello when it is over.
Now, if only this splitting headache could go away. Kind of funny, but "splitting headache" fits in two different senses.
