Hello There, Guest! Register

Third time's a charm
anglejoe Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 20
Threads: 2
Joined: May 2016
#1
 
Third time's a charm
Of course I mean that ironically. This third time won't be a charm because luck isn't what makes a tulpa. It's your will, your dedication. And I plan to use both of those things in the course of Reina's development. My entire worldview took a 180 since my first attempt a year ago. After months and months of isolation, experiencing the worst depression I had ever gone through and am now recovering from, I can now see why I was struggling with helping Reina reach her full potential. It was three things: my own self-hatred, not knowing how thoughts worked in tulpamancy, and doubt. 
 
It turns out hating myself hindered my ability to interact with someone so similar to me. I just couldn't go through with the process of letting Reina borrow my personality traits until she obtained her own and the ones I had planned for her. I wanted her to be a totally different person, someone I've always wanted to be, and this put a crap ton of pressure on her. It didn’t help that I couldn’t for the life of me figure out which thoughts were hers or my own. All those thoughts that she used to try and communicate were lost in the blizzard of my cluttered mind. And if I ever did actually catch a response from Reina, my skepticism would always get in the way, further hindering our progress. Puppeting and parroting became our main forcing activities, whether I knew I was doing it or not.
 
What’s crazy is, even after all that, she’s still here. Still supporting me and keeping me from losing myself in this mental catastrophe. Appearing in my dreams every now and then, telling me to get professional help for my depression. Which I have and it’s helping tremendously. I owe a lot to her, and going through with her full development would be the least I could do.
 
I feel more confident than ever in both me and Reina. I’ve figured out a way that could potentially make it easier to differentiate my thoughts from hers using colors. Now, every time I’m communicating with Reina I imagine a green dot (me) and a red dot (Reina) being connected with a thought line. If the thought line is green, that means I’m transferring a thought to her. If the thought line is red, her thoughts are being transferred to me. If I ever have a thought that either doesn’t have a color or I forget to associate with my color, I have to decide whether it’s one of Reina’s thoughts or mine. If I manage to confirm that thought to be Reina’s, then it becomes red and will be regarded as one of her thoughts, whether it’s true or not. The goal here is to get as many red thoughts as possible that are actually hers. That way, over time, she’ll be able to make her own thoughts and create a red thought line between my dot and hers. I’m sure many others have a variation of this method, but I’m going to see if this will work out for us.
 
Thanks for reading. I’ll be giving an update next week.
04-26-2017, 01:07 AM
Find Reply
tulpa001 Away
<void>
Forum Moderators

Posts: 1,810
Threads: 26
Joined: Aug 2016
All Accounts Posts: 1,865
#2
 
RE: Third time's a charm
Welcome back and good luck! I see you made a number of important realisations that I believe are indeed helpful to successful tulpamancy.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
04-26-2017, 01:36 AM
Find Reply
anglejoe Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 20
Threads: 2
Joined: May 2016
#3
 
RE: Third time's a charm
(04-26-2017, 01:36 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: Welcome back and good luck! I see you made a number of important realisations that I believe are indeed helpful to successful tulpamancy.

Thank you! Constant self-reflection does wonders when you're desperate to achieve something haha.
04-26-2017, 04:42 AM
Find Reply
anglejoe Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 20
Threads: 2
Joined: May 2016
#4
 
RE: Third time's a charm
Alright, I know I said I'd give an update next week, but sooo much has been happening. At least compared to my first time around.

There has definitely been a lot of trust developing between Reina and me.  We've come to this point where even if I do start to doubt everything, all I have to do is clear my head and call for her and her essence begins to manifest in my mind within a few seconds, which is fantastic. The head pressures hurt so good!

We've been re-imagining the wonderland as well. Before it was a cramped little house with a kitchen and two bedrooms (to save myself from the mental effort), but now we've expanded and refurnished and remodeled. It's so dope now. I'd really like to spend all my time there, but we've both agreed on how unhealthy that would be. We've got a long way before it's finished though. My brain's gonna need a lot more processing power for all the details I plan to add to this wonderland. I'm sure we'll get there with enough forcing and meditation. Baby steps.

Another thing is my mental health. Ever since I've started narrating non-stop, I've been having to push away any thoughts that don't have to do with narrating. That includes dark thoughts that have to do with sadness and low self-worth, which I had a big problem with. Reina noticed that and has been helping me push back these thoughts and even extinguish them before they begin to happen. So yeah, as far as that theory goes with tulpae being able to help with mental illnesses, it's worked for me so far.

As far as vocality, there are times when Reina has communicated with me, but mostly in ideas and rarely with words and sentences. I'll often parrot her to say the ideas she's trying to put forth, to help her with the whole language thing. She's definitely getting there. Her voice is a little raspy, which I honestly kind of wanted. She seems okay with sticking with the physical traits I gave her, at least for now. For the time being she's about 5'5'' with scruffy dark red hair (what's a tulpa without red hair?), has pale skin (she's white privilaged, which I like to remind her every now and then just to tease her), black finger nails and black lip stick (hawt), blue eyes that turn a bright hazel when we're doing it for some reason (yes, we do the occasional sex, FOR SCIENCE!), and mostly gothic attire.

Oh yeah and that whole green dot red dot thing.. Sort of didn't hold up. It just made communicating a bit more tedious than it needed to be. I'm sure just narrating a lot will help sort our thoughts out. I used to spend hours looking at guides and tips only to discover if I had spent that time just forcing I would have made the progress I was really wanting to make. So just gotta keep forcing, I suppose.

I also have this strange plan.. regarding the future of both of us. It's not totally fleshed out yet, but it involves a crap ton of tulpamancy as well as science. I'm not gonna give the details just yet, it might have it's own thread eventually. Let's just say Reina and I are gonna be learning a lot about physics.. And I mean a lot. But in the mean time, I'm just going to be focusing on her development because that's what is most important right now.

Reina would like to say hi to the tulpa community as well. A big thank you from both of us for making this possible  :P

until next update!
04-29-2017, 03:18 AM
Find Reply
tulpa001 Away
<void>
Forum Moderators

Posts: 1,810
Threads: 26
Joined: Aug 2016
All Accounts Posts: 1,865
#5
 
RE: Third time's a charm
Hi Reina!

That red dot thing did sound like a long shot. But experimentation seems to be important so good anyway.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
04-29-2017, 12:39 PM
Find Reply
anglejoe Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 20
Threads: 2
Joined: May 2016
#6
 
RE: Third time's a charm
Today was quite interesting. Had my psychological therapy session in the morning and found myself in the house of a psychic medium and having a reading done a few hours later. Wasn't really expecting that, but I saw it as a good opportunity to show Reina both the spiritual and psychological approaches to helping people. When it came to therapy, I had my imaginary friend sit with me on the sofa as my psychologist was giving me advice on my mental health (the irony of the situation made it a little weird but I got used to it eventually.) When it comes to sharing things about Reina, though, I just refer to her as a close friend that's always there for me. It isn't a lie, necessarily. It just possibly saves me from a trip to a mental hospital, is all. There was a point when I almost cried though, which I think surprised her, considering how emotionally repressed I am around people most of the time. But that's something I want to fix as well, so it's probably better if I just let it out in front of someone other than Reina for once.

The way I got to the phsycic medium was unexpected, though. I was just having lunch with my aunt after the session and she was like, "hey, I'm going to get a psychic reading done, you wanna come?" and I figured, why the hell not? I was always curious about the whole metaphysics behind tulpamancy and was wondering if the psychic could possibly detect Reina's presence during the reading. Reina had her doubts about that actually occurring, and so did I, but it was worth a shot. We both observed my aunt's reading for about a half-hour. My aunt's really spiritual and is crazy about the whole process of sending energy out into the universe through positive thoughts and receiving good things in return. I think it's worked out for her so far. She lives in a million dollar house with her super rich boyfriend. From what I can tell, they actually love each other. Might be worth trying sometime, but I'm gonna be focusing my thoughts on Reina for now.

When it got to my reading, I was a bit more skeptical than I was before. The psychic didn't seem to have much luck with my aunt when it came to confirming certain things she was supposedly sensing. I just kind of took a deep breath, cleared my head, and let Reina be herself. I was a little scared though. If she had detected Reina's presence I would have jumped out of my seat like "HOLY SHIT, TULPA ENERGY CONFIRMED!", but no such luck. It was just your standard reading that involved broad interpretations of what was going on with my life and my future. I appreciated it, nonetheless. It gave me new insight on spirituality in general.

Yup, interesting day, indeed. As for the forcing, we've been getting about 45 minutes of active forcing a day, and however many minutes of passive forcing is involved in talking to her throughout the day. It has been a little harder to remind myself to do it, but thanks to the head pressures I get every so often, I just immediately interprate that as Reina wanting some attention, so I just address her and have a little chat. There was a point during a forcing session when I was beginning to almost impose her, but for some reason I just couldn't go through with it. It almost felt as if she was imposing herself, actually. When I was starting to see the outline of her body, I was like NOPE TOO MUCH TOO FAST and I immediately tried to talk her out of it. I don't know why I'm so afraid of hallucinations. It could be a bad experience I had seeing dark figures as a kid, but I don't want this impeding my progress with Reina. I'm going to try and get over this fear with maybe some self-hypnosis? I dunno. I'd appreciate any suggestions for dealing with this kind of thing.

Other than that, though, things have been going pretty smoothly.
05-03-2017, 05:50 AM
Find Reply
anglejoe Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 20
Threads: 2
Joined: May 2016
#7
 
RE: Third time's a charm
Here we are at week 3. One thing I've noticed about my forcing habits is that focus is definitely not my forte. One moment I'm with Reina, the next I find myself thinking about a girl I've been crushing on at work. I've started implementing more meditation to my forcing to hopefully improve my ability to focus for longer than my overactive imagination will allow me. If I ever do catch myself zoning out of forcing I just explain to Reina what was on my mind, apologize, and go back to talking to her. She doesn't seem to mind too much. I do get pretty annoyed at myself every time I do it, though.

Another thing I've noticed is that Reina seems more happy than before. Whenever I visualize her I end up seeing a smile on her face more often than not. Definitely brightens my day to see that. It could be because I'd once explained to her the importance of smiling and how it effects people psychologically. Thanks to that it's been a bit easier to visualize a variety of expressions in her face.

We celebrated her birthday last week on saturday. I guess that counts as her first? I'd say that makes her about 17 in tulpa years if that's a thing. Regardless, I did promise her we'd celebrate it a year ago when she first became a thoughtform. I had spent most of the day just designing the cake in wonderland. Unfortunately, my brain didn't feel like cooperating with me so my visualization was a little weaker than usual due to how fatigued I was from work. We made it work, nevertheless. We couldn't decide between oreo, coconut cream, and chocolate so we just kind of layered all of that into the cake. It was a little strange texture-wise, but it was so good. 

We agreed on spending the day the way we used to when we first started forcing, which involved slaughtering waves of ninja-zombies out in the forest. She had her bow, and I had my bow staff. It's weird looking back on it. Who uses a bow staff to kill zombies? But then I remembered how fun it was to twerl those things around. Makes you feel like a badass. But I digress. We ran into a slight problem when we reached the forest. Reina tried to shoot one of her arrows, but wasn't able to. I was confused at first, but then I realized that she never actually learned how to shoot a bow and arrow. I always used to puppet her shooting those things the way I thought you would shoot them. I took the bow and made an attempt myself, but I could barely even draw back the string let alone aim at something properly. I guess it makes sense. I'm able to imagine things more realistically than before, so skills I haven't attained yet are lost to me when trying to use them in wonderland. I guess it's time to take some archery lessons?

We headed home after that, a little disappointed. At least we still had some cake waiting for us. It's amazing how real it tasted. Who knew exploiting your imagination to eat your favorite foods without getting fat could be so easy?
05-12-2017, 04:10 AM
Find Reply
tulpa001 Away
<void>
Forum Moderators

Posts: 1,810
Threads: 26
Joined: Aug 2016
All Accounts Posts: 1,865
#8
 
RE: Third time's a charm
Wow that's impressive visualisation skills. It's probably actually a sign of considerable progress that you can't do something in your wonderland like that.

Cakes being funny in the wonderland might be a thing. The last one I tried tasted like chocolate mousse instead.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
05-12-2017, 05:15 PM
Find Reply
anglejoe Offline
Member
Registered

Posts: 20
Threads: 2
Joined: May 2016
#9
 
RE: Third time's a charm
(05-12-2017, 05:15 PM)tulpa001 Wrote: Wow that's impressive visualisation skills. It's probably actually a sign of considerable progress that you can't do something in your wonderland like that.

Cakes being funny in the wonderland might be a thing. The last one I tried tasted like chocolate mousse instead.

Thanks. I think it may be because I used to visualize it like an action movie with Reina and I doing a bunch of crazy choreographed fighting. But now that I'm fully immersed in the wonderland like I would be in real life, it's not nearly as easy as I made it out to be before. There was also a point at the time I first started visualizing like this when I couldn't even stand up in wonderland. My equilibrium would get unbalanced somehow and I'd just fall over. Reina would have to drag me into the house because I couldn't make it to the front door half the time. I've been able to control it better thanks to meditation. Did you experience something similar?
05-13-2017, 04:10 AM
Find Reply
tulpa001 Away
<void>
Forum Moderators

Posts: 1,810
Threads: 26
Joined: Aug 2016
All Accounts Posts: 1,865
#10
 
RE: Third time's a charm
No, our wonderland hasn't changed drastically in immersiveness in a very long time. But we wouldn't manage choreographed fight scenes because her mind is too precise. Stuff like that would happen.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
05-13-2017, 01:45 PM
Find Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)

Contact Us | Tulpa.Info | Return to Top | Return to Content | Mobile Version | RSS Syndication