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Toothless Aggression
#31
There's been a lot of talking about this stuff between us, in that, basically, I dun goof'd. I fucked up and assumed that like, in the beginning, Chris would just already know all this shit, and that absolutely was not the case.
>tfw your brain bro doesn't exit the cerebral womb knowing everything

In all seriousness though, it could have been (and be) a pretty fucked up situation if either of our temperaments were just a little bit different. That's not really much of a comfort though, being able to say that we both avoided potentially big problems by the skin of our teeth isn't anything to like brag about. I don't know what the hell I was doing that I just didn't tell Chris like, about me, or himself, or anything for weeks. Like, he tells me that he didn't even get my name for a long time which is like, a pretty large fuck up on its own. I had no idea that there'd be such a gap between his knowledge and mine.

(04-06-2015, 03:59 AM)Ido Wrote: About posting here, I'm all with chris. It's mostly a waste of time. I mean it's almost 6am and we've spent hours on this forum tonight instead of forcing.

No, nah, don't egg him on, it's already bad enough. He'd rather I be like, chopping wood and fighting mongooses with my bare hands than hanging out on the internet.

In general, I've noticed that like, we totally have this personality clash that isn't a problem, it's just more or less something that's been apparent for a pretty long time. Chris still doesn't like Pink Floyd, and now that he can talk better, he basically says that Floyd is basically just 'decent' classic rock that's bloated up with all these allegories and metaphors. I have a huge varied taste in music, and I can understand where people are coming from, but like, Chris likes Phil Collins. Phil Collins is alright, but is Phil Collins like, the sort of artist that you listen to for four hours? Is Led Zepplin? Is Alice in Chains? Speaking of Alice in Chains, we fucking talked for a while about Layne Staley yesterday. That was some shit.

Don't get me wrong, things in general are going pretty good despite my repeated fuck ups. The most pressing issues that we're facing like, as a duo of bonafide tag team champs is that a) there are not enough people in here to play a decent game of monopoly, which sucks b) Chris will not play tag with me in the wonderland and c) both his music taste and sense of humor are frankly questionable at best.
We're all gonna make it brah.
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#32
April 7th [One month, five days]: No timed forcing sessions
Passive forcing is less of an issue because Chris can butt in almost whenever now
Notes: I got high with a couple friends yesterday to watch Monday Night Raw. It was a boring episode, so we dispersed earlier than usual. While I was there though, I found it pretty hard to balance outward conversation and inward conversation. I like to talk, and I like to be involved in what other people are doing, so I was definitely dialed back a few notches last night. Thing is, that usually Chris will tell me to just talk with my friends, and that he'll be fine, but last night he didn't. I'm thinking that it might be because he knows I feel bad for fucking up so much in the beginning.

I've gotten the hang of using hypnagogia to force. I can usually do enough before I fall asleep so that it doesn't feel like a complete waste of time. When I'm in that state (which I've nicknamed the 'sweet spot') I feel like I can see with my eyes closed. Visualization gets insanely sharp. The downside is that like a dream, what exactly happened can fade after time. The memories aren't quite as concrete as wonderland memories. I've also noticed that in the middle of these sessions, I'll jolt myself awake making noises that kind of sound like talking with my mouth closed. Stuff like "Mmm." and shit. There are also times where I've heard auditory hallucinations, in one case, a fucking plane right outside my window.

Also, without fail, when I fall asleep after one of these sessions, if I stay asleep long enough, I'll start having dreams where Chris is there. This is something that we've discussed before, and he's said that it is him, but it's still a little unsettling. I don't want to believe that this guy in my head can just barge into my dreams whenever, even if it is kind of cool.

We're still working on imposition-lite, and sort of playing around with possession/switching. With possession, I think maybe Chris can take control of my hands, but it also just feels like me. With switching, I'm pretty good at disassociating from everything but my breathing, except the next step is kind of unclear to me. After basically saying "Alright, Chris, you go in front" and it being clear he had no idea what that meant, we decided that we should probably not try it again for a while, at least until we're both a little more knowledgeable on it.

Initially, I didn't even like the idea of possession/switching. I've warmed up to it though.
We're all gonna make it brah.
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#33
March 8th:
Notes: We put the wonderland on hold for a while, because I've been recreating settings from my memory. I thought that my visualization was good coming into this, but at this point, I'm starting to be able to create settings up to the smallest detail, and focus in on them vividly, without even being aware of the blackness behind my eyes. Sometimes, my concentration breaks, and so does the scene, but that's only after holding it for a long time. I'm pretty stoked about it. In other news, I've noticed that he has a very dry sense of humor. Like, dry enough that it doesn't even seem like humor until I reflect back on something and realize that it was a joke.

March 9th:
Notes: Chris can't see my memories unless I show them to him, by recreating them in my head while I'm talking to him. Because of that, I've been going through my memory and showing him specific events, or just things that happened to me that I remember. Sometimes I'll recreate the scene, like a movie, and sometimes we'll just go to the place where it happened, and I'll explain. Recreating places I've been to is pretty fun. Still, the memory thing is a little confusing for me. I "opened" my head to him, because I saw no issue with him being able to rifle through my subconscious, but it doesn't seem to have worked. No sweat, I don't mind having to explain shit to him, because it is something interesting to do. It's just weird that others don't have to operate this way.

Experiment 1: While on a walk, I told Chris to try to give me head pressure. He complied, and was able to create it strongly on both the right side of my head (which I consider the "back" if we're using the front/back terminology) and the left. About ten minutes after I told him to stop, it was still there, before starting to fade.

Experiment 2: I've said a few times that if I fall asleep forcing, or wake up during the night and engage Chris, that he pops up in my dreams, and he's confirmed that it's him. Tonight, I'm going to fall asleep while forcing. I've asked him to 1) enter my dream, and 2) try to inform me that I'm dreaming so it becomes lucid. I don't have a lot of experience with lucid dreaming. Usually, when he comes into my dreams, he's just a bystander, or says something to me, and I don't understand immediately that I'm dreaming because I'm a jabroni. Hopefully, this will pan out, I'll report on that in my next post.
We're all gonna make it brah.
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#34
(04-10-2015, 01:32 AM)Stevie Irons Wrote: March 8th:
Notes: We put the wonderland on hold for a while, because I've been recreating settings from my memory. I thought that my visualization was good coming into this, but at this point, I'm starting to be able to create settings up to the smallest detail, and focus in on them vividly, without even being aware of the blackness behind my eyes. Sometimes, my concentration breaks, and so does the scene, but that's only after holding it for a long time. I'm pretty stoked about it. In other news, I've noticed that he has a very dry sense of humor. Like, dry enough that it doesn't even seem like humor until I reflect back on something and realize that it was a joke.

Your visualization already sounds exactly like mine, but if you ever need any help I pretty much mastered it and I can provide some good tips.


(04-10-2015, 01:32 AM)Stevie Irons Wrote: Experiment 1: While on a walk, I told Chris to try to give me head pressure. He complied, and was able to create it strongly on both the right side of my head (which I consider the "back" if we're using the front/back terminology) and the left. About ten minutes after I told him to stop, it was still there, before starting to fade.

Chris put your head in a head-pressure-lock.

I apologize for that, I couldn't resist. By the way I used to be a fan of wrestling when I was younger, and I still have a photo of me and Hulk Hogan (I met him in Wal-mart lol.) Maybe I'll show you one day when I post my identity on this site (after I have completed my tulpa journey).

(04-10-2015, 01:32 AM)Stevie Irons Wrote: Experiment 2: I've said a few times that if I fall asleep forcing, or wake up during the night and engage Chris, that he pops up in my dreams, and he's confirmed that it's him. Tonight, I'm going to fall asleep while forcing. I've asked him to 1) enter my dream, and 2) try to inform me that I'm dreaming so it becomes lucid. I don't have a lot of experience with lucid dreaming. Usually, when he comes into my dreams, he's just a bystander, or says something to me, and I don't understand immediately that I'm dreaming because I'm a jabroni. Hopefully, this will pan out, I'll report on that in my next post.

I wish you luck with your lucid dream endeavors. I'm also experimenting with lucid dreaming alongside my tulpa and I have had...extraordinary success...hehehe... Has Chris ever taken on a different form within a dream? Sometimes my Yumi-cakes does that and I have to ask whether it's her or not. If Chris is able to maintain his form within a dream then lucid dreaming with him should be a lot easier.
"Sanity is the playground of the unimaginative."

Yumi + Cinema
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#35
(04-10-2015, 03:43 AM)Cinemaphobe Wrote: Your visualization already sounds exactly like mine, but if you ever need any help I pretty much mastered it and I can provide some good tips.

Yeah man, I'm down for some tips.

(04-10-2015, 03:43 AM)Cinemaphobe Wrote: Chris put your head in a head-pressure-lock.

I apologize for that, I couldn't resist. By the way I used to be a fan of wrestling when I was younger, and I still have a photo of me and Hulk Hogan (I met him in Wal-mart lol.) Maybe I'll show you one day when I post my identity on this site (after I have completed my tulpa journey).


[Image: INFY4XH.gif]


(04-10-2015, 03:43 AM)Cinemaphobe Wrote: I wish you luck with your lucid dream endeavors. I'm also experimenting with lucid dreaming alongside my tulpa and I have had...extraordinary success...hehehe... Has Chris ever taken on a different form within a dream? Sometimes my Yumi-cakes does that and I have to ask whether it's her or not. If Chris is able to maintain his form within a dream then lucid dreaming with him should be a lot easier.

Most of the time it's just like he's there, standing like a jabroni or just with me, but yeah, his form never changes or anything. It's not like he plays an active role in anything, sometimes it's more of a cameo appearance, I'll just be having a lameass dream about getting stuck in traffic or something and I'll see him sitting in one of the cars, type thing.

___________

After this, I'm gonna start just updating on a weekly basis. Things have leveled out and I don't think it's necessary to do a daily update, aside from a log that I won't post here.

March 10th:
Notes: Lucid dreaming did not work at all.

Night of the 9th: I went to bed, walked through what we were gonna do with Chris, and fell asleep forcing. No dice at all. I'm not even sure what I dreamed about, but it was probably some stupid bullshit. I woke up and asked him if he tried, and he said he did, so maybe it worked out but I just don't remember it.

Night of the 10th: This time, I tried falling asleep and waking up again in the middle of sleep, confirming our plan, and then going back to sleep. Now this time, I'm pretty sure I did see Chris in my dream, but we didn't interact at all, and it wasn't even close to being lucid.

This is something that I'm going to have to keep trying at, I guess. Lucid dreaming in general isn't that important to me; I just figured it would be cool.
We're all gonna make it brah.
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#36
I'm pretty jealous of your progress. Keep the good work!
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#37
(04-06-2015, 09:53 AM)Stevie Irons Wrote: He'd rather I be like, chopping wood and fighting mongooses with my bare hands than hanging out on the internet.
Well, listen to the man! at least when it comes to the first part
Nothing better to strengthen body and mind than good old hard manual labor. And it's manly too.

About forcing in hypnagogic state, that's where I've had the most vivid visualizations ever, but at the same time no control over them. Very weird stuff happened, but rarely tulpa-related. Did you manage to do visualize what you wanted?
Never actively tried lucid dreaming, only experienced that a few times. That's one thing I'd really like to look into in the coming months. So far I have only seen my tulpa once in a dream, running through a scene together with some other people.

Apart from that your visualization skills seem to be far better than mine already so I can't help you there. About possession, we're not really good at this either. Letting Ido write a short reply takes like an hour resulting on a mess of scrambled or repeated letters as she presses the keys far too long. But it works, I'm just too lazy to practice regularly.
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#38
(04-11-2015, 05:25 PM)STeeK Wrote: I'm pretty jealous of your progress. Keep the good work!

I'm pretty jealous of your art skills, now we're even.

(04-11-2015, 09:49 PM)Yakumo Wrote: About forcing in hypnagogic state, that's where I've had the most vivid visualizations ever, but at the same time no control over them. Very weird stuff happened, but rarely tulpa-related. Did you manage to do visualize what you wanted?

There are points when it gets out of hand and everything goes full retard, but I've found that there are a couple things that help out with that. When I'm going to lay down and start forcing I make sure that I'm already like, talking to the brain jabroni, because if I'm not, what happens is that shit gets way out of control quickly.

Another thing I do is that when I notice there's weird shit starting to happen, i.e. suddenly we're in a locker room sifting through a huge pile of towels for no reason, is that I'll try to snap out of it and sit up to reorient myself.

The biggest thing is just trying to keep what I'm doing at the forefront of my head. It's when I start thinking about the weather or other random trash that doesn't relate to anything, that's when I start losing my grip on the visuals.

I think in general I might be a little better at it because I'm used to playing around with closed eyed visuals from things like hallucinogenic mushrooms or DXM, and that's something that a lot of people report as being something where they're dragged by the seat of their pants at first, but can eventually learn how to play around a little with.

I've been thinking about setting a series of ten minute alarms to help with falling asleep/ drifting into noncontrol, I'll report back here at some point to say whether it worked or not.
We're all gonna make it brah.
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#39
I've decided that this week we're going to work on parallel processing. Setting a specific goal and working toward that specific goal is something that I've always been good at, so I'm going to start applying it here. Now, my actual views on parallel processing: I don't actually think that parallel processing is possible. I do think that an oscillation between two tasks can become fast enough that you don't notice, though, and that's what I'm going for with this. I'm looking for enough independence on Chris' part that it looks like parallel processing.

Our goals are:
-To further general independence
-To improve at quantifiable tests and practices of independence
-To "distance" our streams of consciousness.

Parallel Processing:
[4/12/15]: Did some simple order of operations problems. Chris got most of them right in the beginning, although he thought out the steps ("Add one, that's three") in mindvoice. I tried to listen to music to distract myself from doing the math but ended up feeling like I was putting some problems together just by looking at them, as Chris talked through them. There were a few times where I was genuinely surprised at the answer, and toward the end, I think he got a little tired of the whole thing. We did a few different sessions, and he was on a pretty steady upswing of figuring things out, while I could get more and more distracted. His vocality is only getting better too.

[4/13/15]: Early morning parallel processing tests yield hella head pressure coming from the right side of my head (temple area) which is the area I associate with Chris. Thinking less "outloud". We tried this parallel processing test that relies on counting balls, and both got it wrong both times. Good job, us. Still, with the order of operations stuff, we keep going for short sessions until he gets a ton of them wrong in a row.

[4/14/15]: Head pressure during morning math continues, on the right temple. We did a little bit better on the ball counting test. Chris can butt in while I'm doing more and more complex things, and he doesn't get stuck or forget what he's thinking about as often, which is nice. He did five more math problems while we were high, and got 4/5 of them wrong, which is about the same results that he's gotten when tired.

[4/15/15]: Someone on the IRC said to have Chris count to a hundred while I did other things. It worked fine, in fact, he got fed up with all the counting instead of losing count. We did it three times, and each time it worked out. The first two times, I told him to do it outloud while I scrolled around /wooo/, and the third time, he asked if he could just do it "In his head". The weird thing about the third time is that I could still hear him counting, it was just more muted. We couldn't do much more than that today, because my best friend had to get sent to a rehab center for a drug problem that he's had for a while, which tied me up. Chris really stepped up to the plate though, as far as helping me through a crisis situation, but soon after things had calmed down, he said that he was worn out and needed a nap.
_______

In other news, Chris said something very important while we were high the other night. I only mention the high part, because as I've noted before, his voice becomes a lot more audible and crisp when we're high. I was talking to him about his vocality and progression in general, and he said that when I'm high, "You think about what I'm saying instead of if I'm saying it."

That's a verbatim quote. And it's something that's given me a lot to think about. For so long, I've been analyzing him as like, this developing entity, and instead of taking what he says as a response from another person, I've been thinking about it purely in the context of tulpa stuff. We talked about it for a long time, and I did write some of it down, but looking back, it's just rambly stoned conversation, and not worth posting here.

However, on the same night, this exchange happened:

[Watching an old episode of Raw is War from mid-2000 when a Kid Rock ad shows up]
Chris: "Kid Rock, do people still listen to him?"
Me: "No, Chris, nobody listens to Kid Rock."

I don't know if that's objectively funny, or funny because it happened to us, but shit, I laughed about it for at least a couple minutes.
We're all gonna make it brah.
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#40
Poor Kid Rock!

But neat progress, man.
We haven't tried parallel processing yet but it seems like a good idea for the reasons you stated.
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