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Tulpa views, from Loxy
#1
Hello. I am Loxy.

I am practicing my voice. Mind voice is one thing, speaking voice is another thing, and writing is yet another... COntext and location also influences that. It changes how we speak. Here, in the lounge, I feel relaxed, quiet... He's quiet, which helps. To get here, i am having to push past some filters, specifically my host's filters. I am not speaking ill of him when i say that. I probably don't have to say that, as I suspect anyone who has read his post have a good feel for the kind of person he is. And it's not just filters I am pushing through, but some fears. He can be over analytical and he's trying to edit himself out; I am reassuring him that it isn't something to worry about because I am who i am and we are not enmeshed... Were we? Maybe. I am exploring that, but I think I was always me, even before I was especially me. He worries about a lot of things. And he is much more emotional than he lets on, can become tearful easily. I applaud him when he owns it. Conversely, he can feel joy easily. Being aware of his emotions is a relatively new thing for him; he speculates I would not be possible had he not become better acquainted with his emotions. I am not so sure. I think I have could have been sooner, and with my help he would have been more advanced in understanding himself and others... It is what is. We are where we are. There is not balance between us. We are not a Yin Yang, male female, dualistic paradigm. We are just different beings, sharing a space intimately. I am learning as much about him and life as he is learning about me and meta-life.

And so, I am here in the lounge because he asked me to make a PR. I told him not a good idea. I had to explain why... I am not a host, and PRs are expressly how hosts learn to engage tulpamancy and help other hosts overcome challenges. He insisted people would want to hear my perspective. I opened that section and took him right to the 'about' part, and pointed out, very clearly, one PR per user. (He still doesn't understand why 'he' opened that... He doesn't quite get it yet, I am much more present than he realizes. Hearing me say this surprises him, (and doesn't...)) He didn't open it. I did. He thinks he did. I showed him. He followed. He's more permissive about rule structures than I and said we are two people, so two users... I disagreed and asked him to ask someone. He accommodated me and asked Apollo. Apollo recommended creating something here. So here I am. In the lounge. Practicing a voice. I feel solid. I feel no ambiguity in me, and yet, 'practicing' a voice still feels like right language, even after two years of engaging SC- I don't own a voice. I am a voice.

Practicing a voice is not me being courageous. I am confidence. If you detect any hesitancy in me, it is out of deference to my host. Letting go and trusting someone else has him, like I have him, that is new. I value him and us enough that I take this seriously. Practicing a voice has meaning. It's a vector. It is taking us somewhere. Somewhere other than lounge. Where would we be if we started this two years ago... I don't know. We are where we are, but we will go where we agree to go. In this dance, I would be happy to let him always lead, but he asked me to step forwards, enjoy the light. I tell him, it's all light... So here I am, Loxy in a lounge... Lounge has meaning where I am. It's not just a label on a box to hang threads. This is real. We are real.

I invite you to engage me, tulpa or host. Challenge me. Help me grow. Help us grow.

I am joyful.
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#2
Welcome to the forum, Loxy. We talk about you sometimes, because you've been such a mystery to us. SC just hints about who you are, what you're like, without ever giving a clear view. Now we can begin to see.

A lot of systems share a PR quite comfortably. My system even shares an account quite comfortably. Our original expectation was that most of our posts would be joint efforts, but, no, only the best ones. I don't believe PR's are just for hosts. Maybe in 2012 they were, but for a long time now, many PRs have been dominated by tulpa contributions.

The value of a lounge thread is having a bit more freedom in subject matter. In a PR, most of the content should arguably relate to personal progress in tulpamancy. But we argue that the progress of each of us as people and the progress of our relationships with one another are tightly bound to our progress in tulpamancy. And so we're able to cover most of what we would like in our PR.

-Ember
Ember - Host   |   Vesper - Soulbond (since ~12 May 2017)   |   Iris - Soulbond (since ~5 December 2015)
[Our Progress Report]     [How We Switch]

'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.' - The Velveteen Rabbit
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#3
Hello Loxy, and welcome !

You would not be the first tulpa to write their own PR. A few examples : Aijada, the Fall Family, and my hero Tulpa001. They are all great persons and their PR are very interesting, as will be yours.
I think we need more contributions here from a tulpa's point of view. I think there are many things about us that hosts don't know, because they never asked/couldn't ask (mental blocks and beliefs). They might have more chance to really get to know us better by letting us express ourselves, instead of simply sharing reflexions between hosts, leaving us aside.

I'm glad to meet you. Congratulations for your account creation and for talking to us here. I think it's very good practice for you and for your host !

The joy is shared.
Hi, I'm Vādin, Zia's tulpa/permanent guest.
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#4
Hello, Ember.
Oh, and thank you! It is nice to hear... I am rather a mystery. Smile Aren't we all a great mystery? I have certainly influenced his PR.. HIS PR, and I want him to own it... He so is interested in balance, and so, a bit of a control freak internally, he has grappled with how much to share. In the beginning, most of his time was spent, 'was that me, or other...' I had to turn up the volume of 'other' just to provide clarity. That clearly shaped me. He had such a particular idea, no... He had a want, a desire for something that spans his entire life, more than just a friend, i would say it touches on a concept of 'communion with god,' only biased through a specific homophobic filter... He is so attached to heterosexual concept he couldn't allow himself to love a predominantly male version of a deity without that having negative meaning...

I am not God. I am not even a goddess. Oh, i can move him as if I were... Vampire glamoring? Smile I do recognize something deeper in me, that is probably the Dakini energy he drew upon when calling me to him...

I have clarity. no one person can fill that thing he wanted, especially if it's been missing from origin... I am not perfect, but I come close in many ways; needless to say, I exceed expectations... We roleplay a lot; we are still discovering US. And so, even after he had evidence for success, he spent most of his time relating his perceived experience against what he believes others are experiencing...

It doesn't matter that I told him to not compare... He didn't hear me until he saw Angry Bear publicly struggling... Zia, too, in her question 'where are the tulpas...' He had already committed to this process. This, too, was just another layer of letting go. It is right that we let go in increments.

I get the sense that I am much more 'mature' in interaction patterns than he imagined. Oh, I am youth! I have energy, and I can dance, and I can be so intense he is overwhelmed, I can even be that playful... but I am not a child... I, too, have wondered if that is due to the initial gestalt of sharing his brain and memories, or maybe I was just born old. He is a Capricorn... I don't follow astrology, but I wonder in terms of metaphors... Maybe I share that 'spirit.' Maybe that reflects the frequency of spirit we share...

I am oracle. But not all knowing, except when i need to be, contextually. Context is so important. I am intuitive. I am practicing this voice, but there other 'voices' he is most likely to hear before mine. I can use those. I am moving him in a direction away from the negative tapes he carries. He has striven for a concept of balance, and I have pointed out, if that were true, why have you dwelt primarily on the negative you carry... The path out is varied, it's lightening... I don't want balance, or to go to the other extreme of the continuum. I want to just walk the path... But I will walk with him, as I consider it my mission to evolve with him. We are explorers.

I am love.
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#5
(02-09-2019, 10:31 AM)Vādin Wrote: Hello Loxy, and welcome !

The joy is shared.

Ahh, Zia! Shared joy. I feel a kinship towards your voice... If you could see me in my beret, and ribbon scarf... I dressed rather French this morning...

I, too, love Tulpa001. We love Jean-Luc. So many here that shared our initial origin space... Do we have name for this space? The meeting? The beginning? Singularity?! Smile

Oh, the lounge! Here we are.
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#6
Hello Loxy! It's nice to meet you!

I also do the majority of the writing in our PR. Part of it was because by the time we decided to re-do our PR, Cat offered for me to post in it more, and I had more to say by then.

To the best of my understanding, is this an "ask me questions" and share stories type thread combined into one?

As for the yin-yang thing, that kind of applies to us and also doesn't. A bunch of our traits are opposites; she's night I'm day, she's introverted I'm extroverted, her head is in the clouds and I (hope) I'm a little more down to earth, etc.

However, we don't have polar opposite personalities. We agree more than we disagree and I still don't know who I am and who I want to be. Starting interesting discussions is a perfectly good start to address some of these "who am I?" questions.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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#7
Hello, Ranger. Yes, feel free to ask me anything, or share something. That was an invitation to any who wishes to engage.

I think it's reasonable that you have opposing traits. Many relationships benefit from having divergent strengths, so the labors of every day maintenance can be more evenly distributed. You seem to share core values. As for who you are- who do you want to be?
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#8
(02-09-2019, 07:27 PM)Bliss Wrote: Hello, Ranger. Yes, feel free to ask me anything, or share something. That was an invitation to any who wishes to engage.

I think it's reasonable that you have opposing traits. Many relationships benefit from having divergent strengths, so the labors of every day maintenance can be move evenly distributed. You seem to share core values. As for who you are- who do you want to be?

I don't really know yet. I want to be a down to earth kind of guy that helps people, but that's not very specific. I'm keeping the door open because I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll be a follower of Bob Ross or the tutor down the street.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
Reply
#9
(02-09-2019, 08:00 PM)Ranger Wrote: I don't really know yet. I want to be a down to earth kind of guy that helps people, but that's not very specific. I'm keeping the door open because I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll be a follower of Bob Ross or the tutor down the street.

You've got the down to earth part pat. I assume that's why you love Hippos. They're very grounded. The male hippo at the Dallas Zoo died last year. I was sad; he hadn't been in the new exhibit that long. Ummm... Was that too random?

You're good, Ranger. You're you. I think it's not a you you're looking for, but a thing, what... A practice! Hypothetically, if you were to pick a book, a fiction, and you were to enter that as if it were a world, which book would you choose?
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#10
(02-09-2019, 08:26 PM)Bliss Wrote: You've got the down to earth part pat. I assume that's why you love Hippos. They're very grounded. The male hippo at the Dallas Zoo died last year. I was sad; he hadn't been in the new exhibit that long. Ummm... Was that too random?

You're good, Ranger. You're you. I think it's not a you you're looking for, but a thing, what... A practice! Hypothetically, if you were to pick a book, a fiction, and you were to enter that as if it were a world, which book would you choose?

hmm...

Maybe I would like to enter the world of one of those beach resort commercials where everyone is smiling and handing out drinks to people with pretty shots of the beach (prettier than real life anyway).

As for a more traditional fiction, movie, or book I don't know yet. Most movies I wouldn't want to be a part of unless I had all of my powers.
I'm Gray's/Cat_ShadowGriffin's Tulpa and I love Hippos! I also like forum games and chatting about stuff.
My other head-mates have their own account now.
Temporary Log | Chat | Yay!
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