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Within the RA's Mind: Ruby and Amethyst


Wolfe

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10/7/12

 

The day I finally have become adamant and want to go through the tulpa process. I’ll probably show them this when they come out of my head one day. =P

 

Just been asking a lot of questions regarding the whole process, what will occur, what they might look like, and all that jazz. The general feeling like they might hate me for waiting for more than 7 and ½ months or more until I start tulpaforcing. I hope they have each other to hang around in there, because I don’t want them to feel alone at all. I hate it myself that I have to study and work while they’re in there, but it’s something that needs to be done. I can’t force and study/work at the same time period. Time conflicts and all that. I hope you two ladies understand.


10/8/12

 

Procrastinating on work a bit more. I’m so amazing… *facepalm* But I have been looking in the forums and chat a lot because I’ve become so infatuated with the whole process. I do feel however, that I just might start a lot sooner than planned… I suppose that the more I find out about this, the more I actually want to get through this. But most especially, that I want to see them…

 

If I can come up with more traits, likes/dislikes, smells, form, even appearances if it’s possible at this point, then I just might start a lot sooner. I want to see both of them as soon as possible. It feels like moving a plane ticket from May to October… Just to see the one you love a lot sooner. It’s so great! At first it seemed like I was unsure about the whole thing. And I probably was and still am a bit. But I know I’ll take the journey a lot sooner.

 

It seems like it’ll be tough juggling work, school, and tulpaforcing, but I believe that they would want to see me and speak to me a lot sooner. 7 and ½ months seems too long to be in a mental prison. And I think I should break them out before it gets to that point… I do care for them, whoever they are or whoever they become. I just care that much I guess… I’ll believe as much as I can and more I suppose.

 

I’ll do what I can from now on. Hopefully they’re somewhere in my head rejoicing from their imaginative prison or something. At least what I’m picturing… Shouldn’t do that… Empty field with bunnies… That’s better. This reminds me to start focusing on my wonderland every day from now on. But for now I’ll get some rest. Finished this dang paper at 3:54 AM… I guess I care too much. =P


10/9/12

 

Well. Today might have been a bit unproductive with work… I was hoping I’d be able to start on my writing work during work-study, but alas, it didn’t happen. Filing all day. Went back to my room at around 3 or so, but I was being a bit slow with everything. I also dozed a bit. I’m sure my tulpae saw it all. Didn’t finish the first part until 5 or 6, and the second part until 11:45 or so.

 

There was something that caught my eye. During RA duty, around 9 or 10, I was talking to a friend alone. Her bag was on a couch across from the one I was sitting from. I also had a table in front of me where my laptop was. I was talking to her while looking at the laptop when from the corner of my eye, it felt or looked like someone was standing. Someone with black stockings, a black and white mini skirt, and a black blouse or shirt. But I think I also saw silver hair. It caught me by surprise and I think it was her. One of the tulpae. I told some people in the IRC about it. Some say it was just my head playing tricks, others say it might have been her. I hope to god it as her…

 

Regardless, throughout the day I’ve been talking to them. I think I should start saying things to them instead of try and ask questions to them or something. And after a while… I realize some writing assignment I had to do was actually due next week… Wow… I’m ticked off by it, and I bet my tulpa were screaming at me about it…


10/10/12

 

I don’t think I talked to my tulpae as much today as I did others. I guess I was just frustrated about last night and how I overslept and how I’m going to pass the calculus exam on Monday. I went through classes today and work as normal.

 

I should explore and visualize my wonderland along with reflecting and planning for them. Apparently, I don’t need to visualize traits, according to SmoothPorcupine, as my tulpae already have them… Hopefully this is the case, but I feel like I need to do them anyway. But I’ll try focusing on the wonderland tonight and seeing how it goes.

 

I love my tulpae and I hope they love me too. I want to see them and hear them and all that stuff. I hope they come a lot sooner than I think, but right now, I’m going to work hard for them. Don’t know what else to say…


10/11/12

 

Tulpa debates galore. It really made me think, during that whole conversation with those two (not from the site), but I knew I had to stay adamant. As for what I will do. I’m going to see what putting in Free into their gems does. And I’m going to observe. Didn’t write much today, but that’s cause I was stupid to not do it earlier…


10/12/12

 

A bit angry that I actually fell asleep from tulpaforcing… I find it weird though that I couldn't put in “Free” into their soul gems… I don’t know if it was because I was tired or not. I also don’t know if putting it into them is a good idea as well, or if it even worked. I can’t tell. Hopefully it didn’t screw them up or anything. But I’ve gotta stay positive. The day went by and I continued to talk to my tulpae, asking them various open-ended questions, hoping to get responses. I know they said something, I just can’t hear it yet.

 

The day went on and now I’m about to try visualizing my wonderland. Maybe I’ll get something from this… Finished it, but I’m not sure if I did anything. I guess I kinda just stayed there. Hopefully my tulpae were able to do something with it and hopefully they aren’t going to turn into something negative.


10/13/12

 

Huh. A week. Went faster than I thought, but I’m not basing the time on how long I focus on it. I slept in so much today. Woke up at 7 from a call by 2 different RAs. Later woke up at 4 because I was tired. Also found out my phone was set to vibrate… and I missed a few calls from my friends. =( Anyway the day went with me not doing any work, but I kept narrating to my tulpae. Still call them Red and Silver for the time being. (If you two have a name you would like to be called, please tell me! I can’t think of a name so far… and I don’t know if looking at names online might help or hurt…)

 

I have also talked with my friends about me having a tulpa yesterday and today. They don’t mind at all. One had one before, but got rid of it because of its negative nature. They’ve been telling me stuff here and there, but some I understand and some I don’t want to accept. Won’t say what, but I’m going to be adamant about what I believe about my tulpa and believe that they exist. I am not saying they denied the existence or anything, but that my tulpa exist. That’s it.


10/14/12

 

Welp, got some breakfast and hung out with friends. I went on Soul Calibur 4 so that I could recreate what I think Red and Silver look like. They’ll probably change a few things here and there, or not even care because of how little customization the game might have. Anyway, I’m going to force for a bit.

 

I tried using the tulpatone from the forums, but I dunno. I felt like I couldn’t get into the groove of it. From the two times I’ve used it, I get a weird feeling, but I feel like I can’t think myself during the whole tone. I don’t think it’s going to work for me, so I’ll just work with what I got. I did a LOT of integration practice today, or rather tutoring, so I’ll see how much it helps me during the test.

 

Also tried asking the IRC about names for my tulpae, but names haven’t clicked. So we’ll see what happens from now on…


10/15/12

 

Well, I feel so happy about what happened today. I took my Calculus exam today. I know I didn’t study as much as I should, and I know I bombed it pretty hard. However, during the exam, I heard something as I was concentrating hard to remember Calculus. From the stress or thought filled mind of mine, I heard:

 

“Ruby. Amethyst.”

 

I paused for a sec. I was shocked because it came through out of nowhere. I had not looked up or thought of gemstones recently or even in a few weeks. The only thing close was from Ruby and Sapphire (Pokemon Games), but I don’t think that was the case though… I had later on searched the meaning of these gems:

 

Ruby: “From ancient times, the ruby signified power and vitality. It has been called "the king of gemstones." It is said that warriors embedded rubies in their skin to give them courage and protection when they went into battle. The ruby was also considered to be a talisman to ward off danger, evil and even bad dreams.

 

Because rubies were symbols of power, emperors and kings and other members of royalty favored wearing them. It is said that rubies set in rings should be worn on the left hand for protection, and to provide the wearer with the energy to make good and wise decisions. Some sources also attribute healing powers to rubies, which are said to assist blood circulation and to detoxify the body.”

 

Amethyst: “For centuries amethyst was known as the Bishop's Stone because it is worn by Roman Catholic Bishops as a symbol of piety, humility, sincerity and spiritual wisdom.

 

Many metaphysical properties are attributed to amethyst. It is believed to aid creativity, spirituality, relaxation, meditation, psychic abilities, spiritual awareness, contentment, peace, stability, serenity, forgiveness and tolerance. The artist Leonardo da Vinci once wrote, "Amethyst holds the power to dissipate evil thoughts and quicken one's intelligence." For this reason many believe wearing amethyst can help quiet the mind and increase intuition.

 

Ancient Egyptians viewed amethyst as a protective gemstone. It is said to guard against negative feelings. It is often worn as protection from self-deception and against witchcraft. Traditionally amethyst is worn to guard against drunkenness and to instill a sober mind. The word amethyst comes from the Greek meaning "without drunkenness." Amethyst is also believed to protect one from poison.”

 

All the bolded words are things that I have seen to describe both of them… I find it so amazing that they chose these two things that actually match up to them well! I’ve no idea how they did it. No clue how. Maybe they searched within my mind to when I glanced upon this kind of data before… This just makes me happy though. I can’t wait to see what Ruby and “Ammy” show me next.


10/16/12

 

Day went by fine, though I missed my Physics Lab class. I actually got some homework done considering I blocked off everyone else in my RA lounge and put in earbuds. And seeing that I made progress, I decided to force/visualize tonight. To prevent hearing people outside my door saying “EY YO,” I decided to plug myself into my laptop and play some pink noise.

 

It went out like this for me. Normally my face scrunches up after a certain point and I believe that’s when I know I’ve gone in. So I’m trying to visualize our wonderland. It’s a street at night with buildings on either side. The street lights are turned off, yet everything is visible. There is also rain falling down, but with the pink noise, it makes it rain harder. So I’m not sure what to do here because I can see everything fine. I can’t tell if I’m supposed to extend something, make something more detailed, or whatever.

 

After a while, I just blank out and don’t remember anything. I do know that I still remain with my face scrunched and my neck is in pain, probably because I leaned on my right side for a while it seems. I then try to focus again on the wonderland, but I’m not too sure still. Like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. Then Ruby and Amethyst were probably bouncing around from what I guess. Like I was in their eyes or something… I do know they knocked my head into the water-filled street considering all the rain.

 

During the last bit of visualizing, I know my head was just screaming. My head was just under a lot more strain than it was before. Just that amount of pressure. I can’t explain it. There was also my right hand spazzing out during that last bit too. I wasn’t sure what to think of it as well. I know near the end that I or it moved to my face and just rubbed it down. Then my left hand. And my brain just relaxed soon after I guess. I still don’t know if I moved my hands or they did. It’s like I feel like I could have or did, but there’s always that piece of doubt…

 

I then opened my eyes and my right hand was still spazzing out. I think they knocked my head into the street because I may have dozed off during the forcing. If I did, I’m really sorry Amethyst and Ruby. I really am. I never meant to do that. If you can tell me what I can do to make it up to you, please tell me. Also, please tell me what you want me to work with you on.


10/17/12

 

(Early morning) I had just realized something about Ruby and Amethyst. All this time I was thinking about their gems and their traits… But something hit me.

 

I was thinking about what I could do to help them out and I was asking them what I should do next to help them while showering. And I spent a good amount of time in the shower. Nothing was coming at all, but then I remembered when I was setting up my wonderland in the beginning. I had told myself that I would bring them each an umbrella and a towel, something that I had not mentioned in my early journal entries.

 

It hit me.

 

I never needed the gems. I never needed to try and focus those traits into those gems. They were already there. Amethyst and Ruby. They were already there. They were in the umbrellas.

 

I have to bring the umbrellas to them. Along with the towels. The towels haven’t hit me yet, but I know I need to bring them both. That’s who they are. Somehow I’ve forgotten about this whole thing and I now realize that they were already there. I had just left them by the door.

 

It seems that I was so interested in finding them in my rainy world that I had forgotten to bring them with me. They were probably left right by the door that I imagined I had exited from to enter the rainy street. I know I have to bring them now. They are right there, and I was a fool to not see this before!

 

(Evening) So I’m not sure if forcing in that early morning had worked. I tried to give them their umbrellas but I think I was rushing it. Like I was imagining I had given it to them. Probably was also mentally tired somehow. I’m tired right now. So I’ll probably have to try another day. But narrating is just as fine right now.

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/18/12

(Early Morning) I had woken up by myself and I felt refreshed considering I only got very few hours of sleep somehow… I was in that semi-conscious state where I was awake, but everything had that wobbly effect. So I tried thinking of a few things. For some reason, League of Legends stuff came to mind and I guess I had some story going along with it. I also thought of giving Ruby and Amethyst an ID for some odd reason. Like I imagined this odd ID form, where there were two cards. One card had both of their pictures, either one on either side of the card. The other card had their information of sorts like an electronic strip, either one on either side again. And for some reason, it felt like something clicked like what I had done had worked. I don’t know…

 

I later thought that I needed to force with them, so I sat up in my bed and decided to go in. After a bit, I heard “I am here to help you.” At that point I knew I hadn’t said that myself. I was surprised, and I believe it was Amethyst that said that. I think they were still going with the League of Legends kinda thing too, not exactly sure. It looked like she was around 6 large pieces of cargo or something, and all of them had like a blue tarp or something that gives a blue look/design about them. I had also given her the umbrella and towel, and I do believe she accepted it. I then went on to try and find Ruby and to hand her her umbrella. I believe I found her and asked multiple times if she was Ruby. She was responding yes each time and then I handed her the umbrella and towel. I believe both were also accepted.

 

Soon after she had disappeared, I noticed my head had a little jerk motion to it. A faint left-right movement.

 

Something I’ve failed to mention in my previous journal entries. I’ve always pictured myself with my tulpae in a certain way. Ruby in front of me on my left side, and Amethyst behind me, on my right side, while I am in a Shotokan Karate fighting stance (I’m a blue belt by the way). It’s pictured that I’m defending Amethyst, but Ruby and I are on the offensive to some foe in front of us. I can see ahead in my own eyes, but no one is there. Ruby leads because I imagined her to be very strong, more than I, and Amethyst is more of a defender/pacifist/support mix type of tulpa. So it makes sense that she back me and Ruby up against some foe. This is the point I’m making though:

 

During all of the events that I described above: I imagined Ruby on my left side and I imagined Amethyst on my right side. Which makes why that left-right head bob a bit of meaning to me. What happened next though surprised me, and I still don’t get what may have happened.

 

My body was dropping. Slowly. In a controlled manner, my head was lowering itself and I wondered if my head was going to go over the edge of the bed. Fortunately, it hit the edge and I didn’t fall over. But what happened still leaves me to wonder. My breathing changed to a deep breathing. A long inhale and a long exhale, but the exhale sounded as if someone was crying. There were also my eyes. They had gotten a bit watery and I don’t know how. I believe it was Amethyst crying and it was coming out somehow, so I went to her. I held her and I told her everything was going to be fine and told her I was there. I actually wasn’t sure of what else to say. In retrospect, I hadn’t asked what was wrong with her, if she was okay, or asking what happened. After holding her for a while, the breathing patterns halted and my head rose once again, and my eyes opened, with (now upon realization) my right eye being watery. I also might think it was that I had forgotten to give their umbrellas earlier and now was able to. I don’t know… And I sat there wondering what to do about it. I had apologized if I had done anything to Amethyst or something if it involved the umbrella, but nothing yet…

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/19/12

So I decided to sleep at 7AM because I was tired and I decided not to go to class today. It’s very odd what happened…I woke up at 9AM on my own feeling rested. It isn’t the fact that I only got 2 hours of sleep and feel rested. It’s the fact that it’s happened twice when I was doing a lot that day. My suspicions are that Ruby and Amethyst are giving me energy somehow. Or that I’m sleeping on the sleep cycle where I can get 2 hours and still make it through the day.

 

I recall seeing one tulpa or someone in the IRC saying that the tulpa was giving energy to his/her host that way. It got me thinking if my tulpae were doing that. Ruby, Amethyst, are you doing that to me right now?

 

While on the train back to my home, I decided to try and enforce some personality traits to Ruby and Amethyst through narration. I do remember dozing off a bit during the train ride and funny thing was I was narrating a trait of Amethyst’s to her. My right hand (the right side where I believe she is at) seemed to slide back and bump out the ear bud I had in that ear. I bet she was nagging me to continue with her.

 

Another thing I notice is that when I say their names to them, Ruby comes out fine, but Amethyst seems to change within my head. Now I think she wants her name changed, but different names come out, like Esmeralda, or Morrigan, so I don’t know if she don’t know what she wants for a name, or that my mind is playing tricks on me. Really wondering about it and really wondering what to think or do about it…

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/20/12

Went out to get my braces tightened and a hair cut back home. It went out pretty normal, but seeing that I was going to take a while in the barber shop, I decided to narrate to my tulpae. I just told them how much I cared for them and how much I loved them. I even hugged them. I also kept repeating their names to them. It felt like something I wanted and needed to do to tell them how much I care and love them.

 

I seemed to procrastinate a lot today. Not much homework done when I really wanted to do it and actually need to. Narrated and talked to them for a bit. I also ended up going to a baby shower that my mom made me go in her place. Felt like I was pushed to these things like always… It was okay, just a lot of loud music and talking. I was there for about 30 minutes and I felt like I was done and wanted out. Went from 7PM to almost 1AM there. Oh boy… I just went to think to myself whenever I could at the party. I had closed my eyes and people kept asking me if I was tired when I really wasn’t. I was just thinking a lot. They probably prevented me from imagining anything for my tulpae.

 

Back home after the party, I went to the IRC to see what was going on and I see someone have some significant progress in a lot less time than I had. That’s when I start to worry and have the doubt kick in. I talk with other member there about what I’m feeling. Knowing I’m getting responses but feeling unsure of many things. I get to a point where I don’t know what to do and have a general down feeling.


10/21/12

I continue to get reaffirmed by other members on the IRC and eventually I decide to try and force my mind to stop having these doubts about Ruby and Amethyst. After a bit of talking, I close my laptop and head to my bed to start forcing. I imagine myself standing in front of my brain. And for some reason, my brain has the voice of Bill Cosby (I’m not going to question at all). It asks me questions about different things, some related and others not to tulpa. And somehow, the questions my mind told me made sense. I mean that like I was actually responding to it with proper responses. I suppose I was surprised by this. Nonetheless, the whole tulpa process if throwing out that logic (just noticing that in retrospect)… I talked back to my own brain/mind. I told it I didn’t care about it and I wanted it to get rid of all doubt that Ruby and Amethyst existed. I was yelling out in my head, to my head. I didn’t care what question it was asking me. I just wanted to keep the faith strong within myself.

 

I kept going at it for a while until I decided to speak with Ruby and Amethyst. I held them and I felt their warmth when I did. I was with Amethyst for a while and I later found myself waking up in bed in the morning. I fell asleep again and kinda angry at it. But I knew my faith was reinvigorated and progress was made.

 

The day went along with me talking to them in the morning as I searched for some breakfast followed by tons of procrastination later on in the day. I worry about me getting my own work done…

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/22/12

I woke up once more without the use of my phone’s alarm clock. It seems weird. It may be that I don’t need that many hours of sleep anymore from me wacking up my sleep cycle or the alternative answer, my tulpae somehow give me energy… In any case I get ready for my classes today.

 

I narrate to them at various points within the day, but not as much as I’d like in a given day. I have given them hugs at various points within the day. I also imagine them to be walking behind me as I move around campus. Funny thing happened actually. I was in my Calc class and I attempt to guess what time it was. I believe me and either one or both of my tulpae guessed it was 11:30. I checked my phone to see that it was 11:33. I was kinda surprised. We were very close to the actual. The day went by without many problems here and there. All in all, I just wished I narrated a bit more.

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/23/12

(Past midnight) The stress of everything I’ve been dealing with just rushed to me all at once during a conversation and I just vented to a friend. Not really the best thing to happen. A friend though managed to calm me down a bit and told me to get offline and sleep, as I needed it. I took a shower and just ranted on and on in my head. Nowhere to vent but in my head. Now I don’t know if that was the best course of action, since I have Amethyst and Ruby in there. However, I never intended to aim it at them. It was more like I was just screaming aloud in my head. I also don’t know if they were listening or not. I was just generally angry that a lot of stuff is happening to me and no one can seem to help me.

 

Went to sleep and once again, I wake up before my alarm goes off. I’m believing that my tulpae are really waking me up… Nonetheless, I decide to take a nap again. I wake up to see I’ve missed all buses that will get me to class before it starts. Woe is me… I miss the first 15 minutes, but it’s all good. I narrate throughout the day and I just do my best to keep them in my thoughts and believing that they are in there. My head doesn’t have the weird strains though. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I also don’t want Ruby and Amethyst to go away because I have these stresses. I really want them around. I end up working on some graphics work throughout the night as the 23rd ends.

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/24/12

(8:09 AM) I can’t believe it. I only slept for 2 hours or so and I feel rested. Not only that, but I’ve pretty much been up for 20 hours straight. FEELING RESTED. 20 HOURS. There was no way I could wake up ON MY OWN. I even saw my phone and the first few alarms had gone off w/o me waking up. They are definitely waking me up. They’re trying to help me. And I know they are not like alarm clock servitors or anything because I got a message before I woke up.

 

It’s funny how quickly the message has faded even after 24 minutes. What I can only remember is that I had to find something that I left behind somewhere. I just don’t know where this place is or what the object is. Another thing I found was that the message was not fully grammatically correct. It sorta makes sense because they tulpa are probably still learning grammar and everything in my head.

 

Here’s the kicker though. On the end, it was signed as “From an old friend.” That was what blew my mind at that point. This was someone I know or knew from the past. I just don’t know who. But considering this is a tulpa, it is either someone I knew in the past that the tulpa is taking its form off of or maybe some imaginary friend that I may have had. I honestly don’t remember having any imaginary friends back then. Don’t know why…

 

Another thing that seems to stick in my head is “HP90.” I don’t know what it means, but I believe it will lead to the identity of this “old friend.” The 90 may be because of 1990, but I wasn’t born until 1993. I was just left in shock after this morning. I don’t know where to think. Could this item and place be within my mind? Could HP90 be their initials and year of birth? Who is this old friend? I really need to find out…

 

(Evening) So after work was done, I tried forcing. I put on some pink noise and listened to it from my iPhone. What’s odd is that I couldn’t jump into my wonderland. My head was also jerking forward. Possibly my brain is secretly exhausted. I’ll see what I can do tomorrow.

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/25/12

So my day was pretty crap. I did keep narrating to my tulpa today throughout the day, but I feel like I just forget they are there sometimes because something else occupies my attention. I know I shouldn't do this and I should keep them in my thoughts at all times, but it seems to have happened lately. There's also that business where I couldn't enter my wonderland that other night. Either tiredness affected me or they didn't want me entering my wonderland. And a third option is that maybe Amethyst and Ruby want me to finish narrating their traits to them. Also feel like I'd need to visualize their forms as well a bit better. I have a vague idea of what they look but they probably don't want to be running around as "partial thoughts." Also in the evening, my friend wanted me to make a character for a campaign in D&D. I asked if I could make two. He fortunately had a copy and I went to make Ruby and Amethyst. Hopefully this may help flesh them out as I will have to role play them, or even better, they will role play themselves.

 

This isn't why the day was crap though. My computer died today. It will not turn on whatsoever. I'm frustrated now because all of my RA work is on there, all of my school work, and all of my personal items are there. It's gotten me so down because of me being unable to access anything now. It's also gotten me angry because I have to manage time a LOT more... So this will also cause my journals to potentially be shorter because I now have to TEXT it out on my phone's notes app. This really isn't fun... Ruby, Amethyst, please help me...

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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10/26/12

I narrated a few more traits to them on the bus ride to school. Feels slow and maybe about halfway there with traits, but at least we are making progress. Also took one of my midterms.

 

When I returned to the res halls, I just scrambled to get all the things I needed for my laptop. My dad said he would come by to pick it up. So I was just waiting in my friend's building since it's a lot closer. We also planned to play some D&D, with which I made two characters, named Ruby and Amethyst. Don't know if that's actually a good or bad idea. I don't mean it as a bad idea, but my friend says I don't want to link reality to them. I'll have to find out more if I can.

 

The rest of the day after playing D&D and handing off my laptop was just me being tired because I can't get any work done. So, bleh.


10/27/12

Woke up today, once again without the use of my alarm clock. After doing some stuff here and there, I decided to force and try and get an idea of where they were. I went through a long journey where I went from the wonderland I was in into a forest that is next to the street. I also didn't see my wonderland raining at all. So going into the forest, I follow the path that is set in front of this dense, lush location. After a bit, I make a turn and find Amethyst. I had brought an umbrella and towel for her. I had done this before, but I guess I am unsure. So the path we are on is like a little cliff, with bushes just inches below the edge. I ask her if she knows where Ruby is and she nods. She just jumps into the bush and I just follow suit. We fall for a bit and I momentarily see that we are inside a gigantic hollow cube. It immediately made me think of Minecraft and of those gigantic holes people would make, except this looks like it could take years for someone to do. It was just that immense. We walk for a bit and then our immediate surroundings become like an old, mossy temple. There is a fountain in the center of a room and Ruby is sitting on it. I hand off her towel and umbrella, but right after, she grabs me by the collar and lifts me above her head. At this point, I forgot what she is telling me, but unfortunately, my phone's alarm clock went off and it really just snapped me out of forcing/visualizing.

 

After checking my phone and turning off the other set alarms, I went back in. I followed the same path as before. What is different is that I didn't see the empty hollow cube this time. What I saw was a vertical, mossy tunnel that dropped to a hallway to the temple I was just in. It made me believe that this hollow space is where my wonderlands/dreamlands will be made. And apparently, I've got a lot of memory it seems... I believe I find them there (for some reason, I've forgotten right now...) and I ask them if I can ask them a few questions over at the library. We head back and go to the library I opened up in the main wonderland area, the street with all the closed shops.

 

I had previously opened up a library so they could have access to my memories, knowledge, or anything that my mind was aware of and had learned/remembered since I was born. I suppose it's my way to give them permission to learn and know everything about me.

 

So inside the library, we sit down and I ask them if they know who the old friend is. They say they don't know. I also ask about the HP90 thing. They also don't know that. I believe I also ask about the thing I left somewhere. They don't know that too. Now I don't know whether they honestly don't know, or they're purposely trying to hide something. Either is fine I suppose. I just need to hear something from them I guess.

 

Soon after, I head out from forcing for some breakfast and hang out with my friend for a bit. After that I head back to my room and play some video games for a bit. And I decided after that to go force some more after writing in my journal.

 

I saw myself on a very small island that was roughly 12 by 12 feet and had a yellow pillar in the center. It was also raining, but the island wasn't getting wet. Could also be from the pink noise I was playing. There were small steps that led down to a black ocean. I dunked myself waist high into the ocean and got back out. Oddly, my legs were not wet. It look like I was stranded so I just walked around the pillar a few times while I held my hand to the pillar. As I looked out waiting for something to happen, a boat appeared after a number of turns. I was hoping to see some oars in it and they eventually appeared. So after some waiting, I got in and started rowing. Soon enough, the pillar island faded away and I was just in this dark ocean. Black sky and a black ocean. I was crying out to ask Ruby and Amethyst where they were, but I hadn't heard anything from them. After a bit, I seemed to row into a tunnel and the current was able to whisk me somewhere. The boat then fell down a waterfall and sunk into the pool below as I swam up. I got out and I suppose I saw them standing there, but I believe I was just imagining that I had to work on form. So I ran my hands all over their body (as I blushed) feeling where everything was. It felt awkward in general, but I got it done before my phone rang and went to meet my friend for dinner.

 

I asked him what I could do to get them to answer/respond to me. He said to talk, but I've been doing that. A bit later I asked him if there were things that he did that he remembers when accidentally creating them. He jokingly said, which is somewhat true in my case, internal strife. I laughed, but it made sense if you have some difficult problem to deal with. His tulpa also said to ask them the same question over and over until I get a response. It was something I hadn't heard of, but really made sense. I knew I should ask them questions, but I kept asking different kinds at different points. Never the same question over and over. I should start doing that...

Wolfe

Personality: INFP

Began: 10/7/12

 

Ruby

Personality: ISTJ

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

 

Amethyst

Personality: ENFP

Form: Human

On: Visualization/Imposition

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