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Yet another progress report


Auratic

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I lost my body on a cold day night.

It's been what, three years since I joined the forums? Two of those years were me tulpaforcing on my own, with some success. That is to say, what Alphina is right now is very different from what she was when I started. She used to be quiet and only 'spectated' my life, and now we frequently talk to each other. I'm still uncertain of whether it's really her or not, but during one time I was certain, we agreed that she would mentally slap me if I started faking responses.

As of now, Alphina, my tulpa, is an anthropomorphic light-tan-coloured catwolf thing. SFW image that looks kinda like her here(art by wkar, nice person as far as I can tell). I guess this 2d decision is so that I'll still distinguish my tulpa from the real world, so I won't easily forget that this life I live isn't strange. I like things like that.

 

So. In the past I used to keep an hour count just for the sake of keeping an hour count, and I remember it reaching somewhere past 50-150 hours

blatant lies, but I'm certain it's over 50

I've decided to draw a few sketches of how Alphina looks like, but currently it's past 10pm here and I have a flight tomorrow. I'll upload drawings tomorrow post-flight, or later once I remember where my graphics tablet was. My wonderland, frankly speaking, looks like a hobbit-hole. 'Coz they look nice and cozy on the outside, and even more nice and cozy on the inside. Each room seems to have different temperatures and whatnot. Living room has a fireplace and has the temperature and ambience of under thick blankets during a storm. Kitchen has sunlight pouring through the sole window, Bedroom is slightly colder than room temperature, and outside is eternally 4pm. We rarely seem to go outside anymore, though. Alphina stays inside and either reads whatever's populated in the books I've put in there, or lies on the queen-sized bed and just watches me go on with life and we talk.

 

Two years ago, I struggled to get Alphina's form in proper proportions. Now, I still struggle to get Alphina's form in proper proportions. It's as if I've had absolutely no progress in the visualisation area at all. Sentience, on the other hand, has improved greatly because I've had nothing interesting to do but talk to her for the past year.

 

Normally I force every night before going to bed, because the blankets are so cozy and I've gotten into the mindset that pre-bedtime is extremely calm and concentrated time for me.

 

It's like 27 minutes past my alarm so I gotta end this post at here. But I have a question: What are some ways to get the damn proportions in proportion, other than visualising a skeleton or a frame? Good night/evening/afternoon/noon/morning to you all. And thank you for putting some time to read this.

brb college

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What are some ways to get the damn proportions in proportion, other than visualising a skeleton or a frame?

 

First, how long or often have you practiced visualization, what was your general technique? Did you try to use your own conscious willpower to visualize, or did you go about it more passively, with descriptions and/or self-suggestion?

 

I'm in no place to give advice myself, but maybe if other readers have an idea of what does and doesn't work for you, they'll be able to give you appropriate advice.

 

I haven't tried these yet myself, but Linkzelda's guides, which include Image Streaming and Self-Hypnosis, are supposedly very good. Even if you don't plan on using the techniques described in them, you still might find something that helps.

 

You seem to have a strong foundation with your tulpa, so I'm sure everything will follow once you find something that works for you.

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stuff

 

I've started tulpaforcing somewhere around mid-2013, but only started visualisation months later. That's like the main thing I do during the nightly sessions. Earlier I wrote several paragraphs of description that I would read occasionally, but I stopped doing that recently and now when I work on visualisation, it's just viewing me doing whatever with my tulpa in the wonderland.

 

Something that works for me, as I've found out yesterday, would be to do open-eye visualisation while standing. This isn't the most comfortable way to start forcing, but it works because my tulpa is slightly shorter than me, and I can just lean against a wall and start forcing. Daydreaming, really. I think this works because I have actual real-world things to use as reference for the height, and in extension, the proportions.

 

Last night, while lying in an air-conditioned room under some blankets thick enough to suffocate under, I tried forcing again. I'll be blunt and say that Alphina suddenly jumped on me and basically buried me underneath her long hair. Then I fell asleep and when I woke up today, we were still in the same position. I could actually feel the fur and hair against me, even though I've spent only little time working on the other senses(mainly touch). But then again it could have just been because of the blanket. We said good morning, I got up and she went back to sleep again, and then I spent some time doing stuff and now I'm here writing this post.

 

I've heard that other people sometimes meet their tulpa in dreams. Can you tell right away if it's them, or does it take some time, or in my case, do you only realise it when you wake up? In the dreams I often mistake her for other close friends(like that one time where I thought she was a sister that I don't have).

brb college

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This isn't so much of a daily progress report as it is just me writing any interesting happenings.

 

Progress?

I have two alarms for the morning; the second one to wake me up if I decide to go back to sleep(which is every time). But of course, when it went off, I did what any sane person would do: turn it off and go back to sleep, it's 6:30 in the morning ffs

 

Some time after I decided to go back to sleep, I was woken up by someone shouting,

HEY, WAKE UP NOW

 

The voice sounded distant, and barely understandable, but I believed it was Alphina

gently

waking me up. Some time later I asked her and she confirmed it. I asked the rest of the people I live with and they say they never told me to wake up, nor did they hear anyone.

I'm just being paranoid at this point because i don't honestly believe that alphina is sentient and now i feel that she's pissed off for me writing this

 

 

Yesterday wasn't any different from the usual forcing sessions, but we're finally progressing with visualisation, yay

 

And Alphina STILL doesn't wear any pants, and doesn't plan to. Ever.

brb college

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Everyone else's tulpa seemed to have deviated in appearance at some point, so I began wondering if I were subconsciously forbidding Alphina to change anything about her. This paranoia lasted days until I realised that I might as well just ask.

 

Being blunt as always, I directly asked her if she was happy with how she looked right now and if she wanted to change anything and after some rephrasing of my question she straightforwardly answered something like "It's okay for now, no need to change it" And then basically some stuff about not finding something that looks better. Some time earlier she contemplated being a pokemon(espeon, because gardevoir seems to be too feminine[girly]), and then later decided against it. Right now, with the form we've agreed on, anyone would say that I was a

f***ing furry creep

, but I don't care.

 

She used to wear dark coloured knee-socks until she told me that she didn't like wearing them but liked how they looked, so we did the stupidest thing ever: The fur on her legs, from the knees down, are darker-coloured, the same colour as the knee-socks she once wore. The pads on her paws are blackish(that's part of a NSFW piece of art also done by someone who goes by wkar on pixiv, never actually met her/him but thanks to google translate I still think she/he is a nice person), and inspired by a

, I sometimes call her 'dirty paws' to tease her. She hasn't changed the colour of her paws yet, and she tells me that she actually likes the nickname, so I have no power here.

 

And, uh, is it normal for your tulpa of the opposite sex to

want to do naughty things with you

? That's something she openly tells me, and I haven't done anything that could have caused this ;-;

brb college

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And, uh, is it normal for your tulpa of the opposite sex to

want to do naughty things with you

? That's something she openly tells me, and I haven't done anything that could have caused this ;-;

 

Does it fit in to her personality? Howl practically drips with depravity and thus I have to deal with his advances when he's in a teasing mood, but if I make it clear I can't deal with it at the moment, he'll leave me alone. If it makes you uncomfortable try talking to her about it, maybe ask her to tone it down if she can.

If I could, begin to be,

Half of what you think of me, I could do about anything,

I could even learn how to love

directed at Howl

directed from Howl

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I unintentionally upset Edwin soon after creating him by telling him that he could change his form if he wanted. I had to leave our wonderland abruptly and the poor boy ruminated all day thinking that I didn't like how he looked. ;^; Tulpae can be so sensitive sometimes, but they are emotional creatures after all. The main key is communication, which I think you've started to get the hang of.

 

As far as Alphina's proportions, is it mainly in dealing with visualization in wonderland or for imposing? Whatever the case, it becomes far too easy to over-think little details in tulpamancy. After all, you're stuck in your own head.

 

And for Alphina's advances, I think that's probably normal. Tulpae have carnal desires just as we humans do. I'd be more concerned if the two of you were the same sex. Alphina may be curious about both your and her sexuality. She might be experimenting with you, either to determine how she feels about it or how you react, if she wants the relationship to develop further. Those are things you'll have to discuss with her to determine the reasoning.

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

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Does it fit in to her personality? Howl practically drips with depravity and thus I have to deal with his advances when he's in a teasing mood, but if I make it clear I can't deal with it at the moment, he'll leave me alone. If it makes you uncomfortable try talking to her about it, maybe ask her to tone it down if she can.

And for Alphina's advances, I think that's probably normal. Tulpae have carnal desires just as we humans do. I'd be more concerned if the two of you were the same sex. Alphina may be curious about both your and her sexuality. She might be experimenting with you, either to determine how she feels about it or how you react, if she wants the relationship to develop further. Those are things you'll have to discuss with her to determine the reasoning.

Alphina would be the kind of person who can be energetic and all over you at one point, and at some other time she would be lazy and sleepily replying to you.

 

When asked why she does the thing: "I feel like teasing you."

 

So it's not a thing about seeing how I would react, it seems to be that she just does that for the sake of teasing me.

;^;

 

 

...ruminated all day thinking that I didn't like how he looked. ;^;

I asked her this morning if she felt the same way, and she seems to be shocked that I would ever assume that. So for the moment we're not going to change much. But last night she expressed that she wanted to be the colour grey instead of pale yellowish(think of white sand) when I was tired and a bit sleepy, so I didn't notice the change until I woke up today.

"Why are you grey?"

"Why am I not grey?"

And then we just went with that and I went back to sleep for around two hours.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

As far as Alphina's proportions, is it mainly in dealing with visualization in wonderland or for imposing?

Wonderland. Alphina still lives there for most of the time, but there are some times when I feel as if she's somewhere in the real world(I once had a discussion with her to make it clear she knows about the wonderland and the 'real world,' because she made it clear to me that she didn't properly understand the difference). During that time, however, her 'imposed' form, for lack of a better term, is something like grey static, while in my mind's eye I have a perfect image of how she would look like where the static is. Imposition is something that we've never worked on properly, and I don't think we'll be ready any time soon. Open-eye visualisation in a bright room while standing is really helpful for me with the proportions, especially if I can lean against a wall, but the distractions are everywhere ;-;

 

Sometimes I worry too much that Alphina gently bonks me on the head and tells me not to worry.

 

And I've spent over six hours trying to draw a portrait of her for the 'we draw our tulpas' thread and I'm STILL only at the rough sketch part >:V

brb college

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"Why are you grey?"

"Why am I not grey?"

And then we just went with that and I went back to sleep for around two hours.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

I lol'ed. XD Kind of like the second day I had Edwin when he just randomly wanted the tips of his ears to be black.

 

I dunno about the visualization part. I have an over-active imagination, so I see Edwin the same in and out of wonderland. I mean, he hasn't become strong enough for me to physically see him, but I visualize his appearance, his height compared to me, etc. even though I suck at proportions irl. It's definitely important to know what your tulpa looks like, but I wouldn't worry about setting it to real life. Just as long as things aren't way off.

 

I remember reading one guide that suggested envisioning your tulpa's skeletal structure, circulatory system, touching them and visualizing internal organs beneath their skin, etc. to avoid major proportion issues like the eyes being too far apart. I know you mentioned something about Alphina's skeletal structure in an earlier post. I'd say go with that if it helps. If you need someone to art for you, I've been wanting to practice with more realistic styles lately.

 

When I try to visualize Edwin's skeletal structure, all I can think about is his human skull with buck teeth and two holes at the top where the nerves and such run to his ears, and the few extra vertebrae that extend out and curve upward to make his tail. :I

[align=center]"Jesus Pickles!"

~ Edwin reacting to pretty much every jump scare in a horror movie[/align]

 

Avatar was made by me using a base.

My DeviantArt Account

Progress Report

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It's 11 in the morning and my alarm went off at 7. I just got up because Alphina was practically shaking me >.>

I seem to be woken up by her more often than my alarm wakes me up. I have the alarm set to

, but I only get up and turn it back off again ;-;

 

I'm curious; how do you treat your tulpa/tulpas? Do you treat them like friends or siblings? Or as a girlfriend/boyfriend? I treat Alphina as if she's a close friend, but she also sees me as an older brother(which is reasonable, in my opinion).

doesn't explain the advances, though

 

 

unrelated, plis don't kill me:

If you need someone to art for you

Nah.

Give me two to three days and I can make something like this.

Or this, but I'm still finishing it. I've gotten too lazy to finish that, but now I'm drawing a portrait of Alphina because I stumbled across the 'we draw our tulpas' thread.

 

Mega Altaria is fluffiest pokemon. Anyone who wants to argue might be challenged to a battle but not right now because I'm still EV training.

 

 

i use too many spoiler tags please forgive me

brb college

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