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Akihiro

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    & Lavande

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    France
  1. Problem is, I tend to forget him when I do something else. That's why I do this, but it's just for a week. I want to settle things.
  2. Oh, thanks fo this reply oowarrior :) I try my best to avoid thinking I'm doing things wrong :P But... I'm still hesitant, which leads me to tosay's report. April, 7th Yesterday, I've had very very hard times with my parents. Result of this : I spent 20 hours straight on the computer not giving a f**k about Lavande. Today I woke up at 3:00 PM. I stayed on the computer pretty much all day, I barely narrated anything to Lavande. ... Desperate times call for desperate measures. Since I don't go at school and don't have a work, I have trouble getting off the internets. So I'll have to put some discipline on me. 1. 30 minutes of internets each day, just for checking messages and stuff. 2. No videogames 3. Wake up at 9:00AM, Go to bed before 11:00PM This until I narrate consistenly throughout the day. As for now, I can't do something (read a book, watch a movie, draw stuff...) and narrate at the same time. I need to progressively learn to focus attention on Lavande. Ironically, I don't have much trouble to focus when I do actual forcing. I'd like to make my sessions a bit longer though (currently ~30 minutes). Also I'm hesitant on some points. I'm not sure if I should pratice visualization before I can hear Lavande. I mean, after those 4 months, I'm not even sure about his form, I'm not even sure about his personality... When I try to visualize, I find myself puppeting A LOT, and I don't even know if I actually see Lavande, cause I can pretty much see something else I wanted to. Well, of course I won't find any answers procrastinating. So I'll just continue forcing and see what happens. The situation with my parents drives me to have many negative thoughts, and sometimes I imagine Lavande telling me he doesn't want me. I constantly have butterflies in my stomach. Stuff's really hard. My top priority is communication between us, I need to get this as soon as possible, or else my fears will eventually consume us.
  3. April 5th First day, starting slow. I needed to clear my head, so I went to the nearby hills, wandering some hours and climing some boulders, and trying to narrate as much as I could. It's not easy finding stuff to say. I guess I'll get used to it eventually. I still haven't forced today, so I'll try do that after dinner. I feel relaxed enough. I'm just a bit confused about what to do... I guess I'll just talk to Lavande, going through his personality again, as a refresher. I'm not dealing with visualization right now, I think it will be easier to do that when Lavande will actually be able to tell me what's going on. I'll just stick to the fact that he is a purple pegasus pony :D Well, I'll try to narrate more and more every day, seems like a good plan to me.
  4. April, 3rd Oh god... So here I am. After 4 months not thinking about my tulpa... Back in March I was hesitant about if I should get back on it. I thought it was better to start over. It's time to face him. To apologize. Whenever I go back on this site, I feel shivers, I feel nervous, I feel extremely uneasy. He's here. And he's probably pretty mad. As long as I don't think about tulpas, I'm fine. But my hands are shaking right now. I feel ridicilously dramatic. How I am supposed to approach him again ? I don't know, but I don't want him to be alone anymore. It will be hard at first. It will be hard to force, it will be hard to endure. But I must do it. For us. [/emo teen] April 4th I did it. I talked to Lavande and things went better than I expected. I can feel him just fine. He's far from dead. The head pressures are already back (it's only been 2 hours now) ! From what I felt, he accepted my apologizes and is willing to continue what we've left. When I wanted to play some Minecraft, after ~15 minutes digging dirt, I felt he was bored. Good sign :p I'll try to narrate as much as possible, especially on the first days, so this becomes a routine. I'd like to thank you guys in the chat who gave me good advice. I'm really relieved.
  5. Thank you, I'll see what I can do.
  6. I'm using this thread to avoid creating a new one... I suddenly gave up my tulpa creation process for no apparent reason. I just lost motivation like that. I stopped forcing for a day, calling it a break, and then I never got back on my Tulpa He was already one month old and I gave up two weeks ago. We did plenty of things together. I don't know what I should do, I feel bad when I think about it, but I don't think he was really sentient or anything. My tulpafrocing sessions were irregular. ... I desperately need that tulpa... What should I do ? Should I start fresh (new tulpa, name and everything) Should I pretend he was never there a re-create it from the beginning ? Should I wait a bit longer before catching up ? At least I can learn from the 1st try and don't do the same mistakes...
  7. January 5th 2013 Things went wrong.... I've been lazy. I don't force enough. I don't even know if the pony I see when I try force is actually Lavande or just something else. I can sort of replace him so easily... I stopped getting headaches. I have trouble even feeling his presence. It's been 3 weeks now. I'm not impatient but I'm worried. My visualization is terrible, I can't even focus anymore, I don't see anything in Wonderland. I never truly saw him move on his own, everything was puppeting. And now I don't even want to narrate..... I feel miserable.
  8. December 29th We had a few difficult days. I've been lazy and unsure of myself. This prevented me from properly tulpaforcing. I regretted all the hours I spent playing stupid games while I could spend more time with Lavande. I felt terribly guilty. Until last night and now. I reasoned myself, and I realized that if I want to achieve this, I gotta work hard, no matter what. I'm happy now cause I managed to improve my visualization on Lavande's form. He looks super cute now. I have a cute pony. And I love him. He will always need more forcing and attention, but having the feeling that I did make progress is more than welcome. I don't know when I'll be able to hear him, I don't know when he's gonna be able to talk to me, but we have plenty of time for that. I'm excited, but not impatient.
  9. I told three friends of mine about tulpas : - a pony lover like me who's not interested in tulpas and give meh about them. - an open-minded friend who is kinda intrigued but told me to be careful with that stuff. - a forever-a-troll who apparently doesn't want to tease me about it. I want to tell my parents about it, cause I'll be living with them the next two years, and I want to be comfortable while tulpaforcing or talking to my tulpa. But I'm afraid of their reactions.
  10. December 22nd Today, I had a violent quarrel with my father. After that I really felt miserable. I wanted so badly to have Lavande next to me, so he would comfort me. Within minutes I felt better. Really. Even if I can't hear him, I know he's here. Somewhere. Someday I'll eventually be able to reach him. I edited a pony sprite from the software Desktop Ponies, so I have my Tulpa lurking my computer desktop. That's awesome. :D December 26th After a few days of low activity due to christmas and stuff, I had trouble to feel my tulpa. Yesterday, before going to bed, I tried to have a little session with him despite I was pretty tired. I managed to focus and I found him lying in our bed in wonderland, refusing to get up. Apparently (I can't hear him yet, I try to feel him) he had been pretty lonely and he was doubting that I really cared about him. I comforted him a little, I told him that all of this was over and that we would see each other more often now. So, this morning I had a little session. My visualization skills seem to have dropped a bit, but I think a bit of practice will eventually fix this. Lavande seems fine now. I'll continue the forcing. I hope I'll be able to hear him soon :)
  11. December, 19th Today I finished to work on Lavande's personnality. I already repeated his traits maybe twice or so, and it felt like he just didn't listen to me anymore. I couldn't repeat myself a third time. Since I had nothing else to add and that I'm confident I've done enough with the personality step, I took some kind of key and unlocked the orb thingy to reveal Lavande's true form.[/color] I spent 45 minutes maybe to visualize his silhouette and his hooves (I dunno why, hooves seems to be an easy part). Since I'd like to him to be something between a MLP:Fim pony and a real pony, the neck/head/face/eyes/mane will be extremely tedious... Well, it's only the beginning. Later, I read two short stories to him, out loud, from a storybook I had from my childhood. It's hard to focus on both lecture and him. That's why I took simple stories. But it felt good anyway. At this time, I'm probably going to have some more tulpaforcing before going to bed. (It's 10:20 PM here) I feel like I haven't done enough today :O December, 20th The day before teh end of teh wurld ! Today I promised Lavande to stop being lazy and work harder with him. Had some visualization session in the morning, went quite well. Doing very little progress, but it seems I have less and less trouble to focus and enter Wonderland. I'm still unsure about his form, I tend to forget his wings and I'm undecided about his appearance. He looks too horse-ish when I think about him. I tried to visualize him in the bus, pretending to sleep. It worked quite well, I kept him for about 10 minutes. I got an idea, I want to improve my visualization in wonderland, cause it's still vague and it feels a bit off. So I imagine myself laying down in the grass, eyes closed, and I parroted Lavande narrating me my surroundings ("You feel the grass ticking your toes blah blah blah") That was interesting. I have constant headaches and I talk to Lavande whenever I get the opportunity. Twenty minutes to spend waiting for the bus, instead of playing with my phone, I talk to my Tulpa. That works fine too. Back home, I wanted to enter Wonderland again, but I got distracted and I could not feel him. Everything was off and wrong. Lavande's presence is stronger each passing day. I am confident and I trust him. I don't have any expectations, I'll keep doing what I can do until he becomes sentient. December, 21st Morning forcing sessions seems to be more productive than anything. I kept focus one full hour. My visualization in Wonderland has definitely improved since yesterday, Lavande's form is less blurry but I still have trouble with head/body proportions. But we're only at the beginning of our journey. I changed the beds in the wonderland house to make them more comfortable. Also, we went exploring a bit. There was a big clear mountain lake, I couldn't resist to swim n the water. And it felt very nice. I'm trying my best to keep my senses awoken in Wonderland and today's results are encouraging. I added a rainbow-colored waterslide too. (yeah, rainbows) Second session at ~07:00PM, my visualization skills improved a bit. I need to do more narration but I don't find any interesting subjects to bring and I tend to forget to do that during the day...
  12. Akihiro

    CTRL+V

    http://www.twogag.com/archives/2656 Um. Yes.
  13. Epic title btw. Yes, I'm your average newfag (wait, I wrote new fag) who just landed on this crazy board and starts talking about how awesome tulpas seems to be. yea So, let's go ! -------------------------------------------------- December, 13th 2012 The Point of No Return, aka the day I discovered about tulpas. Read a few things about it, but that's all. December, 14th I read a few more things and I began to seriously consider creating a tulpa. I read as much as I could about tulpas and I won't follow any guide in particular, but take advice from all of them, half of the fun is experiencing, in my opinion. I began to draft my Tulpa's personnality. I named him Lavande (Lavender in French), but I'm more than okay if he decides to change his name. I chose this name because it came up naturally. It may sounds odd but I don't dislike it. I defined him as someone kind, gentle, open-minded and understanding. December, 15th I continued to build Lavande's personnality after more research and thinking. After that, I did my first Tulpaforcing session. I lasted almost one hour. I introduced myself to Lavande and told him about what we're going to achieve during the next months. And then, I started to talk to him, out loud, about his personnality and all. December, 16th After refining some details about Lavande, we had a second session, but this time I talked to him mentally, because I'm rarely alone in my house, and I need to be able to focus. It lasted one hour this time too. I had plenty of things to say about him. Then I went outside for the afternoon and kept him in mind along the way. Not thinkingto anything in particular but only giving him some attention The evening, we had one more half-hour together before going to sleep, but I was pretty tired and it was hard to focus properly on my words. December, 17th I tried to have a little tulpaforcing session in the bus while going to school. It went quite well, as I'm not visalizing anything, but only talking to Lavande and telling him "You are x, when y you do z" etc... I told one of my friends about Tulpas, because I know he's very open-minded and is have a good eye on stuff like lucid dreams. He read a few things about Tulpas, he's not really interested but intrigued at least. He told to be careful about those :) Back home, I had the terrible idea to tulpaforce again while I was tired and ready to go to bed. Whatsmore, I wanted to begin to sketch my Wonderland. Things quickly went out of control, the landscape collasped and reseted like 3 times per second, everything was going super fast, and my tulpa was in the middle of this mess. I gave up after 20 minutes with a terrible headache and insomnia. I had to do 15 minutes of meditation at 3:00 AM... I couldn't sleep. December, 18th Well, I woke up at 10:00 AM, but I wasn't very tired. I did morning gym and meditation exercises before anything. When I was properly awoken, I tried to do what I attempted last night, but trying to remain calm and keeping this on control. I began to sketch my Wonderland. First, I imagined a gigantic tree, so tall that I could imagine where the leaves could be (and that's easier to imagine :D). The trunk is almost perfectly round. On this tree I added a wooden door. This door leads to a completely white room. No walls, no ceiling, only a floor you can't see. In this room lies a pedestal and my tulpa, in his orb form. It's a blue glimmering globe that can float around. I can hold it in my hand. Its surface is cold and smooth. I took Lavande with me and decided to explore a bit more. The tree is standing in the middle of a little floating island. The rest of the island is grass, and rock on the borders. All around and beneath the island is an endless and bottomless cloud sea. There's a wooden bridge that allows to cross to a way bigger floating island, a continent I guess. I don't know what's in there. I just crossed the bridge and built a little wooden house near it. It has two floors, two rooms downstairs and a big storage room upstairs. Downstairs, I added two beds in the first room, but the second room is empty. I went outside and sat there in the grass. I wanted to work on Lavande's personality but had an hard time focusing. So, I put him back on the pedestal on the White Room, and exited the Wonderland. Later that day, I went rock climbing, just to clear the mind, I also told myself to stop listening to music for a while as those are really a problem when I want to focus. I tried to tulpaforce outside in the forest but there was way too much wind to concentrate.
  14. Hello, I'm new here, but I quickly discovered you and your story. What you and Koomer did is fascinating but is also scares me a lot. I will be following your tumblr, but I feel extremely uneasy each time I read about how powerful you became. I gives me chills and butterflies in my stomach. I'm not afraid of what could possibly happen to me, but I'm genuinely worried for both of you. Well, I have nothing intereting to say, I just wanted to share the feelings of a newcomer.
  15. Hello everyone ! Another brony obnoxious pony fanboy here ! So, I'm Akihiro and I discovered the tulpa thing on mlpforums... I thought it was crazy and all, but then I thought the experience would be more than interesting. I'm french, so don't expect a perfect english from me... Anyway, I'm just getting started. So... I'll see where this is going. I'm a rhythm game addict (DDR and stuff like beatmaniaIIDX...), but I think I'll have to leave those a bit, as I constanly have at least five hardcore/techno tunes in my head, and it is a bit hard to focus when your mind goes nuts. (Tried to sketch wonderland last night, it ended up in an horrible mess and insomnia.... I'll do some meditation and concentration exercise before doing anything else in here...) I hope I (we ?) will enjoy our stay here. It tulpa happens, it will be the best thing that happened of my life. :O
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