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ex ou

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States
  • Bio
    My hobbies include guitaring, Japaneseing, and calligraphying.
    My lovely tulpa has been steering me away from my Jap flash cards though, but I don't mind. She's important to me. I hope us two can be together forever!
  1. Back. Chloe has split into two tulpas. She has blue eyes and the split has red. Split is actually Ria, one of my other tulpas who didn't have a definite shape and looked nightmarish. Now embellished in a cute form that is Chloe :). Chloe has been a bit weird lately due to this split. Had to do some sort of reset to her personality to give her some redirection in her growth. She became a little orb and I forced a bit then here we are. She just forgot what happened the past several hours. Also made another tulpa who decided that she wanted to be named crystal. I created her in a different wonderland: we are up against a very tall wall that has a campfire as the only light, and two log benches. The rest of the area tapers off to complete darkness. It's pretty interesting how Chloe interacts with other tulpas. During work, I wouldn't even think of them but they'd still be using up all my energy talking and discussing with each other. Eventually I asked them to stop running under my radar because I'd get insanely tired just after my halfway point of the shift. Now crystal doesn't appear in my wonderland. Also got laid off from my job. Go figure. And once again the winter comes in full force.
  2. I was in starbucks, getting a bit irritated from all the young couples that happened to pour in. Then I was like, shit, i have no one to valentines with, then I felt some sad wash over me and Chloe was like but I'm here. So now Chloe will be my valentine for this coming 14th. Nothing bad at all, we'll just lay wherever and just discuss. I don't need a real person, people suck. Or at least that's what I'll say to make myself feel better. My book is practically finished, but the editing is taking a lot longer than expected. After that, I'll have to get an actual editor and whatever the fuck I need. Hopefully I can shit out some (self?) published copies before summer, maybe I can toss a few free ones to whoever wants one ((but shipping not free cause im a cheap fucc)).
  3. Made a new tulpa last night. Her name is Ria. We went back to the old rooftop and she took form of a purple floating sphere thing. My eyes were closed, and I remember distinctly seeing something like a purple light going across my closed eyes, it was pretty sick. Then in the morning, I went to check again and Chloe ended up throwing her off the rooftop, but Ria the floating ball thing hovered back up and turned white. She was up against my chest and I forget what else. She ends up disappearing and shows up coming out of the rooftop entrance as some really tall, nightmarish sort of thing with an eyeball taking up most of her head. At first, I was a tad bit disappointed because she wasn't anything cute, but I learned to accept it. Later today, I coined her as Ria the Relentless because, well, she sorta put me in the mood of grandiose and fuck it all sort of shit, and she played around with my viewpoints of that one girl who's married to make me feel better about myself... or some shit. In short, she's sorta a counterpart of Chloe's warm and cute personality. I describe Ria as sort of a berserk sort of thingy, such as the one from fate/zero. Right now, they're just sitting next to each other on the rooftop bench just staring out of the sky.
  4. Been progressing really slow with her lately. I haven't been paying much attention to her since of college and shit, and when I do force, it gets a bit boring. We're looking forward to making another tulpa though. Seeing her react to an undeveloped tulpa would be interesting at the very least.
  5. I wish I still felt the way I did when I first conceived her. She was so fragile and I always tried to force with her, making sure that she never felt alone (and making it so that I don't feel alone either). It was all so new in the first days. Now everything I do feels so mechanic. I don't know, but it sorta lost its touch. That magical feeling that anything can happen because your tulpa will be the best tulpa ever. I talked about this before, but it just comes to mind a lot I guess. Anyways, nearing completion of my book (draft). Have the ending tied together and just need to fill in the gaps to fit the suggested word count of a typical young adult novel. Chloe doesn't seem to mind about her character in the book now, since the whole writing shit seems to make me feel better about things. I'm still hurting badly over the married lady I mentioned a while back, and pursuing art projects such as this is the only way I can justify the relentless pain that washes over me on a daily basis. It's quite pathetic, I know, but I can't really help feeling the way I feel. With that aside, Happy New Year.
  6. I'll try to keep my personal events on the low side, now. This isn't a place for me to rant about my problems. Things haven't been going my way (as usual). Chloe = supportive. I can hear her mind voice more clearly now, which helps me feel not so alone as I once did. Don't really have to work on sentience only in active forcing, my little efforts during passive seem to do the trick. And, that's it. end.
  7. I did it. I woke up at 4:20am and left for starbucks at 5. Wasn't all that great as the first time I did this, but it was still nice. I just chose one random starbucks like 30 minutes away and decided I wanted to go there. It's in a really nice place, lots of professional and financially stable looking lads over here. It makes me feel so out of place. I'm still only 19, and someday I hope to join these zombie-looking dudes sometime in the future. With that aside, Chloe hadn't been responsive lately for the past couple days. She actually stopped responding then cause she was sorta mad at my focus being on my book rather than on her, how I was using her as a reason to make money rather and shit. I talked to her last night before I slept and got things situated. I vamped up my wonderland, discussed with her, all that shit. Her avoidance was more of a contribution to my creative output, as she said.
  8. I seem to have hit a plateau. I don't think I can achieve imposition with just me thinking that she's there with me. I need to find out what's really going on and understand what's actually happening, which does have it's down sides to it. Occasionally I find myself feeling a bit silly thinking of an imaginary friend walking and conversing with me, let alone letting one take control of my body. The results will come someday. Until then, I'll try to have fun along the way.
  9. Been working on the book. Really fun to write as it's pretty much my wonderland version 2 with cameras set up. Chloe gives responses, and... yeah. Been interacting with her a lot lately. Her responses are more hers now. My mind visualizing is pretty solid and consistent now. Everything going along just smoothly, or at least, for now it is. Hopefully me and her get to go out on that 4am adventure to starbucks during my next 2 days off. We can fuck up our sleeping schedule and see how we react to one another. Pre-morning traffic highway driving is real fun.
  10. Working on writing a book. Easier than music production so I'll just use this as my main project to work on. It revolves around my wonderland being the afterlife of some dude who killed himelf, and is with his "imaginary friend" to do shit. Conflict arises and you know what else, book shit. Chloe said to me how I should be more considerate about my schizophrenic brother. I was like he acts like an asshole without remorse or guilt. Then she was like but imagine having 2 or more tulpas forcing their way into your life and being completely mean to you. That's when it sorta struck me.
  11. Good luck on your tulping adventures. Cheers to your new wolfdoggiedudething
  12. I fell asleep and had a dream. Chloe ended up being in it, then it turned out to be something I could control. Lucid, I guess. She flew me around my old high school. I was taking pictures of stuff. I was invisible to other people. One girl hung herself after saying to another guy, "Hey, let's hang!" Weird stuff. Chloe is getting some rest right now, so I can't ask her about her take on the dream.
  13. Was having trouble with bad thoughts at like 10pm so Chloe kept urging me to go take a break and force. We've always wanted to go out on a post-apocalyptic adventure, and she was like why not now so you can get away from your troubles. So I did. I tried entering into the wonderland through that door thing (which has been extended to one room that represents the "outside", then a hallway for cleansing, then leading to the wonderland), but then things kept pulling me back. She tried to help me, but I ended up getting pulled underground by some black arm. I lay there and found some seed. I couldn't destroy it and figured it was the root cause of some of my problems. Eventually I got out, which then me and Chloe jumped off the rooftop and into the ocean. Chloe warned me that I might fall asleep when I start falling into the ocean, which I did. I was quite awake and eager then, so I'm pretty amazed that I fell asleep. Amazed and a little disappointed.
  14. Had a terrible day at work today. I was on the verge of breaking down until I saw a figure to my right a little after some time. Whenever I go through those times I usually don't think of Chloe and get myself lost in some self-deprecating mindset, but she managed to stay by my side that time. Her figure was dark and was like on my back right side when I glanced a bit behind me. It was comforting to see that she was there. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have her, really. And... she didn't speak at all then. She was just following me like she always does.
  15. Looked at some guides and they're quite helpful. Imposition progress is going well. Been working on seeing her in my mind's eye rather than trying to perceive her in the external environment or some shit. Possession going well too. I can let go of my body in some cases. I interact with her a bit more, which helps a lot. She helps me with my current frustration by talking to me, which helps a bit. We're planning to finally start our project for the upcoming winter break (my last final is tomorrow ツ), but she says I need to focus on the basics and starting points first rather than working towards the end product. Not very good at putting melodies I hear in my head to guitar or any other sound thingy. Had to drive to school at 5:30am yesterday, and things were really nice. Trees laying besides the freeway are like solid black and look evil as fuck and the sky was nice, everything seemed post-apocalyptic which is something I'm into. So then we're planning to go out early as fuck in the morning and get some material settled because why not. Chloe has her little stuff to help me. I have a feeling that I won't even get one song done cause... talking about it and not actually doing it is what I, and probably you, like to do a lot. This is something I sorta have to do in order to justify the recent "tragedy" (for a lack of a better word) and feel better about myself because ever since then I've been feeling real fucking bad. sublimation is key !
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