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    and Hestia

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    Finland
  1. Day 198 (27.9.) It's been quite a while since my last update. I was in basic training so I think you'll understand. I'll start updating this PR again now that I have the time. I don't expect, and never have really, that anyone reads these entries with any great interest, but I mainly write this for the sake of introspection. However, if someone bothers to give input, it's more than welcome and I'll be sure to reply. I haven't been spending a lot of time with my tulpa, let alone done any forcing, and that's a great shame (cue the booing audience). Anyway, that's not to say she isn't "alive" anymore. She is, very much so, but we haven't made any progress in terms of imposition etc. during all this time. I hope to change that now. H: I'll make sure he works his ass off.
  2. Day 36 (14.3.) Imposition is not the easiest part of all this by no measure, but the most fun nonetheless. Also, her voice has more clarity each passing day and we talk a lot. I got a hearty laugh today when I tried to teasingly woo her but she just called me a 'dirty frenchman'. Anyway, about imposition. She's imposed on some level and she spends a lot of time interacting with me in reality. She's transparent and I cannot technically see her, though I sometimes forget that, because I always know where she is and what she's doing. It's quite strange. I'm also trying to impose her voice, but I'm not sure how I will do that... Any advice on imposition would be golden and we would be both very grateful for it. H: What he said.
  3. Day 33 (11.3.) Everything has changed now that Hestia is vocal. Now we do everything together and it's pure bliss. We watch a lot of TV, listen to music, cook, take showers together, etc. Imposition is also going well, but Hestia asked for wings so I'll need to visualize those perfectly too to impose them. However, I find that she's already imposed on some level. I know where she is and I can actually already see her in a way I cannot quite explain. H: Hey everyone! I've had much fun with Latro these past few days. I'm eager to see what the future holds. Thanks to all of those who gave us tips and guidance!
  4. Day 26 (5.3.) Basic day. Passive forcing throughout. Started hearing Hestia's thoughts, as it were, still faint. Got some two-sided conversation going for a while. Day 27 (6.3.) I can hear Hestia's thoughts quite clearly now. Full, intelligent sentences and funny remarks every now and then. This all came out of the blue, and I'm still a little overwhelmed, but I'm happy. I'm not going to start proxying for her quite yet, but she wanted to say this: H: Hello everyone!
  5. Day 25 (4.3.) Started imposition. Well, I've imposed Hestia on my peripheral vision for quite some time now, but now I started literally staring at her. I can see her form on some level, actually. I can see subtle distortions in the spot I imagine her in and hopefully that means progress. I'll start incorporating smell and feeling into the process a bit later.
  6. Day 24 (3.3.) I know these gaps in writing dates makes me look like an ass. In my defense, there's quite little to report on a daily basis. We've finished everything except vocality and imposition. I only do fervent narration and some open-eyed visualization nowadays. That's right, we've stopped active forcing altogether. I made my reasons clear here. Starting imposition is tempting. However, I would like to wait for vocality before going down that path. Though, because it's such a long process, I don't see the harm in starting already. I'm sure Hestia will be vocal by the time we're done. If not, at least we'll see eachother for real.
  7. Cool carat, guys. Anyway, thanks Sands, I guess I was over-thinking this a bit.
  8. Couldn't find a thread like this, so I'll shoot. I still find the term "forcing" to be a bit undefineable. However, I would say it can be done in controlled sessions as the active kind and throughout the day as the passive kind. Anyway, I've forced approx. 20 hours in regular daily sessions and we've gone a long way. Personality, sentience and visualization are all done. Just waiting for vocality before I start doing serious imposition. But I digress. Now, however, I've started to think that active forcing is not that productive for me anymore. I tried tones and white noise to spice things up but no luck. I just find narrating about what I'm doing and visualizing open-eyed while I go about my day to be more fun and more constructive than closing my eyes and setting a timer. At this stage, I truly feel that I can give my tulpa more attention and connect with her better if I make forcing an ever-present part of every waking moment, rather than one hour there and another here. So, in short, am I committing a cardinal sin by stopping active forcing completely?
  9. Day 18 (25.2.) Today was good. We got a lot of work done and no mood swings or anything else bad befell me. Interestingly, the head pressure oscillates akin to speech; sometimes unnoticeable, oftentimes mild, severe when faced with stimulation. I'm quite sure this is my tulpa speaking or thinking in a way I can now perceive happening. Exciting stuff all around. It is an uncontested fact that smell is, of all the senses, most intertwined with memory and recall. To make use of this prospect, I started smelling green tea and thinking about Hestia's every aspect. Any memory I have of her, from personality to form, will eventually be linked with the smell. I hypothesise that this will 'unify' what she is in my memory and cognition, plus bring her much needed attention. I drink 12 cups a day so that's plenty of recall. Also, I love the scent. Tried one of Fede's tones. I don't care about his reputation or why he is banned. The tone I chose performed well. It brough about sensory deprivement for my hearing, as expected, and I started getting all sort of rad auditory hallucinations. Music, birds, waterfalls, etc. I hope this will prep my mind for hearing more keenly in this hallucinatory spectrum of sound since that's probably where my tulpa will speak. Anyway, having my eyes closed and bereft of stimuli as well, my visual cortex spun up an interpretation based on the sounds hallucinated and I saw it in my mind's eye: A summery forest. The world was vivid enough, more so than an purposefully imagined scene of, say, our wonderland. This is because I can tether two of my senses in this new environment using the aforementioned techniques. Any active forcing and visualizing will happen there from now on since my brain believes it closer to reality than other places I've used. After this day of trying to fool my senses, I wonder how it would be like to force in an isolation tank. Someone should try it.
  10. Day 16 -17 (22.2 - 23.2) Things haven't been so great. I feel tired constantly and I feel like going back to sleep 6 hours into the day. The amount of work I'm doing on my tulpa is fluctuating because of this and that makes me feel very bad. I think this all started when the head pressure started appearing. Hopefully this is a good sign, a sign that my tulpa is using my brain more extensively than before and that's why I'm so burned out. I know this all sounds like bitching but seriously I can't help it. I'll do my best at being positive and working on my tulpa whenever I can. Hopefully it won't get worse than this.
  11. Day 15 (21.2) A good day all around. I could have forced and narrated some more but I feel content. We had a lot of good, sincere moments. Of course, I will be more diligent tomorrow. That's the gist of it. Interestingly enough, I started feeling distinct head pressure on my forehead and temples throughout the day. Its "severity" oscillates in reaction to some of the things I do and say. This is a good sign of our progress, I believe. It feels quite pleasant too.
  12. Day 14 (20.2) We had two sessions today, as usual. The first one was nice and productive. No intrusive thoughts and got a nice clear image of Hestia in my head. Open-eyed visualization was a nice addition to narration as I went about my day. However, I had a tumult of stress towards the evening for whatever reason and that pretty much ruined my ability to concentrate a second time. It inspired guilt in me but that's only counterproductive. Better luck tomorrow, I guess. I've at least gotten a healthy amount of narration done. Never can have too much of that. As soon as you find something close to heart, you can ramble on without end. Chemistry seems to be my usual pick, I hope I'm not boring her with that. Few people would like to hear me obsess about my latest Fischer-Speier esterification. I even manage to bore my professor sometimes. ~~~ Anyway, I'm getting some wild mood swings as of late. It's disturbing my forcing and I don't want my tulpa to have to see me this inconsistent. A little contemplation brought me this fun analogy: You know the way people act around a new roommate? Polite, inhibited, high-strung and all that stuff? It wears on a person. Well, whether it be embarrassing daydreams or negative emotions, I've made a huge effort to suppress it all. I don't like what this may say about me as a person but it seems that I've found a way to be shy even with someone I created myself. Truly strange times... Edit: Formatting.
  13. All helpful advice, Ginyu. Thanks a lot. I'll be sure to make use of these.
  14. Day 13 (19.2.) We've got the first two hours of visualization behind us now. Fortunately, it was far easier than what I'd let myself expect. The only part I found a bit tricky was the face, everything else was colourful and defined. However, some intrusive thoughts found their way into our session. It made for some momentary awkwardness. Those pesky things. Amusingly enough, reading the book aloud to Hestia proved to be difficult as I often got too immersed in the story. Heh, maybe I should have picked a worse book. I guess I'll reread it to her later, if she asks. Anyway, today was a success. All days are, in their own way. Still, life hasn't been too rosy as of late. To look on the bright side, working with my tulpa makes me forget all about it. ~~~ I guess I could, alongside narration, do some open-eye visualization throughout the day. I can keep a steadier image of her in my mind while I have my eyes open. Of course I'll be careful not to do any imposing. Moreover, I need to get my pencil moving. Drawing will help me with all this. I can easily recall my drawings and I could build her image on top of them. I'll devote the daily active forcing time for close-eyed visualization. I need to be able to visualize her perfectly eyes closed and otherwise. All with patience and time. Now that I think about it, I need to use that as mantra. As always, I need to remember to narrate MORE... and more often. How am I being so absentminded about it? Edit: Wrong date.
  15. 1) No head-pressure in the beginning. Slight head-pressure every once in a while. Also, no headaches, ever. 2) 1 hour/day. Narration all day long. 3) Cannot recall, sorry. Not vocal yet. 4) Sit and talk to my tulpa in our wonderland. Personality forcing thus far. The head-pressure usually comes when I tell her to concentrate.
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