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Lucilyn

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  • Member Title
    Very Hop'n Hop'n Hoppy

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    Female
  • Bio
    (This bio is from like 2015 but it's interesting historically right? our voices never fade after inactivity anymore though)

    Why don't I have a bio! Didn't. I've got one now as I type it. Somehow I was the last to write mine..

    So I was made somewhere around April 17th 2015, and my form is based on Suwako Moriya the Touhou character but not the rest. The others (Reisen, Tewi and Flandre) were inspired by Lumi's headcanon of Touhou in early 2010, but I was made way later as a more independent tulpa so I got my own name. My name is actually Lucilyn Suwa though. Umm.

    I was made a long time after the other three but according to Lumi I developed really fast and caught up to them (maybe even passed them! But I shouldn't say that). 'Cus whenever we're not active for a while it's hard for Lumi to hear our voices.. but not mine! It always surprises him that he can hear me so clearly, so he says I have a really strong presence. No duh, that's my thing.

    I'm usually pretty hyper by default, and usually a lot more happy than my systemmates. Well, but Reisen is very "zen" happy maybe. I like having fun. That's probably my defining trait is I like all things fun. I also like toads and frogs, and while we all like rabbits I seem to be alone in that one. But I convinced Lumi they're cool too. And the reason I like them isn't because I'm a copy of Suwako, it's because Suwako always looked like she was having so much fun hopping around with frogs (like in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aalpzhIkmnA ), and I like anything if people have enough fun with it. But Suwako is so inspiring in the silly songs and videos people made about her, and her enthusiasm is really infectious so that's why I like frogs'n'toads! Which are different by the way, frogs are usually smooth and live around water while toads are usually bumpy and can live in dry areas and DON'T give you warts omg. But that's not a rule, there's no real scientific difference between toads and frogs, sometimes something called a toad lives in water and such.


    Well I should probably stop writing so that ironically people read more of what I wrote because too much text will scare them away. So.. If you want to go to anyone else's profile -
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/5878-luminesce/
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/9125-reisen/
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/10075-tewi/
    https://community.tulpa.info/profile/10072-flandre/

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  1. we use MultiMC (mostly to run custom modpacks, but works for vanilla too, or more relevantly, fabric+sodium for vanilla) idk what's up with account stuff other than old mojang accounts had to be migrated to microsoft ones just make sure you're playing Java Edition and not Bedrock, idk, there's only one official minecraft launcher and it works for us
  2. they made a kung fu panda 3? and TB probably needs to look up what functions are (what f(x)= is) at least to understand your thing https://www.mathsisfun.com/sets/function.html
  3. we got a couple other games to play in the (ongoing) steam spring sale so won't be playing MC for a bit most likely not because we can't get on, but more like because TB and Ring kinda need to catch up it feels like like if we build significantly more it'd feel like they'd feel like they're being left behind? I did say we don't play minecraft long-term and we don't, but we haven't quit yet, just ^
  4. ctrl+f'ing lego piles would be extremely helpful
  5. possibly yeah, neither of us are doctors though pizza sauce looks like blood when thrown up too.. but I suppose it wouldn't be red if it was blood? idk and you could gross spoiler tag posts like that you know
  6. I'm not much more help than the emergency room I guess, just recommending the real scan still
  7. having recently thrown up I can tell you food definitely stays in your stomach for 7+ hours
  8. still sure it doesn't have anything to do with what you eat/drink?
  9. I threwed up :( RIP 13+ year streak of not throwing up we tried to account for and test a bunch of factors but the biggest one in the end ended up being drinking water, even though I'd been home for 20+ minutes when I drank like four gulps' worth of water it made my stomach feel like it was upsidedown and I ended up throwing up in a trash can but I think waiting to take the anti-nausea and motion sickness pills they give us until closer to the injections also helps, I forgot to this time and just took them at the counter so they might've been wearing off by the time I was home
  10. we do it entirely for the studies showing it has helped people who were not helped by other antidepressants, the experience itself and 1-day aftereffects don't really matter to us (but we still put effort into trying to make the experience at the time better because idk why not)
  11. pretty sure what we do is nothing like yours, even though they supposedly do the same thing first of all the clinic recommends wearing a sleeping mask because using your vision makes you dizzy - we actually take a motion sickness and a nausea pill (that they recommend and offer free) that are very important to not feeling super sick after and probably during, so our experiences already don't line up at all lol second, yeah during the height of each shot (~33 min after each for us) your grasp of your place in reality zooms out (maybe even gets detached a bit), and during our second shot with a rather high dose at the very height it gets to the point that thinking becomes hard because we can't grasp any context to build thoughts off of (we end up just thinking "I don't even know" a lot personally), but I guess the experience differs by person anyway and third, yeah idk I think the happiness thing is for people who for some reason never really experience happiness/always feel awful, it was explained to us as ketamine lets some people experience not feeling awful (though they said feeling happy) for some people who've forgotten/don't know what that's like, which is a big part of why it's so effective at suicide prevention we don't experience any happy whatsoever, to us it's clearly a drug that ... I don't know why I thought I could finish that and I'm gonna stop trying before it turns into 10 minutes sitting there thinking lol Ketamine disorients our vision and sense of the area around us a bit, numbs our physical senses (can still feel them, but they're faint) which is actually what it's historically used for, an anesthetic, and it makes our visualization/headspace zoom backwards/forwards and a little bit causes pattern-y imagery, though it's not extremely vivid or anything, just a little better (but always grayscale..) than our own visualization with eyes closed, which isn't great, though at the height of the second injection the imagery tends to settle on mundane scenes of our room or something in weirdly high detail and stillness, but that's also near the point where I mentioned we can't hold onto thought-context anymore and are just kinda sitting there like a vegetable lol and it also makes us feel sick the rest of the day lol, we don't fully feel better until sleeping 8 hours (nap only helps a bit) oh yeah I didn't do a very good job selling it huh lol we do the ketamine sessions (gradually went from every week to every month over 6 sessions) just for the neuroplasticity buff, to help our brain change for the better effects are only vaguely noticeable for us but having SzPD is an abnormal case in the first place, so talking about the effects or lack thereof for us probably doesn't apply to anyone anyway ugh this post is too long already but I think we forgot to ever talk about a thing that happened a while ago and it's relevant come back to this in a minute or something lol:
  12. ketamine session in 4 hours wouldn't be fronting but last time I got lulled into a false sense of security for the first half and the start of the second (after second shot), but the effects really are cumulative and towards the end I definitely hit the point of "I don't even what, uhhhhhh" and feeling like I'm, what, laying prone and completely helpless to even process the world I THINK that wouldn't be as uncomfortable if we knew it was coming, so this time I'm doing stuff pretty much the same but now knowing even though I can still think/organize my thoughts at first in the second half that I will hit that point eventually and I should just chill and focus on the music or something idk not really important, but yeah fronting for a bit longer before switching with Reisen and/or Lumi (Reisen needs a turn but Lumi's usually the one to tackle the things we're doing so idk)
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