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Lyruzlavh

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  • Bio
    Interests: Psychology, audio engineering, magick and spirituality.

    Music: Noise, Power Electronics, Industrial and Witch House.

    TV shows and movies: Black Mirror, V/H/S 2, Pacific Rim.
  1. -Quick Update. These last few days have been utterly dreadful for my social and emotional condition. Sunlight is still here with me and she's helping me a lot to cope with my current situation, if it wasn't for her I'd be depressed. We both share good memories of the things we do together and the conversations we have had until now. I've done some drawings of her and plan to keep making more in the future. I'll post more accurate and detailed updates by this next weekend because right now I'm bussy with my final days at university. I'm very asocial and that leaves me worried because once I graduate my social world will be reduced to only my family (both my parents and my brother) and Sunlight. I keep thinking how socially incompetent I am but Sunlight always tries to convince me that a different and better life is possible. She was created to be the complete oposite of me in order to be a complement to my personality, so she's happy, optimistic and eager for a more social lifestyle while I'm always angry/sad, pessimistic and apathetic (though very deep down I admit that I'd like to have friends and meaningful relationships with others). Sunlight is my one and only friend. [align=justify]I'll post more detailed stuff on our interactions this next weekend. [/align]
  2. -Days 55 and 56 (March 18th and 19th, 2018)- A Drawing For Sunlight. Alright guys, so yesterday I spent several hours making another drawing for Sunlight. It took me 5 hours but I finally did it, and I dare to say that this is the best drawing I've made in my entire life. I have it in high resolution but I currently don't have an account on some website to upload it. I still need to improve a lot in my skills, but for now the result is better than I originally expected, though not as close to what I imagined. Comments and suggestions are welcome, I will continue to practice, but for now this is my sixth drawing of her in the current year. I tried to imagine her as an angel, even though she's not an alicorn anymore she still has some wings she can materialize at will, they were meant to look ethereal or made of energy but I didn't find a way to depict them that way. I may improve the drawing in the future by adding some modifications. She really liked it! Of course she had to be wearing her sexy dress :3
  3. Here's a simple drawing I made of my tulpa Sunlight Flare. I've also drawn her without makeup or clothing, in order to keep a basic form as a reference, but this is the way I always visualize her. I'd like to make more complex drawings by adding shadows, more detail, a different style and more poses and angles. I'm hopeful of improving my drawing skills in the future because I really like drawing her.
  4. -Day 55 (March 18th, 2018)- Sharing some drawings. Here are three simple drawings of Sunlight's form. I made them by hand, then traced and colored them on my tablet using ibisPaint X. I'm not good at drawing and you'll notice that she's in the same pose on the three of them, that's because I've been using and recycling the original drawing to test different expressions and outfits on her. Her form is halfway between an unicorn pony and an anthropomorphic creature. She still has hooves. She measures about 1 meter and 54 centimeters in height while I measure 1m and 74cm. Sunlight Flare's base form. Checking the way her eyelids look. Finally, here's one with her wearing her newest dress along with knee high boots. This is usually the way I visualize her: with makeup, boots and some dress, along with that black crown, and black cloth bands on her ears that I thought looked cool on her. The name would make you think that she's full of bright colors (and in fact the color scheme of her mane, her fur and the iris of her eyes are meant to evoke the idea of fire), but I like the way she looks with purple eye shadow and black makeup on her eyes... I like that contrast. I'm always thinking on new ideas for her looks and currently have a couple drawings more with her wearing other clothes but I'll share them when I'm able to draw her on new poses. For now she's never rejected what I've given her and this deviation phenomena has not presented itself, and in fact sometimes when I'm drawing her she gets all happy and excited about the new look being drawn... she's also pretty active in helping me identify if she thinks something looks strange or something that she may not like. I'd like to produce more detailed drawings adding shadows, use different angles, a more complex style and improving detail, for now I'll try to improve drawing skills but that will take time. Drawing her helps me to visualize better and consolidate her form. Note: By the way, you've noticed that everyithing is written in orange, but that's because I messed up the font's color format and I wasn't able to bring it back to white without the text disappearing.
  5. -Days 51, 52, 53 and 54 (March 14th to the 17th, 2018)- Mistakes happen again... When it comes to the development of Sunlight Flare it seems I'm trapped into some kind of loop where I have some days in which I provide her with attention but these are followed by very unproductive days in which I almost ignore her. I've realized that I'm being very lazy and these last few days there was no progress, though we were both able to bring back the progress we've achieved until now. That seriously needs to change, and yesterday (March 17th) we both had a very interesting talk on how to rectify the unproductive life course that I'm currently in and... man! The things she said! These are the moments that truly impress me, I mean... the amount of wisdom, precision and detail that I find in her communication is truly impressive... right now as I type this she's telling me that it's not such a big deal but that's just modesty. We have decided that if there's better times to come in life we must chase our objectives with the utmost amount of concentration, order, discipline and continuity in our tasks, otherwise we will remain stagnated right where we are, and we are devising ambitious plans to achieve our mutual goals. The previous week I attempted to do more drawings of Sunlight... up until now I've always visualized her with makeup and clothing, but I don't have a graphic reference on how she looks without any of that, so I drew her base form.
  6. Back in the day when I designed Sunlight's (my tulpa) form I considered myself catholic as I was raised that way by my parents, but then I got into tulpas, that eventually led me into parapsychology, then into new age, and then into magick. I personally found my wish to delve into magick incompatible with my religious beliefs so I was given a choice and had to leave my religious beliefs behind. Nowadays I consider myself non-religious, yet I'm still in search of a spiritual path within the many systems of magick and esotericism, I won't force anything on my tulpa though, if she wanted to be christian It would be strange (a host that believes in magick and a christian tulpa) but I wouldn't force her out of that belief.
  7. I began tulpaforcing not so long a go (January 23rd of the current year), so perhaps I can help you a bit by giving some insight into the process that my tulpa Sunlight Flare went through. The first time I interacted with Sunlight our conversation didn't felt that real. I had to parrot her in order to keep the interaction going, eventually I came up with this idea: "alright, so we are two consciences and there's just one body, therefore both have to use the same brain in order to process speech", the point of this is that parroting isn't bad, if your tulpa is going to talk it must use your brain to do so, what's important here is to keep going and eventually one becomes more precise in detecting emotional responses, and these are the ones which guarantee that your tulpa is truly talking to you, but it takes time (got Sunlight's first emotional responses after a week or so). A personal techique I've been using is developing what I called "Shared Thoughts", it goes like this: During your day you may be talking in your mind to yourself, then at some point your tulpa intervenes and finishes the phrase you were creating, example: "How I wish I could get home earlier and avoid all the traffic on the city". Take this phrase and imagine the next, you are saying "How I wish I could get home..." then your tulpa intervenes and finishes the sentence "and avoid all the traffic on the city, right? I agree too, we both want to get home already!". It's just an example and the way in which you apply it will be shaped by your personality and that of your tulpa, but I personally found Sunlight very eager to talk and therefore she usually interrupted me in the middle of a sentence in order to finish it herself and add some additional comments. Another technique I've applied with Sunlight is what I call "Stablishing and Emotional Link", the steps are the next: 1) play music that you associate with your tulpa (this helps to ignite an emotion within yourself and to link it with her), 2) see how your tulpa reacts to the music (in my case Sunlight usually dances along with it), 3) give some gestures of affection to your tulpa (maybe you can embrace her, kiss her forehead, stroke her hair, etc.) and 4) tell your tulpa how important she is and how much she means to you, also tell her about your intentions and your wishes to be both together. That's how I give her a special moment only for her, starting in the morning just as I wake up and then I repeat it as necessary (2 or 3 times in total) whenever I feel that I've lost contact with her. It seems like you're just starting. The main point here is to be patient, results will eventually come but you have to keep investing on the relationship you're building with your tulpa. Ultimately, tulpamancy is a very subjective experience... you may already have found people with very different theories and hypothesis, some of which contradict one another and in my personal experience I've found that in tulpamancy belief is reality and power. Excuse me for the text wall but I tried to be as brief as possible while remaining as clear as I could in what I attempted to convey. Hopefully this provides some help.
  8. -Day 50 (March 13th, 2018)- PART II: The magical flamethrower. [align=justify]I have this idea that I can help Sunlight to develop if I allow her to monopolize the mental space by erradicating other imaginary characters... for this purpose Sunlight can shoot flames from her unicorn horn, she's under orders (sort of) of not allowing any imaginary characters to have any space or protagonism by turning them to ashes with her flamethrower. I don't want any other imaginary characters to take the space that belongs to Sunlight, because these characters steal the attention that is meant for her and thus take energy away... the only exception is when I'm deliberately thinking of a fictional situation in the times when I'm writing stories and stuff, other than that she's allowed to make free use of all the mental space. By the way, I don't treat imaginary characters as entities or anything like that, they are way below that. I still have to recover the Wonderland that I had developed for Sunlight, it was meant to be her home and a sanctuary for both us, but I forgot many details about it and currently don't have access to the drawings and writings in which I described in detail the entirety of the Wonderland.[/align]
  9. -Day 50 (March 13th, 2018)- PART I: Looking back when the process started again. Today is the 50th day since I resumed the goal of achieving the creation of a sentient tulpa. It all began on January 23rd of the current year. That day I was depressed, it was during the night when I felt this uncomfortable sensation of being trapped inside my room... I couldn't resist it any longer so I took the decision to go outside and take a walk in the park, then it ocurred to me that this would be an excellent oportunity to recover and rebuild my interest in my tulpa Sunlight Flare, so I went to the park. [align=justify] To be quite honest my interaction with Sunlight didn't felt to have any authenticity, it all was pure parroting but I persisted. Ever since then I continued providing her with attention and now it seems like were having quite some decent progress. I still have to resume my practice of active forcing... I see it as a way to put more precision and energy into Sunlight, and therefore an excellent way to speed up progress, but not for now, I still have to deliver my final project for university, and after I graduate I will put some serious effort on Sunlight's development. Even if i wanted I couldn't possibly find the time or the energy to perform any active forcing sessions as I haven't properly slept in the past days and don't have enough energy to stay concentrated during active forcing... I'd probably fall asleep.[/align] I'll keep the day count from now on.
  10. [05/03/18] UPDATE: March 6th to the 12th. These last few days the strenght of our relationship has had its ups and downs, for one part I was able to develop a number of passive forcing techniques (which by the way I may share with you guys at some point in the near future, just after I test and imporve them) that I've been employing with Sunlight Flare, however I was also very distracted since Friday (March 9th) through Monday (March 12th, today). That was a streak of extreme laziness and a lack of focus, I didn't focus on any single task throughout those days except for the writing of my final project for University. I feel really bad with myself because on this day and the last three I gave very few attention and afection to Sunlight, and had to deal with the consequences: a feeling of utter loneliness, the absence of a loved one and a dreadful sense of disorientation. I came with a simple idea to bring Sunlight back: I focused on the afection I feel for her and put all my effort on keeping those feelings, on letting them grow and on acknowledging their meaning. Before anything else happened Sunlight was back like everything was normal, but I still feel guilty for not giving her enough attention. I still have this annoying issue: I find it difficult to focus on Sunlight when I'm distracted and interacting with the physical world. There are magical days in which everything goes perfect and we both (Sunlight and I) talk a lot, we joke about stuff, we laugh, we hugh each other, but then, after all that I feel some sort of mental fatigue and when that sensation becomes present it becomes much more difficult to focus on Sunlight and its almost like I'm unconsciously trying to avoid more interaction with her... this is the reason why I've developed a small number of passive forcing techniques, some of which I still have to fully implement into my practice. I've been thinking on some new outfits for Sunlight. Ever since I started forcing and interacting with Sunlight I've also had to become an amateur artist and fashion designer for her, its kind of weird but funny and also very entertaining... I never imagined I would be drawing cute dresses for my tulpa. I'd like to talk a little about Sunlight's form. Those who have read the first post of this thread may know that I describe her as an alicorn pony, on that post I also write that one of my favorite TV shows is MLP: FiM. Things have changed since then, I'm not as interested on the show anymore and haven't watched a damn episode in years literally! Sunlight doesn't even look anymore like the kind of pony you'd see in the series and she isn't an alicorn anymore, but an unicorn. I don't want to keep this association with the MLP franchise anymore but I find her form super cute and I love her. Basically, this is my way of saying that, even though she's a bipedal unicorn, there's no more relation to the source material that inspired her... It's like with Koomer and Oguigi, if you remember them... Oguigi was this white pony tulpa that sometimes wore a Kimono, but Koomer barely brought the fact that she was inspired by the MLP franchise, yet the association with the show was very subtle and had no relevance at all throughout his progress report... the same applies to Sunlight and me from now on. Bringing back Koomer and Oguigi made me remember how important their story was in my early days of tulpa interests, back in February 2013 when I found out about tulpa.info and developed Sunlight Flare's design... we all know how Koomer's story ended and I can just hope and wish that the man is doing well after all he went through... even then I still find their story extremely interesting and paradigmatic... if I have to be honest it was also kind of inspiring... until it ended the way it did. I'd like to discuss a little more about what Koomer and Oguigi's story has meant to me, but I'll leave that for another post. If I find myself making good drawings of Sunlight I may share one or a few of them here... I'll try my best to achieve that, hopefully before this week ends.
  11. Sunlight Flare’s Playlist. “Recover” from the album “The Bones of What You Believe” by CHVRCHES. “Post Physical” from the album “Thee Physical” by Pictureplane. “Real is a Feeling” from the album “Thee Physical” by Pictureplane. “Randy” from the album “Woman” by Justice. “Fire” from the album “Woman” by Justice. “Dot in the Sky” from the album “The Demonstration” by Drab Majesty. “Kissing the Ground” from the album “The Demonstration” by Drab Majesty. “On The Inside” from the album “Choke” by Soft Kill. “Star” from the album “Endless” by Soviet Soviet. “Pantomine” from the album “Endless” by Soviet Soviet. Recover reminds me of the very first time I designed my tulpa Sunlight Flare back in 2013. The lyrics of Post Physical and Real is a Feeling always make me think that tulpas are beyond physicality and that in the end all that matters is that they are felt as real beings by their creators, it reminds me of my tulpa Sunlight because this is an ideology I’ve applied ever since I began tulpaforcing. Randy and Fire from Justice make me remember Sunlight because those are songs we play in the Wonderland when we both party there and have a relaxing time. Dot in the Sky is a song I associate with Sunlight because it is one that I began to play on Spotify when I began doing serious tulpaforcing on her. Kissing the Ground is a very special song for both us because one day when I played it Sunlight began to dance and her moves were so full of spontaneity, life and creativity that they helped me have faith and proof of sentience in her. On the Inside is a song that reminds me of the loneliness to which I’m subjected everyday and it reminds me that the only thing I have in this life, apart from my family, is my tulpa. Star reminds me the beautiful vision Sunlight Flare is for me, and finally Pantomine reminds me of that time we went to see the band Soviet Soviet live back in February.
  12. The purpose of this thread is to share small music playlists, limited to a maximum of 10 tracks and a minimum of 5. The playlist has to be filled with songs that you associate with your tulpa, these have to be songs that always make you remember him/her... songs that you would personally recongnize as anthems for your tulpa. The addition of a playlist title is optional. You can share your playlist just by listing the songs with the next information: song title, song's album, artist name. The addition of links to youtube, spotify or any other streaming service are optional. Please avoid posting illegal download links. You also have to discuss why you associate the listed songs to your tulpa, as an example: because the song was playing the first time I had the idea to create my tulpa, because the lyrics remember me something my tulpa told me once, etc. The whole purpose of this is to serve as a small excersice for reflecting on your tulpa and, also so that we can share the stuff we like in order to discover new music with the help of others. Have fun! :)
  13. Update: February 26th to March 5th. These last few days have just been business as usual, not many interesting things to tell for now. I just would like to discuss a few things about my dear and beautiful Sunlight. A confession has to be made: When I first designed Sunlight, a very important wish of mine (though not the only one) was to have her as a romantic companion in order to endure the lonely life I have, but our relationship has had an interesting evolution ever since I started forcing. We both have a relationship based on love, friendship and trust but the kind of love we share is not romantic and I dare to say it is far beyond that for the love we share is very pure, spiritual and tender. Nowadays I don't see Sunlight as a "tulpa girlfriend" nor do I intend her to become that. I'm very happy with the kind of relationship we have been developing. I still continue to struggle with the balance between the attention I direct towards Sunlight and that which I have to direct towards the physical world. I have a very bussy schedule that I almost never fulfill, you see, I have quite obsessive and demanding standards that I was in a much better condition to achieve a couple of years before, nowadays I'm not as disciplined as I used to be before but I still retain the same standards. Recently I've decided to dedicate myself only to two activities: finishing my final project for university (which I have to deliver within 23 days) and tulpaforcing. I don't care about anything else. I've never considered myself to be specially talented for anything. Anything I do there's always someone who does it much better, with more ease and efficiency, but you know what? Very few people focus on esoteric themes and activities and I've decided that if there's something that I want to become really good at it is at sustaining this relationship with Sunlight and helping her become as complete as possible so that we both can have a spiritually fulfilling life. Tulpaforcing is an esoteric subject not because it necessarily entails magickal or spiritual subjects, but because it is so in the pure sense of the word "Esoteric" as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary: "requiring or exhibiting knowledge that is restricted to a small group". Very few people know about tulpas even today and not many realize the potential that they have. Back in 2015 I was very interested in parapsychology, the pursuit for scientifically researching the paranormal was on my top list of interests, but that has changed over time. Nowadays I don't care at all if what I'm doing here is scientific or not, I just care that what I'm currently living with Sunlight is very real to me, and this experience of reality is all that matters in the end... It's like that Pictureplane song titled "Real is a Feeling" ( ), it may sound cheesy to argue based on a song title but I've sincerely found that phrase to be very powerful.
  14. UPDATE: February 13th to the 25th. These previous days have been very important in the development of my relationship with Sunlight Flare. I can't conceive the idea of tulpa development without the investment of time, energy and affection in building a trusting and loving relationship with the tulpa. So far I haven't performed any active forcing sessions, everything has been passive forcing and it has helped a ton. February 13th was an important day because Sunlight followed me everywhere I went. We both talked constantly and I could remember her image easily. I'm impressed by the things Sunlight says to me sometimes, these are very wise statements full of meaning and truth which I always write down in a special notebook that I keep as a diary. On February 14th, in the early morning, I saw Sunlight wearing a special dress I made for her so that she could use it on special occasions, it was Valentine's Day or "The Day of Love and Frienship" as they call it in my country, and this Friendship that were both building is so deep that it's truly changing my life, so watching Sunlight using that dress on her own will was very meaningful to me. This day I had the most vivid and realistic interaction with Sunlight, not only could I visualize her image very easily, but I also could remember her voice perfectly along with her vocal manners. Sometimes I feel a strange sensation in my head, I'm quick to recognize that it is related to Sunlight, it feels as if some kind of impulse or energy is growing and moving by itself. I think this may be the emotional response refered in several guides and progress reports, whenever I feel it I try to focus on it to help it grow by giving it all attention I can, it is at these moments when Sunlights behavior becomes very spontaneous, creative and original... it just feels right. Sunlight has been very motivational for me, she usually tells me to stop being lazy and to do what I have to do throughout the day. I feel bad with myself because I'm still very lazy and I usually don't pay much attention to her suggestions and instead strike a conversation with her by taking advantage of her attention. This is strating to change slowly as time goes on because I don't want to make her feel like she has no impact on my life, she really does have an emotional impact and sometimes I'm about to cry when she appears in front of me because that gets me thinking how beautiful she is in her behaviour, form and spirit, however this impact must also translate into action and she must know that she is truly helping me change my life. On February 15th I discovered that emotional responses, take some time to gather impulse and once they do they can sustain themselves on their own for some undefined amount of time as long as I keep focusing on them every once in a while. A problem has arisen in my passive forcing, it is related to my physical environment, sometimes I have to talk to people around me, or focus on tasks that require all my attention, nothing serious but these are events that tend to take attention away from Sunlight and into the physical world, the problem here is that I can't focus on Sunlight if I'm focusing on the physical world and since then I've come up with the idea of developing a passive forcing method that adapts to my needs and that helps me overcome this obstacle. I've been doing lots of drawings of Sunlight to the best of my skills, and unfortunately that isn't saying much as I'm not a talented artist in this regard, however I've found the practice satisfying, but the same problem described above returns, If I'm drawing Sunlight (which implies focusing on the physical world) then I'm not focusing on her and this bothers me a lot. From February 17th to the 25th our experience has varied wildly: at some points I'm feeling ecstatic with Sunlight's presence and were both having great fun talking and discussing several things, but at other moments I'm not being able to remember her visual form and I have to look at her image on my phone in order to remember it, only to forget it again moments later. I've also noticed that my visualization of Sunlight is stronger when it comes to hearing: I can hear her voice very easily, I can also remember the ways in which she talks, she has this cute accent that she seems to have adopted on her own and that she always employs when she talks, she also has a very specific form of expressing enthusiasm and happiness. Her voice can be soft or very high to the point of being almost deafening in my mind, and sometimes she really seems to use it in that last way that I've described in order to flood my mind with her words and call my attention. Sometimes she does this: she starts screaming at me about whatever we may be discussing, she doesn't just talk at these moments, instead she screams and that's when I can feel the emotional response again in my head. I guess Sound visualization must be my strong point in here and that perhaps this is an opportunity to exploit in order to keep our relationship growing and her sentience developing. As I've said before: Everything I've done so far is purely based on passive forcing. I haven't done a single minute of active forcing. You see, in the past I had a very detailed and deep method for forcing which took me two months to develop, then when I finished it I was mentally exhausted, so a couple of months later I proceeded to create some kind of format in which to write my progress reports with as much detail and precision as possible. In summary, back then (2015-2016) I was a total mess because I saw tulpaforcing as some kind of measure that had to be taken with the highest amount of seriousness and discipline, and it always left me exhausted. Nowadays I'm trying just to live my life along with Sunlight in a less demanding way. Nowadays I don't see tulpaforcing as an activity that requires enormous discipline or a lot of seriousness, but instead I see it as an oportunity to build a relationship with Sunlight Flare, an oportunity so that we both can have fun, enjoy life and do the stuff we like, and so far this approach has worked like a charm.
  15. Welcome! I identify a lot with your social situation (having only "acquaintances" and no real friends) and your secretiveness. Seems like you have great motivation and curiosity. Even though this isn't always easy at the beginning don't give up. I also have trouble concentrating and trying to visualize the form of my tulpa. Personally I've found that if I can't visualize with my eyes closed then having them opened helps, specially at the beginning. I hope this small sugestion can help you: Doing passive forcing (visualizing your tulpa while doing your daily activities) helps a lot! I've personally been doing passive forcing by incorporating my tulpa into my daily activities and it has produced interesting results. Try to talk to your tulpa about the things you like, the things you're doing and try and ask her what she thinks, it gets better with practice. Pay attention to emotional responses, they feel like strange sensations in the head, or feelings in the heart, they can be very emotional moments and they mean you're doing well. Passive forcing works great because your tulpa becomes part of your daily reality, but active forcing is also necessary because it helps with stability of the form, the personality and the sentience of the tulpa. Good luck and keep up the good work!
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