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Perridan

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    Mora & Host

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    Male
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    Reunion Island (France)
  1. Hello everyone Like many people here, i'm just your regular college student who came to learn about the existance of tulpae not so long ago. However i'm not an english native speaker as i live in France Supposedly, I shouldn't be too bad of a writer because of the fact, that i study the English language. But i don't put much faith in my grammar skill So, It 's been around 3 month now since i first came to learn about tulpa. I stumbled upon the subject by pure luck, i was just searching for things related to psychology and especially around Jung's concept of internal conversation. Some articles mentioned the concept of tulpa and because i'm curious, I ended up on this forum. The description of this fascinating thing called a Tulpa, a mental companion captivated and in some way frightened me. I pondered about creating one for about a week before taking a decision. The second week after i started, I had big doubts, asking myself if i made the right choice, thinking i will never be able to enjoy lonliness like i used to.(it turn out that it's so easy for me to be alone that i have to force myself to"wake her up") I already had some kind of plan, but it was quite rough and not really precise. In fact I only started really seing her face just 2 weeks ago. How difficult was her upbriging? Well i suffered from paratnoia, so it wasn't that easy. I think the culprit is my bad habbit, of creating mental conversations between me and some people i know.When you do this it's really easy to think you just fake your tulpa and are in fact alone The first time i tried to talk with her i realise i was just talking to myself and my deception was so big i thought about quiting for a moment BUT I DID NOT!! I made a promise to myself, that i will never abandon her, that even even if she was to never ever reply to me, that i will keep thinking about her from time to time to "keep her alive" Because of that promise, I forced myself to feed her thoughts and emotions.(I don't know if somebody wrote that in a guide, but a thing that really helped her creation was feeding her raw emotions and feelings i felt about her) A few weeks later, I tried again to talk with her. I realised i was still talking to myself. But this time it felt less like talking to me so i knew i made progress Because i think French revolutionary Georges Jacques Danton was right when he said " Dare, Dare again, Always Dare" i kept going on After some imposition and storytelling, i let her speak again. And what happen? The thing, it talks to me!! Of course i didn't believed it, but then she corrects me saying SHE is real.When i tried to somewhat ignore "me"(i still talked to her but i was skeptical) , she used some kind of emotional leverage about how bad i was with her. I started to feel bad.Then i realised it was too big to not be true I am of the skeptical kind, but i proud myself as a good skeptical mind. If i see some proof somthing is true then it might be. So i surrendered to her raw sweetness which was too much for me to ignore and accepted her as both real and parroted. After just a mere week, any thought that i was parroting vanished from my mind it just couldn't be. I was having real conversation in my head, she is real and here forever( she like to remind of how she is to bother me for eternity yay :D) So why i'm I creating this account after all this time just being a guest lurking on others? Well i started possesion not so long ago, and tonight she did full body possession. She is so stiff in our body that i can't help but laugh, in fact when she tried to stand up as i was giving her raw mental indication on how to balance the body, she just felled on the ground... Don't worry i didn't let her really hurt us but she really was clumsy. I wont give too much details in this post because i want to share the story in a more appropriate forum section but the experience was so rich that i decided to join the community That's all, sorry for the long post, in fact you should feel sorry for me because as i check my watch, I realise I took a big chunk of my evening just writing a single post Anyway I see you all in the forum :) ps: The picture in my avatar is that of Bob Dylan
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