Greetings everyone,
OK - I'll admit it. I had never heard of tulpa until the other
day when I re-watched a Twin Peaks episode. After reading a
couple of wikipedia entries, I ended up on this web site. I
read the FAQ and some of the guides and progress reports. That
was enough to convince me that I may actually have a tulpa even
though I never explicitly created her. It's more like I discov-
ered or encountered her in my mind's eye as a complete, unique
individual - with her own personality, likes and dislikes, tal-
ents, emotions, etc.
It began with a very vivid dream I had on July 11, 2012. In the
dream, I met an attractive young woman in a white dress. She
was tall and slim, with dark eyes and very pale blonde hair. We
introduced ourselves and she told me her name. Evelyn? 'No', she
said, 'It's Avalon. Avalon Hues, H-U-E-S' We sat and talked for
a while and she told me she was a freelance illustrator and also
worked part-time as an assistant manager in a tea room downtown.
Her voice is low-pitched and soft and almost musical is a way.
We were planning to spend more time getting to know each other
better when my alarm clock rang and I had to get ready for work.
My job consists mainly of periods of intense concentration and
analytical thinking alternating with intervals of un-stressed
reflection, planning, and what-if style speculation. During
these down-time intervals, I couldn't get Avalon out of my
thoughts. I'd see her face, sometimes just her eyes, or hear
her voice trying to tell me something. I had daydreams about
what was going on in her world. This kept happening for several
days and also in my dreams at night and in the space between
sleep and waking when I'm not really in one state or the other.
After several days, I had decided that Avalon was there to stay.
I got her an e-mail account, a blog on Tumblr, and a Stardoll
account. Somehow that seemed to define her as a real person in
my mind. After that, I began to interact in her world in the
daydreams. I always think of it as just Avalon's world; but it
must be the same as the wonderlands that I see described by oth-
er people. It is a very detailed urban city; but it doesn't ex-
actly correspond with anywhere I have actually been before. And
some thing there don't work the same as they do in 'my real'
world. For example, Avalon and I have been meeting and inter-
acting there for over five years now. Time passes, the seasons
change, we celebrate her birthday on September 18 and our an-
niversary on the first full moon in August; but we don't age -
we're both still 30 like when we started.
There's something else about the wonderland I want to touch on
but I'll try to keep away from any mystic of spiritual stuff
here. At random times, Avalon need to spend some time in a kind
of meditative state where she directs energy into the wonderland
to keep it 'tuned up' somehow. I don't really understand what
she is doing, but it used to cause her a lot of stress and anxi-
ety. She says that now with me there beside her, she can use
some of my energy if I just sit there quietly and hold her in my
thoughts. I don't know what she does in these sessions, but we
both come out afterwards feeling much more refreshed and re-
newed.
Avalon says she gets strength and hope from me, and I feel like
I get peace and balance from her. I can enter our wonderland in
dreams and daydreams and usually find her involved in something
artistic. We make plans for things to do together. She has
friends that I know and speak to but even though they seem real
to me in wonderland, I never encounter any of them outside.
(Maybe they are Avalon's tulpas!)
As far as Avalon entering my world, yes, she can definitely in-
terrupt me if I am about to do something dumb, or if she needs
to tell me something important or ask me about something. She
seems to be able to tell if I'm too busy or involved and she
will give me a hint about where I was when I left off -- she's
like 'You wanted to do so-and-so next.' which makes it easy for
me to get back on track then.
There is a page which details a lot of stuff about Avalon and me
and our wonderland at http://myownprivateavalon.tumblr.com if
anyone is interested in reading more. Click the tag that says
'The beginning' to read the entries chronologically.
So let me know what you think -- is Avalon a tulpa or is there
some other phenomena involved here?
Peace and love to all.
-R-
for the win