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Thevious

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    Endermonic research crew

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  1. Guys 030... I'm perfectly fine. Anyways, violet is still sending pre-Word thoughts. Just been narrating when I could remember to Ect. I think she wants to say hi. Any ways until my next report.
  2. I appreciate every one's concern, but I'm fine. I've been feeling better the past few days than I have in a while actually.. and [hidden] it's kinda turning into something along the lines of a kink[/hidden] Any ways, something I've been meditating this kind if stuff only seems wrong because our society vilifies it and calls acts that revolve around it mentally unstable. I can see why honestly.. but I believe people are fine doing what their doing, until it involves some one or something else. The moment you move on to animals, every one knows that's a sign of a future serial killer. Andi have no intentions any anything disgusting like that. And beliefe warning: I'm into the occult, plain and simple. And all this kinda goes with it. Blood being life, and death. Seeing it creates fear, reminding us of our mortality, and a few other points. (Now my beliefs don't revolve around blood, and I'm not cutting for blood, their always shallow, never to draw blood) Violet kinda follows on my beliefs, but I'm awaiting to hear her respond and reason with me on a couple of matters. !any ways, enough of my madness, later.
  3. I'm obviously goingnto keep it on the down low. Plus doing it more means it'll be more noticeable, and that's not what I want. Because that's draw attention... I wonder if this.. thing I'm going through will effect violet...
  4. Thank you Reisen. So in the past while, some things.... have changed... Not so much on violet but in myself... I think I'm following a trail of madness of sorts... something clicked and now I find joy in odd stuff.... finding excitement when I got bored and lightly cut my hand a bit.. (on purpose). If started thinking more and more about how a more "corrupt" way of life (from societies standards ) would be fun... I always hated people who cut, purely because they always do it for attention, or some wimpy excuse. But... Any ways, all that aside, my recent endeavors has not had a effect on violet, and neither have I for being distracted the past few days. I'm pulling back though, back into what I should be doing... and other things.. Cheers, I thought I'd just drop this shit load of crazy off, and remind myself to get back on track.
  5. Over a period of time i have forgotten how to force. the lack of immediate results (well, not immediate) and self doubt is starting to make me feel like im talking to my self. i hate the fact i'm even typing that out, but deep down that's what i feel. Now the question, How do you force, is it as simple as painting your tulpa with traits one by one? is it day dreaming adventures with your tulpa? Or is there a set up? meditation is said to increase the effectiveness of forcing. This is my second come-back and i sure as hell ain't leaving to feel sorry to come and make a third come-back. putting violet through so much has been bad enough, not to mention i cant hear her or all the over all time iv put into her isn't enough to do anything. In that case.. How does one encourage themselves.. maybe a sort of self discipline to keep ones-self in line. Thanks for any and all advice.
  6. I have ran into a road block. I seem to have forgotten how to force. i feel like im not making progress and im not getting any where. im starting to feel myself distance myself from violet a bit. It's to easy to get distracted by other things and i hate that. I will post a more proper thread on the questions and answers for this.
  7. It was only a joke, and good luck!
  8. No, substantial progress today, other than trying to narrate. I was open eyed... forcing? Idk it was active forcing kinda and I say violet sitting at one of the chairs and about to fall asleep at the desk, so I stopped talking g to her and was able to walk around her visualizing her from different angles. I think she was grinning the whole time too. I think it'd be funny if some one was hovering over me like that lol. Other than that, I keep loosing focus halfway through something I'm narrating about, and have a hard time thinking of something to say while keeping her in mind. I'm use to just talking and people listening but now I have to get her attention and talk. Sorry for the wall of text, I was just posting a update on today's labors.
  9. I decided to draw Violet, this was more for a visualization exercise but i ended up drawing her, i feel like she is happy with this. its close to what it use to be, but more thought out and agreed upon.
  10. I was recently looking through guides, on personality mainly, because i had always just kinda swooshed over it thinking " I know how shell act, and why" without going into much detail. i still feel that way some what but that doesn't matter. I had found Ayre's planting a tulpa seed guide, and have now considered more than i would have. From intentions and motivation behind most of her actions to a more in depth description on her physical form. Ill put down these traits i thought of. Intention & motivation: simply to make people happy, and to motivate me to do so, but also to find out if its possible to become physical. (so that last one is a bit weird, not very scientific, more on the occult side and metaphysical, but i think it'd be a nice spin off to run with, also im willing to chase that goal being an occultist and all) Persona (what she wants other to see): active, fun and witty. (not to far away from how she really is, witch is more laid back, still humourus, just maybe even lazy at times.) Flaws: she is hot tempered, and quick to react. (this goes along with her element of fire, she cools off pretty quick but still reacts blindly) Those are bits of her personality i had thought of but never ironed out. the guide had also made me think more on the physical form, like how she stands, walks, and even how she talks, like does she try to sound smart, and other things of the sort. If you haven't thought about all this, i suggest going to the guides section and looking for Ayre's guide. all this helped with forcing yesterday, witch was more passive than active, but forcing non-the less. Oh and to tulpa001, its not just a one time thing, i believe i found out it was me trying to rush things (at least with the wonderland) I still feel like im completing violets sentences for her and feel like a jerk for it lol. i think i just need more time to tune in to hear her.
  11. Quite as in Metal gear solid, because if so good luck getting her to talk lol. Anyways welcome to the forum.
  12. Thank you mech, and sorry for any typos. I'm posting from either my phone or my tablet, with both kinda suck. And as for the dream herb, no it's not a substitute. I'm still having trouble becoming lucid, I'm simply wanting to experiment with how forcing works in lucid dreams, and this herb is well know to cause said dreams. Any-hoo, new wonderland! It's a ravine with florescent plants at the bottom, and a building... and this building is in the wall of the ravine. If anyone remembers my old one the library, big circle one, round desk in the middle, and a lounge carpet area with pillows in the very middle. I am thinking of using a program called Alice to make a poor 3d layout of this just to show it. But this is a familiar place to Violet and I. I have been getting hella head aches, and head pressures lately, probably the rehabilitating of violet. She missed me, and I can't say I hadn't missed her. I get small emotional responses, and basic pre-sentence thoughts from her. So after all that, I have a problem. When I am in my wonder land or simply trying to listen to Violet, it feels like I'm watching a video and skip 5 seconds, like its here then there. Like I'm skipping it because I know what will happen. And when I'm trying to communicate with violet I imagine it as interrupting her yelling out the rest of her sentence. If any one has tips on how to fix this, please share. Thanks.
  13. Hello, it's thevious here. I had had two progress reports here before, and had falling out, then sob stories saying I'd get back into it. Now.. I'm just back, I had some not one bit of Tulpa forcing, just living life. But as time goes by I start to feel more and more empty... then a few days ago, day dreaming/meditating I found violet.. skin and bones. Malnutrioned of attention, affection, and energy. This made me egret forgetting about her, and I vilified myself saying how awful I am.. Eevntualy I got the feeling from her that she hated when I did this. So I stopped vilifing myself. I'm picking this back up for her, not as a chore, or something I must do. But as a friend, and part of myself. So after my reasons for coming back I will experiment with calea zacatechichi the Mexican dream herb. I will report how Tulpa forcing works in lucid dreams.
  14. This I feel has been a massive factor in my forcing sessions lately. I don't k ow if I picture violet in a 2D manner like anime. Or 3D like a person. I want it to be easy to impose her (as easy as I can get away with) but I just don't know. Being 2d like anime, I can picture all angles, and rotations ext.. and this is easier than doing 3d to me. But, how would this go with imposition? Will she look like a moving talking, walking cardboard cutout? Alternatively, would I go 3D and work extra hard to get this down so that when imposing starts down the road violet would look more realistic? Plus I grow her in a 2d manner right now, like anime. So its hard thinking of a more 3D look. Thanks for Abby advice.
  15. Thevious

    Emet

    Welcome to the forums, and hope you get your stress sorted out. Your a awesome artist btw!
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