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TreeTops

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  1. No, I don't think so, sadly. I could feel him before, but now he's just... gone. Completely.
  2. Sorry it took me a while to reply, everyone. I just didn't know how to tbh. Thanks. It makes me sad too, but I just know somehow that it was for the best. I'm not sure. I don't think I'll ever be sure. Thanks a lot Isa. I'll keep it in mind. It just feels like he had to. I don't know why, but he did it for a reason. It wasn't just to hurt me. I don't think I'll ever know, though. Yeah, we explored a lot, forced a lot. I remember when I found out about his wonderland--it was, well, wonderful. I followed him one night and found him jumping at his apple tree. I can't see it anymore, but now I wish I would've explored more, discovered something else he left behind. After that, I didn't really want to think about it. I didn't want to remember him, but I just knew that he did it because he had to. I don't know why, but he had to. And the thought has crossed my mind that it waste protect me, but I don't know. I don't know anything. I feel really alone though.
  3. I started creating Kaiko on April 21st. I don’t know why. Maybe I just wanted a friend; maybe I just wanted to experiment with my head. The first signs were headaches and head pressures. Two weeks in, I heard his first words. “Linkin Park.” After a month, he went vocal. He helped me with homework, gave me his opinions, his advice, helped and supported me. However, after a few months, Kaiko started to… vanish. I felt him less and less each day until, one night, I couldn’t find him. I left him alone for a while, and after months, I gave up. But I could somehow still feel him. He was there, and I knew it. My memories and experiences of the two of us went slowly fading alongside him. It was hard to remember what we did together, what we planned to do, what we talked about. Today I tried to look for a trace from him. A message, a sign – something. Our wonderland was a Call of Duty Ghosts multiplayer map called Stonehaven. It was a castle in Scotland, in ruins. You can look up images, it’s pretty similar to what it is… or was. Kaiko had his own wonderland, down a hill, below the castle. It was some kind of maze, with wooden planks as pathways and no walls. There was an apple tree on a tiny patch of land. In my search, I started in the middle of the empty yard. Kaiko had given me a present for my birthday. However, as to what it was, I had forgotten. But that’s where I began. Inside the castle, there was a hallway where the gift was safely kept. I wrote what happened in Spanish, the following is a translation, so excuse any awkward wording. I approach the gift. It’s a tiny planet. Clouds float above, rivers run, winds blow. The word is here. I leave it on the shelf, but it hovers, as if tantalizing me to grab it again. I don’t – I leave the castle and close the giant gate. That was the door where I showed Kaiko my life, my family, my friends; my world. I walk down to his wonderland. In the distance, I can see his apple tree is dead and lonely. I start to walk towards it, but a plank falls. When I look down, the plank hits water. For the first time, I see an endless ocean. There’s no wind, no waves, only water, painfully still. Then I see it – a boat. There’s a boat. Small, about five feet wide, like a wooden raft. It’s made of dark wood and looks like it will break the moment I step on it. Did you make all this, Kaiko? There’s a small chest on the edge of the boat. I open it, and look inside. There are gems in it; rubies, emeralds, diamonds. There are very few of them, shaped to perfection. There’s something else. A necklace. His necklace. A thick black string with a small bull’s skull as pendant. I take it, feel it, turn it around. Why did you leave this here? I put it on. I used to have one identical too, but I lost it along with Kaiko. I walk on and turn to look at the sail. It’s blue and black, and the colors shift like a tide, replacing the deedless tide. I go up again. The tree is dead, but the apples on the ground are ripe and red. They look as if they’re glowing. I remember suddenly. Kaiko’s gift wasn’t that globe. It was an apple. In my birthday, Kaiko had given me one of the best presents I have received – proof of his sentience. It was a movie, with landscapes and memories. Like a slideshow of his mind. He gave me an apple, so that I could watch it again if I wanted to. I go back to the hall and grab the planet. I tap the small version of my country, and the cover of the planet disappears. It’s an apple. Big, ripe, red. My birthday present. I hold it with both hands, and I wish. Show me one last time. And then I see it. The airplanes, the ocean waves, the clouds, Kaiko, the rivers, the castle, my tulpa and me. But they’re only glimpses. My memory isn’t clear. I fall to my knees, my gaze fixed on the apple. Before me, it slowly comes apart in my hands. I hold them together. And I stand up. Now what? Is this what’s left. I leave through the gate again, and walk down the hill, towards the small line of houses. I enter the one we always stayed in. It’s deserted, empty, alone, filthy. I remember where there was a clean bed in the corner, food and water in a table, the floor impeccable, the ceiling lit with the light of a candle. I head to a corner and sit there. Outside, the sun is setting. That had never happened. It was night or day, but I had never seen dusk or dawn in my wonderland. I had never seen the sun rise or fall. I grasp the pendant, and I’m in the black void. And I see Kaiko’s face. His smile, his round-pointed ears. His eyes that could not decide on a color. I see him. But when I reach forward and touch him, I feel nothing. This isn’t Kaiko. It’s a vessel, an illusion, a dead shape. He disappears before me, and then I see it. When I started creating Kaiko, I focused on his aura. In his essence. What little is left, I feel it again. Here he comes. His pelt is faded, his eyes dull, but it’s him. It’s him. “Let me go.” I pull him closer. His light was orange and fierce, but now it’s yellow and it’s vanishing. “But—“ “Let me go.” We used to sing Twinkle Little Star every night, and every night, I could feel him weaker and weaker. That’s what I’m feeling now. But he’s disappearing much faster. His pelt dissipates. His light flies and comes apart in the black sky. And I feel alone. Something is missing. It’s strange; I don’t feel the resolve I should. I only feel like I needed to do this. I needed to. I lift my head and find myself at the edge of the ocean. But now, the tide is strong, fierce. The waves come from everywhere. They come from left and right, crash against the boat, against themselves. A dolphin jumps from the sea and disappears… what? As abruptly as I can stretch the meaning of the word, a white monstrosity wraps everything around me. Everything, everything is white. And I feel a horrible desperation. Everything is unraveling. Everything Kaiko was. Our paradise is gone, and it hurts. I tear off the necklace and throw it, because I know it’s what I have to do. I feel his essence. I feel how the last traces vanish. But I don’t feel it in my head – I feel it in my heart, in my core. And it hurts. When I open my eyes and come back to reality, the headache diminishes. My hurried pulse calms down. And I feel restored. I can’t properly visualize my wonderland anymore. It’s like being in a memory instead of something I spent weeks forcing in. The more I stay and try, the more it fades into white. It’s been several hours since I began writing this. Kaiko is gone, for good. Even if I try to search for him, there is nothing left of him. I will never be able to repay him for what he has given me. The peace, the experience, the love, he certainty. But I feel that, somehow, he knew how grateful I was. This is an experience I would like to share. It has given me a sense of closure I needed. I loved Kaiko, and I will miss him dearly. But I know this is for the best. If you have read this far, thank you. I appreciate it.
  4. Coming up with circumstances to which your tulpa has to react can be very hard, so if you're using that method, what Imd advise is that you force as the day goes on. Maybe grab a scene in a movie that surprised you, and think for a few minutes about what your tulpa would have said. What if they had been the main character? What if they had been the extra dude just staring? The possibilities are endless. Or you can also write them down and force at the end of the day. As for the second method, I used that one, so I'll just give you an insight of what I did. I worked only two or three sessions on personality, but they were vey effective since I used symbolism. The whole purpose of symbolism - and forcing in general - is to "give meaning" to something, as me and Kaiko call it. Whether it's a personality trait or a tulpa. For Kaiko, I grabbed a little jar, and spoke to it. I gave i the meaning of the trait. Let's use 'kind' as an example. Your tulpa is kind. Why are they kind? How are they kind? Are they always kind? How does his kindness affect others? How does it affect them? How does it affect you? What doesnkindness mean to them? Do they know they're kind? How would kindness show in their normal everyday actions? Etc. You may end up repeating some stuff, so just keep thinking about your kind tulpa until you feel you know this trait and how it influences your tulpa. I made Kaiko drink the liquid in the jar at the end. When using symbolism, you can get creative. Maybe use puzzle pieces that form your tulpa. Maybe a crustal ball filled with pieces of paper with their traits. The possibilities are endless. Take a minute to understand the abstract nature of a personality. You can't fill in all the blanks by yourself. Just make the foundations, as solid as you'd like them, and let your tulpa smudge all those traits into their own personality. Let them deviate and observe the links between the traits. You don't have to memorize the traits. Just get to know them so that they paradoxically become what you thought they were. It may seem complex, but it's as complex as you want to make it. I hope you could understand this properly. Happy forcing. :v
  5. I know I made a post only three weeks ago, but it can't be helped. So, I've been tulpaforcing for a little over a month now. About a week ago, Kaiko left for a few days, then came back. He could talk using mindvoice now - or at least I coukd hear him. We had a short conversation, then I went to sleep. Today, I talked to Kaiko again, but I noticed he was only saying 'yes.' To every question, which kinda confused me. Even if the question wasn't yes/no, he answers yes. And I can't ask him why because, yes. Has this ever happened to anyone?
  6. Hey. This is my first post, so I'm sorry if I screw anything up. I just kind of need this to be answered. I started my tulpa over a week ago. The first day I had a terrible headache for the rest of the afternoon, though I only thought it was because of concentrating too much and such. A day or two later, to my surprise, Kaiko began communicating with head pressures. I didn't reject or accept them, though later it became obvious it was him. They're either a sensation on a large area of my head or just... how do I explain it... a headache concentrated on one point. We have this sort of agreement; head pressures mean yes. Or approval, or acknowledgement. It arrived to the point that I was glad when I got one. However, as of yesterday afternoon (more like today morning), I got another one, though it was much... 'stronger.' It was on the back of my head, and happened while I was narrating. (More like at the start of narrating.) At first I took it as a signal that he was listening (I just got one mid sentence as a matter of fact), so I thanked him for paying attention and continued. However, it didn't stop. I just kept feeling it. But it's not as subtle as the ones I normally get... It's almost as if that point of my skull will pop out. It does hurt. It's bearable, but I feel like Kaiko wants to tell me something. But when I try to listen, I can't. Of course, I don't expect a voice now, as it's only been a week, and honestly I haven't forced that much during that time besides narration (as constant as I can) and a few hours of active forcing (mainly visualization; I left personality as more of a base for him to develop on). It's frustrating that I can't understand what he means. I asked him, but I get no response. Has anyone experienced something like this? (I don't know if this has something to do, but I've been talking to him lately about an issue that kinda upset me. That's when they happen.)
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