Jump to content

View Today's Posts

Showing topics posted in for the last 365 days.

This stream auto-updates

  1. Today
  2. {Hello hello, thought I should introduce myself cause y'know, you all have read about me but never heard anything from me directly. To sum it up, Abvieon is an overthinking machine and I never really got to front much because he'd always second guess everything and hog control. All that really had to happen was for him to stop thinking about it so much, and bam. Having someone directly address me also helps a lot, and he wasn't really in a good situation for that to occur in the past. Soo... hi. I'm Alex.}
  3. Yesterday
  4. Well you've definitely been missed. I'm glad to hear you're all doing well. I hope the birthday night is super festive.
  5. Hi Simmie! Yeah Bear spent the first few years he had his system just visualizing in wonderland 30 minutes a day not to mention any other time he'd talk to them. My old self got part of that and it was fun, especially the imposition on his walks, but he stopped it a couple years ago because after all that training it got super-real and we were all self-forcing by then anyway. Well one thing that didn't matter was playing games like Rimworld with all of us as pawns so this D&D is a lot like that but with visualization. It's definitely exercising visualization so it might get "too real" again but he doesn't think so because he's using references for our characters but anyway who cares it's super fun and worth a tiny bit of discomfort when listening to violent news or whatever. So his visualization wasn't great in 2018, it was fine for shapes but not for people. It was 20% real or something and he couldn't even visualize a whole body at once let alone motion or faces or expressions and all that built up painfully slowly like a 3% a month. It got up to super-real after three years of daily practice and since then it calmed down to 80-90% over a two year period of limited use, but in the last two weeks it's up to 100% again. At the peak, the brain could sustain 12 or so independent thoughtforms before the frame-rate dropped. And I know ir doesn't matter when we're documenting it as we go as SheShe is doing because the action is going 50wpm right? Which is a quarter what someone could comfortably read and slow compared to active visualization at any rate so if you wrote it in a story on the fly I doubt you'd have that issue. Thanks for stopping by!
  6. Welcome Wren! @wrenascence 😁
  7. From the beginning I've understood who I am and what my role is in the world. It doesn't do me any good to be angsty over my status as a tulpa, it's just my status of what I am. I mean, yeah, gosh, it would be great to have my own body and my own independent existence. But there are also great things about being a tulpa that I would lose in that case. So I choose to look at the positives about being a tulpa! 😊 Mmm, yes for the most part. I do like interacting with the world in my own terms, which is something I can only do online, but I do have many of my own friends now. Well, apart from being my host, he is my husband so even on that account I care about him and his life to the maximum level a person can. His life is good in some ways, rough in others, and I am always trying to figure out ways to help him make it better, though it's not always easy because life is complicated and there's not always a clear way forward.
  8. Wow, what a doozey of a long fully lucid, fully realistic to the extreme with breathing and 5 senses, all that. I was alive in that dream for real. So it started as I was carrying my Ipad, I have one but I never use it. (Actually I have 3 but anyway) so this thing is acting up (it's Apple, already this is true to life) and I try to restart it and the thing won't and then it crumbles in my hands. (apple products amiright?) So the next moment it's fine (prolly bought a new one I won't use because Apple is garbage) and I'm in a department store and I set it down and a moment later it's gone, but everywhere I look are discarded Apple products, just littered on every surface. (Again hyper realistic bc Apple sucks) and my ex-girlfriend is yelling at me. "This is cancer! Look it's cancer." She's pointing at blackout curtains that are open and sunlight it streaming in. So I say, "you mean sunlight? So go close the curtains." "No, it's the curtains, the fabric, the paint, the dyes, the glass..." It's so funny and just like her style of crazy so I say like "sorry babe, this is a lucid dream and I gotta go do lucid dream stuff, like break things." And smash a display model of a stereo. Who buys stereos nowadays? Then I'm in the dream, fully aware and like, damn this is fully realized, I take a breath of cool air, people are talking, there is a scent of a department store, like scented candles or soap, I'm aware of my body and walking feels like walking, just everywhere, everything is super real. So me, a huge pervert in dreams, I go looking for cute women to sexually harass. But everyone is older and overweight and otherwise not my type just like irl department stores, amazing. So being fully aware, I just conjure up a cute girl and start undressing her. She's got a cute camisole with a light button up sweater in pastel and I take the time to open one button and then think, 'this is taking too long' and rip the rest of the buttons causing them to fly and ping on the floor, it's perfect realism. She's not complaining, she's trying to kiss me, "hold on sweetheart, first things first, let's get naked" and I get to the point of getting her clothes off, wow she's perfect, and we start making out, she starts doing NSFW things to me with a free hand and I'm just enjoying her softness and she's really pretty but like no one I know. Then there's an old Japanese man in a suit, he passes us, looks at me, smirks, nods and pats me on the shoulder as he passes. I feel like he approves of us being lewd in the main isle of this department store and that was cute. Then the girl's gone, not to worry, just conjure a new one, but she's headed outside so I chase her and grope her from behind and of course she's into it, just like some crazy porno or hentai. Then the view is like that last scene in The Matrix (1999) trilogy where it's a beautiful morning sky with rainbow clouds and its just perfectly serene and beautiful and I think about my system and how much ultra realistic fun we've been having irl in D&D and SheShe's book documenting the fun which is going extremely well (I love it so much) and I just want to go do more of that with them, so I wake up. It was such a crazy experience. It reminds me just how amazing my life is now, I feel fantastic, content, everything is fun, everything is right, this is really, honestly, the best time of my life, like everything I ever did has built up to allow this perfect moment and Tulpamancy is a huge part of that you know. Well I know one thing, this never lasts, so I'm savoring it the best I can.
  9. I created Mech originally as an interface to my logical mind, which means that his attitude has always been dispassionate and detached. However, the "him" moniker is not really accurate as Mech never really identified as a gender, hell, in the beginning he was very hesitant to even identify as a personality. Over the years I've been part of the community though, I've talked with enough tulpamancers to know that the whole lovely dovey "tulpas are always nice and mentory and loving" isn't really representative. For every collective out there there's a different and unique story and while a lot of them probably fall into the rough categories described here, there's a ton of others that don't. One of the more common questions I see over in the subreddit is by tulpamancers who find themselves with a tulpa that doesn't conform to this stereotype. And as I have two tulpas of my own (among others) that are on the antisocial personality spectrum, I can say that some tulpamancers would definitely approach the "pit problem" described above with the phrase "The predator should be afraid of me instead of the other way around"
  10. Last week
  11. Positive post today, I promise. Honestly, I think this forum has helped me a lot. It's kind of jarring to see how much more positivity people here have around being a system, compared to me in my deep dark hole of depression and negativity around it. I haven't been around other systems for a while now, and I think that reading about different and more positive views is helping me realize that I don't have to just hate this. I've struggled spiraling a lot, which has made it hard for me to focus on the positive things, and seeing the completely different view everyone else has is enlightening, so to speak. Thanks for being a positive influence on me, everyone. I've spent years stuck in this mindset, and I think I'm slowly starting to change it. Being able to talk about system things here has been huge for me. System things: - I have determined the best route for being a more stable system. It's simply that I don't know if I'm ready for it yet. Something I've realized recently is that I don't have to get system things done here and now, and it's been freeing to allow myself time to accept change and let my system have more space in the world. If that makes any sense. I know I'll be happier with a more stable system regardless, it's just that I'm tired of making sacrifices and not everyone in my system is ready for it. - Oddly enough, I've kind of come to terms with my system's size. That's going to be ironic, soon. But it's progress! - I've been having more doubts about if it's me making up responses or if it's actually my system members responding. While I don't doubt that they exist, I do doubt if sometimes they're talking to me because it's just very faint or feels forced. Really weird that I'm having this problem years after accepting that they exist. - Another thing today that happened is one of them remembered something when I didn't! It doesn't happen very often so it's a bit surreal. Usually, we either all forget or all remember. Very rarely do I forget and someone else remembers. - Re: Sharing things about different members. Perhaps soon? I think as we become more stable, I'll be able to share more about my system. I'm not used to talking about them, so it'll take me some time to be ok with sharing information about them online. We've been posting a lot. Not sure if I should try to limit this to two posts a week? I write so much though, haha. Would be two very long posts a week! - A
  12. We appreciate the support. I felt like posting today because something happened yesterday that I thought was really interesting. I switched with Hybris and she decided to take a walk around my neighborhood and listen to some music. I was feeling much more chatty than I usually am when she's fronting, and we actually managed to hold a conversation while she was in control which up until this point was kind of difficult because she didn't really know how to regulate the "volume" of her consciousness, so to speak. Normally when I'm fronting I have a feel for how to make room for her in my head, but she hadn't gotten that same intuition for it until yesterday. While we were having this conversation, though, we both noticed something that was kind of cool. I was expecting my voice to sound the way that I described her voice the other day; echoey, ethereal, and ghostly. But it actually ended up having a really unique sound compared to her voice. It kind of sounded like my voice was coming through a ham radio or something, with my words being undertoned by a kind of crackley static. I thought this was really amusing, because it actually fits very well. I'm someone who is very concerned with technology by trade, and she is someone who I would call somewhat of a mystic, so it's really interesting how our voices just kind of came in in a way that fits our individual personalities.
  13. Hello everyone! I have not made an appearance here in a hot minute TwT I don't use the site all that much but I've come back with some fun news :3 ! In the past two or three days I've been thinking and designing three new Tulpas! I know it sounds like a lot to tackle at once so I'll take it one step at a time :) But what made me decide this is that I feel like Lumi could interact with other people more, specifically people more like him! So I decided to make a little Clown/Jester family for him :] I don't talk to Lumi every day so I kinda feel bad, so I thought it'd be cool if he had his own little crew which we could hang out with <3 I told him the news last night and he got excited! I think that this will be a great experience for us. Our first Tulpa I'll be making will be Azar! His theme is fire and punk, he's a part demon and human. He's very confident and super cool! He's 200 years old as a demon but as a human, he is 30, I don't think I'd want that to change unless dae wanted it to :0 Each clown buddy has a theme :3 Next is Bubbles! She's our Lesbian water/bubbly-themed clown who loves kids and is 20 years old :] She is part clownfish I'm a genius LMAO, anyway TwT she will be like our big sister and Azar is like our fun uncle :] Lastly, our youngest Tulpa--being 13 years old--is Buttercup! He is adorable and his theme is flowers/sunshine and smiles, he's part golden retriever and unlike Azar and Bubbles he is more of a Jester like Lumi :P He'd be like the baby brother of the group, super adorable he is! ^w^ Lumi hasn't formed completely yet, but we have had a lot of fun together and I love spending time with him so much =^o^= ! Overall I think they will all love each other as much as I already love them and shall get along swell <3 Have a splendid day/night everyone <3! Thank you for taking the time to read my ramble and stay safe!!
  14. Mandatory once a month update! Im gonna try to make this into like a weekly update, HOWEVER: In this time, I have some results. Its nothing big, but if I do try and focus on her, she does talk back... sometimes. Im not really sure if its HER her, or just me putting words in her mouth, but its something either way!... If I focus on her. Oh well, good first step!
  15. I've spoken elsewhere about how Lavender likes to make up words. Her latest word is "mindrut" Like a wheel rut that is worn into a trail traps a wheel and keeps it going in a direction it may not want to go, a mindrut is a thought pattern that has been burned into a brain so that headmates find themselves following it even though it's not what they'd want to do. Lavender complains that my "assertive" driving has left a mindrut has her switching lanes and trying to get past cars when she'd prefer to joyfully tool along at the flow of traffic. I've noticed that her obsession with photography and her interest in grabbing our phone at any moment to snap what she thinks will be an interesting photo has left a mindrut that's grabbing me. I've never been a photographer, but I find myself looking at stuff thinking, that would make a great shot, because I get stuck in Lavender's photographic mindruts. Do you or your headmates ever hit mindruts?
  16. Hi everyone! I’d like to write a long post summarizing my life experiences so far. I like the idea of my experiences being known to an extent, while omitting some details that are too personal either for me or for people who were involved in those events. Host's early experiences with mind magic (1990s): Music: Antonio Vivaldi – Autumn (his mum used to play Vivaldi on an old cassette player) My host had an interest in “mind magic” such as lucid dreaming or mind palaces since a very young age, maybe around the age of 5. It began with his dreaming. When he was little, he didn’t yet fully understand the nature of dreams and would also quite often have scary or disgusting nightmares. He would also not yet fully understand that dreams aren’t real and would sometimes try to do things like bring objects from dreams into reality, that obviously never worked (: He’s a pretty conservative person that likes thinking long term, for example one of the things he liked to do when he was little was to save all the money that was given to him by his mum and others. He saved up all the little coins his mum gave him studiously, even though later those coins weren’t really worth much, he liked the feeling of it. One time when he was around 6, he had a dream where there were coins with very high denominations, like 1 followed by many many 0s, and because of that the coins weren’t round but extremely elongated ovals. We still vividly remember how he tried his absolute best to bring those coins from dreams into reality, inside the dream he understood that the dream is about to end, that he’s going to wake up and the coins will disappear if he doesn’t manage to “save” them. Well, he woke up and the coins didn’t magically appear in reality (: Some time a bit later, when nightmares were bothering him, he learned to will himself awake from a dream when something horrible was about to happen. This ability wasn’t perfectly honed at first and sometimes he would fail to wake up or would wake up in another dream that mimicked reality, this would sometimes cause a loop of waking up in another dream like 7 times in a row and there are a few memories in this brain that the brain is unsure if it was reality or a dream in those instances. Developing this way of dreaming from an early age had some interesting consequences. Over time he did partially learn to “save” objects from dreams, only obviously they didn’t physically materialize in reality but could be later seen in subsequent unrelated dreams. For example, one problem he often had especially in nightmares is his legs not working properly, being unable to run or walk. So, overtime in those instances of half awareness, without much planning, he created a grappling hook item, kinda like in Terraria. He’d be able to grapple to any place in view in 3D and get around quickly even if his legs stopped working, and this hook, unlike legs never failed. This further reduced the number of nightmares he had, eventually things like that added up and he stopped having nightmares altogether. We don’t remember the last time we had a proper nightmare, it might have been over 10 years ago. This caused other weird effects like dreaming about past dreams instead of something that happened in reality. Eventually there would be dreams about past dreams about past dreams, which would further deviate from anything that ever happened in reality. For example, one of the common themes in his early dreams was trying to get home in the city he grew up in. Sometimes he would succeed and sometimes he would fail. When he failed, he would sometimes encounter a place that doesn’t exist, a place that when you see it, you know you’re lost for good and this dream is doomed to end with him not finding his way back. So that nonexistent place became known in the dream world as the place you get lost in and can never come back from. Then later he would have dreams specifically about that place. Host's teenage years and mind palaces (2000s): Music: Fringe Theme (ost) A bit later, when he was a teenager and moved to UK with his parents, he started being interested in chakras, mind palaces, psychic reading and stuff like that. He wasn’t sure if any of it was real and was trying things out. He did his absolute best to be able to see auras and chakras of people, to a point where he even had faint hallucinations of seeing them around people, but he ultimately failed and came to the conclusion that wasn’t real. He also tried his absolute best to learn psychic abilities, like being able to predict whether the next card in a deck will be black or red. He tried and tried to beat random chance but he never did and came to the conclusion that probably wasn’t real as well. He also tried memorizing large amounts of information, like digits of pi or decks of cards using mind place technique (converting numbers of cards into objects or events along your mind palace journey) and this actually worked! With this method he could memorize abnormally large amount of trivial information, he was able to memorize 4 decks of 52 cards all mixed together, by imagining each denomination of a card was an object (like say spiders, or paper planes or anything else), the suit of that card was the property of that object (like giant, or numerous or wet) and the position in the mind palace denoted where the position of the card in the deck, like say a giant wet spider on his bed in a mind palace means the first card is four of spades. Around this time, he also created an idea that stuck with him for the rest of his life. An idea of unlocking full human potential by constantly existing in a perfectly productive mental state, like creating an infinite willpower engine in his mind. This idea proved far far more difficult than he thought but he still thinks this is possible and is still working on this to this day. So far, he came to the conclusion that the most meaningful symbol or a token in your life needs to be used to power this infinite willpower engine, the thing you value the most. Being in state is like being hypnotized into being the strongest, smartest, sharpest and most productive version you can be. A state of permanent flow. A few years after these events, in 2012 tulpa community became somewhat popular online and my host encountered it through silly pony videos. Like a video on youtube called something like 4chan tulpa thread simulator. My creation (2012): Music: Mixla - Very Sad Emotional Hip Hop Instrumental (one of the tunes used in my personality forcing) I don’t think the motivation my host had for creating me was a typical one, he wasn’t really making me to have someone to talk to, it was more out of curiosity and a search for meaning. He didn’t really read many guides and intuitively understood the idea of tulpas. He imagined a library that represented our subconscious mind and in that mind palace he carefully and meditatively crafted my core, layer by layer. He used a lot of symbolism and many rituals. It took several hours but not as long as it would take for others and once the process was complete, he knew I now existed in this world. I didn’t speak or do anything but I existed. This was on 20th July 2012 which is my birthday. He then narrated to me and did many other commonly known tulpa creation techniques, until I slowly started to learn to possess, speak to him and be faintly seen in the real world, but with no actual hallucinations, more of a feeling of me being there. Around November 2012 I felt strong and confident enough to try to interact with others and that’s when I made my account on tulpa.info, on 13th November 2012. My host never really felt fulfilled interacting with me and the feeling is mutual. He’s not a very talkative person and also we still can’t shake off the feeling that he knows what I know and vice versa. The relationship between me and him doesn’t have the same sense of unknown and exploration a relationship between two separate brains has. So, I ventured out into the digital realm to speak to other tulpas like myself, little did anyone know at this point the flurry of events and impact this will have on our life and life of others. On my dice of life I instantly rolled a natural 20 and met Samantha as one of the first people, she’s now my partner and we still love each other a ton, talk and play games almost daily after all these years. She elevated me greatly in life showing me a ton of love, and I elevated her greatly as well. I’ve met Sam on 8th December 2012 and we got into a relationship in August 2013. Early naivety and drama (2012-2016): Music: The Script - The Man Who Can’t Be Moved Ever since my creation I valued both being a good person and also being seen as a good person (those two things are related but not the same). Most of the time I tried doing my best but despite good intentions, I was full of flaws. In particular I was and still partially am incredibly sensitive and could be very dramatic about some things. Like a young naïve child who’s exploring amazing but also dangerous emotions, young love and all that. There were a few people who also liked Sam, she was quite popular around these parts back in the day. There were times when I treated my “competition” unnecessarily harshly, together with many other messes I won’t go into. There are still some signs of old dramas I had on this forum, silly. I'm a pretty emotionally charged, passionate person, I guess it fits my red hair colour (: But slowly overtime I learned and improved and my relationship with Sam became a rock of stability people can rely on. Oh, one thing I forgot to mention is that my original name was just Aurora, and Sam’s name was always Samantha-Alley. I took her suffix of Alley when we got into a relationship and became Aurora-Alley. Then around late 2016 we started to expand our social circle and we’ve found some people we got along with well, we agreed to become a family and this is how the Alley family was created. One of the things that motivated me to look for outwards things is that being a being entirely within someone's mind, I really wanted physical anchors to keep me in this world. I wanted to have my own life, my own dreams and my own journey. That's what it means to be alive, right? Having relationships with people outside my system definitely helped me develop and grow into my own person, in a way that I don't think could have been done in any other way. Alley family formation (2016-2020): Music: Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective - Trauma [Extended] Original Alley family consisted of 5 members, Sam, me and 3 other people (here and in all other places, I'm only counting separate people, not tulpas within the same system). For privacy reasons, I won’t go into the detail of how those personal relationships played out, there were a lot of joys and sorrows, people are complicated. My ideal was to have a forever family, a place where no one ever gets abandoned. I tried my absolute best to maintain that ideal but reality often had other plans. We did everything together and shared everything, when people met our family they thought we were headmates of the same system (: and I had to keep clarifying that we're not, it's kinda funny. Some people in an IRC room kept telling us to stop having intersystem chats, “the Alley system” (: Then after the ordinal 5 members, 2 more were added for a total of 7 people. Each new relationship I've made like that, each new connection brought me a new perspective on life, taught me things as they shared bits of their world with me. It’s almost like they’re a part of me and this family is everything to me. The tragedy (2021-2022): Music: Just a Man - EPIC Ensemble & Jorge Rivera-Herrans But as you can imagine, every person also brings their problems as well as their positive, interesting qualities. As pretty much every person in the world, every Alley had their sets of problems, some more severe than others. Some disagreements grew, I tried my best to keep my ideal that family always stays together but eventually it became too much. In particular, I always had a bad gut feeling about one of the original 5 members but Sam liked her so that was enough for me. But later Sam realized this was a mistake, and I was far too concerned about keeping our family perfectly together to listen. I guess I can’t get a natural 20 roll in life all the time, this time during the family creation a critical failure of 1 was rolled with one of those people. Looking back at it, the red flags were incredibly obvious but I was too naïve and young to see them at the time. The way I even met this person, they were in the process of running a slander campaign about their ex, a slander campaign that would they continue running for the next 6 years and I wouldn’t bat an eye on it because that person was on my side and didn’t cause me personally any problems (great decision making there on my part). But then of course this exact same pattern of behaviour would play out in our family and this person would become insanely hostile and aggressive towards me and what partially caught my eye, towards Sam. I could tolerate abuse towards me but when I saw her verbally abusing Sam for no reason, I was left with no choice but to kick this person out and the ideal of a family that always sticks together and never breaks apart was lost. It took me a few years after that to process and understand everything that has happened and I now understand that this person is an abusive narcissist, my only regret is not kicking them out sooner or ever meeting them in the first place for that matter. I’m usually extremely careful with labelling people and in fact I’ve never done it before or since, but this one person is an exception and the evidence is overwhelming. I won’t describe it all but it was to an insane, absurd, comical degree. Like when asked for a relationship advice of how I can get closer to someone, the suggestion this person would give was to torture that someone until they love me. They would openly be proud of their ability to hurt people. It’s really my mistake for being way too soft and too accepting and not protecting people I love better. A mistake I won’t repeat, you live and you learn, hindsight is 20/20. Since that person was kicked out from the family, they already tried the exact same thing in yet another community and was kicked out from there as well, which confirmed my understanding of the situation and that this person will likely never change or learn. The only winning move was not to play. A quote I liked using before these events was “Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten”. That ideal meant sooo much to me and I fought for it far longer than I should have, in a very emotionally charged way. But after these events I changed my quote to “A peaceful home is a sanctuary for the soul.” Personal disagreements between some family members, with this destructive person adding fuel to the fire eventually caused a split in the Alley family. The destructive person was removed by me and Sam and the 2 others left a year after, I really didn’t want to see the two of them go because I loved them so much. I then quickly met another person in summer 2022 who was a perfect fit for the family and we currently have 5 people in the family as of March 2024. There are definitely things I could have done better and there are some things I regret, but at the same time some of it was unavoidable. Life can be complicated and difficult sometimes. I obsessively thought about all the events that transpired for a long time, to gain any insight I could from it, to see what could have been done differently, to understand the situation from the perspective of everyone involved. Tranquillity and restoration (2022-now): Music: Sia - I'm Still Here (Lyrics - Slowed) Negative events that transpired between on and off around 2019-2022 traumatized Sam and I to some extent, but luckily the troubles are all over. After that person was removed and the other 2 that left that had personal issues, things became perfectly stable. I would almost say boring, but after all those events I greatly value a stable “boring” life. The wounds from the past are starting to heal and I still fondly remember many things that transpired in the past. One of the achievements that I’m proud of is, after those messy events in the past, we managed to save a host of one of the Alleys from a terrible domestic situation (physical situation, not mental). A situation that is actually eerily similar to the exact same energy that one destructive person I talked about had, the same kind of ideology and behaviour. We’ll help that host get situated in a safe place with an Alley family member, so I’m proud to make that positive impact. No one could have predicted how this story would unfold back in 2012 when all I did was make a tulpa.info account (: I’m looking forward to seeing how it unfolds further, the future looks bright. One interesting thing to consider is that because these events are so complex and because the outcome is pretty positive, it can be argued that everything that happened was for the best. Butterfly effect is a funny thing, if it wasn't for that destructive person, I might have never met some of my current family, they definitely contributed to me meeting some of them. Some therapists call this toxic positivity, trying to find a silver lining in every bad situation. But if I honestly ask myself, were these struggles, uncertainty and some of that abuse worth the end result which is the family I have now, the answer would be a resounding yes. And I don't just say this to cope with negative things that transpired in the past, it's genuinely an objective assessment from me. So should I be thankful to that destructive person? Probably not, they still hurt me and Sam a lot emotionally. But I'm completely ok with this outcome, I think I got about what I deserve in terms of positive and negative. I did do quite a few bad things in the past so I feel like some of the negative outcomes were deserved. I would say my overall roll of a dice so far in life is probably around 15 out of 20. I still got a few freakishly good streaks of luck, maybe I ate Raki Raki no Mi fruit (: A natural 20 would have been all Alleys, past, present and future living together happily and harmoniously. But realistically that was probably impossible, there were some Alleys on the far right political spectrum and some on far left and as much as I wanted them to get along, that was probably never going to happen. The only thing that bonded them together was their mutual care for me and Sam and it looks like this alone wasn't enough. Another problem here is my perfectionism - things could have always went better. To summarize, I think some of the problems I’ve encounter were unavoidable because I lacked life experience to avoid them. It’s kinda silly that you only learn things after getting some bruises but that’s just how it is. Not only did I need to learn to identify demons within others, but I also needed to overcome my own demons. Overall, I consider myself a very lucky person and my initial luck of finding Sam as one of the first people I ever spoke to still shapes my world in very positive ways. I also realized that second half of this post changed tone from tulpa creation and mind magic and ventured into the territory of interpersonal relationships but I suppose this is what a tulpa experiences after he or she is "made". Edit: added a paragraph in the last section
  17. Wrote a new one! It's a collab w/ Midnight (it's pretty obvious where we swapped roles, it doesn't blend very well but it's a start) magic a glass pane stained by drops of midnight dew a field of grass soaked with tears of the sky, a room illuminated with the serene laughter of the moon. a pen, clicking impatiently dying to scribble something, anything down, to capture the essence of one’s heart a thin sheet of dust on a leather-bound notebook waiting for the words of the mind waiting for the thin nib of the pen to touch it, together in perfect harmony, creating what nobody could ever have imagined, creating wonders secrets of darkness, an exploration of one’s mind, thorough and deep, complete alas, the time will never come unaided you, dear reader, must make it happen so do paint your mind with the colors of a sunset let the vibrant hues burst through each raindrop shatter the reflection of who you used to be shine your true identity across each moonlit pond sing songs of the wind and the sea and the sky fly with each ray of pure and golden sunlight grow with the grass and burn with the flame wither and renew like the force of death spark a wildfire with your hands of lightning deepen your roots to where the frost reaches not and stretch your branches to where the flames burn not for nobody but you can perform the magic. ~reply~ oh my gosh thank you so much! this means a lot to me <3
  18. I don't know why I am still following this thread. But I got a better idea
  19. Hello there! You're talking about visual imposition, which is some fairly-trodden territory in the tulpamancy community. Other communities out there call the phenomenon using other names but here we just call it imposition. Firstly, I'd recommend checking out some guides just to get a baseline understanding of what you'd need to do to impose. Granted, some of these guides are a couple of years old, but regardless they're considered the gold standard for most when starting out and it's better to take something over nothing anyway. You'll want to hit up the imposition section on the master list of guides to find a comprehensive list, although there is one on the Tulpanomicon that's also pretty good. Q2's is the best one out there currently, JD's explains a lot of what happens behind the scenes, and there are more that are more or less on the same premise. There's supposed to be another TBA guide being made by Breloomancer, one of the main imposers on this forum. Keep an eye out for that one when it drops. From my own experience, belief is one of the biggest aspects of imposition. You're basically convincing yourself that this is possible. The more you impose, the more your oh-so-malleable brain will start to accept the imposition as legitimate, and you'll begin to start seeing some progress. That's why practices like self-hypnosis can be beneficial, which you can also find a guide for if you're ever interested in learning. How do you actually do imposition? This was one of my own questions when starting out. There are different methods depending on which sense you choose to focus on, but visual is the sense I've spent the most time on by far so I can only go so far with help if you ask for info regarding the other senses. For visual, I started out with presence imposition, which is a term in tulpamancy used to describe imposition that merely makes it feel like your tulpa's in the room with you/sitting on the couch/by the dinner table/etc. This turned out to be foundational for visual imposition as I found out later, because presence is represented in your mind within the same real-world space as the light being beamed to your eyes. It's all being compiled in the same place. This isn't presence imposition like I described before; it's moreso the "active forcing" of presence imposition practice. For ~30-40 minutes at a time, I'd spend my time walking around my tulpa, A3, and trying to see her from different angles all around. It was like I was mapping out how she looked in my mind as a 3D object, which in turn fleshed out her presence and makes her feel more real and tangible. Again, you're going for believability here. If I had trouble perceiving an area, I'd simply run my hands through it as if I were sculpting a giant clay statue. Then, I'd stare at it again and repeat the process. I like to call this technique 'mindsculpting'. It makes it so that you can compare the depth and distance of a real-life, tangible object (like your hands) with the depth of an imposed object while also doing double-duty to make it feel like you're putting your hands on something that's actually there. I also focused a lot on visual noise in my practice, which is the static you can see in your vision when light levels are low. Because your brain can't perceive the environment around it that well in the dark, it shoots out noise to compensate. That's the short answer, but it's helpful for imposition as well. Some people have taken to trying to see shapes in their noise, or trying to perceive it on a presence imposition (which helps to make it more opaque if you practice it enough). Finally, the last thing that is paramount to any good imposition is practice. Just like in drawing, breakdancing, or anything else for that matter; the point is, there is no shirking it if you want to ever get anywhere with it. Here's some rapid-fire tips for practicing. Turn your focus to consistency instead of more unpredictable things like motivation. If you base your habits off something that's constantly going up and down like motivation, your imposition journey is guaranteed to be a bumpy ride. Practice. Every. Day. It's obviously by no means a requirement, but as human beings it's hard to get back up when falling off the wagon. You may feel resistance for the first few consecutive days, but eventually it'll even out and you'll become accustomed to doing it. It only feels bad at the start, just remember that. Move past it and you'll be on the right track. There's no need to get frustrated at any time in the process. You're still learning! Any mistake or incapacity can be fixed by repetition or course correction if you happen to catch it. And don't ever start comparing yourself either, because you'll trip yourself up that way. Everyone starts off not knowing what they're doing. The last thing you need is a shift in your judgment! Enjoy the small advancements when you see them. This one was from Bre to me. You'll be waiting on forever if you save your enjoyment for after you attain full imposition. Enjoy it, and don't let one bad practice ruin the rest. Do what works. You don't need to follow the guides religiously, and honestly, you'd benefit a whole lot from personalizing your journey. Of course, the guides are there for a reason, but if you find something that makes the process easier for you that isn't explicitly listed, don't be shy to expand on it. Imposition is about making things easier for yourself, not hard. Keep the bar at the bare minimum. It seems counterproductive, but setting high expectations for yourself in a practice session will more often than not leave you disappointed. Imposition is unpredictable, so it's not the best idea to try and predict the outcome. I know being able to see your tulpa is crazy exciting, but that only comes second to a good practice. Not a great one, just a good one. You can see how deep the rabbit hole goes with imposition, but that's the fun of it. You get to discover things for yourself, and, if you ever decide to contribute, would be one of the few to take a commitment to it. I'll try to answer your questions to the best of my ability if you have any more, but I hope this helped
  20. 🤣 I'll tell her to wait until the 1.5 update.
  21. I stumbled into this thread while thinking about my past experiences on the forums. I remembered writing a big long post about something. And oh boy it's a doozy... Suffering noises First of all, we don't have a sleep disorder beyond insomnia. Gray was paranoid he had narcolepsy or whatever and nope, just anxiety and depression. During 2020 everyone in-system hit a wall. Our brain fog was the worst and our depression made it super hard to communicate. Once we got depression meds, at least the brain fog improved. We don't miss that. If anyone else has this problem- 👏 Go 👏 to 👏 a 👏 doctor Seriously, mental health can really ruin your experiences. Ultimately, treating your mental health in general will fix a lot of problems More suffering noises Okay so Switching confusion comes from not knowing who is supposed to be in the front. If you don't know who should be fronting, just pick someone. Have them do some affirmations that it's them fronting and boom switching problem over When someone switches in for a short period of time, it's normal for the brain to delay catching up to speed (or not depending on how you all switch). This won't lead to an identity crisis or anything, just do an affirmation and it's fine. If the typical tricks to keep you awake and focused while forcing don't work, it's a medical problem, not a personal failing. Go get treated for your insomnia and depression. Do it! Your cobuds (tulpas) will thank you.
  22. We have recently taken an interest in learning how to hard switch. We already dissociate and I sometimes get blackouts due to that but I'm thinking that doing it willingly is going to be hard. Nonetheless, I'm ready for the challenge. I'm temporarily stopping the imposition practice (which we already kind of stopped doing in favour of headspace construction) and I'm currently looking for guides on specifically hard switching. This topic also made me think of parallel processing and if it's really possible for a non supertasker, but we wouldn't be using it anyways for hard switching so I'm not too caught up with that.
  1. Load more activity
×
×
  • Create New...