Um, hi. My name is Lizzie. I'm 22, I spend most of my time in a science lab, I can sail a boat, I suck at video games but I play them anyways, and.... I have an addiction to daydreaming.
Yes, an addiction to daydreaming. That doesn't sound that bad, right? And I guess it isn't, in the grand scope of things. However, it has a serious impact on my every day life. I have battled with something called Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder for as long as I can remember. Feel free to google that if you are interested. I didn't have a 'name' for my disorder for most of my life... I thought my habits of pacing back and forth while I lived in my own imaginary worlds was something that everyone did. I tried to tell others about my worlds, and was always hurt by the response. My parents made fun of me for it. My friends didn't care. I figured I'd "grow out of it".
I never did. I moved out, went to college, and found myself spending all of my free time in my own world. I paced until the skin fell off my feet... One night, I looked down to find a trail of blood on the floor around me. Another night, I tripped and fractured my hand. I said "That's enough." But I couldn't stop.
I can't help but wonder if because of my 'addiction', I have created tulpas before. I feel like I have, but I'm not sure... I don't know if I fully understand what a tulpa is just yet.
The other day, after doing some research into tulpas, I began to wonder if creating a tulpa would help me control my daydreams. I could put all my energy into ONE thought, instead of the million different ones that I have now. (Uh...Does that make sense?) So, I sat as still as possible in my quiet apartment in the dead of night, and closed my eyes. I told myself that the first voice I heard or face I saw would be my tulpa. But instead, I found two.
Their names are Eli and Fitz, and I love them dearly. Eli is an old soul, very quiet and stoic. Fitz is a young soul, much more energetic and outgoing. I think they embody the two different sides of my 'daydream worlds', one which is complex that I tend to go to on hard days and the other which is carefree and fun that I save for my happiest days. They're pretty cool dudes. I'm not sure if they'll be the cure for my 'disorder', but I guess there's only one way to find out.