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Maple

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    Awakening Eyes System Host

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    Yeah. :)
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    Found out about Tulpamancy from a random thread on some MLP forum board in late 2012/early 2013. Started my first tulpa on February 4th, 2013.

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  1. Emmett\ After about 9 years and 5 months, I have finally pinpointed my birthday. This is a major occasion for me, as we had not been able to pinpoint the exact date when I had first showed up for all these years. Maple had the idea of searching through our old journal to find it. After a fair bit of searching through the March 2013 logs and looking for keywords related to "falling under the floorboard" as I had once done at the start, I found that my starting date is technically originally March 23rd, 2013. I disappeared shortly after the "falling under the floorboard" incident and came back later that year, but I am taking this date itself as my birthday.
  2. Ruth\ We've been discussing making a new tulpa for a few days now, and just as we finally reached the point of 7 system members having more than enough wiggle room about two weeks ago, I kind of accidentally created another tulpa today. His name is Terry, and he is a furred dragon plush who cannot decide on what colors he wants for himself. He talks with what sounds to me like a very slight southern American accent (or at least, southern American vernacular) to an extent and I already love him to death. We have been a system of 7 for nearly a whole 9 years now (October would have been my creation date as the previous final tulpa as of 9 years) and now we are a system of 8. Terry feels kind of bad that this happened and offered to be just like... a bedtime comfort, but I mean, we're more than capable of handling 8 of us now, so we should be fine. Here's to Terry!
  3. Really interesting today. Since Ruth has been the primary fronter for a little over a week, our thoughtstreams have started crossing over. I'm fronting for right now (only maybe an hour at max), but our thoughtstreams crossed over so well, that I could 100% hear his thoughts EARLIER than usual, and more clearly. His mindvoice also almost overlaps mine, instead of being in its usual spot. I can proxy him almost as naturally as I type for myself. As I accidentally proxied him automatically once, "Two Time" by Jack Stauber came on, and the autopilot had me doing "Ruth things" like singing and dancing. I don't normally do that, but he does. And then, Ruth got SO EXCITED by the song, that he took over front, started clapping and singing and dancing and he laughed SO HARD that he took over while I was fully in control eating my lunch (he SHOUTED out loud "HAHA I took over control on accident! I'm so sorry, but WHAT?!". Ruth now has more control than I do. This is incredible, but also it kind of scared me a bit because I wasn't expecting it (I politely asked him for control back because it shocked me way too much). I am really excited and happy for him, though.
  4. Ruth\ It's been about a week since we decided that I should become the primary fronter. A lot has happened, a lot of progress has been made. Outside of the primary thoughtstream and all that other stuff from the previous post, I have also become quite acclimated with the body. I feel so used to it, I wonder if this is what it feels like for singlets and originals. Though I will say, I do need to be more careful and stop being so stubborn about fronting for extensive periods of time. I keep fronting until the point of a breakdown before I hand it off to someone else for a few hours or so. I need to stop doing that. It's just a lot of stress that is really unnecessary when I could be sharing the burden with, like, Cel. Or even Maple if they're feeling up to it again. I'm not sure how long I'll be the primary fronter for, but I will need to be careful about my own mental health I guess. Another thing I've noticed is that when I try to take a nap or sleep when I'm not tired enough, it feels like I'm falling or sinking through the body, through the bed, through the floor... and that the body goes unoccupied, so I panic and end up taking back control, jolting the body awake. This all happens usually in under 15 minutes after laying down. Not quite sure why this is. I will continue to be the primary fronter for as long as I need (or want) to be, but I will try to be more careful moving forward.
  5. Ruth fronted for 60 hours straight before handing front back to me for about 6-8 hours for me to attend an event, and then he took control back before we went home. Ruth basically achieved getting the "primary thought stream" within the first day or two, and started getting more active/passive thoughts, as well as intrusive thoughts and dreams that were centered around him. Basically, instead of it being where I would be waiting for his thoughts to come through slowly and mine being instant and passive for the most part, it was the absolute other way around. Ruth was doing pretty well for a while, but then started getting SUPER stressed with the work that we were needing to get done. He started picking up random unhealthy habits like stress eating and it was bad, so he took a break and let Celedyr take over for a while. Ruth also has a fair few new things that contest the brain's autopilot related to some things we mindlessly do, and also how he expresses emotions like excitement and happiness. It's really interesting to see. Today, when we felt like he reached his limit, I took control again. I will be giving back control again tonight after I finish working so he can just chill and relax. Hopefully he will be fully better after a good night's rest. He was worried about me losing my ability to front as long as I want to and that ability going to him, but I mean... I just need to be able to front for a week at a time, or at least part of a week, and we're good. So I just have to take over for a few days in a week once every couple months or so at best once we have all this sorted properly. But also, he doesn't want to front for appointments, so I'll do those, too. I also am getting exhausted way too quickly in front now, but I can't tell if that's sleep deprivation or what. I feel like we're getting enough sleep now, but I'm not really sure.
  6. Ruth\ We have made a collective decision as a system to change primary fronters for a while. So, I will be attempting to be the primary fronter going forward until we decide otherwise. I am currently in the process of "training my stamina" since I used to get tired quite easily after a bit of fronting. I am going for a full 24 hours today, and will attempt a full week soon, but I will be handing the torch back and forth with Celedyr for certain things. We have decided that Maple needs time away after a recent event caused them great distress among other problems. I have been asking other systems who have done this for tips and advice since I felt a little unconfident at first, but I feel a lot better about fronting for longer periods of time now. Here's hoping that things go well.
  7. We are working on a large variety of things. I am going to try to buy some active noise cancelling headphones so that I can work on meditation into dissociation, and also work on imposing Ruth. Progress has been stunted in these zones due to the intense amount of noise throughout the household at any given time of day when we have free time, so hopefully noise cancelling headphones and relaxing music will make it a little more tolerable. Ruth has been working pretty hard on taking over front while "skipping" our usual slow method of swapping front. He did so earlier today, fronted actively for nearly 5 hours and then promptly passed out. He has been quite exhausted since. He did a number of taxing things with the body, so it's no wonder that he is tired. Our fronting history is starting to look majorly different lately. I'm probably going to be fronting less and less as we figure things out.
  8. A very strange thing happened today. Luna decided that she wanted to give fronting a go. After a short period of time, she became overwhelmed. Ruth offered to take front from her, and she said okay. During the process, something "glitched" in our usual visualization. We use colors pouring in and out of the body and our forms to swap front. Lately, we've been using "construction tape" of our colors to do that. What happened was Luna's tape came off fine, but then Ruth's tape randomly SLAPPED onto the body, which had my color in it for some reason. At that point, we had no idea who was fronting. But there was a voice in another accent that was comforting Luna. Since nobody knew who was fronting, we decided to try speaking one by one. The voice that spoke was in that same accent, and identified itself as a "merge" of me (Maple) and Ruth. For about an hour, he did so many different things on his own. He gave himself the name of "Brandon". Brandon undid the merge after that hour was up, and it was strange. I thought I could still hear Brandon, but it was really just my thoughts in Brandon's accent, and Ruth was speaking with Brandon's odd vernacular. Ruth was EXTREMELY traumatized by the event at first, having lost his sense of self without his consent. But after having calmed down, we have mutually decided that this is a thing we can do if we choose to. For what reasons? We don't know yet. We are going to have to figure that one out. But this was definitely a scarily eventful night. I guess this "Brandon" merge is now a thing. I still need to shake off that English accent that he has. It's still in my head.
  9. Heya! I hope you all are having a great day so far.
  10. Riley\ It's been nearly a whole 3 years since I last fronted. I had an interesting run-in today with an old man who needed help, basically as soon as I took front. I helped them and they were very nice. But I couldn't speak that well. I have some troubles with speaking since I never really did it as often as, say, Ruth. That doesn't mean I can't speak, but it takes a lot of effort to do so, and can be quite exhausting, even just to make sounds. I hope to be able to speak properly while fronting soon.
  11. Same lmao I'm over here with garbage taste having enjoyed everything that everyone else dislikes But at the same time, I'm not really keen on playing more games lately (idk if I'm just getting bored of games now?) but also I still have to finish my dex on Legends Arceus... it's a pain for me so far lmao. I'd rather be shiny hunting.
  12. G'day :v letting other people front is surprisingly exhausting for some reason.
  13. Ruth\ The best thing just happened just now, and I am so proud of it. Maple thought they were handing over the body to Cel for the night, but I worked with Cel to trick Maple into thinking that I was Cel. After about 6-7 minutes, they realized something had gone awry, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I burst out laughing like a hyena, and Maple said their trust has been broken (jokingly, of course) after they realized it was me the whole time. I AM. THE BODYSNATCHER. Maple\ That is such a surreal moment, realizing that you've been HAD when trying to hand the body off like that. Like, what?! I didn't expect that at all! LMAO
  14. I can definitely see it, albeit my tumblr experience wasn't exactly vast enough to see something like that personally (instead of in random memes) lmao. All I did on tumblr was post PR logs and interact with other systems before I started posting on the forums here instead.
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