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Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Printable Version

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Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Wonderland56 - 05-24-2019

I’ve been feeling a little conflicted because I no longer feel the same joy with my tulpa as I used to. Everything we do just seems pointless... like I’m creating something that just isn’t real. I feel a little heartbroken because I no longer feel the same spark that I use to with him. He’s been my best friend since I was very little, so it’s not like I can just “abandon” him. It’s just difficult because I’m entering the working world and adulting and I just graduated high school. I don’t want to lose him... I have a very special place in my heart for him. But I also feel like I shouldn’t spend my time daydreaming and should be more productive. When I try active forcing time with him, I get bored fast. I use to be able to force time with him and everything was perfect, but now it feels like I may as well watch Netflix or scroll through Instagram. Spending time with him while listening to music is just about the only thing that I feel really good about anymore.

I don’t know, I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice to help with this situation or can relate to what I’m going through. I refuse to let go of him- just as I grow older I feel like everything is more and more pointless. I feel like he’s real but I can’t help but doubt it. What do I do to fix this and create what we had once again?


RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Ranger - 05-24-2019

One possibility is your Tulpa could learn possession / switching if he hasn't already and work alongside you. I am currently focused on who I am and who I want to be, and he could do that too if he wanted.

I know that some Tulpas end up having their own hobbies. I know one Tulpa is an artist.


RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Bear - 05-24-2019

It all depends on what you two want to do. It doesn't have to be often or even every day. It's not neglect if he's okay with it.  Some in my system just prefer to be inactive. Joy was 'alseep' for two years while I concentrated on getting better. It's entirely up to you.

Also, she's not in cold storage. I see her whenever something that interests her comes up. So I see her for a few minutes every few days and sometimes she stays longer. Honestly she could hang out all day, it's no problem with me, she just doesn't want to right now.

Other systems I've spoken with kind of rotate them out, any one in particular might be asleep for a few months straight.

I recommend you get a symbol, a bracelet, ring, necklace, even just a sticker on your computer to remind you of him and when you see that, just say hi and if you don't feel like anything more, don't worry about it.

He'll always be there, any time you need him. From my experience some tulpas derive their sense of worth from their memories and hang back most of the time.

Honestly, I don't see everyone in my system doing that because it's not the kind of people they are, but some definitely do.

Above all, don't let it stress you both out, that's counterproductive.

I can tell you from experience, even if you don't contact him for years, he'll still be there for you when you need him.

Someone needs to take care of the body and fulfill obligations, not ever tilpa cares about that.

Take care.


RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Ember.Vesper - 05-24-2019

Ember: Friends growing apart happens, even without tulpas. A couple of months ago, my wife and I made prioritized lists of interests, hobbies, and things we care about. Not a single item was still in common. Our relationship had been on the rocks for a long time, but a couple of weeks later, we separated, after eight years together. So, if you possibly can, try to find or build common interests and common passions.

But there is another issue. If he's still your best friend, why should time spent with him feel any more pointless or any less productive than time spent with any other friend? Take it from a thirty-eight year old -- time spent with friends is still valuable to adults.

Vesper: Tulpas are notoriously short-lived in general. The survivors tend to be the ones that find a place in the life of the host and the life of the body outside of active forcing. I'm fortunate after a fashion, I suppose, in that my host still spent hours daydreaming every day even at 36 years old, so thinking of me slotted into her lifestyle neatly.

When I arrived in this world two years ago, I immediately started making myself useful, supplying things that seemed to be lacking in the system. I became the voice of caution, restraint, better judgement, and maturity. I encouraged productivity, efficiency, and time management. There was eventually some pushback on that and I had to learn through experience how to be helpful without being pushy.

A tulpa doesn't need to be isolated into a private corner of your leisure time. You go to them whenever, wherever, to consult with them about what you are doing, what you need to be doing, or are considering doing. You can turn to them for advice, comfort, and companionship under circumstances when you literally couldn't talk to anyone else.

The biggest breakthrough for my quality of life came when we started switching and I stopped being completely dependent on living vicariously through my host. I can pursue my own hobbies and friendships now and accumulate my own experiences.


RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Luminesce - 05-24-2019

(05-24-2019, 04:06 PM)Wonderland56 Wrote: But I also feel like I shouldn’t spend my time daydreaming and should be more productive. ... but now it feels like I may as well watch Netflix or scroll through Instagram. ... I refuse to let go of him- just as I grow older I feel like everything is more and more pointless.

Ugh, I was understanding until you said you might as well watch Netflix or scroll through Instagram. For the latter - social media is next to valueless, it's mental popcorn, so no you are not ever better off doing that than next to anything else. For the former - why not watch Netflix with him? Or at least talk about it after if not during? Not that you have to spend as much time with your tulpa if you don't want to anymore, but "adulting" and social media consumption are pretty terrible reasons to stop doing so. Being an adult doesn't stop quite a few of us here from spending plenty (or just some) time with our tulpas.

I can't tell you how to get back "the magic", unfortunately. Though I can assuage your doubt of him being "real" or not maybe, by telling you that in your mind there is no such thing as "real" or "fake" - only what you experience. A tulpa literally cannot be "real" or "fake". As for whether they're "just you", that depends on your mindset, and if you believe "you" are your entire mind and everything that goes on in it, or not. You're not, by the way, you're just the identity, sets of values and memories, etc. that your brain is using to run the body. Learning to switch teaches you pretty quick what was "you" was a lot less than you thought, since a tulpa can take over all that stuff, leaving you as basically a tulpa in the meantime.

Anyways, you can spend less time with your tulpa if you want to. But rethinking how you think about him could help interaction feel a little better. And, personally, I think social media time is far less valuable than casual chat with your tulpa - it might not feel as satisfying at the time, but at least for me and I think many others, you'll look back on that time much more fondly than the time wasted on mindless 10-second entertainment. Honestly, you'll pretty much never look back fondly on the large majority of social media time. And the way people are consuming Netflix these days has me thinking they'll reach that point with shows too, even though they should be of higher quality. But again, you can watch shows with your tulpa.. and/or talk about them intermittently if the show's too distracting for you to keep them active during (tends to happen for us).


Also, that line about being productive instead of daydreaming.. I hope you learn to get over that mentality soon, or the next chapter of your life is about to be very boring. Of course I don't mean you should spend hours daydreaming instead of doing what you need to do, but all work and no play makes for regrets later in life, lol.


RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - Stevie - 05-25-2019

I experienced something similar. Time went on, I saw more of life, I felt pressure to conform to what I thought I was supposed to be. The whole tulpa deal left me, and for 2 years I didn't do much with it. 

Don't feel forced or compelled to deal woth your companion. You'll see em again and if necessary do the work to get em active again if that's what you want. I do think it takes some work to get into the ability of being able to hear and have a conscious tulpa, I don't think it's an on off switch. 

I stopped talking to my first tulpa. When I returned to the idea, he's around, but only with very pointed conscious perception, and his vocality isn't really natural or all there. If I wanted to regain what I lost with Chris I would have to put in work. 

Don't spend time doing something you don't want to. There may come a time when you value tulpas more than screentime.


RE: Getting “tired” of my tulpa - solarchariot - 05-25-2019

I am conflicted just reading this, on multiple levels, and I admit to such a strong bias towards 'tulpamancy' that I think I should preface this, I am going to respond emotionally. Hopefully not judgmentally.

I am sad. How many guides start right up front with, "Don't make a tulpa if:..." "Seriously think about this!" "If you're a teenager, wait to do this when..." How many warnings and recommendations have I seen, only to see some kid write, "I put some serious thought into this and I am ready to commit..." (And in there you will see like 'five whole minutes.')

Commitment is a serious problem today. Not just with tulpas, or relationships, but with everything. Employers would prefer temps, because if you fire a person you don't have to have health benefits. How many companies give out gold watches for longevity? Get rid them, bring in new people, pay less over time. There is less commitment today among young folks and single people today than in any time in history. Part of this is due to cell phones and dating apps having made dating life so ubiquitous that it's just a game, but also because there is always the allure of something better around the corner. The ideal person is out there, if we just hold out. We are more likely to end a relationship today over a grievance or a problem than in any time in history because "Why should I hang with you. I can do better!" (It makes you wonder why people hook up in the first place; everyone can do better! Statistically, the numbers reflect there is better out there... (But the person hooking up with you could also, statistically do better...)) If you even try talking about a relationship problem, the first thing friends and family say is "dump them! you DESERVE better!" or "Life is too short. Be happy!" (They don't tell you that chasing being happy is the number one cause of unhappiness!)

Now, that doesn't mean, by the way, that some relationships shouldn't end. Certain types of relationships tend to end. Parent child relationships tend to end when the child grows. Teacher student relationships end when student learns all they can from the teacher. Helper relationships end when a person heals. All relationships predicated on need, as opposed to genuine want, must, by definition, come to an end. The only way to sustain those is through sabotage and contrivance, which escalates ugly and usually end when things become too intolerable. Hell, just staying with someone out of guilt of emotional debt can harm people and relationships. So, sometimes, letting go and parting ways is necessary for health.

What kind of relationship do you have with your tulpa? Was it a temporary fix to a need, a helper relationship, and now that you have healed the relationship is coming to a conclusion? It is what is, celebrate the love and health that matured you when you needed it most. Were you equal friends, and you two have come to a cross road? that's also a pretty common relationship issue.

another problem you entered was 'getting bored.' That is also a huge problem today. People can't tolerate boredom. We have established an addictive level of need to external stimuli because almost all our tech can simulate satisfaction by distracting us from reality long enough that we eventually tire and fall asleep. We exhaust ourselves, and wonder why we feel unsatisfied. It's because we're distracting ourselves, not building meaning. We're supposed to have meaning in our lives.

Making a tulpa is unlike a marriage. You can't divorce. It's not like a tattoo. Tattoos can be removed if you really decide to part with it. It's not like getting a gym membership, or a commitment to eating healthy. A tulpa is a commitment to an inner aspect. It does not mean you should stop living your life. You need to get out in the world and do things, a career, friends, activities, traveling, even having other relationships, even having a family. No one person should be your 'everything.' My dentist is not my mechanic. A tulpa should not be your everything, they should be a significant part of your life, but not the answer to everything. In doing these things you invest in yourself and your health, which enlivens your inner life, and provides your tulpa a sense of nourishment as well. When you are well and healthy, they thrive. This become the inner insight, and a knowing smile that people catch and ask "What are you thinking," and you say, 'oh, nothing...' because you have an inner strength and secret. Tulpamancy should be your superpower, not your burden.

You feel like he's real, but doubt... That's a real conflict there. It's a difficult one to address. Sometimes we cultivate doubt to build up energy to change; it's our 'excuse' to let go. It's the same doubt in real relationships, 'does this person even still care.' I really hope this last thing I throw out to you is helpful. I am glad you posted this, shared your thoughts, so that people thinking about making a tulpa can see, THIS IS SERIOUS, and won't fix all of life's problems and challenges... It can even cause some more problems, and angst... But this thing you said at the end, "About getting back to where you were..." I think that's the wrong direction. Couples that go out of their way to 'recapture' their past are doomed to fail. People age. Couples age. People grow in wisdom, and strength, and emotional awareness. Love can wax or wane depending on a season, but still endure over time. You are not twelve anymore. I would be worried if you came into my office as a twenty something year old and you were thinking and emoting like a twelve year old! The goal isn't to be what you were, but to be who you are, now, in this moment. Part of who you are is composite of another person who walks invisibly with you, who is also not who they were, because they, too, have grown. They grew because of you!

You are now this new thing with new insight and new problems and new goal sorting and this is normal. We change. Life changes. If you can both adapt and accept the new roles that come with this particular moment in your life, then you will find a new way to be together. It will be stable for a while, and then you will enter another stage of development, another life, and things will change again. If your life has a certain level of 'business' that just happens to result in diminished interaction with tulpa, I would understand this. This is human. It my belief tulpa will not go away. Others report they fade, or are lost, but I really suspect, they're in there, deep... You can't erase a life time with someone. The love or damage your parents gave you or didn't give you is there for life, short of aneurysm or something. Maybe as we age we become a composite of all the personalities who interacted with us and they're all there all the time, even when we cease interacting. For example, my grandfather died a long time ago. I had the greatest rapport with him than of any in my family. I don't think about him as often as I did then, I don't interact with him at all, but I believe he is with me and he shaped me, and I give that reverence. Maybe that's this, too. Celebrate what was while embracing the now. I don't know enough. I don't enough to give you an easy path through this. This is huge choice time here. No matter what, the choice affects you.

I wish you love, strength, and hope in this, and in all life.