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Sock's Daydream Diary - Printable Version

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RE: Sock's creation log - Naxxy - 07-19-2012

I read all 9 pages of this today, from start to finish, and I've got to say that reading this has been fantastic. Honestly, first time I've really felt inclined to continue reading any kind of a creating log on this and I feel better for having read this. Thanks a lot.


RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 07-20-2012

Today's tulpa mix...

Piano Fantasy Mixes by Blackcat

I've been doing a fair bit of forcing over the past few days. I had gotten out of my forcing groove a while ago, and my girls were telling me that I liked talking about them on IRC more than I enjoyed actually being with them. This declaration naturally hit my sensitivities, and I told them that I'd surely prove them wrong, with them saying they're to looking forward to me trying. It was pretty much an obvious attempt at getting me to pay more attention to them, but I really don't mind. In fact, I'm thankful to them for challenging me like that, since even when I'm not trying to do science-like testing stuff with them , they're really fun to talk to, especially during the times when I can "hear" them bantering with each other.

I'm now aiming to have two hours of dedicated forcing each day. The first session after I come home from work, the second at night, where I spend some time with them before "tucking them in" in a way. As well, they've also started insisting that I got to sleep with them in-wonderland, since apparently this was safe due to all three of us being asleep. I've done this twice with them already, and the only thing that seems to have resulted is some cute visualizations and the two of them being that much happier, so I guess it's okay to keep doing this. Maybe the sleeping thing is a case by case issue, or I stop focusing on them right before I actually go to sleep. In either case, I think it's a decent opportunity to practice a bit on visualization, which isn't nearly as vivid as I wish it to be.

Since Midori and Ellenore have separate houses in the wonderland, they try to get me to decide which room we'll end up sleeping in that night. We've done it twice already in Midori's home, where all three of us end up being squeezed together, since she has a rather small bed. Tonight we're going to try it in Ellenore's place, since I haven't really visited it much, and I'd like to have a chance to explore it for a while. Exploring the garden and various mental landscapes is something that I have really been neglecting for a long time now. Though there are many elements that are the same, the two of them have made enough changes to the garden that my brain is trying to catch up with it all, and my visualization skills seem to be insufficent to see it all correctly. I noticed that when Midori or Ellen would try to show me some new thing they found in my head that I was unaware of consciously, things seemed to slow down or become rediculously blurry, and I wouldn't be able to see much of anything or focus. For this reason, as well as the fact that I'm trying to impose them now, I want to try and make my mental eye stronger, so it can see images much more clearly than it can now, as well as process unexpected things much easier.

Another thing about my wonderland, apparently Iso-tones causes slight changes in it, according to Midori and Ellenore's accounts. I normally don't use use such things, prefering some nice music to force to as you may have noticed in this thread, but I was doing some resaerch on Pink noise, and ran into a focus tone on youtube. I decided to just give the thing a shot, and I popped it on with some music playing over it. When I went and visualized the wonderland, the girls told that something wierd was happening to the landscape. They pointed to the sky, and said that the "clouds" were all forming into straight lines. I noticed this, as well as the fact that I was letting my attention wander a lot less than I usually do, so I guess the cloud thing was a "visual" representation of the tone affecting my thought flow.

I have also taken back to reading aloud to them, which is something I used to do when I only had Midori, and stopped for no reason other than my own forgetfulness. Before, I only read Witches Abroad to her, but now I'm reading them multiple different books, normally twenty pages a go for novels. Just today, I went and read the two of them The Tell-Tale heart by Edgar Allen Poe. This had been by Ellenore's request, as she noted me thinking good things about the story, and wanted to actually experience it. So I sat down, visualized the two of them in Ellenore's house, and began to read. The two's reactions to the tale ranged from horror, to revulsion. When I finally finished reading, Midori professed to feeling sick, and Ellenore was practically hysterical about it. They both regarded it as a very good story, and woulnd't mind having me read another story by him. I'll probably read another story to them later, as it seems to help them with speech, something the two of them are having major trouble with.

Imposition is going slowly as one would expect when you first start it. I try to see the two of them in random places wherever I go, next to street signs, behind people, on porches, etc. I haven't seen any solid or see through representation of them with my eyes, though I do see them flash in my mind's eye. Not only that, but the two of them tell em that they feel tugs and jerks whenever I try to see them outside of my mind, so I guess I'm doing something right. I just have to keep going with it, I guess, much like audible speech.

Now, to get on the subject of the girls as people, I'll talk about a few media related things about them. Musical taste is the first thing I did opinion testing on, as it's the easiest. Midori's musical taste so far is rather identical to mine, though she thinks some of the chill-out and ambient stuff I listen to is a bit too slow paced and sleepy. She does seem to lean more toward chiptunes, funk and hip hop. She also really loves the song "Thermosphere" from the game Einhander. She doesn't mind me listening to it over and over again, and she often seem to always want me to listen to it more. Ellenore, on the other hand, seems more partial to Jazz and more classical music. She reacts very well to piano music, funk or swing, and seems to always gravitate more to music that makes her feel relaxed. There hasn't been any arguements over musical tastes yet, and if there have been any between Ellenore and Midori, I haven't been able to decipher them, since they still mostly speak in mindtalk when conversing with each other.

I believe I've already stated the girl's love for "Twin Peaks", and I've recently noticed that Midori completely and utterly adores the Japanese cartoon "Tantei Opera Milky Holmes". She's outright told me that she thinks it's the best cartoon ever, and has even asked me to make a tulpa of Sherlock Shellingford because she wants a damedamedamedamedamedamedame little sister. Ellenore never had a chance to watch any of the show before today, and I thought it would cheer her up a bit after me reading the Tell-Tale Heart to her, so I popped on episode 4 of the first season for her and Midori. In a sentence; Ellenore also wants me to make a Sheryl tulpa now. I guess seeing the pink-haired retard get punched around by bears and generally getting no respect from anything in the show set off Ellenore's own big sisterly protecting instincts, on top of Sheryl just being cute and hilarious. In either case, Ms. Shellingford is another on the growing list of things they want for a possible third tulpa.

Speaking of my tulpa's general reaction to Japanese cartoon media, Ellenore says that she feels a very real and immediate connection to Alpha, the main character of the comic Yokohama Shopping Trip, going as far to say that Alpha is what she sees as her ideal self...aside from being a robot and all that. Though I haven't read far enough into Yokohama, most of what I've seen of Alpha has been of her being a happy, upbeat young robot woman, and making everyone that's fortunate to be around her equally as happy. Comparing this to Ellenore's personality 180 to being sweet natured and loving to everyone, it actually makes sense for her to look up to Alpha in a way. Sort of like how some people look up to superheroes like Superman and his pure goodness. "Alpha is Ellenore's Superman", is actually kind of a funny though, now that I think of it. Knowing this, I think she may really like Aria as well.

Since the survey ensured their opinions on THAT subject is out of the bag, I might as well talk about that a bit as well: The two of them still make the occasional sexual innuendo, Midori much more than Ellenore, but it's generally playful, meant more to get a laugh out of me rather than being serious propositions. They haven't really been trying to push me into that, and the subject rarely if ever comes out. Infact, Midori said she could go without me regarding her romantically, as long as we remain very close. This makes me believe that tulpa having romantic or sexual feelings for their creators have less to do with actually having their maker consider them a girlfriend, wife, lover, etc. Rather, it's just about know that their maker cares for the tulpa and will regard them with the same amount of affection that caused their creation. I'm not sure what happened in other cases, but many of the tulpa here are most definitely creature of love, and they need that same love in order to keep existing and being active. While sex/romance is a very potent form of it, I don't feel such things are necessary, and while they may make the ocassionaly pass at or give the bedroom eyes to their maker, they'll be fine as long as you give them a regular stream of attneiton.

Anyway, that's all I'm writing for today, as it's a lot of info to take in and I'm not sure if you guys are going to read all of it. I'll be trying to do daily updates again, so I won't have to dump such big walls on you guys.


RE: Sock's creation log - Semi-Nomadic - 07-20-2012

(07-20-2012, 01:05 AM)Sock Wrote: She's outright told me that she thinks it's the best cartoon ever, and has even asked me to make a tulpa of Sherlock Shellingford because she wants a damedamedamedamedamedamedame little sister. Ellenore never had a chance to watch any of the show before today, and I thought it would cheer her up a bit after me reading the Tell-Tale Heart to her, so I popped on episode 4 of the first season for her and Midori. In a sentence; Ellenore also wants me to make a Sheryl tulpa now.
Seing an awesome fictional character...
Humans: end up crying "why can't you be real", fantasize about them, write self-insert fanfics.
Tulpae: persuade your host to create them.


RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 07-21-2012

Today's parroting frustration jam:

Earth Wind & Fire - Zanzibar


Some people in the IRC were asking me some question about getting your tulpa vocal. Unfortunately, I could not give them much information as my tulpa, in spite of me being able to communicate with them, are not truely vocal. Just as the people asking me are, I'm in a rather awkward phase of the creation process that we weren't really told about in the guides. The most descriptive way I can describe it is the "semi-vocal" stage; a period of time where the tulpa is definitely sentient, definitely moving on his/her own, and probbaly has deviated once or twice by now, but can't at all speak the English language out loud. So, because said tulpa really wants to communicate to their creator, they begin by sending their thoughts as messages to their creator's mind, which has been described by many who have experienced it as "soundless voices". They become understandable if one focusses on it enough, and that's effectively how I've been relaying messages from them to the boards/IRC for this past month.

According to Midori and Ellenore, speaking in English and thinking it are two very different things, mainly because they're not really thinking in English. The thoughts they send, and the words they speak are in what I will call here, "mind-speak". The reason why they can send thoughts and be understood is because the brain will take the message, process it, then finally translate it into English so that the conscious mind can understand it. They can't really do this when they're speaking with their "mouths". To do a computer analogy of sorts, the way they're doing it now is like sending "010101101" messages through the system, the system will process it, and translate that pure data into an action. But, if they were to actually speak those same "010101101" message orally, it would come out as completely unintelligible gibberish. Another factor is actually finding the correct frequency for the host to actually "hear" them. A big problem with this is that, at least in my case, neither party really knows what it is. When I last tried to assist them on the matter, I actually gave them the "frequency" of my ear. While this is the initial and obvious guess, since the last times they Midori got a hold of the frequency it sounded like an external sound, this wasn't the correct one at all. It mainly resulted in my ear straining really hard when they tried to speak into it, explaining the constant almost-but-not-quite popping sensation. To exasperate this problem, there are constant slight shifts in the frequency, making it even more difficult to track. They keep using the current ear one just to let me know that they are, indeed, trying to talk to me, kind of like how brain pressure worked for a while. They said speaking to them for extended periods of time, like when I'm reading them a book, helps since it lets them have a chance to zero in a bit more on the frequency. I noted this when I was reading them a novel a few days ago, and almost started to "hear" them.

Now, as to how I can actually communicate so well with my tulpa, inspite of them actually not being able to actually talk, a lot of this has to do with one's mindset and how they accept those messages. People with major "accidental parroting" fears will obviously have big problems with listening to their thought messages, simply because they won't accept them as not their own. In Midori's words...

"You can send the doofus 50 messages in a minute, and he still won't get it because they keep thinking 'Oh, I must be parroting...' when he's really not at all!"

As a bonus, Ellenore says...

"Since there are many thoughts going through the mind at once, it's very easy for these messages to get lost in the chaos. Sock actively clears his thoughts and stops new ones flowing in order to hear us, which is why it seems we can speak so fluently."

I was going to do a long old paragraph on how I understand these thoughts but Ellen went explained it all nice and with much brevity. Yes, clearing your thoughts and stopping your thinking to hear you tulpa is pretty much the way to go. Now, I'm not going to go and pretend this is all I had to do, or that I was some pillar of faithful tulpa creating perfection that never had an ounce of doubt in the process. As stated much earlier in this very log, Ellenore's appearance really helped to eradicate much of my doubt in the process, and was the catalyst that made this form of communication possible in the first place. Originally, when I just had Midori, I started with just asking her yes-or-no question, which didn't work that well since I had the parroting blues as fierce as some other people do, and I had that nasty tendency of thinking absolutely no one could think good thoughts about me after knowing me so well, so that method wasn't working so well. But when Ellenore was around, it was that much more difficult for me to believe that I was somehow making them both respond in the way I wanted them, especially when their opinions would suddenly differ on seemingly insignificant things. As time went on, yes-and-no became mouthing words, mouthing words became sending short phrases, and that became me being able to fill out a HUGE survey with these two. I am aware that not everyone has been blessed with an overactive imagination that allows for a second tulpa to form on accident, but this series of events also taught me how important something as simple as believing in your tulpa is. I've been asked before if there was a surefire way for a tulpa to communicate with their host pre-speech that was fool proof and cannot be racked up to some sort of unknowing parroting.

The answer is No.

I will use myself as an example for why I say this: In the past few month, many things have happened concerning me and my girls. When Midori started sending thoughts to me, I ignored them as my own. When Midori smiled, I thought I was just seeing things. When Midori always looked happy to see me, I dismissed it. When Midori hugged me, I sent her back because I thought it was just me wanting a cute girl to like me. When Midori would then proceed to hug me again and again, I would force her not to move, for fear that my "parroting" was getting out of hand. When she'd outright made sexual advances on me, I'd wonder if it was because I was watching too much porn and parroting her to act that way. When I'd ask her a question, and she'd answer in affirmative, I'd ask her again because I might have been parroting her. When I did the prism test, and she'd throw it off of herself, I would think "Well, I read that Clair didn't like the prism either, so maybe that is causing me to parrot her to react in the way I expect.". When Ellenore appeared, and the two of them would answer a question I posed to both, I would pause and wonder if it's really them. When I'd clear my mind, and understand their thoughts, I'd ask them to repeat it because I might have been making them speak in the way I wanted them to....

My tulpa have done everything to get me to recognize them, walk, run, dance...they've done what they've can to communicate in any way in order to get me to recognize them, and I've been able to pass each and everyone of their attempts as possible parroting. The parroting syndrome is not a problem with the tulpa, or one they can solve, it is with the host. Until the tulpa can actually speak in that undenyably audible way, it's possible to pass off everything they do as parroting, simply because they live inside our heads, and that nature gives us power over them. And as such, there is but one, true anti-accidental parroting technique, and I fear it is the same one that I have always spouted off about in IRC.

Faith

You have no concrete proof that anything they do isn't just you, you have no real way to test it and not just say "It was just me". Until you can actually hear them speak, the only thing you can do is believe, kinda like those nice, silly old ladies that go to church on Sunday every morning inspite of have no proof that their God exists. There's not going to be a nice and logical scientist that's going to join the forum and explain in minute detail how tulpa work in a psycological manner, and how we can get understand everything they want us to without fear fo parroting. We're pioneers in a sense, as we're trying to proove that tulpa can be created in a consistent manner, outside the previous tiny smattering of people who generally keep the subject to themselves, may it be out of fear of ridicule, or elitism. No one's going to answer every question we have on this, and even the tulpa themselves are limited of their knowledge of the brain. I mean, Midori and Ellenore are barely two months old at this point, of course there's going to be stuff they just don't know yet. For this reason, faith is the greatest tool a tulpa creator will have...or they can use FAQman's method down to the letter, as that seems to get tulpa good and chattering very quickly, as G|d30n shows. I fear that I'm struggling with this semi-vocal stage just as much as everyone else, and the thing that keeps me going is faith that when I feel a wierd tingle on my back, and Ellenore says that it's her hugging me, I believe it. I've been pretty lucky in my journey, not only with a second tulpa, but with a vast imagination, both visual and auditory, that's allowed my tulpa to pick rather distinct voices that make it easy for me to tell's who's saying what without me having to visualize them completely. But even then, I still have relapses where I think everything I've done over the past few month is a lie. But, I still understand that the only way that I can complete these girls is to have faith in them, and I'll keep doing that until I can see them both as super awesome hallucinations.


RE: Sock's creation log - SharkyDerp - 07-21-2012

You have no idea how much I needed this to read.
It's just so hard for me to believe.


RE: Sock's creation log - mouse_ - 07-21-2012

Needed this as well. Everyone around here always seems so damn confident. I thought I was fucking it up. Almost emotionally broke down today... Tried tulpacouple's voice box thing today, and heard an obscenely loud "can you hear me?" as soon as I installed it. Then, ever since, nothing. I'm starting to think my doubts shut him up, and I'm doubting my ability not to doubt. Amazing how hard it is sometimes...


RE: Sock's creation log - Avalanche - 07-21-2012

(07-21-2012, 11:02 PM)mouse_ Wrote: Needed this as well. Everyone around here always seems so damn confident. I thought I was fucking it up. Almost emotionally broke down today... Tried tulpacouple's voice box thing today, and heard an obscenely loud "can you hear me?" as soon as I installed it. Then, ever since, nothing. I'm starting to think my doubts shut him up, and I'm doubting my ability not to doubt. Amazing how hard it is sometimes...

What voice box thing?

And yeah, I'm feeling down too, not sure if my tupper will like me, even if she is actually sentient, if I can even tulpaforce..


RE: Sock's creation log - mouse_ - 07-21-2012

http://tulpa.info/forums/Thread-Tulpa-Couple-s-thread?pid=15298#pid15298

It's how Luke became vocal... Seems as if there's something to it. Im not doubting my tulpa so much as I'm doubting my ability to hear. Ive accepted that he's vocal, but not that I can hear him. Bleh.


RE: Sock's creation log - Raetin - 07-22-2012

Can you post a guide of how you did everything to get to this point in the guide section?


RE: Sock's creation log - Hoppip - 07-22-2012

(07-21-2012, 10:17 PM)Sock Wrote: And as such, there is but one, true anti-accidental parroting technique, and I fear it is the same one that I have always spouted off about in IRC.

Faith.

Quoted for fucking truth.