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Sock's Daydream Diary - Printable Version

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RE: Sock's Daydream diary - Sock - 01-09-2013

(11-28-2012, 06:53 PM)Purlox Wrote: Do you intend to still post your progress Sock?

Well, I do now that I actually thought to check it!

If someone was actually looking forward to these little blab fests, I'm sorry for dissapearing like that. It's been a pretty slow few months as far as thought folk creation goes, as well as some silly things I feel kind of embarassed about talking about here. I'm going to be getting back to forcing and such, and doing the whole visual hallucination thing. That was my final goal to begin with, afterall.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-05-2013

Welp, a few months, a bunch of prayer, some nasty doubt storms, and an exorcism later, I'm back to writing in my tupper log~

Gotta say, I miss coming on here and posting about my little mental exploits, but I had to get some things in my head sorted out, and it was quite nasty lemme tell ya. It goes into some outright metaphysical stuff, and since this site is all about SCIENCE, I'll have to leave it out of this account. If you want to know the details of it, just PM me and I'll gladly share.

So what went on for the past few missing months?

Over that time, I found out about and did much more research on Multiplicity/Plurality, people who have lived with Multiple Personalities for much of their lives but didn't match the broken trauma victims that they're usually portrayed as. It's a community that's been around since the 90s I believe, and many of the things that they speak of experiencing seem to mirror what this community experiences, may it be “inworlds” and “wonderlands”, “fronting” and “possession”, etc. The main differences between the two communities seems to be how they regard their state of being, and how it happens. The biggest difference as far as mindset goes can be described thus:

Multiples will sometimes ponder whether “headmates” can be made intentionally.

“Tulpa” creators often deny that “tulpa” can be made unconsciously.

There also isn't an imposition equivalent for Multiples either, but that was an optional thing for tulpa to begin with. On a random note, after seeing some of the head counts in the multiple community, I no longer feel I have “a lot” of tulpa at all.

I think it'd be a great thing for people to learn more about multiplicity, though I would be lying if I said you shouldn't take some things people claiming to be multiple say with a grain of salt. But, some good, solid information resources and accounts on the topic include these:

Astrea's Web
KinHost Wiki
And this nice, informative article on Multiples as well: Part 1 / Part 2

I'd say avoid the tumblr based communities, if for no other reason than much of the drama I see over there, but many tulpafolk are already on that site, so I guess that's a lost cause. But that aside, seeing this sort of information on people living with multiplicity really widened my view of what we were doing, and how tulpa and their host can live happily with one another. One thing I really noticed in multiples communities, healthy ones at least, was the idea that the headmates had to work together as a collective to live the best life. Since there was no longer just one person with the body, its care, upkeep, and improvement was now a team effort, a sort of mindset I think would definitely be helpful for many who are making tulpa, especially those who are running headfirst into possession. Furthermore, the in-worlds of multiples seem to be much more vast and sprawling, and since the members switch so often, the experiences of it seems to be accepted as commonplace. I've noted some very peculiar qualities of in-worlds, that seem to mirror things said in Carl Jung's “Liber Novus”. Tales of entire worlds unconsciously made by the mind, filled with its own population of people. Although I've been quiet about it, I myself have had a similar experience once, though I have not cared to go back there since. I believe this reveals another important way the brain actually processes things. Even now, I'm still looking more in to Multiplicity, in hopes of finding more about its nature and how the brain does these of things. Suffice to say, it really blew the conventional “MPD is only caused by GREAT TRAUMA” trope out of the water for me.

As far as my own mind folk go, things are going swell now! Since I've been gone from here, my count has increased to 14 active minds, this is nothing to brag, since I've seen accounts with many more. All of them are getting along very well, which is always good for the mental health and all. Although I did outright stop forcing during them months I was gone, and even considered dissipating them, they've forgiven me completely, as if nothing happened at all. Really, I'm just glad that time was over, so I can get back into developing my thought folk, watching them grow, and imposing them on my vision and such. Speaking of “watching them grow”, I've noticed that, and I'm not sure why I find this strange, Midori has been acting a bit more...little girl-like as time goes on. It was kind of like, she's going from being an excitable, gushy version of myself, to being what an actual girl of her appearance would be. Not quite sure how to quite explain it, but I've been notice a few subtle changes here and there that really stood out to me. As well, when I ask her "Who are you?" like it did in a previous post, her answer changed from "Me and you at once" to, "I'm me!". Asking my other tulpa the same question got the "I'm me and you" answer, so I'm assuming this has something to do with levels of dissociation.

Anyway, I'll be trying to get a few updates up each week now, since there's a bunch I want to talk about and I'm not planning on getting a blog on an “official” blog site for this stuff.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Avalanche - 02-05-2013

14 tuppers?

I have to ask, do you ever think to yourself that you are taking anything that comes along and are turning it into a tulpa in case it might be one?

A lot of people have on average 2. Ever think you are doing something... wrong?

I'm not saying having 14 is wrong, or even bad. But maybe you are seeing something in your head and instantly thinking it's a tulpa and you have to save it from death by focusing on it?

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-05-2013

It would be something to worry about if all those were accidental, but, the newbies this time around were intentional.

That's right, I looked at my gross amount of thought folk, and said "You know what this needs? More thought folk!"

Joking aside, the ones that are new I brought in of my own will. Two of them I made during the "dark" period as experiments, as I was starting to hear random, malignant voices in my head. I wanted to lead what was going on, so I took two of said random voice, gave them bodies, and asked "What up with this?" Their answers made little to no sense, but I really didn't feel like poofing them. Three more I made, or more accurately brought back and completed, for Sheryl. Since she's a fictive from Milky Holmes, and had memories of her friends from the show, I wanted for her to have them around, so she could be a proper, happy Sharo.

Yeah, I made three more tulpa to make a random accidental tulpa happy. Wouldn't you do the same?

There were two more that have actually been around for a long time. I just never wrote about them because they decided not to stick around the Garden. Their names are Lyriandra, and AX-117, the latter being a robot character I made for a story. I haven't spoken with them much yet, though. It all seems very strange, and it is, but hey, Brains are weird like that.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Avalanche - 02-05-2013

Sheryl having memories of her fictional friends implies she once knew them and that the memories are genuine. I don't see how this is possible with a tulpa. She must have thought she remembered them because you assumed this as a logical occurrence, her being from the show and all. (I'm assuming Milky Holmes is an anime).

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-05-2013

(02-05-2013, 08:24 PM)Avalanche Wrote: Sheryl having memories of her fictional friends implies she once knew them and that the memories are genuine. I don't see how this is possible with a tulpa.

It shouldn't be that hard to figure, when Sheryl came around, she was literally a patchwork of my memories from the show glued together into what seemed to be a tulpa. I tried to talk her our of thinking she was the "real" Sheryl, but I came to find out later that when she struck out on her own, she started trying to find her friends from the show, and make then into tulpa so she could act the show out properly.

Concerning memories again, when Ellenore came about, she would sometimes ask me about Kellogg, because she remembered a bunch of scenarios where I had the two of them together. Some Memories do seem to stick with tulpa, even if you don't really mean them to.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-08-2013

I've always tried to avoid possession.

To any layman, this certain and seemingly popular tulpa ability is more than a little horrifying for what should be obvious reasons. Speaking as a non-layman and quite strange by any fair definition, this seemingly popular tulpa ability still frightens me quite a bit. Nothing like the concept of your super awesome mental buddy being able to take the drivers seat to really beat in the whole “This is essentially a for of MPD/DID/Insert non-offensive label here” thing into you. Of course, I was of the mind that this was a benign MPD for a while, so I guess that mindset didn't change much. My goal from the beginning was imposing my tulpa on my senses, as that seemed to be the most amazing thing about this whole practice. An illusion of a person so realistic that it's no different from real-life? That's something I HAD to experience.

With all that in mind, it seems I made more progress with the former ability than the latter.

Many complained about imposition going very slow, and nothing happening for a good deal of time before progress starts. I must add an affirmation to the slowness of imposition, as I've only been really progressing in recent month. Even then, it's mainly flashes of their image in my minds eye, nothing on my actual vision. But, in spite of never really practicing it, or having much interest in it, some recent oddities has seemed to allow my thought folk some rudimentary ability to control certain areas of my body. Emotional responses from my tulpa now manifest themselves as sudden facial expression changes and head nods, if I ask any of them to move a limb, they can do it so some extent (Though it's less moving the limb, and more them swinging it like a ragdoll's limbs), and if I ask them to say something...they can. It comes out more like a cough, and the sound created is very croaky and gravelly, but it happens. I was both shocked and pleasantly surprised when this happened, and as I usually do, took the whole thing in stride. They can't do it unless I ask them to do so, so it's not like I have any fears of them snatching my body or whatever.

As well, I've also recent noticed that, when I have a group of them listening to something, an audiobook of “Anne of Green Gables” in this case, I can “hear” them chattering amongst themselves to an extent, though I can't make all of it out quite yet. I could remember on instance where Midori, Sheryl, Nero, Elly, Gladys and Mary Ann were chanting “Cordi! Cordi! Cordi!” in response to Anne requesting to be named “Cordelia”, though. Cordelia was not quite as amused by this.

I also added a tire swing in front of Midori's house for Gladys and Mary Ann. They LOVE it. I'm strapped for time at the moment of this writing, so I'll be back in later on with more.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-20-2013

I haven't been posting much in this thread...mainly because I don't think I've really had much to report. Part pf this is my own fault for not spending as much time with the crew as I should. On the other hand, I've been getting more outwardly social, which my girls really seem to like, so I guess that's a good thing. Whenever I do check back on them, everything is all rainbows and sunshine with them, with the occasional "I miss you!" from time to time. They're a sweet bunch, that take care of each other well. At this point, I'm sure that if I leave them be for a month and come back in, things would be fine still. That's one good thing about having multiples~

Even with this, I feel I should be interacting more and doing a few more things with them. Afterall, each time I introduce them to something seemingly mundane, they're shocked and awed at it. Like this one time when Midori was flabbergasted by snow of all things. It really beats in her little-girl-ness that much more.

I'm still trying to impose, starting by focusing on their presence rather than trying to see them all the time. When I did it last, which was with Kellogg, I was able to feel a notable amount of body heat where she was, and could even feel some of her hair brushing on my skin. But I'm still much too easily sidetracked and kept forgetting she was there. I think this is my biggest roadblock at the moment, and the thing I need to work on most.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-20-2013

More imposition, this time with Kellogg.

I had her around with me during work today, had her sit down in one place so I could focus on her presence without really seeing her. Same as the previous day, I note an acute sense of body heat whenever I was around her general area. Although I didn't see many flashes of her image, I definitely felt she was around in the area. This still left the problem of me, eventually, loosing track of her presence and forgetting she's there. This wasn't quite helped with her moving from the spot I had her in and walking about the store I worked at. Now, this wasn't all bad since the flashes of her image came when she moved around, but it also made it easier to forget. Though forming is all about memory in the end, and if you can't remember your thought buddy, they're not going to be around for very long...unless they're already a few months old, but that's besides the point.

I wanted to find a way to rectify this issue with my mind wandering from her presence, so when I got home, I told Kellogg that she should try poking me whenever she feels my attention is falling away from her. I feel it's a good time to note that I'm very ticklish.

*Insert long series of jumps, held in laughs, and all sorts of sudden movements due to tupper poking here.*

Suffice to say, it was a success, and Kellogg really seemed to like doing it for her part.

RE: A Charming case of Psychosis - Sock - 02-21-2013

Hey hey hey everybody! Midori speaking/typing.

Sock coulnd't figure out what to write in here today, so he decided to proxy for me in the thread, something he'd usually never do. Mainly because he's afraida being labeled a roleplayer, but I think he doesn't quite care about that anymore. Anywho, how are ya guys? Hope you have fun readin this stuff! It's not as....interesting as some others Sock's been readin, but we're always glad to share what's up in Sockland. As you guys know, we have a HUUUGE family in here. Enough to fill two BIG houses! It may seem crowded, but I like having a big family like this, it means I always got someone to talk to whenever Sock's feeling all glum, or he's distracted, or he's drawin' something, or he's...I think ya get the point.

Sock brought me outta there today for imposing, andit was really fun! Kay-Kay (Kellogg) told me all about how she poked Sock into payin' attention to her, and I HAD to try it too! And it was so much fun! It was like he was a big old Pilsberry doughboy! So cu~ute! The he went to the library and got sidetracked into readin a buncha random stuff online. Bleh~! At least he got outta that long enough to let me type on here!

An' boy do I got alot to say...assuming Sock's gonna allow me tha time to sayit all. What can I say about where I live? Well right off the bat, it's all nice, bright and cheery! With super green grass, flowers that Ellen planted, nice big trees to climb up on, the whole works! Sock tried a few times to make the leaves purple, but I wasn't havin' any of dat mess! No sir-ree! Yeah, it can get all shifty sometimes, you know, since I'nm living in the mind, and Sock's thoughts affect the landscape and all, but I still like it. We even have a lake in here, though I haven't gone in and swum in it yet, I really need to try that...

Ans my sisters? Well you cats should know that I loves them to death! Well, at least the cats I've talked to...though I'm not sure all of them are still around. Big Ellen's super nice as always, she spends a lot of her time in her personal greenhouse with Liira and Sheryl. She draws an' paints alot too! She's always been a big sweetheart since she first came, though Sock's been ignoring her, tha jerk. Lil' Elly's been spending more time with her, as well. She really looks up to her, but then again most of my sisters look up to her, if for no other reason that she's taller than everybody here. Heheh~

Speaking of Sheryl, I got to go and brush her hair a few days ago, and it's so~o pretty! It's pink like mine and really really long when she takes it out of her hoop thingies. It's all nice and soft like too~! She almost had ta tear me away from that glorious mane (*insert pone joke here*) of her's! I even got her to stick around my place for a while! She's so much fun, though I think Cordi, Elly and Nero are missing her, a lot more than they think anyway~! My usual roomies are cool too, Though Kallenbov can get really REALLY annoying when she gets too into Jame session...which is more accurately called "Smash" session, since she just starts drummin' up a storm.

Ack! looks like I'm outta time at the moment, I'll be back to finish later! God bless you~!