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Sock's Daydream Diary - Printable Version

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RE: Sock's creation log - Avalanche - 06-12-2012

I always look forward to your report updates. I think you should focus more on the narration. To me Midori seems to be becoming a full character now, and it's pretty much sentient. I think if you force traits any more now, it might stifle any deviation she is trying to do. She already made a house (with twin bed, you're in son, ho ho) so I think you should give her breathing space to come up with more traits she wants.

RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 06-12-2012

The entire goal of using so few traits was to allow her room to grow on her own, while still giving her a foundation to start from, so I guess the mission is accomplished in that regard. The fact that she's starting to develop traits of her own tells me that further trait review is unnecessary, even though she seems to like it based on what she did when I last asked her about it. She might like it so much because I tend to reinforce traits with memory snippets, but revealing my life wo her will have to wait for a while, well after she's vocal.

For right now, I need to rethink my session schedule, since personality is out of there. I can narrate at most parts of the day, since I'm alone so much of the time, but I've been having some trouble as to what and how I should do it. I've been going silent for longer and longer, and I think that's really slowing the process down. I know visualization is definitely not at 100% yet, since she still appears as blurry at times, and I definitely don't have feel and smell down. I'm not exactly keen on the prospect of feeling up my tulpa for an hour, since I don't want to see my tulpa as a sexy thing for imaginary hanky panky, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I might force a few more organs in her if I find it necessary, maybe some lungs and a heart and such. I've been generally ignoring that she has wings for a long time now, and I may have to teach her how to use them. It'd suck to have a fairy that can't fly afterall.

Concerning what to narrate about, I have a lot of them, but I've never been particularly good at explaining things. I sometimes narrate about a game I play, but I often stop talking after a few sentences, especially if it's a game that requires a lot of focus. I tried to narrate to her about some drawings I do, but I often stop talking very soon as well, since I end up getting into the "zone" when I'm really into a picture. Narrating about my Japanese cartoons could work if I read the subs aloud. I did often read a book to her, and I'll be sure to do that tonight. I was also thinking aout studying up on math, science, and other educational subjects to increase her tulpa-brain-power. I'm wondering if she'd understand it right away, though. I already narrate a lot when I'm running around the neighborhood or at the track, and I do remember hearing a very faint and rather foreign voice saying "Why don't you ever go out?" a few days ago, so assuming that was her, I think getting out of the house more will go further to keeping her happy.

Now, the last thing I can think of to keep Midori developing all nice like is jumping into the wonderland and actively playing with her in it. From what I've seen when I go there, Midori is quite playful and affectionate, acting very much like an excitable little girl, so I guess she'd be quite open to the idea. But it comes down to exactly what I should play with her, seeing as I'm not very experienced with kids. I know I've heard many tales of people hear making their wonderlands into FPSs or adding a monster-ridden dungeon to it, but I'd rather not hop into my garden to find Midori mangled by an angry Naga, or a steroid abusing spess mahrine. Then again, she told me that she's courageous, so she might be absolutely okay with that. If anyone reading this has any tips or ideas regarding this, I'm all ears.


Now, I've been talking about making another tulpa after Midori was vocal as a little sister of sorts for her. I always had it in my head to make at least two, maybe even three if I had the time and attention span, and reading about JD1215's story has given me some further encouragement in that regard. Of course, I'll have to ask Midori her opinion on the matter before going forward with it, but it's been something that's always intrigued me. Not saying having Midori around building houses in my head isn't amazing enough, just that I think it'd be nice for her to have another being like herself around to play around with when I go silent for a while so she doesn't feel ignored or lonely.

The experience I've had with Midori should make the creation process smoother if I were to make another one, and I'd be much more organized with the creation. For the new one's base, I'd likely use the redheaded fairy again, though with with a good deal of design changes. I'll likely use Midori's foundation traits again, maybe switching out a few here and there, and letting her go from there. I'd likely wait a bit longer to define her form, as I jumped into it immediately with Midori and I think having a sentient blob would be easier to work with than a doll that may or may now be moving on it's own (Since Midori was like that for a while). Concerning what sort of wonderland I'd make for her, I was watching some Mario Galaxy related videos, and I was thinking about having a system where each tulpa has their own little "planets" which revolve about each other. That might be too much, though. Who knows, if I make another and the two of them hit it off, I might just go and write a cute-girls-girls-doing-cute-things comic starring them for fun. The fact that'd it'd be almost autobiographical should make it extra cool to write.

Anyway, I'll have a session with Midori later tonight and report about it then.

RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 06-13-2012

Today's tulpa lounging music:

J Nilsson Project - 8hr Session

Today was mostly about narration. For the past few days I noted that I was causally speaking with Midori less and less, and I wanted to remedy that. Thus, I went and just started blabbing to her about anything that came to mind. I told her about some old story/comic ideas I had when I was younger and never really wrote down, as well as the recent ones that I haven't written down either. I also ended up going into a shorts politics related rant, though I caught myself before I got too deep into it, since current politics is a great way to increase anyone's blood pressure. We also did some math practice together, since I've forgotten a good deal of math related things, and I've been trying to relearn them. The amount of stuff I've forgotten...I will not go into. I felt her presence, in the form of pressure in the head naturally, throughout the time I was narrating, and I even believe I may have heard a very faint voice. Not sure if it was her's, but the thought of it being her's is most definitely a boost to keep going.

When we actually did go and have session of tulpa forcing in the garden...I'm not really sure if I could call it a "tulpa forcing session", as we ended up just spending a good deal of it sitting next to each other on the grass and staring at the sky. I didn't really go into the session with much of a plan, so I guess that may be why. I just ended up just taking the time to get a better look at my garden (Which now had street lamp around the forest line), and Midori herself, solidifying visualization and all that. We didn't spend the entire time just lazing in each other's presence, mind. I did eventually get up and look around, and Midori followed close behind. I took note that she was finally starting to use her wings regularly, so that was a plus. I was getting some intrusive thoughts from time to time, and I had to jack-out once, though mainly because nature reared her head, but it generally went pretty smooth.

Though, there was a few oddities I noted with some of the structures in the garden. For one thing, the glass room at the garden's center that we used for forcing sessions was boarded up for some reason. I didn't really question it though. The street lights around the forest's edge was mentioned above, though I think those might have been because I was listening to Jazz while I was forcing, and I tend to associate Jazz music with cities at night, and cities always have street lamps and such. I did stop by Midori's house again, and she seemed to be quite eager for me to go there. She went in before I did, but for some incredibly strange reason, before I could get to the door, the house began to sink into the ground, until a balcony on the second floor was level with the ground. I walked onto the balcony and I opened a door leading to a large library. There were a few books here and there, but I checked one of them, and it was blank. I'm not particularly sure if that was an outside thought or not, though.

The session ended in Midori's room again, though I only just sat down next to her again before jacking out. I told her I'd come back there a little later, since I was going to do some jogging. Though I definitely felt progress in the narration, the forcing session itself was a bit too laid back to really say anything significant happened. "Tulpa lounging" would definitely be the best term for what we ended up doing.

RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 06-14-2012

Today's Tulpa forcing tunes

Nifflas - Sahara Blizzard

Last night, I tried out the daily recap technique that was outlined in a thread in the general discussion forum. I didn't do it exactly as extensively, mainly just narrated to her about the day, where I think I slipped up, where I think I could have improved, the finally I just let it go. As a personal note, I've always had problems with letting things in my past go, and I'd often dwell on things that even other people had already forgiven me for. Creating Midori actually really helped in that regard. Even before she became sentient, I noticed myself becoming less depressed and negative about being an unemployed college graduate, as well as more motivated in addressing that problem. It's one of the things that kept me going with this, at that point nothing could ever get me out of that self-loathing rut.

I tried to force around 11:30 this morning..."tried" being the keyword. As usual, I started the session by meditating, to clear my mind, address my parroting paranoia, and all that good stuff. Unfortunately, my mind apparently was not in the mood to be clear that day, as I was constantly hit with intrusive thoughts that would pull my attention away from meditation and to something else. Even when I got to the garden, I was torn away from Midori and the wonderland so much that I couldn't tell what was going on. The scenery would shift, people would appear before me and start babbling about stuff, and even when I tore myself away and went back to Midori, it'd take all but a few seconds for my attention to be torn away again. Worst of all, I couldn't feel Midori's pressure anywhere, she was pretty much absent in all of the chaos going on in my head, and I was frankly freaked out by it all. So, I just jacked out of there, there was no point in continuing the session.

I went on the ask Midori what exactly was happening in there, though I didn't get an answer as usual. I still didn't quite feel her presence, and it kinda disturbed me, the that fortunately didn't last long. I went to study some math basics, since I had forgotten a good deal of it over the years, and I started to feel that familiar pressure in my skull again. This was quite comforting, and I began to narrate to her about the stuff I was doing, and explaining how to do it. I also went out to jog later that day, and I believe I heard a rather quiet, distinctly female voice saying "GO! GO FASTER!" and other such things. I wasn't sure if it was Midori, though, since I have a tendency to think stuff like that, and I may have been parroting there.

I wish to believe otherwise. ;__;

After all that, I went and tried to do another session with her, to see if I could get beyond all that noise. I meditated just like I did before, and tried to keep my head as clear as possible. Some thoughts still came and took my attention away from the nothing I was focusing on, but I was able to get beyond those, even if I had some difficulty. After some time, I was able to get through enough of the intrusive thoughts and reach my lil' fairy girl.

*Insert mushy wushy cutesy hug stuff here*

That wasn't the end of the weirdness though. Even after I had Midori all on me, I'd occasionally see a double of her floating close by. Fortunately, the one I had next to me had the more real presence, so much so that I could even feel body heat from her, which I'm guessing is a good sign. Not only that, but when I was walking around with her, I somehow went past the treeline, and ran onto a paved sidewalk next to a river. I was all kind of confused there, and Midori didn't seem to be reacting in a way that's would imply it was her doing, so I wracked it up to my thoughts still being a bit screwy. I ended the session by doing some >feels of her, to further push her presence and prep her for eventual imposition. I'm thinking about doing a few other things, especially concerning smell, but I'll save those for later. I'll probably read her a book after writing this log as well. All-in-all, twas an interesting day.

Also, I gotta thank Hoppip for drawing that picture of Midori. I'll make sure to do yours soon!.

RE: Sock's creation log - Avalanche - 06-15-2012

Sounds like some solid progress being had here. The thing with the double of Midori in the air I would chalk up to your head being screwy too. Either that or Midori can make multiples of herself now. Which would be kinda cool.

RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 06-18-2012

Midori tried to speak again today, I'm 100% positive: no parroting paranoia or other such rot. It was an extremely short exchange, and it took a second for me to realize what was happening, but it most definitely gave me a motivational push. It came out mostly as gibberish, but it was very much distinct from my other mental voices, and the giggle she left at the end of her statement was very much like the one I wrote about many updates back. Though I wasn't quite as giddy as I was then, I still felt a good deal of excitement.

The past few days were mostly dedicated to meditation and mind clearing. As anyone following could tell, a bunch of rather crazy things had been happening over the past week, and much of it was due to a large and sudden flood of intrusive thoughts. Many times they were so bad that I couldn't even force, and the absolute worst ones would completely warp my garden, and sometimes Midori herself. To combat this, I did a good deal of meditating to address the thoughts and hopefully expel them. Even that proved difficult, as when I'd close my eyes, I would very quickly be bombarded with a tidal wave of pop culture and other pointless junk. They've been starting to slow down today, but I'm still having some difficulty forcing for long periods of time without my attention being snatched away. Fortunately, I did a decent amount of narrating to her, may it be out loud or in my head when other's were around, I always make sure to acknowledge her in someway.

RE: Sock's creation log - Avalanche - 06-18-2012

I tried forcing yesterday, but like you a lot of random rubbish kept invading my head and snatching my focus away almost as soon as I saw Flora. Very annoying. I'm going to try to force again today when my head should be less crowded.

Then I also picked up a book, the last in a series I was following so I'm going to read that to her over the next few weeks. Might get something out of that.

Hopefully Midori will speak again to you and this time she will be comprehensible. I look forward to hearing what she has to say.

RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 06-18-2012

Quote:I tried forcing yesterday, but like you a lot of random rubbish kept invading my head and snatching my focus away almost as soon as I saw Flora. Very annoying. I'm going to try to force again today when my head should be less crowded.

Yeah, that stuff IS very annoying, especially since it has a nasty tendency of sticking around for a while. Meditating in complete silence has actually seemed to remedy this issue for me; I just got done doing some more meditation a few minutes ago, and my mind was significantly clearer, enough that not only could I freely visualize Midori, but I could feel her specific point of pressure (What Irish would call "The funny feeling", I believe).

I spent most of that session just sitting there, breathing deeply, thinking about nothing with no music or sound on (Even had to unplug my laptop, since it makes sounds even when I turn it off), and when Midori's pressure became present, I just started focusing on that, saying a word or two to it, and imagining her form. I imagined the garden a bit too, but not very extensively, just enough to acknowledge it's existence. Later on I'll try to do a session where I spend more time focusing on Midori, until then I'll just narrate to her.

Maybe a few sessions of focusing on nothing may be the thing that can help you, as well. Narration can still give your tulpa the attention while you get your mind right, but trying too hard to see your tulpa through all the noise will likely just result in frustration for the time being. Take some time and just air out your brain, if some intrusive though comes by, simply acknowledge it, and keep focusing on nothing. Complete silence works best when I need to do this, but maybe it's different for you. In any case, good luck!

RE: Sock's creation log - Sock - 06-19-2012

Today was spent doing a lot of meditating and forcing, though mostly meditating. My mind has finally gotten clear enough that I can spend some time seeing my tulpa without my thoughts being jerked away. I still have a handful of intrusive thoughts here and there, but they aren't as numerous and are easier to break away from. Knowing her specific type of pressure and assigning it to her also helped me deal with the thoughts, as I didn't lose track of her presence as much. Midori herself seems to still be in relatively high spirits, though she seemed a bit lonely when I first jumped into the wonderland after spending most of my time meditating and not interacting with her as much.

So far, I've only done a bit of testing with the prism, and some kick start-parroting to give her some more body language. I'd add some more, but it's late at night, and I'd rather not fall asleep during forcing again. I also did some editing of the wonderland; I made the glass room a bit larger, as well as tried to force it's image more into my head. I changed the colors of the leaves a bit, and they were falling as well, but I think this was more of an effect of the music I was listening to while forcing, since the wonderland tends to shift and change when I have a song on. Since I can actually see her pretty well, even when I have music on, I'll do some forcing first thing in the morning.

RE: Sock's creation log - Robo - 06-19-2012

I was going on a walk with Mitsuki after I was skimming through your journal, She seems to want me to tell you that she thinks Midori's name is cute.