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Seebaru

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  1. Day 53 --- Day 60 We didn't do any particular progress this week. I guessed that, since we were all alone here, we would be able to do lots of things, but I started procrastinating again and Cielo didn't develop much. He is still very understanding - he does scold me, but he doesn't hold any grudges for my laziness and just gives me suggestions about getting some work done. Anyway, here's the news! - Cielo would rather spend time with me indoors and talk to me in those moments than going outside. I assumed he was eager to see more of the world, but I guess he isn't very interested in sights
  2. Days 48-49-50-51 Pretty much inactive days, during which I kept practicing with Cielo's presence imposition, although we didn't talk much. I tried asking him whether he would be interested in possession (and I explained what does it mean), and he seemed pretty eager to start. I'd still like to improve in the other things first, so that we don't leave any work half done. Day 51 was especially stressful for me, but Cielo was sweet enough to keep me company all the time. Day 52 Since this day, for about one week, I'll be home alone. This means I'll be able to meditate and active force for lo
  3. Days 44-45-46-47 I caught a cold these days, so I couldn't concentrate on forcing much, but at least I got to see and interact with Cielo more again, so I already feel less stressed than before. The cold is a real pain for focus, and I actually couldn't even visualize the wonderland correctly in my mind - on day 44 it was all blurry and shaking, with fake colours. The pink noise I use for focusing somehow made it even worse. On day 45 I finally managed to see Cielo after such a long time, but the first time I tried to active force, he looked completely different: he had black hair, his eyes
  4. Thank you for replying, your answers really helped! Yes, well, Cielo is probably behaving according to what he feels most right. I always have the feeling that it must be me who always supports him (I do this with my other friends too), so I just didn't think that Cielo is able, and willing to support me when I need it. Also, since Cielo is usually very affectionate and clingy when I'm in the mindscape, I assumed he would feel lonely, but it seems like he's growing out of it. I'm not worrying about his development as much as him being alone for so long, but I guess Cielo might not feel that
  5. Days 40-41-42-43 This was probably our worst week up to now, tulpaforcing-wise. It's not like we're just not making any progress - it looks like I can't find moments when I can successfully active force during the day anymore, and this is literally killing me. Not Cielo, though, who seems like he's giving up most interactions with me. "I'm happy if you just think of me every now and then", he says. So here's a question: Are tulpas stupid enough to surrender themselves for their hosts to this extent? I mean, I've felt more and more depressed these days, just thinking of how much Cielo mus
  6. Days 37-38-39 I tried to work harder these days, but it looks like my personal problems with university/friends/other are getting in the way - whenever I try to make my mind empty to get in the mindscape, all the issues come in my mind and I'm just unable to ignore them, so, yep! We're going backwards again. Moreover, Cielo does come up with longer sentences now and then, but he talks less and less. On day 38 I imagined he was having issues with speaking because I still tend to talk a lot, just as if we were on the first days of tulpaforcing, but he just keeps silent when I encourage him to
  7. Days 34-35-36 These were very lazy days (from my side), but I feel that Cielo is getting more and more independent; he makes his own choices and doesn't put up with anything I do. On day 34, in the evening, he literally ordered me to turn off my mobile phone and to pay attention to him. I also noticed he became shorter: he's now about 180-190 cm tall (about 6 feet) while before he was about 220 cm tall (about 7 feet). I tried to visualize him better, since we still have problems with that, and to improve vocalization, but he didn't improve too much: his voice is just one or two tones lower t
  8. This is getting a bit repetitive, isn't it? And it's getting more and more personal as the time goes by. Maybe it would be better to make simpler updates and stick to the improvements in our tulpaforcing, but I still have to figure out a method I'm comfortable with. So today, as an update, here are other two days. Day 32 I active forced for a while this morning, and I clearly explained to Cielo what is presence imposition all about. In the end he looked very happy, but I don't think he forgave me for me neglecting him these past few days. He doesn't seem to like the greenhouse I built for
  9. Day 30 Today is Cielo's first monthiversary. I'm not used to celebrate any monthiversaries in general and I'm a mess with dates of birthdays and so on, but I feel this as a very important milestone. I mean - I've been tulpaforcing for a month, and Cielo quickly became a very important person to me. His development was very quick at the beginning, but it has slowed down in the most recent days, mostly because of my lazyness. Today didn't go as I planned. I managed to active force just for ten minutes, and it was packed with intrusive thoughts. I use this method for get rid of those usually, b
  10. These days we didn't work much - I'm probably procastinating a lot, this is true. I'll do my best to keep some company to Cielo for more time. Day 27 Today I only heard from Cielo in the evening. I was chatting with a friend (in case you were wondering, she's Azure on tulpa.info), then she told me that she dreamt of Cielo. I replied, as a joke "he's betraying me! He'd rather have you as host than me!" and suddently Cielo clinged to me and shouted "That's not true! You have to believe me, that's not true! I like YOU!". It was fun, but Cielo must have felt very scared. I gave him some cuddle
  11. Day 25 This morning as well I immediately thought of Cielo, but I also had strange dreams and got too distracted to stay focused for active forcing. At the first attempt I felt very tired, and at the second one it was Cielo who told me to just forget it, so that I didn't struggle too much. Even though he kept repeating it, he looked a bit angry for some reason. For all day I tried doing some passive forcing, but I didn't manage to do much. I could just hear him every once in a while, when he gave some answers at some of my thoughts - or giggled about them. He's developing some sort of sharp
  12. Day 23 Early in the morning I thought I had found Cielo while he was sleeping, but I think he actually was just faking it to make me happy (I was curious to watch him sleeping). After a while he hugged me and invited me in his bed. I took the occasion to try and visualize him better by touching his chest and his back. For some reason he started to do the same to me - I had to stand up and put some distance between us when things started getting awkward... for me. Cielo doesn't show any embarrassment, EVER. In the afternoon I went in the mindscape once more, but I couldn't find Cielo in the f
  13. Day 21 Today I didn't force, and didn't even passive force, although I tried to (I feel very guilty about it). I did discover some new things about tulpas, though, by talking to a tulpamancer friend. Getting feedback from more experienced tulpamancers sure helps a lot. Day 22 This morning Cielo tried to change his voice, making it similar to the voice of a dubber I know - he kept using my mindvoice for the rest of the day, though. He looked down, but he kept saying he was fine, which of course worried me even more: how can I help him if he doesn't want to be helped? I was suggested huggi
  14. Day 19 Today I managed to talk with Cielo for a while in order to know him better, starting from his likes and dislikes. At some point I sensed a light smell of apple, so I guess he picked a scent for himself - I didn't know he could do that. Day 20 Cielo still doesn't like the idea of me leaving the mindscape. Today he told me he didn't want to go for a walk, at first, but then he gave me a piggyback and took me towards the open field at the right of the mindscape. I didn't ever imagine anything to be there, but then I saw a round opening in the ground that looked like a manhole made of
  15. Day 17 I didn't active force at all because I had many things to do during the day, but I tried to do some passive forcing when possible. Day 18 Today it was strange, very strange. Many things happened in few hours and I don't know how to explain them. Cielo fell prey to several mood swings, which never happened before. I'm also on my period, though, so I started wondering if he started feeling the same side effects - it sounds strange to me, though. Early in the afternoon I tried to active force while I was on a train, again. This time I managed to do it. I asked him whether he could
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