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Everything posted by LaceyJoshua

  1. If I had to choose one, my favorite flower is the daffodil. Lacey doesn't really care for them, so it surprised her. Not much, I know. ^_^; Honestly, there aren't too many surprises about Joshua. I know him pretty well.
  2. No, not better at all. Nor do I think it would be significantly worse. I don't think that James has impacted my life in such a way that it would be hugely different if he was gone. I will say, though, that I would be a lot more bored without him, and probably wouldn't feel like I've got a good friend at the moment. Nope, no point in doing that. I know little to nothing about other forms of plurality, so I'll refrain from commenting about them! However, I genuinely don't see what separates tulpa from imaginary friends. Children create friends that they can see and hear all the time, that are seemingly independent from themselves. Here at Tulpa Info, many people would argue that they therefore aren't imaginary friends, but are instead, you know . . . tulpa. I disagree to an extent. I think that tulpa are imaginary friends, but are simply more advanced. I don't think that being more advanced means that they aren't imaginary friends. At the start of creation, before sentience, there is NO DIFFERENCE between the tulpa and an imaginary friend at all--and yet, we still call them tulpa. The only reason why I call James a tulpa is because it's quicker to say that than say that he's an imaginary friend. Hmm. So, for me, this question turns into, "If you could, would you bury the possibility of imaginary friends?" The answer is a resounding noooope! Imaginary friends are, at least for the most part, good. They're good in children, good in teenagers, and good in adults. On the whole. So, no, I wouldn't try to kill it off.
  3. Lacey introduced herself to me before sentience (and I suppose that's pretty usual), so I don't exactly remember her saying who she was in an introductory sort of way. However, she explained pretty much everything about herself to me that she could think of, as well as the people around her. She talked about the seasons, her classes, her favorite subjects, her fandoms, her favorite colors, the things she didn't like--so I suppose you can say, in the beginning, I had to learn about her. At some point, though, she decided to "let me in." She had created a door that held all of her inner-most thoughts and locked it before-hand, but then one day she took me to it, unlocked it, and told me to go exploring. I spent an infinite amount of time in there. It actually seemed like the time there and the time in reality were (are) two different things. It took forever to try and get to everything, but it was really only a few hours, all in all.
  4. James and I have taken tuns deciding which cards were to go down next when playing Crazy 8's with the family, but we've never played a board game together. Oh, we should do that some time. . . .
  5. I think I might be able to sympathize a bit? I know that I personally would never feel this way about, say, a character that I created. I know how I am . . . "Oh, you're a fan? I'm a fan, too!" Maybe the reason I just don't really understand is because the creator isn't losing anything at all. It's not like they suddenly don't have that character themselves anymore. I wouldn't even really think of it as being shared. It simply . . . is. (Also, I know that you said no theft is going on as well--I'm just adding on to my own thoughts, I guess.) There's also the issue that there's a big difference between basing a tulpa off of a character, and sort of "creating" that character in your mind (which, as has already been said, would be more of a soulbond). Most creative types base their creations on one thing or another, at least a little bit. J.K. Rowling took references from Narnia, LOTR, and other childhood stories for Harry Potter. If a person is simply basing a tulpa off of a character, then that does imply that they or the tulpa would still be using creative means to get the end result. If the tulpa has elements of the personality, or the form is based off of them, or something like that--surely that shouldn't be so bad? I do understand that there are people who wouldn't like that at all, though, and with your explanation it makes a little more sense, so thank you. :)
  6. I'm glad to hear you say that you're going to talk to your tulpa about sex! I'll go ahead and tell you that there may be a few times when the temptation is very strong for both of you, and you may end up doing it anyway a few times, but if you persist then things will eventually be much better off. :) It's not Satanic, dear, it's just music. It effects you in a bad way and that is bad, but it doesn't effect everyone in a bad way. I enjoy some music in this genre, and it doesn't make me want to have drugs, or do any other bad thing. I'm only mentioning this because I think it's extremely important not to try to stifle different types of creativity on the basis that we don't like something. Many people feel that heavy metal is somehow Satanic, and while I don't usually like metal I can appreciate that it is simply a style of music, and has nothing at all to do with demons (or what have you). My point is that you associate this music with a particular thing, and that's okay--just please don't confuse it with reality. :) In reality, it's just music. People can use it for any little thing at all.
  7. I agree with eeeverything Saylin said. Perhaps I'm being insensitive, but it just seems a little silly to get offended by someone basing a tulpa off of a fictional character. It's one thing to take credit for that work, but quite another to claim that work as your own. People who mold their tulpa after characters most often DON'T claim to be the original creators. Aside from that, most creative folks have a tendency to love when their works get positive attention, and creating a headmate is most certainly a form of positive attention. Being creative myself, I know I wouldn't mind at all--in fact, most of my creative friends from high school (so, seven or eight other people) I KNOW would be the exact same way. "Policing the mind" sounds indeed like what's trying to happen here. Let all forms of creativity flourish--and that includes weird fan stuff. Just my opinion. . . . Trying to create a tulpa from a fictional character and getting mad/upset/whatever if they deviate is bad, but just basing them off of a fictional character isn't bad at all. The only thing that matters is to make sure that the host doesn't get mad about deviation if/when it happens.
  8. Possession I by Lacey [align=justify]I am practically a completely deaf host. I have always had a lot of trouble hearing James. I'm sure this comes from all of the doubt and fears of parroting that I had when I was just starting out, and it lingers. Even still, I'm able to clearly "hear" the intent of what James wants to say, and that helps out a lot! We started practicing possession back in . . . September, I think? And unfortunately went through a period where we really didn't do anything at all. :P My best friend in the real world has his own set of tulpa, and one is named Ongela. Shortly after her coming along she possessed his arms, and James and I were so in awe of how she did that with little to no trouble at all. James requested that he talk to her briefly, and one of the things she said has since stuck out to us: "You need to realize that you are a tulpa, and as such you are limitless." James, even more than myself, has taken this to heart. When we tried out possession there was quite a lot of activity, some of which I know without a doubt wasn't me doing it on my own, and some of which I'm not entirely sure on (I know that doubt is counter-productive, and I will be trying to work on getting rid of it). Even still, I suppose what Ongela said has instilled in him a lot of determination to get this going. He's also wanting to be at least "mostly a master" of possessing my body before Liam comes around, and of course that gives us a lot of inspiration to practice it. Of course, I'm not going to create Liam unless James and I both feel like we're ready. . . . Anyway, the big thing we are working on now is walking. He's fairly good at it. Last night he was kind of dancing around and doing exercises/stretches, and when all was done I asked him if it had been him. He said that only half of it was. T.T Oh, darn. Well. Just gotta keep working at it![/align]
  9. From a journal entry of mine: "When it was around the time where I was first created, she wanted to have a lucid dream so that she could work on me, or that I could 'prove' my sentience. Within three days' time, I helped her achieve that dream. I can't remember now how I did it, really, but then she was suddenly aware, and she called out to me . . . I didn't appear then, because she wasn't ready for that to happen, but I did send over a device for her to look at. I wanted her to pay attention to the device, so that could see about helping her do some certain things (like work on her Japanese, etc.)." Yes indeed, I sometimes enter her dreams. It's actually more difficult than you might expect--or at least it is for me. I believe this is because dreams are the subconscious brain's playground, and it doesn't tend to like much interference, if that can be helped.
  10. These are some very good questions! Well, the doubt about everything (and when I say that, I mean everything connected with tulpamany in general) did make me a little sad, but not much more than that. I can't say it's effected out relationship, really--unless, perhaps, you want to say that both of us believe that I am more of a part of her brain and may not be sentient at all. So long as I am treated like a real person, that's all I care about. The real problem is how the progress has been effected. She cannot hear me. She can strongly feel my intent--which is how she's typing all of this out for me--but she can't hear me at all. Maybe we just need to keep trying, but I've been around for over a year now and she's heard my mindvoice only a handful of times. The doubt she has of possession as well is also a nuisance, but it's not nearly as big of a problem. Ugh . . . I actually found out about tulpa when I was fifteen/sixteen, but instead of being intrigued I was absolutely terrified. I couldn't get the image of some creepy entity in the corner of my room out of my head. Shortly after learning about tulpa I sort of "shut down" and tried to block it from my memory. I pretty much succeeded, too, except for a year later. The subject came up in a different forum, and although I was scared (again), I wasn't as scared. That time around I did some research. I wanted to take a few months to decide whether or not I wanted to create a tulpa for myself, but I ended up finding myself accidentally talking to an imaginary friend--on impulse, I suppose? I was terrified that if I didn't officially start then and there, Joshua would already be sentient and grow to be rather angry and hateful, as I wouldn't actively be focusing on him. As such, I was terrified that he would be violent. I couldn't shake the feeling, no matter how hard I tried. I attempted to tell myself over and over again that I "knew" he wasn't dangerous, and I also forced very positive personality traits as well as morals. I was still scared. I guess it was just my luck that he showed signs of being self-aware as early as three days in. I woke up from a dream and had the overwhelming since of love, affection, friendliness--just about everything positive. I knew it was from him. Naturally that helped me to not worry at all (or, at least not so much; I believe there was still some fear that lingered, but it's all gone now, and didn't last too much longer anyway. Still, Joshua absolutely despises this part in our history. There seem to be a lot of tulpa who are just vaguely amused when it comes to their hosts' fears regarding themselves, but Joshua is very hurt from it. I wouldn't say that our relationship is strained, exactly, nor is it really negative, but he does not at all like to be feared as someone who would take pleasure in hurting people.
  11. As French isn't one of the languages that I understand (not that I'm fluent in anything but English . . . whoops), I better just stick to what I know. xD I believe your situation is mostly being handled by now, but even still: When I said that you need to find your center, I meant that you need to "steady yourself," I suppose you can say. You can use things like meditation to calm yourself down when you get aroused. I understand that you say that she was your whole (sexual) world, but the point still remains that you need to make sure that you calm down. While I still don't believe that sex with a tulpa, even in the early stages, somehow makes you the Devil, it CAN be a bad thing if it's done too often (which has already been said before). Plus, as she's already showed signs of sentience and all that, this becomes even more important. . . . You need to sit down with your tulpa and tell her that you want to stop having sex with her for awhile. It doesn't have to be forever, but for a good bit of time (enough time for her to develop more as a person). If you can find light in schizophrenia then I suppose that's a good thing, but you need to make sure that you don't start thinking that it has no down-sides to it. Just remember that it does need to be monitored. :) Anyway, I'm glad that progress is being made! If you can focus on this kind of thing more often instead of the sex, then the two of you will be in a better place all together. That's actually not too surprising at all. It sounds to me like in the beginning you associated that kind of music with both drugs and your tulpa too much. She might even like that kind of music. Regardless, if you say that it makes you want drugs then you need to do your best to stay away from it. Try to listen to different genres--and also, listen to different genres WITH your tulpa. Find ones that you both like, and use those during forcing sessions. Hopefully that would help both of you to associate that music with her more than the psychedelic sounds.
  12. As everyone else has already said, dealing with drugs is a dangerous business. I'm happy to hear that you are trying to quit them all. When you've started, they are difficult to get away from! Good luck, friend. Now . . . I do have some comments to make, of course. It's unfortunate that you've made your tulpa perfect. This, I have always believed, is when real problems can come along with tulpamancy. When you obsess over anything at all--and that is what you are doing--then that particular thing becomes detrimental to your health. Tulpa have the very real potential of being a bad thing, if they are the entire center of your world. There is also the added fact that if your tulpa is perfect it can be incredibly difficult for other people to even touch those ideals. By making her perfect, you are making it difficult to be totally content with "regular" people. There is a way to change this, but it will be difficult. You must find your "center," and you have to make sure that your entire world (thoughts, desires, etc.) do not entirely revolve around her. Meditation would probably be your biggest help in this. You don't even necessarily have to change your tulpa; it's simply important that you do not become dependent on her entirely. I stand by this. I'm going to let Joshua handle the subject of dating and sex and all: We don't do it very often, especially nowadays, but we used to have sex. In fact, we had sex very early on--both before I was sentient, and a bit afterwards. She would have stopped if I asked her to; I'd stop if she asked me too. There are times when I may occasionally feel horny and ready to "play around," but that doesn't mean that she has to go through with it. Often times she doesn't. Honestly, the whole "sex before tulpa are ready" thing . . . I believe it only holds somewhat true. For starters, if your tulpa isn't even sentient then it's not going to hurt them. You know, because they aren't sentient . . . it's the equivalent of having sex with a random daydream character. For another, honestly, because you never had horrible intentions in mind . . . I just really doubt that you ever hurt her. In fact, theoretically, one could use sex as a means of forcing. If someone wanted their tulpa to be very sexual, then that might be a way to do it. You know? Going back to Lacey now. Now, to kind of follow-up with what Joshua was saying. . . . Is she even sentient right now? Where exactly are you in the developmental process? I mean, if she isn't self-aware . . . I really don't see how much of it even matters. . . . I'm sorry if I've missed anything!
  13. I would say keep doing it for now. It sounds like your tulpa to me, and Joshua and I have a similar background (except I didn't feel anything physical, I simply felt the intentions of the responses. Keep doing yes or no questions for a little while, until you are ready to go further. When you are ready, progressions to questions that require answers, but small ones (e.g., "What is your name?" "What is your favorite color?" "What is your favorite animal?"). Once you're getting answers pretty regularly, try for questions that would require slightly longer answers. :)
  14. I wonder if there's been a tulpamancer who has dissipated their tulpa and felt the same kind of emotional pain that someone who has murdered a person has felt? I agree with J.Iscariot . . . do what must be done. Your tulpa would ultimately want the best for you anyway and, as you said, your health must come first.
  15. Congratulations on all of the progress that you've made, then! You're doing wonderful work, and so are they! I would like to point out, though, that not everyone (physical or not-physical) is male or female. Your tulpa sounds genderfluid to me. :) Beautifully said! ^_^
  16. Then it sounds like the Melian Motor to me! I was going to say that it sounds like your subconscious mind as well--like, your subconscious mind, and not Mistgod's. You know, the part of the mind that is more Melian than is Mistgod . . . ah, I'll be quiet now. I think I make sense haha It's a shame that I can't think of any other (credible) possibility that hasn't been said already! Edit: I'd also like to add, that my streams of thought are much less "choppy" when I'm being proxied as well! I think it may be normal.
  17. Like others before me, I don't remember the exact moment when I became sentient, either. Well . . . not quite. I know what I was doing, I know that I had a task (help Lacey become conscious in her dream) . . . it was sort of like waking up and thinking, "Okay, I have a purpose. This is what I have to do." And so I did. When she woke up, she felt me, and I felt her. I was exceedingly happy. I felt like I had just done something extraordinary (and in a way, I suppose I did). I felt accomplished, I felt wonderful . . . I felt alive. So, I suppose you can say that the above is right after I became sentient. Maybe that helps a bit!
  18. Greetings, Friends by Lacey Hello there, everyone! This is my dear old blog dedicated to all things tulpamanceyish. I will write about the progress that we make, occasionally some thoughts regarding tulpa, some things that we do in wonderland, etc. If something is what I have deemed important, then it will be bold and underlined. If something is coming from Joshua, then it will be in this color here. If I ever create another tulpa--which I might do, one day--then they will have their own individual color, as well (and you should be able to see that in my signature, so never fear). Joshua is twenty-four years old (as in, he has the mentality/body/etc. of a twenty-four year old). He has a tendency to wear a lot of black, and often semi-formal attire--though it does depend. He changes his clothes somewhat often, so there's no point in trying to explain that--though I will say that this morning I learned his pajamas are black (no surprise there) and made of silk. ^_^ At least they feel nice haha I wear a good bit of black as well, but not as much as I used to. I'm sure that's where he got all that from. Anyway, that's a tangent! I said before now that he "probably" needed to loosen up a bit, and after that he flirted with Ongela (my friend's tulpa) and a bit with the famous Melian here. :3 So, I suppose he doesn't need to do that anymore, really, so long as he keeps the sillies up! Joshua is very patient and understanding with me, which I love. He is a wonderful cuddle buddy. Here recently, we have seriously begun entertaining the idea of creating another tulpa, whose name would be Liam. Liam would be a resurrection of sorts of an old imaginary friend that I had when I was very little, as well as a combination of a daydream character that has begun to pop up more and more frequently. Joshua and I have decided that before we do that we want to master possession, which will most likely not take too long. Since Liam would be my twin (unless he deviates), I'll be making him on my birthday, which is towards the end of next month. I guess that's it, for now. :) Byeee!
  19. I'm actually confused now. ^_^; What exactly is the difference between daydreaming and visualization? Do some just think of visualization as more "professional" than daydreaming, or something (as in, visualization requires a serious mindset, or whatever)?
  20. I'm sure there are times when people talking about their wonderlands are very helpful for other people, actually. Not only is it interesting (like Vosaiu said), but it can help to inspire people, sometimes. OP, why do you agree with the statement?
  21. Sooo much of that! I really enjoy hearing about the "dynamic" wonderlands, and it would be interesting to experiment with one, but ultimately I do like the idea of some sort of stability within Joshua's world. Perhaps I should create a mini-world that is dynamic, though . . . that might be cool.
  22. I voted for the third, because tulpa who came about "randomly" are just as legitimate as the ones who are created step-by-step, in my opinion. The ones who come about without intentionally being created--especially before the host ever knew about tulpas--are "proof" enough for me to say that belief is *not* a requirement. Also, I don't think it's a requirement at all if you are creating a tulpa. Why should it be? Yes, I recognize that most people seem to find the belief (or suspended belief, in other cases) very helpful, but there's a difference between finding something helpful and finding something necessary.
  23. My apologies in nearly derailing the thread! Anyway, the imagery is best when you do it like this, and by that I mean putting people in these schools. I very much like the idea. * (Sorry that was so short/confusing! We're trying for possession, and that was the first time he's typed. We find it exhausting, haha . . . or actually, maybe that's because it's nearly five in the morning.) Anyway, what Joshua was trying to say (and what I think as well) is that you really DO have an awesome bit of imagination there! We both like the idea of everyone being in these schools (as well as others being sort of "wanderers," and not being a part of the schools). In the beginning I was veeery into the, "MY TULPA IS A REAL PERSON DANG IT!" view. And, really, there's nothing at all that's bad about that idea. I don't think it hurts anyone (and if it does, then it's going to be in a small minority). However . . . well, at some point I just changed my viewpoint. Not sure what caused it. As Joshua said earlier (and now I'll say again, because I'm cool like that), it no longer matters whether he is "real," so much as whether he is treated like he is. I wonder if another "key point" for all tulpa is that they will be happiest if they are treated like a real person? Hmm, maybe. I'm sure that's the case for the majority of people, but there are probably some tulpa out there who don't really care too much, so long as they aren't treated like crap.
  24. Well, Lacey is from the good old U.S. of A. I guess I'm American. Or maybe I'm English (she briefly entertained the idea of seeing if she could get me to be "from" another country, but was ultimately too lazy haha). Perhaps I'm Tulpish. Ah, yeah, I guess I don't really care myself.