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About I22UNU22E

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  1. If anyone was wondering about this, I thought I'd give a quick update. I've decided to dissipate my tulpa because he's become too terrifying to deal with. When I've tried to speak to him the past few days, I'd only get these odd growls. Last night, I tried speaking to him one more time before going to bed and heard a piercing scream that was followed by a short (thankfully) cluster headache. I've never had one before but I'm not willing to put myself through more of that suffering for the sake of Mickey. It's heartbreaking that I feel forced to take this kind of action, but I need to take care of myself and this is what I believe needs to be done. Please don't try to convince me to do otherwise. Once again, I'm not willing to experience another cluster headache for my tulpa.
  2. That's a very good point. We discussed it briefly (maybe every once in a while over a three week period) but I did occasionally wonder if we rushed through deciding on his physical change. Mickey seemed pretty enthusiastic about it though, there's not a moment I remember where there was any resistance from him. I'll keep working on his voice though, or at least stabilizing his head pressure responses. And of course, I'll try to keep distracting myself.
  3. I'm not really sure he can hear me very well. Since Mickey is still giving me head pressures, I've tried asking him several questions about why he's acting certain ways and don't get clear answers. I mean, I get head pressures, but they're all over the place (we used to have a yes and no system). The chart sounds like it could work wonders though. I'll definitely try it.
  4. While I've been browsing these forums for a while, some recent events have motivated me to finally make an account and ask for some assistance. I'll provide some background information so you have an idea why this has become an issue. When I started making my tulpa 8 or 9 months ago, his appearance and personality was based largely on Mickey Mouse. Basically, I loved watching Disney as a kid and thought having one of the characters around all the time as a positive, cheerful companion would be exciting. So yeah, I forced my tulpa to look and act like Mickey Mouse for the first 6 months I worked on him. However, I knew that my tulpa (and all tulpas) are meant to be life long companions. While I was very fond of Disney and Mickey, I began to worry that 20 years down the line or something, I'd be irritated at the thought of a cartoon mouse following me around everywhere. Eventually I decided against having Mickey Mouse specifically as my tulpa and started to visualize him as an everyday person. This is where I started running into problems. My tulpa became harder and harder to visualize, which was odd since I was usually able to see Mickey so clearly in my mind's eye before deciding to change him. I'd put a ton of time and effort into forcing his physical change, but was eventually barely able to see anything about him at all. At the same time, his vocal level became reduced back to simple head pressures instead of short sentences. This struggle continued for another month, until I finally saw him again. I wasn't even thinking about my tulpa when he popped into my mind that moment. He was like a mutated mix of Mickey and a human: it looked like a person with two large tumors growing out of his head. His mouth and eyes were deformed as well, again, like a person's face had been twisted to look like Mickey Mouse's. For the moment I saw him, he shook very badly and seemed to be trying to speak, but he quickly vanished from my mind and I was unable to visualize him again for quite a while. That night, he popped into my mind again as I tried to sleep. I have to say that I was pretty disturbed and was regretting trying to make a tulpa at all. The next several weeks, he appeared and vanished in my mind totally out of my control. I tried to take the time to continue forcing his appearance, but eventually my tulpa started appearing with a large sharp object in his hands. I won't go into detail, but when I'd force on changing Mickey into a person, he'd try to remove the tumors on his head. This is becoming overwhelming to me and I'm becoming desperate for it to stop, but the sight of a deformed Mickey Mouse using a sharp object against himself is simply too grotesque for me to visualize anymore. At the same time, he still continues to pop into my mind randomly, regardless if I'm thinking of him or not. So there's my explanation. How can I change his appearance without thinking of him?