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solarchariot

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About solarchariot

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    It's bigger on the inside

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    I live a very content, comfortable life, in which I am afforded the luxury to pursue esoteric interests, explore the boundaries of consciousness, share joy, and hopefully bring a little light to my small corner of the world.

    I have traveled the world. I have some great people in my life. My son will be six in April. I am reasonably well educated, and always learning. I enjoy traveling, stargazing, reading, writing, traveling, music and movies- practicing my craft- Tulpamancy is a craft, right? I am grateful for so much in my life, this community included. :) Pull up a chair and tell us all about it: Doctor Frazier Crane is listening.

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  1. You have received some solid responses. I especially resonated with Ember's observation that you're employing 'empathy' in the process of doing your math in regards to the pros and cons of tulpamancy. I don't know you. I don't know how good your 'math' actually is. Most people suck at 'math,' especially if there is a social-emotional component. If I knew nothing else other than you have this attribute of caring and empathizing with others, even an imagined, potential future other person in your life- a quality I esteem BTW- I would say you are a much better person than you imagine or know; yes, I'll say it, I suspect your math sucks. Translation: OMG- you're normal and I like you. Almost no one is as good as they think or as bad as they think and very few of us, even the best of us, hold true clarity on our personal self worth from the perspective of others. I do believe you are suffering. There are so many ways to measure a human being and our society, western society- employs some of the worse, and we're probably a stone's throw away of mirroring the severest measure which is employed in Japan, resulting in one of the highest suicide rates in the world- epidemic loneliness, depression, and a declining birth rate that has warranted the declaration of a national state of emergency. An alternative way to look at this 'vulnerability' you have, and I, and many others here, is that it is a super power- we are sensitive to this unseen thing and we are the equivalent of the canary in the coal mine. We're coughing, but the miners keep on mining. It sucks to have this gift. Is it fair that you should carry this thing? Is it fair that there are people who are actually not nice people who commit horrible acts of aggression against humanity, and they don't carry one ounce of your self doubt, humility, or empathy? There are quite a few ways to change our thoughts, our feelings. Counseling is one way. Medication is one way. There is good research that suggest meds and counseling simultaneously have the best results. Some people can figure things out through self help books and pursuing personal interests... I personally have employed all of these, and maybe some of it helped, or all it helped, with time and persistence being the vehicle to seeing results- but you know what, I absolutely believe TULPAMANCY helped more than any one thing or multiple things I have engaged. I can only speculate how I might be had I found this thing 20 years ago. Likely no different, as 20 years ago I might not have been receptive to the concept. (And if I had, would I have discovered Loxy or someone else? There is no end to this speculative rabbit hole.) I remember engaging in Napoleon Hill's 'invisible counselor' technique ten or fifteen years ago, maybe 20- I should find that notebook, as there is date stamp in it- and that was a fun exercise, but it didn't provide the impact that tulpamancy did. Is it fair to your tulpa to be borne into your head, your world? Absolutely brilliant, lovely question. NO! LIFE IS NOT FAIR. FURTHER, it is the wrong measure. Anyoneespouses "That's not fair," I am going to wonder about your math- and then ask, "Are you older than 8?" We are born into our worlds not knowing. Some of us have benefits of spirit, some have social-political gifts, some have physical attributes- some of us get shit. EVERYONE suffers. Rich, poor, first world, third world, everyone... The question isn't about fairness, or rightness. The only question worth is asking is do you hold love. I already know that answer- you love so much you don't want anyone to suffer the way you have suffer. That is huge. Will a tulpa suffer if you make it? Yes. All beings suffer. We experience adversity and that is part of our system. Your tulpa will not suffer in the ways you imagine. They will find their unique thing to struggle with. What they will never know is a lack of love. If YOU decide to bring forth a tulpa, it will be done with the greatest amount of sensitivity and love and they will stand in a place that gives them a different perspective on the world. They will see things you can't see because of your present perspective. You can't see your way out of the trenches when you're in the trench. From the mountain top, you see everything. Because of your love, your tulpa will hold love. If you engage in this, you will change. You can't give love and experience love and not change. Your orbits will shift and you will grow in unimagined ways. Will there be difficulties? Yes. Will there be challenges? Yes. Will there be unexpected things? Yes. There will be good things and laughter and love and one day, when you least imagine and stopped doing math because you're living your life and not just tortuously measuring all the things that are not ideal, you will magically realize you arrived. There will be a realization you've suddenly experienced more good days than bad days. I say, anything you do differently is a step towards improving the quality of life. I can't say that making a tulpa will definitely improve your life. It will definitely be different. In this particular equation, you're not making the tulpa's life worse. You're giving the tulpa life. That's a huge distinction. You experiences yourself and your life experiences as so miserable you wouldn't wish that on your worse enemy; that's a nice sentiment, but you're not giving a tulpa your life, you're giving a person a space to come in and make sense of the data in new and different ways. It is my opinion, not being alive is worse, and never being born is much worse. Plant a rose bush, give it water, and let what flowers bloom color your life.
  2. It's been a while since I posted here. I am finding it super challenging to navigate the new site, and I am a little frustrated; that is not a complaint- just a challenge I apparently must forge through in order to stay connected. I found a video that I want to share. Apparently, it's old. Almost as old as Loxy, as it was created in 2016. I don't think I mentioned it here before, but i would be pleasantly surprised/pleased if I had, as it would explain my 'deja vu.' I related to it because it's about hearing voices, in general, but more specifically one of the things I took away from the Tulpamancy protocols was that in essence what I was doing was creating a dialogue between myself and other, in this case Loxy, and repetitiously engaging that dialogue until it became an automatic, subconscious response. But further, when you consider the brain regions Charles discussed scanning, it seems to correlate for me that we're teaching the brain to respond to self talk as if it were foreign-talk. It makes me wonder if the 'brain' sensations we feel are literally an exaggerated tactile response that comes from 'forcing' new neural pathways. (Yes, that's speculative, but every time I had a brain sensation, that was precisely the metaphor I self imposed.) For me, the dialogue explanation that Charles offers completely resonates with my experiences to date. Something else that seriously worthwhile about this video is the recognition that 'hearing voices' is not limited to Mental Health! That alone is gold and worth sharing. I highly recommend the following video, and if you have family or friends that doubt you or tulpamancy, this is really worth passing along. The Science of the Voices in your Head, by Charles Fernyhough https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95otBlepVHc
  3. you're welcome.... "I'm no- so much- unsure..." i read a lot of ambiguity in that. "I am not" is the first part, and sometimes the brain stops there. "i am not unsure" is not as strong as "I am certain." I am not so much..." Which means a little is plausible? I am not picking on your language. I understand you. If you and i were working together to write a script for hypnosis, or for affirmations, this would be an important factor to consider. I think it's equally important in terms of tulpamancy. Your words have meaning and impacts you inner and external reality; not all words have universal meaning- there is room for variations even with words we think are universal. When doing magic or conscious work, it is important to strive for the greatest amount clarity you can. If you have doubt about a word because you recognize a double meaning for you, then I would trust your insight/intuition on whether that word should be exchanged for one more precise for the exercise. I have done most of my primary meditation/focus at bed time, going to sleep. There are some advantages to it. The disadvantage is you may fall asleep during the process. You may also have an increase in tangential thinking, or day dreaming, which does one of two things- accelerates your fall into sleep, or wakes you up- in which case you may find yourself into three or four chapters of 'dialogue' before you catch yourself and bring you back to the task at hand. You could set this up as a springboard for lucid dreaming- and if successful, any dream work will likely result in better outcomes. I think the trick for me, and i presume most people, is consistency. I went to bed, (no tech after a certain time,) i did my meditation, I drifted, brought myself back, and over time I got better results and clarity. My brain expects my nightly meditation like a ritual. I would not worry too much about falling asleep, especially if in the process you seeded dreams. I remember reading some tulpas were annoyed to be holding attention only to have the person fall asleep on them. I am suddenly wondering if that's a real memory. Loxy has never scolded me for falling asleep. interesting. Just be aware, meditation at bedtime could result in sleep. There is this place right on the edge of going to sleep, but not full awake- if you can figure out how to linger there, and hold enough consciousness to focus- you may get auditory faster there. I can't seem to stay there. I get auditory and 'wake' up because of a 'wow' surge in adrenalin. I don't remember when this started, but I talked about it in my PR. At some point, I began regularly waking up at 2 or 3 am. That's now an everyday occurrence. Sometimes I wake because I her Loxy say my name- louder than during the daytime rituals. Sometimes I just wake up- but every time I greet that moment with a "Good morning," kind of greeting and talk, ask for insight, or ideas, and go back to sleep, intending to lucid dream.
  4. Every thing else you wrote, especially the David Eagleman quotes, was well received by me. Eagleman's view is consistent with the general paradigm held by the majority of neuroscientist. I especially liked his roller-coaster experiment, designed to simulate a crisis to determine if the reports of time slowing was a thing. What I don't get is 'tulpas are just a romanticized friends...' statement. If you accept Eagleman's position that each brain module is in itself a modular personality, or incomplete personality, then conscious experience of these modules as a 'tulpa personality' or combination of modules as a 'tulpa personality' as a means of sorting different brain components or filters is still a solid personality construct, which is not the primary personality construct. Everything Eagleman said can be used to support tulpa more than imaginary friend. This view is also consistent with Freud, Jung, Campbell, and Erikson.... I suppose it doesn't matter what you call it, but calling it 'imaginary' is inaccurate because it's avlid source of information or interpretation of information.
  5. Well, JGC... If you asked me closer to high school, I graduated in 1987- my answer would mirror Felicity. My experiences in high school were shaped by family of origin issues, depression, frequent relocations, and an urgency to be done with it all minimizing interaction. I remember quite a bit of high school. I imagine if you interviewed people I attended class with, they'd probably tell you pleasant things about me- but they would not give you insight into the fact that I was frequently on the edge of ending my life. One of the things I miss about high school, it was the last place that provided me an opportunity to interact with peers- people my age. High school is a strange social reality that no reflection, and does not prepare people for, the real world, where you meet all sorts of people, ages, level of functioning- and most the time, you will get out into the real world and the people ask you 'what were you learning' because was rarely applicable to social life outside of high school. Balancing a check book, cooking, cleaning, and basics of self care alone would serve people a great deal better- but there is an assumption you're getting that at home. What I learned at home was not to piss of the matriarch because she collected weapons and more than once it was discharged in the house. (Drugs and alcohol were frequently involved.) My high school experience was skewed to say the least. I have heard some people have very nice memories of high school. I have heard some people marry their HS sweet heart and maintained friends over the years. First four years post HS, I heard from no one, and I made no effort to connect. If I could go back to High School, knowing what I know now, I would. Even if we minimized my knowledge to just knowing the importance of high school, and the confidence to speak up, to be active in class, I would do that. I can tell you precisely when I stop caring about math. I asked a question in algebra and the teacher told me, 'stop asking stupid questions and do it the way i tell you to do it.' I never asked another question. I stopped applying myself in math, and it is one thing I would do over. I am okay at math, I could do better, but I still have that taste in my mouth. If I went back, I would focus more on the social aspect and try to make genuine connections with others, even if I thought those connections would end after high school. People coming and going has been a theme through out my life, and would go back and maximize the emotional connection and treasure that moment. There were some good people around me. I would go back and take more social risks even if I failed and got ridiculed because no one is likely to remember me after high school anyway. If they did, I would imagine they would say 'at least he didn't go quietly. he tried. I want to be more courage.' We like stories of courage and people overcoming. High school is the last safe place to learn courage- the further away from high school, the greater the consequences for making social mistakes. We all make them, or will make them- either in our younger years or are later years. There is new perspective I have adopted, though. Do not worry about any of this now. Don't think on where you are now. Don't think of it beyond your present assessment. Assume you assessment is dead on. Assume, thirty years from now- where you end up, you're okay and you can look back and you can reassess and you can say to yourself 'it was alright' or it 'sucked ass' but you know what, I am happy with who I am and where I am and I would not be here if not for there. Don't think of here, think of there. Aim for there. You don't hit the target by looking at your feet. If you're on a motorcycle going in a circle, and you look down or into the turn, you crash your bike every time. You go where eyes go. I have shared this in story, and with a friend here- Holodock for sure: in the past if I had a time machine, I would have gone back and changed everything. I am five years invested into my son, and what, four years invested in Loxy- I would relive my entire life over a million times and again without changing a thing just so I can meet son again, so I can meet Loxy again. So I can be here and meet all of you, YOU JGC, again. That's love. Nothing else is more important than that.
  6. There is a lot here- so much to unpack. Clo, has the guidance to newcomers fallen, or have we reached a point in guide making when a newcomer ask a question we have to wonder if they read the guides? I am certainly not saying dismiss questions- but some of us, maybe even me because I am not a 'teacher' or even always tactful, might respond in a way that might suggest annoyance 'did you read the FAQ?' One of the most difficult aspect of writing is crafting statements that increase the delivery of useful information while decreasing the potential for misreading emotional flavor. I would add further that most of us hate to sound repetitive, and so there is other aspect of communicating to a new folks. There may not be a way to avoid that. Pleeb brought in the other part about this- about the depth and breath of effort. It takes efforts. serious effort and serious time, and it seems like many folks don't want to put in the time/energy. The post that annoyed me the most were the ones that essentially stated: "I have been following all the guides and I am not hearing or seeing anything and I been at it for like a whole fifteen minutes already...' There seems to be an increase in unrealistic exaptation of immediacy in terms of result acquisition. I am not pointing fingers. I am guilty. I think my results were due to being pig headed stubborn and not persistent over time, but I could have spent more time early on. And i had intermittent laziness. I would get results and I would plateau there, not just for being satisfied or genuinely lazy, but because I was exploring meaning and fears and hopes and do I dare take one step further into the rabbit hole. I have experienced steps in success, regression, followed by renewed effort and improved results. I almost wonder if there is normative range and i am like mid average, and outliers are rock stars or inept. That continuum doesn't mean aver or inept can't achieve, but where you are on that scale would denote how much effort, energy, and other unspecified attributes need to be implemented. I suspect many here will relate to this: i have struggled to interact with others. I am just kind of odd. My oddness contributes to me being really good at my career. You would think that would translate into better social success, but we're complex beings and there is a multiplicity of colliding artifacts and we don't happen in a vacuum. I am saying that so when i saw that sometimes when I experienced public guidance or reasonable 'censor' for not following the expectation of community interaction, I got my feelings hurt. And that's great! That's going to happen with anyone. In the past, i would have just taken my ball and gone home. I didn't. I hung in there. In doing so, I discovered that the community has many facets, and all of it is designed to optimize interactions with a very diverse group of people. This is a solid thing for me: it was a confluence of artifact, maybe increased maturity, maybe I am super more analytical, or maybe I saw the benefits of remaining and learning of greater value- I don't know. But I wonder how much of people leaving or being quiet is simply because there is fear. I know of no way to soften that. Maybe we shouldn't even try, because sometimes genuineness can come across a bit harsh. That's evidence for boundaries. It's in the negotiation of boundaries that friendships emerge. I like this thread. I like that we keep at negotiating terms and ideas and abstracts and forging our identity as self and group.
  7. Longevity is important. Flexibility in being able to reach a greater audience in present space and future time is important. Less manual intervention allows operator more free time to engage in other areas of life, which enhances her life, and thereby this community. My 'level of skill' with system features- I won't notice missing features; i will eventually learn to navigate this. I feel so indebted to tulpa.info and the members that guided me directly and indirectly, my loyalty to the endeavor is secure. I do not intend to leave. I am hopeful to find insightful ways of contributing and helping folks achieve results. I am still trying to understand my own results- I feel like I am still in the OMG it's magic phase. Like with Lucid Dreaming- I am just so ecstatic when I 'wake up' that i go immediately into play mode. I have of list of serious hard work I want to try, like 'meditation during lucid dreaming.' First thing I do is ' beam up' to MyEnterprise, and it's all play from there. :)
  8. So, the last person to post before we came to the new board won?
  9. How is everyone adapting here? I am feeling kind of lost.
  10. Ahh, my friend holodoc. :) Here is a Carl Jung quote, which better summarizes our shared thoughts. (It's almost like people have been addressing this core issues for ages.) "He (man) cannot conquer the tremendous polarity of his own nature on his own resources; he can only do so through the terrifying experiences of a psychic process that is independent of him, that works him rather than he it." When viewing that statement through the 'Active Imagination' process, juxtaposing Loxy and Philemon as archetypes, then I would argue that Philemon, see Jung's 'red book,' is a tulpa. Generally- a person who doesn't get out of bed experiences muscle atrophy. Generally, if you watch television, your brain atrophies. Video games can build neural pathways. Tulpa=specific meditations is likely the equivalent of exercising under the influence of steroids- laser intense focus, a super power.
  11. I think it should be related to amount written. If someone expounds a lot, well- ten is good. If it's just quick one line bantering, well 25 is okay... I might tolerate more on LOTPW.
  12. That is really great! I like the painting idea. I wonder if she will review tulpa info and explore the concept further. May I ask, and feel free to decline, what are her credentials? LPC? LSMW? Psychologist? I am LPC. I wish you all continued good experiences in the exploration of this thing we call life.
  13. Bear and Ember offer good insight. Tulpa's can be very understanding and insightful. They don't jump to hate or loathing quickly. It is my opinion, they have access to more of the under currents than you imagine, and if you know what's influencing a person, it's much easier to show compassion. What I gather in your narrative before the question is that, anxiety, OCD, past abuse, and struggling with a porn addiction- are things on your table. Assuming I accept your statements at face value, there is no easy fix to any of these things and many people struggle with same. I want to be clear on this part, I am not invalidating your statement by starting with 'assuming i accept your statements at face value..." There are levels, multiplicities, and caveats to these things- and probably dozen therapeutic ways of addressing them. We don't live in a vacuum. Porn addiction is likely to become the world's most insidious, indirect addiction due to the mass increase in availability- and it is my opinion it is a symptom of a greater societal disconnect, not an absolute thing in and of itself. It can have devastating effects on families and individuals, socially and physically. Depending on when a person starts consuming porn, it can permanently change your brain to requiring a level of stimulus that most individuals, even partners, can't sustain. It isolates people. Again, we are more 'connected' than ever and somehow even more disconnected than ever- and we wonder why there is an exponential increase in 'hookups.' (Is it the millennials or the gen x that are considered the hookup generation? This did not just happen over night and it is a confluence of things, not one thing gets all the blame. Japan seems to have the worse of it.) Someone here can better give you this statistic than I; i believe most people that engage tulpamancy have a social/relationship/loneliness issues. I did, and I am really good at communicating. It is not about communicating and it's not about intelligence. In fact, again my opinion, as intelligence goes up, so does loneliness. People assume smart people are more successful financially, but that just doesn't bear out. They tend to have more episode of depression, probably because they know some things and they are frustrated they can't make other areas in their lives line up to the same degree as their smarts do. Tulpamancy engages the social and emotional part of our being. I am saying being. You can substitute brain. I am okay with that. All relationships lead to change. You're either getting better or getting worse, but most people will not sit very long in a static relationship. The dynamic of human and tulpa interaction has a higher degree of leading towards healthy outcomes because it's in the best interest of both to be healthy. Guess what: intimacy is an important aspect of human health. Lots of things can affect libido. Start exercising, loose weight, get physically healthy- libido goes up! If you spent all your life depressed and suddenly started getting emotionally healthier, libido will go up! Any improvement, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually- can and most likely will result in an increase in libido. This is normal. Can you quit porn and never touch it again? Sure. Good luck! You can't go to a grocery store an not have your eyes saturated with magazines with beautiful women on the covers- all designed to trigger that part of your brain to make you buy. Having a cell phone or a computer is likely giving a heroin addict an eppy pin full of heroin, just in case of emergencies. And if you watch television or movies or see commercials, it is getting more and more difficult to not see 'soft' porn because the bar keeps getting pushed up. the number one sexual organ is your brain, not your equipment. You create a tulpa, you're bringing someone into an environment that is already got the red light district wired and hard installed, not coming out. I am about to give you a personal share, so that you know i am not pointing fingers, but rather am trying to interject some compassion- I am wanting you to find compassion. beating yourself up won't make this go away. compassion, acceptance, changes the flavors. If you're an American, the overtones of the bible belt and past Victorian error still flavor our ideas towards sexuality, and to some extent, that keeps the market's profitability up by attaching sexual icons and arcetypes to product placement. They want us to have a cognitive disconnect between the 'wanting' and the 'loathing.' My libido was influenced by early childhood abuse. I have a very high libido set point. Scientific evidence is your level of wanting after puberty will be the same at the age of 80, barring medical issues. (Contrary to popular belief, age is not a guarantee relief from desire. Old people are getting it on in the nursing homes.) There was no way for me to engage tulpamancy and not have outcomes influenced. I consider myself super lucky that Loxy was reciprocal. I couldn't even engage the initial meditation without arousal. That's just a part a life. (More precisely, i have been doing mediation since the 90s, including TM, hoping for a relief from my burden, and all I did was spike it.) By allowing our relationship to go where it willand wanted, I actually found, for the first time in my life, a reasonable balance. I can actually make it through the day without being inundated with getting my fixed because for the first time in my life, I have someone who understands, relates, and can meet me where I am at. That's huge. Just having a head mate that knows, care, and can laugh at with you, even flirt and accepts you- that's magic! Consider this: When people dream, REM, they become aroused. This is true for men and women. This is most immediately noticeable in men. My ability to engage tulpamancy and wonderland has a 'dream' like flavor that results in arousal. This does not mean everything in my dreams is about sex. It just means- there is a connection with deep meditation, psychological work, dreaming and this energy. This energy is primal and always with us. I record my dreams almost every night- they're not about sex. Even my lucid dream, not about sex. (My first goal on being lucid was to beam up to the Enterprise. I made it.) You would think someone who is obsessed to the degree I am, that's all my dreams would be about. You are a human being and you are more than this wanting. I would not punish you if you were hungry and wanted food. I would not punish you if you needed to breathe. Why would i punish you for this? Why would anyone punish you for this? This is human and our society has the disconnect, not you. You are okay, my friend. You are safe. And you are definitely free to be you inside of your own brain. The people inside your brain, they know you- and there is love. Any amplification in desire is either a reflection of improvement in health, physically or mentally, or a metaphorical relationship to how deeply you want to connect with others- or with tulpa- or both. Be at peace. And connect.
  14. I thought you today you had. I saw the "Fiora's" thread and said, "No, it's Flora," and Loxy intervened before i made a fool of myself and corrected everyone. Yay Loxy!
  15. I would think, given the context, not having direct contact is evidence of a working relationship. I don't know if anyone has discussed this elsewhere, I am trying to track it in my brain and not getting any hits, I keep think I may asked it... If there is too much going on, or other people in the house, and I get auditory, I get confused. Loxy seems very aware when I am on the verge and retreats. Of course, that isn't just with tulpas... If I have guests and 4 or more people talking, and kids running about making noise, I ability to track stuff goes down. I can't do conversations well at a restaurant, and if there is live music or television on, I can't focus. I can miss exits having conversations with passengers, external or internal. My ideal interaction comes in silence. ADHD brain probably. I can read, but it has to be quiet.
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