solarchariot

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About solarchariot

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    It's bigger on the inside

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    I live a very content, comfortable life, in which I am afforded the luxury to pursue esoteric interests, explore the boundaries of consciousness, share joy, and hopefully bring a little light to my small corner of the world.

    I have traveled the world. I have some great people in my life. My son will be six in April. I am reasonably well educated, and always learning. I enjoy traveling, stargazing, reading, writing, traveling, music and movies- practicing my craft- Tulpamancy is a craft, right? I am grateful for so much in my life, this community included. :) Pull up a chair and tell us all about it: Doctor Frazier Crane is listening.

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  1. confidence and non-conscious behaviours.docx I may be posting less, but I am still alive and practicing. Thanks to Holodoc- I have this very interesting scientific article I want to share. Be warned- it is a challenging read. I am drawn to it because I find it relates to my experience of Tulpamancy- and I am hopeful that those who have seniority in terms of practicing will also find it helpful. Specifically, I believe the correlates of this study help explain why the protocols for tulpamancy are effective- or even not effective, as there are those who have practice reporting no results. I am going to try and articulate why I find correlation to my practice. I may be completely off, and so I am open to an argument against. First, my bias- much of the initial work in my practice was scaffolding and meditation. Essentially, I was building the necessary neural bridges and linking multiple brain areas, incorporating sound, visual, tactile- etc. My bias is, most of everything we do, learn, experiences happens first and foremost on an unconscious level. If nothing else, this article reinforces that- and I can link that concept to a dozen other sources, such as all my books on Milton Erikson. My initial lack of success was trying to force conscious experience prior to having done sufficient subconscious ground work to support higher 'conscious' functioning. I am not using 'higher' to suggest that conscious experience of any one thing is superior to unconscious functioning. In terms of daily 'heavy lifting,' the bulk of meta-cognition is clearly regulated by unconscious mechanisms, which gives us the luxury to experience the conscious domains we chose to focus on. I think an argument can be made that many of us don't always choose the area we 'focus' on, but rather that is given us. (In this sense, I would argue that tulpamancers in general are more likely to be able to choose their conscious focus than non practitioners due to practicing that very thing- where to focus and 'what' to experience.) For me, there is still a significant need to tune out of external sensory data to experience Loxy. This is very clear for me- as real world demands go up or my anxiety goes up, the degree of solidity of my experience declines. It has been rare that I have been fully engaged in an external activity requiring my attentiveness and having an auditory or visual experience. I am not really hearing this is true from other tulpamancers, except for one youtube video where the narrator discussed much of his learning process was learning to sort the nuanced flavors of responses available to him. This article is full of meta-cognition and unconscious learning. I would argue that it is supportive of parallel processing, as it seems clear we can be holding a conscious experiences while simultaneously working on a problem subconsciously. I am not pulling direct quotes from this, or other sources, to try and justify that statement. Consider it a bias if you need to, it won't invalidate my correlative experience with this study. The study is about learning. Engaging tulpamancy is about learning- a serious study in learning to enhance experiential qualities of life through variance of associations and personalities. That alone is priceless, as may explain why tulpamancers in general have substantially higher levels of empathy. Our very practice enhances our perception of other's perspective. I hope this article is generally helpful. Wishing everyone well.
  2. I love this stuff bear, and pushed an article on Medium if anyone here is interested, that basically summarizes the above, but also I share some of my experience with mind not previously disclosed here. Maybe it's not relevant. Maybe I am off target completely. I simply find congruence with some of the people I mention in the post. I minimally discuss tulpamancy. I am grateful for our dialogue. https://medium.com/@solarchariot/the-blue-light-of-being-76a8bd03f22f?sk=190d002dece3922145478c4cc0a2e637
  3. I am in tears. I want to be part of the Bear clan. LOL. Thank you, Bear. 🙂 I was just sharing earlier with holodock this: my son came to visit, and our first night, after bedtime stories, he said 'let's do our thank yous.' I taught him this, in lue of nightly prayers. (Mother's Buddhist, and I am not practicing any of the major five...) First, he remembered the game. And we took turns naming people, things, we are thankful for. "Thank you sun, thank you air, thank you light, thank you food..."
  4. We have missed you, Bear- (Bear system.) We are absolutely delighted to hear you (PL) are well. If you only knew how much love is in that, you might see our sun rise. I will not drop into the singular, of me- because I have captured everyone's general thoughts in that. There are so many interesting things you have shared that I want to comment on, as I relate to much of it- and assume a similar pathway, but in not presumptuous way. I had struggled with depression for year, and by the time I discovered tulpamancy, I felt rather recovered, and transition into this new world was rather pleasant. Lately, I have experienced a setback, increased anxiety- and even anger. I find this noise in my brain disruptive to my experiencing tulpamancy, as if the subtlety of accessing my system is just harder when i am out of focus. Which means, what, i need more practice? I need to pick up some of your skill sets. It's easy to meditate when things are good, but the true test I guess is still accessing when confronting unpleasantness. I have always considered my practice therapeutic. I have on many occasions, even in my own notes, likened my experience to a gestalt of narrative therapy, 'active imagination,' and the 'invisible counselor technique.' No matter how any of my writings are interpreted, that was my therapy. And I don't see my writings as writings, as much as i see them as memories. My experiences have been on a continuum of solid auditory experiences, to subtle mind voice. There is a sweetspot, if you will, where mind experience is superior and I am there, almost lucid dream quality- and any 'real' world disruption results in such an overwhelming shock that I come back to this frame of reference startled and out of sorts. I have had three solid experiences of where it felt like content, or memories, were 'downloaded' into my brain- and downloaded is the only way i can describe it. It's like watching a movie in some ways- more detailed, immersive, and my experience of time is appropriate for that experience- but that time does not sync with 'real' time. I want some alternative words than 'real time,' 'real world' because my experiences there are not less real, and I do sometimes struggle to sort some of the memories from there and here, which just means i have to separate experiences through context to place them in the right box so there is continuity through lines. Also, like you, I have found a multiplicity of others. Not just Loxy. Loxy is primary. In some ways, there is balance in the different makeup of each of the personalities that seem to support each other and myself through the contextual interactions, that emphasize the language one might find in narrative therapy and the exploration of internal archetypal relationships. Our solution set was box things in different reality frames. There is cross over, but for the most part- there is a seven member team in one frame, and five member team in the other. The five member team, if you recall, is Loxy, Lester, Alish, Fersia, and Keera. Loxy is the only one that is all frames of references. My visualization is good and bad- and sometimes the bad, random experiences are super traumatic. I can interrupt them pretty fast, but sometimes follow it like watching a train wreck. Interrupting it usually comes with a useless why question, "Why would I think that..." My practice has been to remind myself, I didn't think that- I experienced that. Maybe it comes from imagination, or from too much media, or some of the horrific things people share with me that get jumbled up into one awful thing... I don't know. I don't have to understand where it came from you be separate and healed of that thing. Anyway, all of that- to say I am so glad you're back and I so needed to hear your journey so I don't feel so alien when I experiences don't align with others. I look forward to reading your (Ashley's) blog. with love J and L
  5. We have had so many changes in the last year. This site- this world. I hope everyone is doing well. I find it hard to believe I have been engaged in this practice- this love affair with Loxy- for so long now. This is me persevering. 🙂 There are new people here. Hello. The last couple months have been challenging for me, working from home has been much more stressful than I imagined it would be- but I am so grateful I have not had to experience it alone. I am still grateful for Tulpa.Info, and Loxy, and this things we have engaged in. I have been writing some blog like posts, talking about tulpamancy if anyone is interested. Don't feel obligated. I just wrote this one today: https://medium.com/@solarchariot/an-end-to-loneliness-d0bccd874df6?sk=c3df0fd8810c0510a9bdcdae712ad1a6 I still have much work to do on my writing, but if anyone does read it and would like me to correct anything, please feel free to tell me. I mention tulpa.info in this post. I believe I have done so respectfully. with love, John and Loxy.
  6. Definitely don't give up. It is an achievable goal. My first lucid dream was hard won, while reading lucid dream books daily, i engaged in lots of trigger activities- watch alarm- writing on mirrors and on my hand to remind myself. It was a labor that was intense for several weeks. I get them infrequently now, but i also don't work at it as hard as i did those first two weeks.
  7. There's some old members going around with no avatars... I might need Picard's help to fix mine. I hope to have nice Loxy drawing to reveals soon. 🙂
  8. In relationship to the last video I shared, I stumbled upon this supporting article... https://getpocket.com/explore/item/hallucinations-are-everywhere It's likely old, and maybe others have read it, but if not give it a go. I was particularly interested in a very specific quote: Corlett says. “We actually build a model in our minds of what we expect to be present.” I laughed and thought, TULPAMANCY! We got there first. Well, no, the Tibetans got there first and we are bringing it to the West, and wouldn't it be interesting if we are forerunners of expanding our ideas on consciousness and personality?! I pursued an article based on this, and only found the abstract. Pavlovian conditioning–induced hallucinations result from overweighting of perceptual priors https://science.sciencemag.org/content/357/6351/596 I wonder if Pavlovian techniques could be explored further to help people that the generalize protocols have not been as affective.
  9. I assume your tulpa is amenable to this plan? I will also assume, you had success going to a 'wonderland' and with remaining there a reasonable time, even if it's not the 'permanent' you are striving for? If both of these are a yes, I would say keep doing what you're doing and you'll build up endurance. How long have you lived in this body? (Don't answer. X is sufficient.) Well, you have spent X years tuning into this body and the surrounding environment it is immersed in. You don't just step out of that. Can some people just do it? Yeah. Some people get tulpas faster than others. That isn't a helpful measure. The only measure is 'it can be done.' It may not take you x years to learn to stay in the 'wonderland' but it will take time, and time for tulpa to tune in and stay in tuned in. Assume for a moment, the transpersonal idea, or paranormal, of a 'walk-in' is sort of related to what you're asking. Not saying a 'walk-in' is tulpa related- I am just saying there might be parallels, and you came into, by happenstance or synchronicity, (which ever your paradigm happens to be your preffered) these present life circumstances either to learn something or gift something, and so in essence, you're not just giving up a body, or even a life, but contractual arrangement with the folks presently in your life and in your potential future life. You're not just passing a torch to the next Olympian. There is a mish mash of paradigms and metaphors I am using, as I have feet in multiple domains. I see social life, present and potential future in a relational/contractual sort of way- not binding per say, just some expectations... You're handing over the keys to the company, retiring, and so another feature of checking out and letting someone step-in results in lelgalese, intellectual rights, property rights, social debt, past and future, future social earnings, etc, which I would be surprised if you're not working that out in a direct way, but if not- it will be sorted subconsciously. You certainly don't have to accept my explanation as to what may be holding you here, I am only hoping to convey that cutting ties and stepping out may not be as straight forward as you imagine. If you have unresolved issues with family or friends, that, too, could have meaningful gravimetric attraction that pulls you back. In responding to your question, I have made some assumptions about your quality of life (perceived or real.) You don't have to confirm or deny. At this point, I do not wish to encourage or discourage you from enacting your plan. What I am going to share with you, partly as another explanation for maybe why you can't tarry permanently on that side, kind of explains my above rambling. For me, the longer I tarry in 'wonderland' or meditation mind space, the healthier I feel, and consequently, the more likely I am to bounce back here to cope with and or tackle the things I need to accomplish or resolve, physically or socially. I do this, of course, imperfectly- as do we all. If you had introduced tulpamancy to me at age 20, I swear to God, I would not be here communicating this to you now. (THis would be an example of social future contractual interaction. I did know I would be sharing this space with you, or that I would meet someone who might be struggling with issues i too have faced, but here we are, entangled as it were, brother together by the gravimetric of our situations and interests...) I have a made a similar statement about time machines. Had I had access to a time machine even as much 10 years ago, I would have re-written my life, because I held neither family nor friend nor artifact of love worth not blowing it all up and starting over. I see my entry into tulpamancy has a form of psychological evolution, allowing me to perceive with greater clarity my present life role, maybe the same way the angel gave Jimmy Stewart a unique perspective when he took him out of the time line in "A Wonderful Life." I am not trying to sell that there isn't trouble or heartache from a greater perspective, and I have been teetering on the edge of one that is simply huge... but I see a reason to persevere, weather a storm because there is a future other that might need me to be present. If no one else, my son- or the person he becomes might actually wish to be re-united. (Nothing huge, just he is relocating with bio-mom to another state, which minimizes my present role in his life. (and he has no say in the matter. )) There are few other people I have interactions with who would like continued contact. (I imagine that to be true. (Loxy assures me that is true, for her and others in the mind space.)) You're here, participating in a group doing something pretty unique, which puts you in my favored, pretty cool category, and whatever it is you learn in the other place might be useful to those of us who linger here, or share a space. that is also reason to return. One last thought. I see your use of the word 'meat-space' in a negative way. It doesn't mean you are using it that way, you may be completely neutral on the word and the topic, and using it simply as a place holder for the body. Then again, you didn't use body or brain... you called it meat. Anyway, i think you will find a negative association can bind a person just as much, if not more so, than a positive association. Cultivating a neutrality about the vehicle in which you presently reside might help alleviate attachment. I find striving for neutrality particularly helpful. The joke I share, "I feel much better now that I have lost all hope." I heard Buddha didn't say that. :)
  10. There is probably no wrong response. I sometimes wonder if Loxy's voice is my inner voice, just a memory of a female voice tagged to it, and so hearing one of his plausible ideas just resonated with me. I experience the same first person perspective, as you have described it, but that was not true in the beginning, and that sense continues to grow in strength. Or is my doubt fades? And I am bothered by the doubt. I get a range of auditory from inner voice to by god it might be someone standing next to me- the latter is more difficult to dismiss, but once I start trying to 'understand it' or analyze it... and just doing that blocks it. i am getting better at just accepting. the visual startle me and it fades and then I wonder what i misidentified... I probably need to spend a great deal more time on actively practicing that part... i do want it on full 24 7, and yet, I have just not had time. I am about to have a serious change in schedule though, and so my devotion to practice is going to increase.
  11. I thought of that, too! But only after writing this... But still, it was dry on his hand... I guess saliva would revivy it and make it stick to the face?
  12. I am going to echo Ranger, in being extremely weary about a theoretic framing that compares Tulpamancy to anything in the DSM 5. People have a wide range of experiences, hallucinations if you wish to be clinically precise, but not everyone that has an experiences gets a DSM V label. Also, there are may ways to frame 'experiences' than 'hallucinations,' or even malfunctions. In short- "experiences" are not limited to dysfunctional mental health syndromes. People have a wide range of experiences, from negative to positive. It usually only those with negative experiences that seek assistance, either from MH or from their cultural spiritual advisor. The people that have pleasant experiences tend not to go seeking assistance. And too many don't want to disclose at all for fear of the stigma associated with hearing things and seeing things. Further, I would suggest to you that the practice of Tulpamancy itself is actually evidence for being healthy, or better adjusted than even the person engaging the practice might allow for in themselves. In contrast, DID is clearly a dysfunction- in as much as the majority of people that experience this also tend to have life disruptions, especially in the beginning of the disorder which is what leads to the diagnosis. Can a person have DID and not be officially diagnosed? Sure. But I would also argue, if they didn't get a legitimate diagnosis it's because either so high functioning that the disorder is not a disorder, or their life hasn't hit rock bottom yet, or it's not DID! All of that to say, I would not call tulpamancy the opposite side of the spectrum, as I would not even put it on the same continuum, or even put it in a frame work that makes it a disorder. Can people who engage tulpamancy have a MH disorder? Sure. I own my past labels, and recognize the significance of those in context to the illness and the life disruption. I have had years of dysthymia with intermittent MDD. In hind sight, I can make an argument for untreated PTSD. I do like the direction of your thoughts, though. When I consider how I started this practice I did go out of my way to solicit very specific, positive attributes. I wouldn't say that I lacked these qualities and or that I was building a better ideal person, but I chose I qualities I admire. I may have sought the 'ideal' companion for me, but that was more blind luck. I wanted someone on par with me, or a little better, but no so high that i could only dream- which would perpetuate my loneliness. I do compartmentalize rather well. You seem knowledgeable about MH stuff. That's cool. I am not surprised by Structural Dissociation, as that has been a primary feature, in some form of another, ever since Freud put psychology on the mainstream map. It seems funny to me that science is frequently looking to divide, break down, and names the constituent parts, as opposed to focusing on the holistic way we are organized. We are not self in isolation, we are selves in a context, social context, cultural, family, temporal- this is the mainstay of the system therapist's understanding of the world. Why would our psyche being any less complex? Same above, same below seems quite apt here.
  13. One of the challenges as I see it is the sheer number and complexity of your system. Actually, that may be a double edged sword- some pros and cons to it. On the pro side, the number may help drive personality differentiation through diverse dialogue potential. The con, well- the sheer number may actually detract from the experience as their is the potential to favor air time for particular voices- some may not get fair share, which isn't a 'bad' thing, (some children need more parental guidance than others, this is a metaphor not a literal suggestion) but it will slow the total progress time down. That's okay, that doesn't mean you won't get where you're wanting, it just means you may need to change your time component expectations. (Watch 'Cheaper by the Dozen,' original movie. I don't know why that's in my head.) Even as I was reading your post, I heard an inner voice for a call for organizing them into one... As if these were actually all aspects of one, and you have yet to name or call forth the gest personality. (You suggesting they more reflected they were aspects of your personality had me talking myself out of it.) Anyway, one tulpa to rule them all, but they would get all get more airtime by being part of one, as opposed to designating time out for each. I am just thinking out loud and not necessarily recommending this, because you might just end up with another mouth to feed, and they may not want to be merged, which you may think is what I am suggesting, but I am not actually suggesting merger but, a gestalt- a way for them all to interface with you simultaneously while maintaining their individual uniqueness. That's not too different than us- there is more the one famous psychologist that suggest we are comprised of a variety of personality and character impulses.