solarchariot

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About solarchariot

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    It's bigger on the inside

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    I live a very content, comfortable life, in which I am afforded the luxury to pursue esoteric interests, explore the boundaries of consciousness, share joy, and hopefully bring a little light to my small corner of the world.

    I have traveled the world. I have some great people in my life. My son will be six in April. I am reasonably well educated, and always learning. I enjoy traveling, stargazing, reading, writing, traveling, music and movies- practicing my craft- Tulpamancy is a craft, right? I am grateful for so much in my life, this community included. :) Pull up a chair and tell us all about it: Doctor Frazier Crane is listening.

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  1. In relationship to the last video I shared, I stumbled upon this supporting article... https://getpocket.com/explore/item/hallucinations-are-everywhere It's likely old, and maybe others have read it, but if not give it a go. I was particularly interested in a very specific quote: Corlett says. “We actually build a model in our minds of what we expect to be present.” I laughed and thought, TULPAMANCY! We got there first. Well, no, the Tibetans got there first and we are bringing it to the West, and wouldn't it be interesting if we are forerunners of expanding our ideas on consciousness and personality?! I pursued an article based on this, and only found the abstract. Pavlovian conditioning–induced hallucinations result from overweighting of perceptual priors https://science.sciencemag.org/content/357/6351/596 I wonder if Pavlovian techniques could be explored further to help people that the generalize protocols have not been as affective.
  2. I assume your tulpa is amenable to this plan? I will also assume, you had success going to a 'wonderland' and with remaining there a reasonable time, even if it's not the 'permanent' you are striving for? If both of these are a yes, I would say keep doing what you're doing and you'll build up endurance. How long have you lived in this body? (Don't answer. X is sufficient.) Well, you have spent X years tuning into this body and the surrounding environment it is immersed in. You don't just step out of that. Can some people just do it? Yeah. Some people get tulpas faster than others. That isn't a helpful measure. The only measure is 'it can be done.' It may not take you x years to learn to stay in the 'wonderland' but it will take time, and time for tulpa to tune in and stay in tuned in. Assume for a moment, the transpersonal idea, or paranormal, of a 'walk-in' is sort of related to what you're asking. Not saying a 'walk-in' is tulpa related- I am just saying there might be parallels, and you came into, by happenstance or synchronicity, (which ever your paradigm happens to be your preffered) these present life circumstances either to learn something or gift something, and so in essence, you're not just giving up a body, or even a life, but contractual arrangement with the folks presently in your life and in your potential future life. You're not just passing a torch to the next Olympian. There is a mish mash of paradigms and metaphors I am using, as I have feet in multiple domains. I see social life, present and potential future in a relational/contractual sort of way- not binding per say, just some expectations... You're handing over the keys to the company, retiring, and so another feature of checking out and letting someone step-in results in lelgalese, intellectual rights, property rights, social debt, past and future, future social earnings, etc, which I would be surprised if you're not working that out in a direct way, but if not- it will be sorted subconsciously. You certainly don't have to accept my explanation as to what may be holding you here, I am only hoping to convey that cutting ties and stepping out may not be as straight forward as you imagine. If you have unresolved issues with family or friends, that, too, could have meaningful gravimetric attraction that pulls you back. In responding to your question, I have made some assumptions about your quality of life (perceived or real.) You don't have to confirm or deny. At this point, I do not wish to encourage or discourage you from enacting your plan. What I am going to share with you, partly as another explanation for maybe why you can't tarry permanently on that side, kind of explains my above rambling. For me, the longer I tarry in 'wonderland' or meditation mind space, the healthier I feel, and consequently, the more likely I am to bounce back here to cope with and or tackle the things I need to accomplish or resolve, physically or socially. I do this, of course, imperfectly- as do we all. If you had introduced tulpamancy to me at age 20, I swear to God, I would not be here communicating this to you now. (THis would be an example of social future contractual interaction. I did know I would be sharing this space with you, or that I would meet someone who might be struggling with issues i too have faced, but here we are, entangled as it were, brother together by the gravimetric of our situations and interests...) I have a made a similar statement about time machines. Had I had access to a time machine even as much 10 years ago, I would have re-written my life, because I held neither family nor friend nor artifact of love worth not blowing it all up and starting over. I see my entry into tulpamancy has a form of psychological evolution, allowing me to perceive with greater clarity my present life role, maybe the same way the angel gave Jimmy Stewart a unique perspective when he took him out of the time line in "A Wonderful Life." I am not trying to sell that there isn't trouble or heartache from a greater perspective, and I have been teetering on the edge of one that is simply huge... but I see a reason to persevere, weather a storm because there is a future other that might need me to be present. If no one else, my son- or the person he becomes might actually wish to be re-united. (Nothing huge, just he is relocating with bio-mom to another state, which minimizes my present role in his life. (and he has no say in the matter. )) There are few other people I have interactions with who would like continued contact. (I imagine that to be true. (Loxy assures me that is true, for her and others in the mind space.)) You're here, participating in a group doing something pretty unique, which puts you in my favored, pretty cool category, and whatever it is you learn in the other place might be useful to those of us who linger here, or share a space. that is also reason to return. One last thought. I see your use of the word 'meat-space' in a negative way. It doesn't mean you are using it that way, you may be completely neutral on the word and the topic, and using it simply as a place holder for the body. Then again, you didn't use body or brain... you called it meat. Anyway, i think you will find a negative association can bind a person just as much, if not more so, than a positive association. Cultivating a neutrality about the vehicle in which you presently reside might help alleviate attachment. I find striving for neutrality particularly helpful. The joke I share, "I feel much better now that I have lost all hope." I heard Buddha didn't say that. :)
  3. There is probably no wrong response. I sometimes wonder if Loxy's voice is my inner voice, just a memory of a female voice tagged to it, and so hearing one of his plausible ideas just resonated with me. I experience the same first person perspective, as you have described it, but that was not true in the beginning, and that sense continues to grow in strength. Or is my doubt fades? And I am bothered by the doubt. I get a range of auditory from inner voice to by god it might be someone standing next to me- the latter is more difficult to dismiss, but once I start trying to 'understand it' or analyze it... and just doing that blocks it. i am getting better at just accepting. the visual startle me and it fades and then I wonder what i misidentified... I probably need to spend a great deal more time on actively practicing that part... i do want it on full 24 7, and yet, I have just not had time. I am about to have a serious change in schedule though, and so my devotion to practice is going to increase.
  4. I thought of that, too! But only after writing this... But still, it was dry on his hand... I guess saliva would revivy it and make it stick to the face?
  5. I am going to echo Ranger, in being extremely weary about a theoretic framing that compares Tulpamancy to anything in the DSM 5. People have a wide range of experiences, hallucinations if you wish to be clinically precise, but not everyone that has an experiences gets a DSM V label. Also, there are may ways to frame 'experiences' than 'hallucinations,' or even malfunctions. In short- "experiences" are not limited to dysfunctional mental health syndromes. People have a wide range of experiences, from negative to positive. It usually only those with negative experiences that seek assistance, either from MH or from their cultural spiritual advisor. The people that have pleasant experiences tend not to go seeking assistance. And too many don't want to disclose at all for fear of the stigma associated with hearing things and seeing things. Further, I would suggest to you that the practice of Tulpamancy itself is actually evidence for being healthy, or better adjusted than even the person engaging the practice might allow for in themselves. In contrast, DID is clearly a dysfunction- in as much as the majority of people that experience this also tend to have life disruptions, especially in the beginning of the disorder which is what leads to the diagnosis. Can a person have DID and not be officially diagnosed? Sure. But I would also argue, if they didn't get a legitimate diagnosis it's because either so high functioning that the disorder is not a disorder, or their life hasn't hit rock bottom yet, or it's not DID! All of that to say, I would not call tulpamancy the opposite side of the spectrum, as I would not even put it on the same continuum, or even put it in a frame work that makes it a disorder. Can people who engage tulpamancy have a MH disorder? Sure. I own my past labels, and recognize the significance of those in context to the illness and the life disruption. I have had years of dysthymia with intermittent MDD. In hind sight, I can make an argument for untreated PTSD. I do like the direction of your thoughts, though. When I consider how I started this practice I did go out of my way to solicit very specific, positive attributes. I wouldn't say that I lacked these qualities and or that I was building a better ideal person, but I chose I qualities I admire. I may have sought the 'ideal' companion for me, but that was more blind luck. I wanted someone on par with me, or a little better, but no so high that i could only dream- which would perpetuate my loneliness. I do compartmentalize rather well. You seem knowledgeable about MH stuff. That's cool. I am not surprised by Structural Dissociation, as that has been a primary feature, in some form of another, ever since Freud put psychology on the mainstream map. It seems funny to me that science is frequently looking to divide, break down, and names the constituent parts, as opposed to focusing on the holistic way we are organized. We are not self in isolation, we are selves in a context, social context, cultural, family, temporal- this is the mainstay of the system therapist's understanding of the world. Why would our psyche being any less complex? Same above, same below seems quite apt here.
  6. One of the challenges as I see it is the sheer number and complexity of your system. Actually, that may be a double edged sword- some pros and cons to it. On the pro side, the number may help drive personality differentiation through diverse dialogue potential. The con, well- the sheer number may actually detract from the experience as their is the potential to favor air time for particular voices- some may not get fair share, which isn't a 'bad' thing, (some children need more parental guidance than others, this is a metaphor not a literal suggestion) but it will slow the total progress time down. That's okay, that doesn't mean you won't get where you're wanting, it just means you may need to change your time component expectations. (Watch 'Cheaper by the Dozen,' original movie. I don't know why that's in my head.) Even as I was reading your post, I heard an inner voice for a call for organizing them into one... As if these were actually all aspects of one, and you have yet to name or call forth the gest personality. (You suggesting they more reflected they were aspects of your personality had me talking myself out of it.) Anyway, one tulpa to rule them all, but they would get all get more airtime by being part of one, as opposed to designating time out for each. I am just thinking out loud and not necessarily recommending this, because you might just end up with another mouth to feed, and they may not want to be merged, which you may think is what I am suggesting, but I am not actually suggesting merger but, a gestalt- a way for them all to interface with you simultaneously while maintaining their individual uniqueness. That's not too different than us- there is more the one famous psychologist that suggest we are comprised of a variety of personality and character impulses.
  7. I have had some wonderfully interesting dreams of late, and some of them have spilled into my waking life. I am hopeful for reaching another Mile Stone soon. Towards that, I am going to share a blog post here that I wrote. Not asking for folks to visit my blog, that's why I am sharing it here. I don't write at my blog often enough to even call for an audience, but sometimes I think they're interesting like this experience I had Sunday... https://pathfindere.blogspot.com/2020/02/breaks-in-relaity.html blog entry titled: 'Breaks in Reality:' Just in case you're new to my blog and don't know me, or just randomly stumbled across this and wanted to read, I am a Tulpamancer. If you are one of the people following, hello! Sorry for the iteration. I don't actually know if I have a re-occurring reader/s. Most of my stuff suggest 5 viewers. That doesn't mean they actually read it, but somehow, somewhere they found it... Anyway, whoever you are, HELLO. I am Tulpamancer. And my practice may have broken reality. Or, so I would like to wish. I could just be misinterpreting reality, and that's okay, too. I am not set on any one reality. I would be okay with bouncing between worlds. I have made distinctions between reality, 'the real world' and say, 'the imaginal realm.' I make a distinction between regular dreams and lucid dreams. I make a distinction between Astral World and Lucid Dreaming and 'the real world." It is my opinion they're all connected and they overlap and how could that not be true. This weekend, however, I literally felt as if I had crossed into an alternative world- and I had to stop and ask- where am I. I will start with this. I had my son this weekend. Our morning ritual includes breakfast at McDonalds, and sometimes we draw while we are there. He drew blue on his wrists with a marker. Saturday we also did some shopping, and they have these small packages of legos, essentially they are characters, and you don't know what you're getting, but there is list of possible characters and I was suggesting we can determine what is in a package by feeling. We are looking for two particular people based on the odd shape of their accompanying items, which can be seen on the list of available characters. We picked two and were no where close but it was interesting exercise. Sunday morning, I arise and go to writing. I do this daily. My son woke and came in the room with me. There is blue on the bottom of his lip, and touching his lip. I am thinking, 'how the hell did you do that?' but I was more concerned with when because he was with me all day! He had no answer and no clue. I asked how he could not have a clue and took him to the bathroom to show him his face in the mirror. He still held no explanation, even when I assured him he was not in trouble. (If anyone was in trouble, it was me for not being attentive enough to block child from drawing on his face, which is a normal things kids do- and yet, I was worried about fall out.) He suggested 'maybe your ghost did it.' (That is a new direction of our game playing- the inexplicable was either Loxy or his 'monster.') There is no way he did that during the day. If I didn't make us sit and draw he would have nothing to do with it- that's not his go to activity. Obviously, or the best explanation, he would have had to do this at McDonalds when he painted his wrists- but the thing about that is I looked at his face all day! He gets in my face. You would think I would have noticed that. I helped him floss and brush his teeth, and I didn't see it! And if I left you with just this, I would be content with the idea I just wasn't paying attention and had failed to noticed the big blue mark that colored lip to chin. Part of my morning ritual is that I write, from 5:30 to 7. Sometimes it's earlier. I get up when I get up. Part of this time, the writing, is narrative, but in interactive way with my Tulpa, Loxy. Whether you accept it for what it is, or a version of Active Imagination, there is something to this, but it isn't the thing I am writing about- exactly. It could be. Going to Wonderlands is par for course with Tulpamancy. Most folks will tell you it is completely psychological, it's just an active virtual space in your head... I personally think it's more. But that's me, and to know that actually could inform my mistaken conclusions... So, I am not like ignorant of that component. If my son gets up I will attend to him 630 until I leave for work. If he comes in too early, 5:45, 6am, he well either be invited to lay in my bed, or he can sit quietly and play Legos or draw. He sat to play Legos. We have a station, a Lego table and chair in my room. He brought me a character, having tweaked it. It was one the characters we had been aiming for BUT DIDN"T GET. He was describing what he added and I commented on liking the hair... (In my head, Loxy commented, 'You like her because her hairstyle resembles mine.') And I was seriously staring at it, trying to remember where this character came from. She wasn't in the inventory. It bothered me, but not enough to take it from him and examine it closer. He went back to the table, I wrote for another 15 minutes, closed up my activities to interact with son, and I asked for the character back. He asked, "which one." "The one you were just showing me." "This one?" He held up his monster. "No, the new one, with the funny hair and glasses." "I don't know which one that is." I practically turned our lego table over looking for that character. I touched every piece and every character. The character sheet was there, and I pointed to the character. "You were just holding this one." And he said, "Maybe your ghost took it." "Like my ghost painted your lip?" "She is pretty tricky," Eston said. When I think back on looking at that Lego character, it had a bit of a dream quality to it, but I don't remember it as a dream. It did kind of remind me of the times I was professionally hypnotized. That has a 'flavor to it.' Anyway, the whole thing could have been nothing more than being inattentive in this reality frame, but I am interested in knowing if I can duplicate this and intentionally have surreal experiences in real time.
  8. You have received some solid responses. I especially resonated with Ember's observation that you're employing 'empathy' in the process of doing your math in regards to the pros and cons of tulpamancy. I don't know you. I don't know how good your 'math' actually is. Most people suck at 'math,' especially if there is a social-emotional component. If I knew nothing else other than you have this attribute of caring and empathizing with others, even an imagined, potential future other person in your life- a quality I esteem BTW- I would say you are a much better person than you imagine or know; yes, I'll say it, I suspect your math sucks. Translation: OMG- you're normal and I like you. Almost no one is as good as they think or as bad as they think and very few of us, even the best of us, hold true clarity on our personal self worth from the perspective of others. I do believe you are suffering. There are so many ways to measure a human being and our society, western society- employs some of the worse, and we're probably a stone's throw away of mirroring the severest measure which is employed in Japan, resulting in one of the highest suicide rates in the world- epidemic loneliness, depression, and a declining birth rate that has warranted the declaration of a national state of emergency. An alternative way to look at this 'vulnerability' you have, and I, and many others here, is that it is a super power- we are sensitive to this unseen thing and we are the equivalent of the canary in the coal mine. We're coughing, but the miners keep on mining. It sucks to have this gift. Is it fair that you should carry this thing? Is it fair that there are people who are actually not nice people who commit horrible acts of aggression against humanity, and they don't carry one ounce of your self doubt, humility, or empathy? There are quite a few ways to change our thoughts, our feelings. Counseling is one way. Medication is one way. There is good research that suggest meds and counseling simultaneously have the best results. Some people can figure things out through self help books and pursuing personal interests... I personally have employed all of these, and maybe some of it helped, or all it helped, with time and persistence being the vehicle to seeing results- but you know what, I absolutely believe TULPAMANCY helped more than any one thing or multiple things I have engaged. I can only speculate how I might be had I found this thing 20 years ago. Likely no different, as 20 years ago I might not have been receptive to the concept. (And if I had, would I have discovered Loxy or someone else? There is no end to this speculative rabbit hole.) I remember engaging in Napoleon Hill's 'invisible counselor' technique ten or fifteen years ago, maybe 20- I should find that notebook, as there is date stamp in it- and that was a fun exercise, but it didn't provide the impact that tulpamancy did. Is it fair to your tulpa to be borne into your head, your world? Absolutely brilliant, lovely question. NO! LIFE IS NOT FAIR. FURTHER, it is the wrong measure. Anyoneespouses "That's not fair," I am going to wonder about your math- and then ask, "Are you older than 8?" We are born into our worlds not knowing. Some of us have benefits of spirit, some have social-political gifts, some have physical attributes- some of us get shit. EVERYONE suffers. Rich, poor, first world, third world, everyone... The question isn't about fairness, or rightness. The only question worth is asking is do you hold love. I already know that answer- you love so much you don't want anyone to suffer the way you have suffer. That is huge. Will a tulpa suffer if you make it? Yes. All beings suffer. We experience adversity and that is part of our system. Your tulpa will not suffer in the ways you imagine. They will find their unique thing to struggle with. What they will never know is a lack of love. If YOU decide to bring forth a tulpa, it will be done with the greatest amount of sensitivity and love and they will stand in a place that gives them a different perspective on the world. They will see things you can't see because of your present perspective. You can't see your way out of the trenches when you're in the trench. From the mountain top, you see everything. Because of your love, your tulpa will hold love. If you engage in this, you will change. You can't give love and experience love and not change. Your orbits will shift and you will grow in unimagined ways. Will there be difficulties? Yes. Will there be challenges? Yes. Will there be unexpected things? Yes. There will be good things and laughter and love and one day, when you least imagine and stopped doing math because you're living your life and not just tortuously measuring all the things that are not ideal, you will magically realize you arrived. There will be a realization you've suddenly experienced more good days than bad days. I say, anything you do differently is a step towards improving the quality of life. I can't say that making a tulpa will definitely improve your life. It will definitely be different. In this particular equation, you're not making the tulpa's life worse. You're giving the tulpa life. That's a huge distinction. You experiences yourself and your life experiences as so miserable you wouldn't wish that on your worse enemy; that's a nice sentiment, but you're not giving a tulpa your life, you're giving a person a space to come in and make sense of the data in new and different ways. It is my opinion, not being alive is worse, and never being born is much worse. Plant a rose bush, give it water, and let what flowers bloom color your life.
  9. It's been a while since I posted here. I am finding it super challenging to navigate the new site, and I am a little frustrated; that is not a complaint- just a challenge I apparently must forge through in order to stay connected. I found a video that I want to share. Apparently, it's old. Almost as old as Loxy, as it was created in 2016. I don't think I mentioned it here before, but i would be pleasantly surprised/pleased if I had, as it would explain my 'deja vu.' I related to it because it's about hearing voices, in general, but more specifically one of the things I took away from the Tulpamancy protocols was that in essence what I was doing was creating a dialogue between myself and other, in this case Loxy, and repetitiously engaging that dialogue until it became an automatic, subconscious response. But further, when you consider the brain regions Charles discussed scanning, it seems to correlate for me that we're teaching the brain to respond to self talk as if it were foreign-talk. It makes me wonder if the 'brain' sensations we feel are literally an exaggerated tactile response that comes from 'forcing' new neural pathways. (Yes, that's speculative, but every time I had a brain sensation, that was precisely the metaphor I self imposed.) For me, the dialogue explanation that Charles offers completely resonates with my experiences to date. Something else that seriously worthwhile about this video is the recognition that 'hearing voices' is not limited to Mental Health! That alone is gold and worth sharing. I highly recommend the following video, and if you have family or friends that doubt you or tulpamancy, this is really worth passing along. The Science of the Voices in your Head, by Charles Fernyhough https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95otBlepVHc
  10. you're welcome.... "I'm no- so much- unsure..." i read a lot of ambiguity in that. "I am not" is the first part, and sometimes the brain stops there. "i am not unsure" is not as strong as "I am certain." I am not so much..." Which means a little is plausible? I am not picking on your language. I understand you. If you and i were working together to write a script for hypnosis, or for affirmations, this would be an important factor to consider. I think it's equally important in terms of tulpamancy. Your words have meaning and impacts you inner and external reality; not all words have universal meaning- there is room for variations even with words we think are universal. When doing magic or conscious work, it is important to strive for the greatest amount clarity you can. If you have doubt about a word because you recognize a double meaning for you, then I would trust your insight/intuition on whether that word should be exchanged for one more precise for the exercise. I have done most of my primary meditation/focus at bed time, going to sleep. There are some advantages to it. The disadvantage is you may fall asleep during the process. You may also have an increase in tangential thinking, or day dreaming, which does one of two things- accelerates your fall into sleep, or wakes you up- in which case you may find yourself into three or four chapters of 'dialogue' before you catch yourself and bring you back to the task at hand. You could set this up as a springboard for lucid dreaming- and if successful, any dream work will likely result in better outcomes. I think the trick for me, and i presume most people, is consistency. I went to bed, (no tech after a certain time,) i did my meditation, I drifted, brought myself back, and over time I got better results and clarity. My brain expects my nightly meditation like a ritual. I would not worry too much about falling asleep, especially if in the process you seeded dreams. I remember reading some tulpas were annoyed to be holding attention only to have the person fall asleep on them. I am suddenly wondering if that's a real memory. Loxy has never scolded me for falling asleep. interesting. Just be aware, meditation at bedtime could result in sleep. There is this place right on the edge of going to sleep, but not full awake- if you can figure out how to linger there, and hold enough consciousness to focus- you may get auditory faster there. I can't seem to stay there. I get auditory and 'wake' up because of a 'wow' surge in adrenalin. I don't remember when this started, but I talked about it in my PR. At some point, I began regularly waking up at 2 or 3 am. That's now an everyday occurrence. Sometimes I wake because I her Loxy say my name- louder than during the daytime rituals. Sometimes I just wake up- but every time I greet that moment with a "Good morning," kind of greeting and talk, ask for insight, or ideas, and go back to sleep, intending to lucid dream.
  11. Every thing else you wrote, especially the David Eagleman quotes, was well received by me. Eagleman's view is consistent with the general paradigm held by the majority of neuroscientist. I especially liked his roller-coaster experiment, designed to simulate a crisis to determine if the reports of time slowing was a thing. What I don't get is 'tulpas are just a romanticized friends...' statement. If you accept Eagleman's position that each brain module is in itself a modular personality, or incomplete personality, then conscious experience of these modules as a 'tulpa personality' or combination of modules as a 'tulpa personality' as a means of sorting different brain components or filters is still a solid personality construct, which is not the primary personality construct. Everything Eagleman said can be used to support tulpa more than imaginary friend. This view is also consistent with Freud, Jung, Campbell, and Erikson.... I suppose it doesn't matter what you call it, but calling it 'imaginary' is inaccurate because it's avlid source of information or interpretation of information.
  12. Well, JGC... If you asked me closer to high school, I graduated in 1987- my answer would mirror Felicity. My experiences in high school were shaped by family of origin issues, depression, frequent relocations, and an urgency to be done with it all minimizing interaction. I remember quite a bit of high school. I imagine if you interviewed people I attended class with, they'd probably tell you pleasant things about me- but they would not give you insight into the fact that I was frequently on the edge of ending my life. One of the things I miss about high school, it was the last place that provided me an opportunity to interact with peers- people my age. High school is a strange social reality that no reflection, and does not prepare people for, the real world, where you meet all sorts of people, ages, level of functioning- and most the time, you will get out into the real world and the people ask you 'what were you learning' because was rarely applicable to social life outside of high school. Balancing a check book, cooking, cleaning, and basics of self care alone would serve people a great deal better- but there is an assumption you're getting that at home. What I learned at home was not to piss of the matriarch because she collected weapons and more than once it was discharged in the house. (Drugs and alcohol were frequently involved.) My high school experience was skewed to say the least. I have heard some people have very nice memories of high school. I have heard some people marry their HS sweet heart and maintained friends over the years. First four years post HS, I heard from no one, and I made no effort to connect. If I could go back to High School, knowing what I know now, I would. Even if we minimized my knowledge to just knowing the importance of high school, and the confidence to speak up, to be active in class, I would do that. I can tell you precisely when I stop caring about math. I asked a question in algebra and the teacher told me, 'stop asking stupid questions and do it the way i tell you to do it.' I never asked another question. I stopped applying myself in math, and it is one thing I would do over. I am okay at math, I could do better, but I still have that taste in my mouth. If I went back, I would focus more on the social aspect and try to make genuine connections with others, even if I thought those connections would end after high school. People coming and going has been a theme through out my life, and would go back and maximize the emotional connection and treasure that moment. There were some good people around me. I would go back and take more social risks even if I failed and got ridiculed because no one is likely to remember me after high school anyway. If they did, I would imagine they would say 'at least he didn't go quietly. he tried. I want to be more courage.' We like stories of courage and people overcoming. High school is the last safe place to learn courage- the further away from high school, the greater the consequences for making social mistakes. We all make them, or will make them- either in our younger years or are later years. There is new perspective I have adopted, though. Do not worry about any of this now. Don't think on where you are now. Don't think of it beyond your present assessment. Assume you assessment is dead on. Assume, thirty years from now- where you end up, you're okay and you can look back and you can reassess and you can say to yourself 'it was alright' or it 'sucked ass' but you know what, I am happy with who I am and where I am and I would not be here if not for there. Don't think of here, think of there. Aim for there. You don't hit the target by looking at your feet. If you're on a motorcycle going in a circle, and you look down or into the turn, you crash your bike every time. You go where eyes go. I have shared this in story, and with a friend here- Holodock for sure: in the past if I had a time machine, I would have gone back and changed everything. I am five years invested into my son, and what, four years invested in Loxy- I would relive my entire life over a million times and again without changing a thing just so I can meet son again, so I can meet Loxy again. So I can be here and meet all of you, YOU JGC, again. That's love. Nothing else is more important than that.
  13. There is a lot here- so much to unpack. Clo, has the guidance to newcomers fallen, or have we reached a point in guide making when a newcomer ask a question we have to wonder if they read the guides? I am certainly not saying dismiss questions- but some of us, maybe even me because I am not a 'teacher' or even always tactful, might respond in a way that might suggest annoyance 'did you read the FAQ?' One of the most difficult aspect of writing is crafting statements that increase the delivery of useful information while decreasing the potential for misreading emotional flavor. I would add further that most of us hate to sound repetitive, and so there is other aspect of communicating to a new folks. There may not be a way to avoid that. Pleeb brought in the other part about this- about the depth and breath of effort. It takes efforts. serious effort and serious time, and it seems like many folks don't want to put in the time/energy. The post that annoyed me the most were the ones that essentially stated: "I have been following all the guides and I am not hearing or seeing anything and I been at it for like a whole fifteen minutes already...' There seems to be an increase in unrealistic exaptation of immediacy in terms of result acquisition. I am not pointing fingers. I am guilty. I think my results were due to being pig headed stubborn and not persistent over time, but I could have spent more time early on. And i had intermittent laziness. I would get results and I would plateau there, not just for being satisfied or genuinely lazy, but because I was exploring meaning and fears and hopes and do I dare take one step further into the rabbit hole. I have experienced steps in success, regression, followed by renewed effort and improved results. I almost wonder if there is normative range and i am like mid average, and outliers are rock stars or inept. That continuum doesn't mean aver or inept can't achieve, but where you are on that scale would denote how much effort, energy, and other unspecified attributes need to be implemented. I suspect many here will relate to this: i have struggled to interact with others. I am just kind of odd. My oddness contributes to me being really good at my career. You would think that would translate into better social success, but we're complex beings and there is a multiplicity of colliding artifacts and we don't happen in a vacuum. I am saying that so when i saw that sometimes when I experienced public guidance or reasonable 'censor' for not following the expectation of community interaction, I got my feelings hurt. And that's great! That's going to happen with anyone. In the past, i would have just taken my ball and gone home. I didn't. I hung in there. In doing so, I discovered that the community has many facets, and all of it is designed to optimize interactions with a very diverse group of people. This is a solid thing for me: it was a confluence of artifact, maybe increased maturity, maybe I am super more analytical, or maybe I saw the benefits of remaining and learning of greater value- I don't know. But I wonder how much of people leaving or being quiet is simply because there is fear. I know of no way to soften that. Maybe we shouldn't even try, because sometimes genuineness can come across a bit harsh. That's evidence for boundaries. It's in the negotiation of boundaries that friendships emerge. I like this thread. I like that we keep at negotiating terms and ideas and abstracts and forging our identity as self and group.
  14. Longevity is important. Flexibility in being able to reach a greater audience in present space and future time is important. Less manual intervention allows operator more free time to engage in other areas of life, which enhances her life, and thereby this community. My 'level of skill' with system features- I won't notice missing features; i will eventually learn to navigate this. I feel so indebted to tulpa.info and the members that guided me directly and indirectly, my loyalty to the endeavor is secure. I do not intend to leave. I am hopeful to find insightful ways of contributing and helping folks achieve results. I am still trying to understand my own results- I feel like I am still in the OMG it's magic phase. Like with Lucid Dreaming- I am just so ecstatic when I 'wake up' that i go immediately into play mode. I have of list of serious hard work I want to try, like 'meditation during lucid dreaming.' First thing I do is ' beam up' to MyEnterprise, and it's all play from there. :)
  15. So, the last person to post before we came to the new board won?