mysonofrageandlove

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About mysonofrageandlove

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    Male
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    nowheretown
  • Bio
    I'm an author. It pays the bills.

    While paying the bills, I think accidentally created a tulpa.

    His name is Jamie and he's a piece of work.

    We both wanna talk to you.

    So hi.

    (Ask for my Skype, by the way. We're both always up for a chat.)

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  1. I'd rather not post mine publically, but I love chatting with people, so if anyone wants to add me, send me a PM! :)
  2. Jamie has three different main areas in our Mindscape that he spends his time in. The first, which I call the Planetarium, pretty much has the appearance of outer space/the night sky. It's entirely black, and covered in stars and galaxies which can be touched and moved as one pleases. Jamie also creates and destroys little universes there to amuse himself! When I spend time with him there, I stand on some kind of invisible ground, but he always floats when he's there. This was the first part of our Mindscape that we spent time together in when Jamie first manifested. The second is a desolated city street, in the aftermath of a riot. It's lined with broken storefront windows, the street itself is littered with rubble, some things are still on fire, etc. It is always late afternoon there and the light on the streets and reflecting off surrounding skyscrapers is golden. When Jamie and I meet there, he'll walk down the street from one end and I'll walk from the other, and we'll meet in the middle to stand there and talk. The third area is one that I myself don't often go, although I have been there a couple of times. It is a carnival of Jamie's own creation, that he created within the Mindscape as a place to play. At first glance, it looks like the perfect summer roadside carnival, with rides, games, bright lights, carnival music playing in the background, food vendors, cheerful employees in vintage-looking uniforms. Upon closer examination, one can see that every single part of the carnival, from the rides to the food vendor carts, has a morbid theme based on a real life serial killer or mass shooter. Playing any of the carnival games tends to result in a lot of over-the-top gore. I'd describe it as carnival meets the kind of first person shooter video game that media watchdogs warn parents about.
  3. Jamie mostly travels around the Mindscape by floating. He also changes his age depending on how old he feels like being on any given day, and creates/destroys objects out of thin air at will.
  4. The more I read peoples' responses to topics like this, the more I think about the suggestion that Jamie is something other than a tulpa. Looking at Jamie's form, watching him move - this is no different for me than looking at a random person in front of me in real life. I cannot anticipate or make up in advance every little movement that they'll do, how their clothes and hair move with their motions, how they move their hands when they talk, etc, etc. Everything they're doing is just unfolding in front of me, and I'm watching it, and I have no part in it. It's their movements. It's them. The same goes for Jamie. When I brought this topic up to him and he had a look at the initial posting which mentioned the tulpa's role in imagining/perceiving, he laughed and said "I'm not imagining anything, or perceiving anything or whatever, like do you PERCEIVE yourself walking down the road? No, you just fucking walk."
  5. Not only have I seen a hobo fight, but I have been a fighting hobo.
  6. For Jamie and I, switching was achieved before I even knew what it was, or knew what a tulpa was, or anything. I did not do anything to work towards it. I literally one day just came to the nameless realization that I felt I could let Jamie take control of my body and "drive the car", as I often think of it, if I allowed him to. I have always found it very easy to dissociate from my body and "leave" it somewhat, so once I had this realization, I simply let myself slide back out of my body and Jamie slid right up to take my place. I am sure this would be much less of a no-brainer for someone who has never detached themselves from their body before, but in my case, I was very sick as a kid and had a lot of medical procedures/traumatic experiences that I soon learned to dissociate during in order to spare myself the pain. So in essence, I've had 20+ years of practice in detaching from my body, and then Jamie is such an intense, powerful presence that he plowed right ahead and easily took over the empty body when the opportunity was given to him.
  7. After reading through what everyone had to say, I'm going to work my way through the questions asked in the initial post: Why do tulpas get horny/want sex if they have no real physical body, biological drive or sex organs? Jamie is quite firm on the fact that he HAD a physical body in his universe for 23 years of life before he died. I assume in his case, the desire for sex is leftover from that. He knows what its like to be in a physical body and be aroused/enjoy sexual activity, and he is a person with an extremely high sex drive, so I think it's no surprise that he continues to desire sex, fantasize about it, and want to engage in it. How is it that a tulpa can get any sexual satisfaction (climax) out of anything? Are they just making it up sortof like a day dream? As I said in another thread today (and I placed it under a cut there too, just in case it was TMI) - [hidden]Jamie, being capable of a complete switch, often masturbates while switched. So he is able to experience climax through the use of my physical body that does not belong to him, but which he is able to inhabit.[/hidden] Is tulpa sex even real in any way at all or is it just a fantasy? Jamie has never had sex in the Mindscape, so I would be unsure of how to answer this one! Is the host's will involved somehow making the tulpa want sex? Is the tulpa being influenced by the host's sexuality alone and what does that mean for tulpa independence? In my case, Jamie and I are almost complete opposites in terms of sexuality! I am a hetero-romantic asexual with almost zero interest in sexual activity of any kind, while Jamie is pansexual and has an extremely high sex drive. So in our case, I think it very much points to his independence, as he in no way takes after my own sexuality.
  8. Jamie and I do not have sex together. Although we have had conversations where it's been expressed that he "would totally do me", as a predominantly heteroromantic asexual, it's not something I'm interested in engaging in. If that ever was something we engaged in, I don't think it would be detrimental to him at all. He's not the type to need cuddles or romantic affection afterward, he'd be happy to have a quick fuck and move on immediately. However, and I'm putting this under a hidden cut in case this is far too TMI - [hidden]I also don't even know if you want to count this as participating in a sexual activity with a tulpa because as you'll see in a moment I'm not really involved at all, but Jamie, being fully capable of switching, often uses my body and masturbates when switched He's an extremely sexual person, which is in stark contrast to myself, so I guess I should not be surprised that, if given the chance to inhabit a body, this would be one of the activities he frequently engages in, but it's still interesting to me, especially since I myself have little to no sex drive or interest in any kind of sex.[/hidden]
  9. This thread made me realize that what I've been thinking is termed possession is actually switching. While Jamie is indeed capable of possession, it's switching that we do extremely frequently. I actually would be interested to know, amongst the percentage of hosts and tulpas that are capable of switching, how frequently do they do it? Jamie and I switch for at least a couple hours every single day.
  10. okay so none of these Answers like fully applied to me or whatever because the one i picked was like something along the lines of "yeah I have to deal with my host's emotional issues but its tiring but i do help""" which is a paraphrase and not an exact quote but that just about sums it up and aside from the fact that """host""" is a word that doesn't jive for me, really for me its like, it's not tiring, Space dad needs a lot of emotional support and help and shit and i'm totally good with that, doesn't tire me, it's just like, why wouldnt you help somebody out, you know, like why not?? and I get mental shit from my own experience I know how it is so i can relate, we can talk back and forth and shit and its a good thing, so Im not tired at all, but i am hella proud, because i've saved him from suicide like fucking 10 times by now.
  11. "I'ma build you from the ground Til you're higher then the clouds I can see it in your soul If you only knew your worth The kinda love that you deserve Every piece of you makes whole." The lyrics in my signature, from the song Fix You by Vita Chambers, have always made me think of some of the encouraging things Jamie has said to me during some of the worst times in my life. The entirety of Jesus Of Suburbia by Green Day could be a Jamie theme song. Indeed, my username here and my little nickname for Jamie, "son of rage and love", comes from that song. Colors by Halsey is another one that inspires both of us, although the reasons behind it are a bit abstracted and hard to explain outside of our Mindscape.
  12. For the longest time I felt like I didn't have anything to contribute here as since I've dealt with my mental illnesses, I have a tendency to always forget my dreams immediately upon waking, but then I remembered that over summer of 2015, I had a dream that Jamie and I were in the middle of a riot when we were sprayed directly in the faces with pepper spray from a cop. Both of us ended up on our hands and knees, tears streaming down our faces, laughing our asses off, while coughing so hard that we both ended up throwing up. Then I woke up and I was.....actually throwing up. In real life. Spent the next 24 hours with a nasty stomach virus.
  13. I know we've been PMing back and forth, but I realized I never thanked you publically for this nice comment, so I wanted to belatedly do so! This means a lot to both myself and to Jamie, it's really validating in the face of everything I've had to deal with. He's definitely throwing an Internet high five back your way.
  14. I really loved reading through everybody's answers/experiences! This was super cool. I love seeing the variety in different tulpa relationships represented here. I wish everybody the best in their relationships.
  15. I don't feel like I'm knowledgeable enough from my perspective to answer most of the questions proposed here, but I can say that my tulpa, Jamie, emerged and gained sentience of his own accord. He's a very powerful presence and possesses OFTEN. That having been said, there has been some discussion on this forum of whether Jamie is in fact a tulpa or something else, so I do feel compelled to note that.