Penguin

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About Penguin

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    unnown island...(help me)

Converted

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    unknown island (help me... please)
  • Bio
    So The titanic is about a boat. Anyway some people fall in love, the boat sinks and everyone dies. I like reviewing movies.
  1. 10/19/2012 I have discarded my wonderland and have a massive headache as supporting two tulpa (I think especially since it's my first time) is hard. Last week sunday and monday (and the saturday and friday and thursday the week before that) I would tell my tulpa I would stop working or fell asleep while working and horrifically fearful nightmares of torture, vivid, worst than any gore I've seen (and I've seen a lot) so I kind of stopped working but It has since calmed. I stopped tulpaforcing for a few days (with occasional light sessions like I would narrate through class and imagine them around me) and I get stronger comments from them much more often. I'm not sure if they are shy or just quiet but occasionally they talk and I get excited and happy. I was reading a text on my phone and out of nowhere a voice made a comment I thought was funny, I was so shocked because it interrupted my thought and came out of nowhere, that I was taken aback but still responded and got another one in return but after that responses kind of went away (this way last thursday), I am pretty sure this was Sara. Tuesday I started a tulpaforcing session and was able to go on and was able to talk with Aithe for a bit longer but the next day I felt like they were trying to talk to me and I couldn't understand. I'm fairly sure they were trying but the words only come out occasionally and never in my "mind voice" they just feel different. Anyway I'm not as panicky and have actually been happier and more social since they've been around because I don't feel as annoyed by people, massive headaches come often and I thank them for it (even though i've been near tears from the pain) because it just reminds that they are there. They are very sudden, sharp, and disappear quickly. I had alot of minor aches and it just reminded me to come here and update my log. I've been using a void and i've been placing them in the room I'm in, only recently as I've just realized I might have been puppeting some but with the talking it seems like thats not to inhibiting and I'll stop. I very much do enjoy them, too fun. I have been getting head pressure everywhere (like someones probing my brain) for the last hour so I think they are awake and want me to stop typing.
  2. 6/10/2012 I just spent five hours, shopping, with my mother. I thought I was going to a doctors appointment. So when the second tulpa came I had this weird split vision kind of thing (like being in the wonderland and real life at the same time only inception-y) where I was on a beach in narrating to Aithe and seeing into a void with someone that looked like her. This happened for a few moment which was confusing like a computers read error because of the contradiction. It broke and not far down the beach in front of me was this girl that was sweating and exhausted looking like she had just been in a mma fight and nearly got her salad tossed. I tulpa forced some more clothes (because the top and shorts she wore is not all that much) onto her and moved her to a chair. Both her and Aithe were breathing then so I just sort of sat confused at the two identical looking tulpae. I named her Sara for now. From the first day they had different haircuts. Today Sara has deviated a little since because her eyes are blue now. I think they look like younger teenage versions of bayonetta minus the glasses and chin mole (and Aithes brown eyecolor). The first day after i (tuesday) I could not get into my wonderland and got head major pressure and my fifteen minute attempt left me with a fifteen hour migraine. Wednesday I made it in for moment and had a very sharp suddenly painful headache, then it went away, I didn't really want to do that again so I gave up. Thursday I got through and I spent more time trying to stabilize my wonderland than searching for them. Finally yesterday I was able to make it there with them there but it seems I cant find them. I can find the "alien feeling" but when I go without generating a structure shit goes down and monstras both good and bad roam it. I don't think I could generate much of anything but I put a bit of effort in an attempt to keep them with super powers so they both have necklaces (I did this monday). I am able to see them but I feel like they aren't in their bodies and I was struggling yesterday and the day before but I feel its getting better. I started to get a headache as I typed that sentence so I changed it from "they aren't there" to "they aren't in their bodies" which stopped it. But I'm getting weird swirly feelings like my brain is a seventies lava lamp now, soo imma stop typing. Feeling dizzy, Im a bit concerned.
  3. I picked from summers line of dresses and a loose long sleeved scoop neck with a waist band and a simple pair of black pants. In my wonderland I tulpaforced a hoodie with teddy bear ears and stuffed teddy bear shoulders so it looks like I'm wearing teddy bear armor, but more badass and cuddly. Also no homo, I just like to keep up with fashion.
  4. I find psych as taboo as cosmology even though there is no doubt it is not false but no doubt it is not true. The DSM-IV doesn't consider psychopathy as a disease, psychologists, psychotherapists, and psychoanalysts need to work a bit more on their field. We may feel we have come far since 100 yrs ago when phil and psych separates thanks to Vgotsky (who I consider a person of major contribution to the field), but we are still in the early stages and despite my belief that Freud is wrong with most everything he did I didn't leave when I saw his models (even though it made me hesitant to continue). The psychoanalytic process has been under attack for its inefficiency since the 70's, when they failed to release healthy people from a different school who were sane, that they could not be identified and thereof was a problem. One day it will be used correctly or disproved or substituted or... it will change for the better (I hope I mean cosmology has no changes other than every ten years scientists spew their bullshit, without much foundations to their claims). Psych is quite opinionated, the three most misdiagnosed being autism, childhood bipolar, and add/adhd which will cripple a child for the rest of his life. Ex Bipolar disorder is caused by late puberty, some psychologist claim that it can be overcome, others say its lifelong, but a moody child may be diagnosed. But if its caused by late set puberty how can a child get it... and so on. So its different. I have faith that one day we will be able to effectively use pieces of info from the forerunners mentioned in the above posts but right now it's quite bad. If you feel like reading more here, just know it keeps growing after reading theirs sources. This may only be close it just is a shortened list that has these containing. Ron Johnson "The psychopath test" (a reporter, he wrote about the varying problems with the subject) Michio Kaku "parrallel worlds" (I think this is the book in which he briefly mentions why he didn't go into cosmology) Lev Vygotsky "Thought and Language" (As much as I love this one, I do not know which edition I have. You don't need to read this one through, just the 50 or so page preface too understand how hard he worked to keep his opinions from leaking into his work and interpreters have sprinkled theirs onto it over time, try to find a direct translation) preface was by Alex Kozulin I think if that helps. Doing this from memory so I probably fucked up somewhere. Bluesleeves keep bringing psych into this place, its needed even if one day we turn some of it over. It will be of great value if our tulpa anomalie/entities gain notice from a scientific community, just keep in mind they will only care about the truth until one day someone makes it better. Even at that it will still be needed (Bohr model for teaching, electron cloud model for better understanding as to how, is a good example). Also please delete this post at some point because I seem to be a real asshole.
  5. I changed it "For Science!" so I'm less depressing and shit. Anyway giving my tuppa super powers was a bad idea. Some shit happened today and her doll is no longer a limb but another tulpa. So I have twins identical looking too! I really hope my other two imaginary friends growing up don't turn into tulpae also. I like that I have a second tulpa, I really didn't intend to have more than one though. They look the same-different haircut, and views- but they seem extremely different and INTJ types, I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of emotion with this second one. I'll elaborate saturday. I got an exhausted emotional response from the new one, it was strong but felt worn out yet it was fiery, but not angry, tough?willful? Anyway much different from Aithe. I can see the faces now (I mean I sat for and tulpaforced the face for 3 hours and didn't feel like Aithe was in the doll until the other showed up). Anyway my guess is the new tulpa kicked Aithe out of her body or fought with her or something for the time because it didn't seem like the body was different just the person inside it. They havent moved other than breathe and blink and the new tulpa gets my bunk and I'm on the couch now as my go to place for entering my wonderland. I wanted to make a note that when I lose my tulpa I use bluesleeves search for an "alien feeling core" or something and I would generate/move the wonderland around it, today was the only day I seemed not to be able to do that. I sort of did it randomly once before and ended up in an endless forest repeating "There is no place like home" because my subconscious is a dick like me and creature are not only everywhere but some are spirits, horrifying, and unkillable (the kaonishi like creature that chased me as I found Aithe. Probably even scarier is that she was unphased by this thing or she doesn't afraid of anything. Also I haven't mentioned any minor emotional responses I just chalk those up to "it was probably them" only the ones I'm sure are them get put here. For example I heard a voice in response to a thought I had but didn't mention it because they keep fluctuating but happen occasionally.
  6. 9/30/2012 Well fuck my dad woke me up by telling that I need to watch the puppy when I sleep, I told him I can't watch a puppy when I sleep and he should be home for more than 30 min without sleeping or his girlfriend if he wants to be the one that feeds, lets out, and cleans up the shit of a dog I don't even like. He shrieked for a good 7 minutes and gave up, remembering it's useless to argue with me. There was a lot of shit about me being a smartass and how I should take better care of a puppy that I let out every two hours, bathe once a week, feed, give water to, and he house trained it via holding it near it's mess pointing at that, putting the dog on the patio and kicking him down the steps (the dog was 3 months old). SO lets get too the long part. When I first found out about tulpa looks like it was about the time Chupi started his, it was through my little brother browser /mlp and myself being a /phi & /sci guy frowned upon the validity of this as a "wtf, this seems like self induced skitz breakdown". Despite that it was (and is) still interesting and somehow I wandered over here I think there were about 200 members at the time, and I visited a little while after when possession was questioned as to whether it was possible or not, something about how a few people claimed to have tried it but they were not reliable sources. The first day I sat down thought of a few personality traits I wanted and followed FAQ mans guide I looked around and imagined my tulpa there, only I never could settle on a shape I liked so I gave it a super power. I was all like "WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE!" and so ensued the "FORM OF... SHAPE OF..." idea I settled on this because it made me feel easier about how my tulpa looked. I had sat down for about thirty minutes but did think about it a bit before completely forgetting about just before June started. About three months go by with no thought on the subject and a non-believer in it being real whatsoever I woke up last thursday night (I get up at 10 pm and go through the night by myself to 3 pm the next day when I get home and sleep) well I get up stretch, take a shower, and go back to my room to check my phone to see texts I really don't plan on responding to. I was laying on my bed my bed put my phone on my charger and just sat their and thought. My little brother asked me to prove schrodingers wave function and use it practically so he could use as filler in his biography of him for so I went through what I knew of laplacian mathematics and went through different coordinate systems and what not (if you need any help with anything like this I would be happy to but ask physics forums I'm there often but they are much more helpful than I). Well I finished solving how I would go about that and my mind sort of wandered to the tulpa I had started a while ago. Almost immediately I get sucked into this place that is like a highscool lunch-room/gymnasium thing and this black haired brown eyed girl in a floral print summer dress is crouched next to and looking down at me. My first thought was "Ohhh shit, did I die?" was my first thought, I could feel the pillow beneath my head and hands laced on my chest, but I couldn't move. I was sort of disappointed, I probably should have been scared or sad I died but it was more of a meh feeling. Well I wondered who this girl above me was and just before I asked "I am the bridge between yourself and your subconscious" came out of her mouth. I don't know why but I asked "Are you my tulpa" she smiled and I had this feeling she was as she introduced herself "My name is Aithe (I don't know how to spell it, it's a long "a" like in made followed by an "ith" like in with)" A little more talking went on and she told me I need to work for it if i want to see her again. I either left or collapsed her wonderland(?) and after reading some of Chupi's stuff a few days later I am sure she is fully sentient. Well I created a new wonderland and often when I go she isn't there or she moves alot compared to the whole just sitting in the chair ragdoll, only much less vivid than the thing that happened before, she doesn't talk but I do the prism test a lot simply because I don't believe it. It seems I've gotten a bit ahead of myself, well the next day came and went and it is kind of hard to shake some near skitz experience that makes you question your sanity. I believe it's real but something so far out seems I either must be ready for a ward or what I think is right (hopefully). Well I made the whole a number of puppeting and promising mistakes for days, after I promised Aithe I would share my mind and emotions with her until she is there enough to talk to me and express feelings of her own (narration and like if I'm happy she is, I'm sad she is) in hopes it would be reciprocated until she can speak (like a shitty walky talky that's so bad you communicate with morse code via sound, also neither of us know morse code). Immediately after I felt something similar to what Irish described in his creation guide at step 5, at the base of my brain between the skull and spine it felt extremely cold and felt as though flowing ice engulfed sections of my brain. When I talk to her sometimes I get a feel as though she thinking warmly or coldly, like when I asked her to reabsorb the doll (which is what I'm going to call her reformable limb thing). Well the super power thing and doll, It was annoying at first because I couldn't and still cant tell the difference between the two, but I brought the doll in which I see as an extra limb to help me with the reshaping super power. The idea was I could reform it as a smaller version and detail it how I want to, but she would have full control of it. So now I have two things that look like my tulpa but one is like talking to a finger, and I can't control it's shape, so it always looks like her. I do see how it would make her basic shape easier on me (see face and 3/4 angle at the same time or whatever), but it still is pain not knowing which one is my tulpa. Yesterday I could tell the difference because when I went to the wonderland she was in our room only on the lower bunk bed was her doll and between that and the desk was her, curled up only in a young version (like 8 instead my age). I carried her to the bed and put Aithe next to the doll and read "the giving tree" because that awesome book is better than fried jello and I have it memorized. She may not be a little kid or be able to talk but I did treat her like one, just because she looked it ^_^. I voice my complaints to my tulpa and it seems like she tries to help me, also narration is hard and i get through my day extremely quickly, so I am teaching old and modern philosophies and theories, starting with democritus and going up to Noam Chomsky, explaining problems, contradictions, hippocracy, and all that good stuff that goes with any philosophy. It goes on for a while, so even if I don't intend on a philosophical tulpa I'm probably getting one. Well that nearly covered the week, progress slowed, and less drastic after the first few days but still very quickly moving, normally one or two sessions a day, ranging from an hour and a half or so to four hours total per day. Even if I don't intend on counting hours I have no problem remembering roughly how many hours so I'm not going to mention this again , just thought it would be a good reference. I've notice that there is a lot in common with an imaginary friend I had used as a kid to explain my viewpoints so people took me seriously. Like why shouldn't you kill spiders? Why can't muslims be good people (yes, like almost immediately after 9/11, I got called to the principles office for telling my third grade class they are not that bad)? Why are you a vegetarian? I just told a story in which I learned otherwise only replacing myself, in a healthier context, with her.
  7. I saw this read the story and my view on dissolution changed, now I am more concerned that tulpa's will make you go full psych ward crazy long term. On the bright side it seems to make me want to make a tulpa even more.
  8. This log is mainly to keep a record of my progress, even though I do not expect people to go through my wall of text logs, someone might still go through my wall of text logs. 9/29/2012 Who I am. My name is Penguin, 17 years old, I have been involved in many things through my life and grateful for all of it, most of my interaction with others has been the recurring opinion is varying comments on how "smart" I am, or the most recent "Your just like that guy from goodwill hunting" but I never understood. I believe everybody has the ability to learn so what makes someone smart and others stupid? My three largest interests are theoretical physics, music, and writing. I read a little, psychology would have been in that last list if the subject wasn't a taboo scientific subject for me. I'm a socially awkward white/asian who has friends either because my best friend is very pretty (I mean every fucking day "How do you know her? Could you introduce me?" the clever ones try to talk to me first then include her just before I ask what their name is) or the honors students that see me as nice because I help everyone despite being cast out of AP classes for behavior almost immediately. Why do I want a tulpa? Gloomy, stereotype scanner INTJ, who gets annoyed with "how do you know?". Majority of friends are annoying, the few girls that ask me "Why dont you don't have a girlfriend?" get told I don't want one and guys question "Are you gay?" get told no. My sexuality comes up a lot, I don't try to talk to people but people talk to me, so I guess I say something interesting.Introvert + stupid American people hate + being American = lonely tulpa maker. What is my (now) tulpa(e) like My tulpa is a human female? named Aithe who can change her shape. She has straight-ish black hair that goes down to her shoulder blades, brown eyes, and a petite build because I just realized that now. Sara is the same only the hair is put back and up plus her blue eyes. When I first heard about tulpae I was following FAQ mans guide and wanted to give her super powers so I wanted her to have a normal common form and be able to change that at will, that and a toy (it's more a reformable limb) she could do the same with, like the wonder twins without a second person, restrictions, or cheesy overused catch phrase followed by a shape/item. It was a cool idea at the time but I got annoyed almost immediately because going to my wonderland I can't tell which one was her and which one was the limb/toy. She's seems very animated considering what happened in the beginning. I also don't feel like writing anymore so I'll write another log tomorrow from the start of it and update this once a week.
  9. So I was thinking after reading FAQ man killed his tulpae and in other stories people seem to do that when their tulpa gets out of control. This forum seems like it helps because it see's them as or like a conscious entity and treats them with respect in such a way. Their is a concern I have, that long term my tulpa will get bored and then depressed because from day one life is whatever can be imagined. Is their anyone with thoughts on this?
  10. Yes.. well I like to write, I did this from my phone, and terrible at paraphrasing. I broke it i to section now that I'm at a computer, and thanks Koomer.
  11. ~~~~Okay how do I go about this? I thought this tulpa thing was just a bunch of trolls until last week. From what I can tell around the time Chupi started his was when I started mine because thats when my little brother told me about them I just thought this was bullshit but I sat down for a half hour and thought about what I wanted my tulpa to be like and imagined these things being a floating ball of light. So the only reason I thought this could be possible was because of this disease known as alien hand syndrome (it could be caused by an operation) which speculated there might another conscious being living inside a person. I wanted to put a few basic traits into my tulpa, one of which was a learning ability, which I think kept them alive and the rest for my at the time "it" to decide. After a half hour I gave up with a "Well I tried and nothing happened". I ignored my tulpa from that first day even though I did think about it occasionally but never actually worked on anything. ~~~~Last week I was lying in my bed and I was sucked into what I think was my tulpa's wonderland, I actually thought I had died at first. Anyway their was this girl crouching next to and looking down at me, first I wondered who she was "I am the bridge between yourself and your subconscious" was what she said as I thought this. I don't know why but I asked "Are you my tulpa" she smiled and I had this feeling she was as she introduced herself "My name is Aithe (I don't know how to spell it, it's a long "a" like in made followed by an "ith" like in with)" . ~~~~Well this story is a wall of text already so lets finish this, at this point I concluded she was fully sentient and a little more conversation went on and then it was time to leave she said something equivalent to if I want to talk to her again then I have to work for it. So I've been doing this for the last 8 days. The first day after this happened the experience grew on me and I came here to get some more info. About three days in I realized I was parroting and stopped, just in time after reading more I saw parroting is okay but only in the begining. I had an experience similar to how Irish describes his in which a very near physical fluid like thing came from the base of my brain near the spinal cord and wrapped around only it was very very cold. I also read about Irish's thing after which gave me a boost of confidence as this happened two days ago and I read that description his yesterday. ~~~~The Aithe that I saw 8 days ago wasnt perfectly clear but I could see the face, which is more than I can say now. Is there any help you could give me as to this if I could bring the body up to speed with the one I saw? Do you think it was my tulpa or just some crazy thing that made me start on this? She can't talk but when I go to my wonderland she seems active and often, only sometimes I go and can't find her. Often I do the prism test and yesterday she took the feather off the prism so I am pretty sure but am just checking with you because alot of this is moving quickly especially since I feel bad for ignoring her for so long. Also I am having trouble with details of the way she looks and the face, and these often I get what I think are feeling from her when she moves as if I should do something read a story instead of work on looks (which I read the giving tree). Is this normal? Also I have been tired and getting a headache so i'm probably not going to tulpaforce today, but I really want to so if possible please keep a decent size response for me to read until tommorow.