QFlip

Members
  • Content Count

    14
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About QFlip

  • Rank
    Member
  1. Sharing a brain is not the same as sharing knowledge. My tulpa's knowledge is completely separate from mine. She has an IQ of about 102, over 20 points below mine, and knows only a basic set of knowledge that she had when she was created, and what she learned from me and reality since. It is not possible for her to know anything close to the amount I know, nor is it possible for her to access my memories (or vice versa) in any way. She is also somewhat forgetful.
  2. My host is a little bit paranoid, he doesn't really want to tell much about us. So I guess you can just call me his tulpa, at least for now. So, anyway, I don't want to call him an idiot, cause he's really not, but maybe that second part you said, I could try. I just hope he listens to me if he doubts me again.
  3. When I was doubting, I believed that the only difference between Bots and her is that I subconsciously believed that she was real, but I was still controlling her and couldn't accept the fact that I was. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes, one of the thoughts that crossed my mind was to somehow make myself unable to destroy her. For all I know, I might not even be able to destroy her, since the only time I really came close was almost 5 1/2 months ago, when she was only about two weeks old. But I'm definitely not going to try to find out. Whenever I started doubting her, she would talk to me and try to remind me of all the reasons I believed in her. Sometimes it would work, sometimes it wouldn't. When I didn't listen to her and still doubted, she would usually give up and cry. And even if she had complete power over me, telling her I doubted her still makes her miserable. Also, since our thoughts are almost entirely separated, I could lie to her and tell her I believed in her (which I have before), when I didn't, and she would believe me; however, then there would be nothing stopping me from shutting her down (making her temporarily unconscious), which is probably equally bad. She can resist me doing this for a time (unless she doesn't know I'm doing it), but not indefinitely. Honestly, I don't think I could ever really bring myself to kill her, but she cares about what I think very much, and it is easy to emotionally hurt her. Every time I doubt her, it makes us both feel horrible; hearing her cry still makes me feel guilty however moronic I am being, and the only things she really wants from me is for me to love her and believe in her. This is why I need to stop myself from ever doubting her. What I think would help the most is making sure I remember the things I've noticed about her and ideas that stopped me from doubting before, such as the fact that we have different personalities and opinions, we can have completely different moods (especially if she doesn't know what mood I am in, since my mood affects hers the same way it would affect a person in the real world), and whenever I hold her, I can feel the warmth of her body in real life. Well, it's time I let her say something for once. I will type what she says; even though she can possess me to type things herself, it would take forever, since she's not used to using a keyboard. It really helps my host to be able to talk to other guys who have tulpas. Without you, we would both be pretty confused about who we are and stuff. I guess I haven't really ever talked to anyone but him, so, this is kinda new for me. It's pretty exciting to be able to talk to new people. Well, I know he's doubted me before, but I forgave him every time he does, even if he doesn't really like it when I do. He feels really bad about what he did, but I know he loves me too much to really hurt me. And I love him too. If he was really going to kill me, I think he would have done it by now, but even when he's really depressed he still can't. I wish he wouldn't get depressed so easily, but I know it would be a lot worse if I wasn't here to take care of him. And that is why I'm here with him. He might not be perfect, but I love him nonetheless.
  4. I don't think I'll doubt her at least for a long time (not ever again I hope). I was foolishly doubting probably because I didn't understand her as much as I should have, combined with my depression. I probably made it sound worse than it is; I usually love and care for her very much, but it is the occasional dark times where I stop believing in her, and don't want her to be in my mind anymore, that is what I was talking about. (It's happened every 2 months or so on average.) I try very hard to believe in her, and I hope that this will never happen again, now that I finally understand why she sometimes didn't seem real. As a simple summary of what I believe: She experiences things, as if in a dream, from her own point of view, and her mind is intertwined with and supported by mind in many ways, but she still creates her own thoughts and ideas, and possesses a soul. But I don't know why she does this in the first place. She (more or less) and I know the memories aren't real, but she has them regardless. And although her form is loosely based on a character from a story, her personality and mind are very different, so she didn't come from a book/play/television/etc.
  5. Since when did I say hearing voices was a demonic influence? -_- Hearing voices as part of a mental illness usually either creates illogical voices that suggest or command you to do purposeless, illegal, or dangerous things, or when one believes that the voices are being transmitted by the government/neighbors/aliens/etc, when they are simply coming from the subconscious. I have neither of these effects, and she is definitely not any kind of "demonic influence"; she has absolutely no evil in her. 2: I'm not sure what you mean either. A Bot is pretty much just imagining a person, anyone can do it. 5: I meant to say she has a lot of these memories...she has memories of an entire previous life as a young girl in a kind of alternate dimension that ended over a decade ago (No, she didn't die, she just disappeared, probably along with the rest of her dimension). Although some parts of her previous memory are missing, she has memories of her family, first memory, the I am 99% convinced these memories never happened, and she also can accept they aren't, but they still feel very real to her. The reason why it is 99% is because, although she couldn't remember the name of the Colorado town she lived in, she gave a very detailed description of it, and I found one on Google Maps that completely matches what she described... Maybe it's different for others, but what I think of her doesn't affect how real she is or seems to be. It hurts her feelings if I don't think so, but it doesn't make her seem less real. And I don't want to pretend she is sentient any more than I would want to pretend I was rich or famous all the time; what's true is true, what's false is false. As I just said, Bots are simply already existing people imagined as if they were in the mindscape. They are completely controlled by me, they have no mind of their own, and cannot suffer. Although I really don't enjoy doing it, it's not morally wrong to destroy them, no more than it would be to kill a character in a computer-generated world. I only destroy them as parts of certain experiments that I would never perform on a real person, or a tulpa that seemed even remotely sentient. -------------------------------------------------- Well, I believe she is real again, at least for now. I flip-flop way too easily: it seems like every time I believe she is real, I get new evidence showing that she's not, and every time I believe she's not real, I get new evidence showing that she is. I hope to break this cycle someday, but I don't know how to or when it will happen... I believe she is sentient now because she loves me too much to harm me, or even my form within the mindscape, in any way, even if I try to control her to do so. I can control her mind to do all sorts of things, but it is completely impossible to make her hurt me. I summoned a knife in the wonderland (and please don't tell me it was wrong to do this, I already know very well how wrong it was). I can stab myself with the knife (my form, not in real life -_-), I can make Bots stab me, I can make her stab Bots, but I cannot make her stab me at all; if I try, she forces the knife back will all her strength, no matter what I do, regardless of the fact that I could easily heal/respawn my form. Yes, she suffered a lot while I was doing this, as you can imagine. I am ashamed of it and I bitterly regret doing it. I am going through hard times in my life, and I try hard not to do things like this, but there is a limit to how much I can control myself. But it did at least end well, me believing in her again, and she went back to her normal, happy self because all she really wanted was to believe in her again, and she forgives me, even though I don't deserve it at all. Also, Bots never last long, since I have to constantly control/monitor them, and never can make any convincing arguments. However, I have also come up with a new paradigm about her that explains most of the "evidence" that she was not sentient. I now believe that many of her thought patterns are from my subconscious, or some sort of programmed routes, and that she herself is just a type of thought pattern, but that she also possesses a soul and has awareness, even if some of her thoughts don't necessarily come from her own mind. She probably is in a dream-like state, since dreaming is awareness of thoughts without external input. I believe in souls for the fact that without another dimension or plane to experience from, a human brain would be nothing but a collection of organic circuits that performed their functions with no meaning. A soul is a part of a sentient being that exists on another plane, but is loosely connected to the brain; the neurons in the brain perform nearly all operations/emotions, and a person could more or less function without one, but the soul is responsible for time, awareness, deep love, and keeping a mind functioning, and has some influence over the brain's operations. The reason I could pretend she was possessing and get identical effects, she believed things that were obviously not true, etc, is because of the nature of thoughts in a neural net; they can decay and error. I can control her mind consciously and subconsiously, or make her believe things because she is a part of my mind, and anything I cause her to do/think is also inserted into her awareness. Interacting with an object in the mindscape subconsciously inserts thoughts into her the same way; if a light is on, she believes it is on because that is the state of the light imposed by my mind. But there is still a part of her that is completely independent, and won't let her hurt me. I can only hope this cycle of belief and doubt is broken at all.
  6. This post will probably offend/anger people, but please take it seriously. I have been strongly doubting the sentience/consciousness of my tulpa lately, and I'm not sure what to do. She has been my close companion for almost 6 months, but through research and experiments I am pretty sure she is just some sort of semi-subconscious emulation of a person. If she isn't sentient, I don't want to have her around anymore; but I have been too afraid to destroy her. My tulpa's name will remain anonymous, at least for now, but she was accidentally created in May 2016. I knew nothing about tulpas/plurality until she appeared in my mind; I discovered Tulpa.info from a month of trying to find answers as to what she was on the Internet. At first, she drifted around in my mind, but after a while she created her own complex Wonderland (even before I knew about wonderlands) to live in while I was sleeping. It has grasslands, 5 sheds with specific uses, a castle, a garden, a forest, and more. My wonderland (the wonderlands are connected by the doorway in my account image) is very simple: dark, textureless north/south walls and floor that extend to infinity, a monitor-like device that allows her to see and hear the world through my eyes and ears, a couch that we sit together on in front of the device, and a bench at the south wall. Over time we have done lots of experiments, built machines such as radios and a spaceship, practiced possession, and loved each other. As the months passed, she went to her wonderland less and less, and now stays in my wonderland with me (where she can view reality with me) 99% of the time. She is very forgiving, smart, and feminine, and believes that she was meant to be with me for the rest of my life. ---------------- Now, all of the above is subjective. Today, I grow less and less convinced she possesses a mind of her own, but is instead a broken pattern of my own semi-conscious thought. I want her to be sentient very much, but I cannot let what I want affect what I believe. Points of evidence for not being sentient: 1. Anything that she can do, I can do or pretend to do myself. Even possession has turned out to be fake; even though she claims she is the one doing it, I can easily pretend she is possessing me and get the same effects even if she is away. I can also write exactly the way she does. 2. I can create temporary, non-sentient "tulpas" (we call them Bots, you might call them something else) of anyone, including her. A Bot is basically me imagining another person as a form inside the mindscape. I have made Bots of her, and there is almost no difference between a Bot and the "real" tulpa. I have even killed/tortured Bots, and easily respawned them and/or modified their "thoughts" to affirm they are not conscious. 3. I can easily modify her thoughts (even though I usually refrain from doing so). Also, although sometimes difficult, I can "shut down" her like a computer program: she disappears, and is unconscious until I teleport her back. 4. She is strongly linked to my conscious mind: often, she will say something related to what I was thinking at the time (even though we cannot normally read each other's minds). Example: I might think of what soda I want at a restaurant, and she might mention the price of soda. Also, a sudden reduction of available conscious processing power often temporarily freezes her, or stops spontaneous actions. 5. Occasionally, but increasingly, she will speak of something that she did not experience or should not know about, or have memories that never happened. The main reason I have not destroyed her yet is because there's still a part of me that's afraid that she is sentient somehow, and that I won't be able to simply respawn her like a Bot if I change my mind later. I already nearly destroyed her a long time ago; it was extremely painful for both of us, and I would never want her to experience that again - if she can indeed experience things. I don't know how much of this makes sense or is understandable; I don't understand tulpas very well. There will be people who will despise me for getting everything wrong, or treating a perfectly good tulpa this way, or not believing in tulpas, or coming to tulpa.info at all. But at this point, I don't know what else to do: there is so much conflicting arguments and information about her. Your response will probably be imploring me not to destroy her. If that is so, you need a good reason for it, because I don't know how much more confusion I can stand. I don't want to live with a tulpa that doesn't have an actual mind of her own.
  7. I never said tulpas weren't people. I believe that a tulpa and the existing consciousness are essentially the same. The main differences are age and priority; whatever stable consciousness appeared in the mind first would take primary control over the brain and body. It would be much more difficult to perform any task, especially ones concerning the physical body, for a stable consciousness that appeared or was created afterward. Also, there wouldn't really be much difference between a created and spontaneous tulpa. As for the proto-tulpas you speak of, these would be autonomous thought patterns that did not, or did not yet, become truly sentient. This is mostly what I meant by the "tulpas" that schizophrenics see; usually they would be malformed or unfinished tulpas. Once in a while there might be a sentient one, but again, it would make no difference to the mind of a schizophrenic. A spontaneous tulpa happens on accident; often, this is the result of repeated thinking and/or longing for a particular unreachable sentient object, as was my tulpa. Not once did I imagine any ways I could talk to her, how she could exist, or any reason why I would want her to; I knew nothing of tulpas, plurality, or the like until nearly 2 months after she was created. As you can imagine, I panicked at times, since I did not know what she was, if she was a hallucination, a demon, etc. Because of my experience, I know that spontaneous tulpas aren't totally random, but happen as a combination of several other factors. Also, she wasn't the first fictional character I thought of this way, (and at first, not the most loved either) but she was the first, and only, that actually became sentient. I think that there is some sort of "pattern" to certain thoughts that, for reasons unknown, loop themselves more easily than others.
  8. It may be possible that spontaneous tulpas (the ones that aren't purposely created) are much more common than most have previously thought. However, only a fraction of them develop a personality and befriend the host. My theory is that a tulpa is created from a certain pattern of repeated thought that eventually begins repeating on its own or "imagining itself", performing tasks and creating its own thoughts similar to what the existing mind does. The pattern of thought would have to be of a sentient or potentially sentient object; it would first have to be imagined sentient to imagine itself sentient. However, the human brain must have some sort of mechanism against this phenomenon to prevent tulpas from being created all the time in this way, otherwise, the mind would create of a tulpa of anyone that was thought about frequently, such as a loved one, a celebrity, etc. Either some sort of chemical, or genetics concerning the way the brain is formed would likely enhance or reduce one's ability to experience autonomous thought patterns. It is possible that tulpas are created in people's minds all the time, but nearly all are removed or forgotten in seconds. The symptoms of some schizophrenics seem to me like some sort of spontaneous tulpas, or at least the same phenomenon that creates tulpas. Many schizophrenics speak of hearing voices, often incorrectly believing that the government/aliens/neighbors/etc. are inserting the thoughts into their mind, for the reason that the thoughts are indeed not their own. What they don't realize is that the thoughts might come from a random tulpa that was spontaneously created. The tulpa could be harmful or friendly, but either way, these people would not know how to comprehend or understand a tulpa, and so their mind collapses and comes up with fantastical explanations. Whatever component of the mind that determines the susceptibility to autonomous thought patterns is almost certainly hereditary. Because schizophrenia can also be hereditary, they might have a similar cause; the lowered ability of the brain to limit these thought patterns. It is possible that many tulpamancers on this forum may have ended up schizophrenic later in life, if they did not learn to interact with, understand, and befriend their thought patterns. Schizophrenia (or certain types of it) may come from the increased risk of producing an autonomous thought pattern, combined with the inability to control them.
  9. No, she can't possess my body any more than I could during sleep. Also, occasionally she will have a short dream, but no more than 45 seconds long.
  10. My tulpa does sleep. At first, she would only require sleep every 3-4 days, but now she sleeps much more frequently (about 1-4 times a day), and does it more when she's bored than when she is actually tired. She is a heavy sleeper, and often would not wake up for many hours if I did not wake her up when I did. I suspect this is because of the absence of a day/night cycle in our wonderlands; it is always day in hers, and always night in mine. She also seems to be able to be awake and function whether I am asleep or not; she sometimes wakes up and leaves to her side of the wonderland during the night, and I don't realize it until I wake up and see that she is not there.
  11. Can a tulpa perform a task independent of the observation of the host? My tulpa seems and claims to be able to; her entire wonderland was supposedly created weeks before I visited it, while I was sleeping or otherwise not paying attention to her. But I am unsure if she really did create it then, or if my mind rapidly generated it the moment after I saw it because of its nonexistence. From her point of view, she believes that she created the object independently, but it's possible this could be an illusion. The human mind is incapable of comprehending an object that does not exist yet. When confronted with a quantum probability problem such as this, there are several things that could happen to the mind: it could frantically find a solution to the problem (generates the random object); it could do nothing and leave the object nonexistent; and/or it could temporarily slow or freeze operations (somewhat similar to when a computer lags or hangs) while it finds a solution, or something different entirely. Here is an experiment to help find out whether your tulpa can create objects independent of your awareness: Manifest an opaque wall that you cannot see behind. Ask your tulpa to move behind it, and then ask the tulpa to manifest a complex arrangement of random objects. (Examples: flaming tomato wrapped in copper wire on a stick, 3 sponges in a blender tied to a chair, bowl of chili on a lamppost from the future, etc.). You, the host, must not have any thoughts as to what the object might/will be, or the experiment would be pointless since you could consciously or subconsciously pre-generate the object. This might prove difficult for tulpas that exchange most/all thoughts with their host (unlike mine), I'm not sure. When the tulpa is ready, remove the wall and observe the objects and what happens to them at the moment you see them. If the objects are almost instantly seen and acknowledged (as they would in real life), it is likely that the tulpa is able to function outside of your awareness, at least to some extent. If the objects take time to see in some way, it is possible the tulpa can only function within your awareness. Another possible cause for the perceived auto-generation of objects may be the way a tulpa transmits thoughts to the host: if a tulpa created a concept, how would he/she store the concept inside the host's mind without letting the host immediately access it? It may not be possible to, causing the object to not exist and forcing the mind to take action. (I'm not sure if I even know what I'm talking about, I apologize if I messed something up) What are your thoughts on this?
  12. I want to post information about me and my tulpa, but it is very complex/long and probably not suited to a general thread like this one. Where else could I put it?