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About ricinsbluebox

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  1. Stevey: I... I can't even. There are no words to describe the amount of nope your post breeds within me. Your theory holds about as little water as freshly made jerky and I'm not even trying to make a masturbation pun here. My parents pulled this same "masturbation is a sin" crap and A) It's a totally natural and healthy thing to explore as a human being, and B) If you don't, you're gonna have a hell of a time wondering what your body parts do when it comes to the age of doing the nasty. However , there is such thing as masturbation addiction/addiction to sex. I don't believe it's a "sin" to explore yourself and even if you are addicted to sex in any form it's certainly not the most evil thing out there. Secondly, your post still makes little sense. Are you saying people create Tulpae just to screw them or is your comment supposed to mean that the Tulpae will egg them into what you consider a sin? Depending on the Tulpa I doubt they'd purposely want their host to continue in self destructive behavior, hypothetically viewing this from a sex-addict's point of view. There are so many factors involved with this that you're not even scraping the surface. I could even say myself I "sin" a whole hell of a lot according to your beliefs but Skye keeps me busy enough to lay off playing with myself. I really hope you're trolling because my brain can't handle religious "sex=bad" "masturbation=sin" because if that's the case and you want to make it law by the government, then all masturbation or efforts to not conceive a child could be considered reckless abandonment. Anyway that's my two cents because I'm not going to continue this banter with someone who most likely won't view this with an open eye. It's like they're glued shut and have little crucifixes tattooed on the inside of your eyelids because I guess religious folk aren't too keen on a thing called "not being single minded". I do apologize for coming off as a major asshole about it or a tad too snarky but I was raised way too strictly on topics like this growing up and it took me forever to grow a brain of my own.
  2. I over-simplified it a little bit, sorry about that xD. But yeah, I'm kind of afraid if I meditate too deeply my brain is going to flip a giant switch and everything's going to implode so I'm careful not to too get in too deeply. We're both on the same page though - Skye and I are similarly so. If I'm more relaxed I tend to hear her/have better discussions than when I'm panicking or stressed.
  3. Hey Tulpa, I'm curious then about this. Might this help with vocalization as well? I realized if I do what's suggested in this guide that I end up dissociating enough to end up hallucinating everything except Skye's voice, but I DO "feel" her voice trying to escape out of the sides of my head.
  4. Vocalization update Despite Skye's mindvoice still being that of my own, I'm starting to more clearly hear her own voice in there. While I can dissociate /just/ enough to hear whispers and stuff (mental health problems related to that), calling out to her in the midst of that remains challenging. I'm working on more techniques to get her to vocalize. Narration update I've also found it easier to continue working her personality and her quirks through story writing. I can almost /feel/ her proxying through me when story writing/narrating her so it's been fun seeing all her various sides. I've been relaxed enough now after moving in with some friends to force at least at night/in the morning or afternoon to get my hours back on track. Hours forced total About 67-ish. Kind of sad those numbers aren't higher because of things as of late, but Skye has come a long way and I'm proud of her.
  5. Hidari: Risperidal probably has other uses outside of an Anti-psychotic. Abiilfy is also used as a mood stabilizer as well as anti-depressant, for example. Since everyone is different, medications can be switched and replace others for various uses. War is right though. People can get a wide variety of problems from different meds. Tardive Dyskinesia is a pretty common one people can get. War: Thanks for the information! I forgot the name of the disorder a person can get but you mentioned it exactly.
  6. Anti-psychotics will kill anyone with long enough use. I know plenty of people with Schizoaffective Disorder/Schizophrenia (they CAN be used interchangeably - yours truly being one myself) who have gotten really fucked up from long term use. They work well for what they're intended to do but yeah... things can get a little too messed up when on them. As far as messing with your Tulpa, I couldn't exactly say. I was on my medication back in 2014 when I was starting on Skye and I got to the point of communicating with head pressure and her creation wasn't going too badly. Granted I didn't force with her a lot didn't help. Since I've been off my meds and my symptoms fairly minimal minus my bad days I don't see too much of a difference between then and now. I'd contact your doctors and ask how they might affect you.
  7. Even more updates! Skye's physical features remained mostly the same, though she changed her hair to a chestnut color. Height, weight, etc. remain the same. Still working on visualization but her personality has developed to the point where we can have conversations - her voice is still developing and I found a way to induce little whispers. I can almost /feel/ her voice trying to escape my head so I find that a development of our own. Forcing progress I haven't been able to force with her as much as I did the past month and some weeks due to a stressful situation, BUT she's gained enough progress to have conversation and play light games in our Wonderland. She picked up the guitar while I was away I guess. I'm at roughly 60 or so hours total. Wonderland Additions I also added more furnishings to the kitchen, rearranged/rebuilt the living room to be a bit larger and added some more fun nerd gadgets for Skye to play with while I'm not forcing with her. Outside of the house we have a little Jeep Wrangler sitting in our driveway and beyond that we have a park some blocks away. I may or may not add some more stuff in the future.
  8. Karl, Tulpa001, LostOne, Charmed: Thank you guys as well. I've been sleeping like crap too so I tried to do some forcing to calm myself down and worked on imposing Skye laying on my air mattress with me (it's a queen now, thank God xD. Proper room for both of us!). Your support is greatly appreciated and I'll pass your comments onto Skye as well and let her know ^^.
  9. Corazon: Thanks! Skye's been pretty helpful in keeping me afloat and I'm more than thankful she's around to help me through it. Often I forget I can go to her to calm me down before flipping total shit but I'm getting better at remembering just why I created her. But yeah, I can definitely agree to all that too - she still doesn't quite know everything I've been through as I haven't completely let her in but I'm getting the sense that I'll have to here shortly. Again, thank you for the positive comments, both of you :). I'm trying to settle in at my friend's place and working out a schedule I can at least do a bit of active forcing with Skye. So far it's been at night again with some very light narration/passive forcing. I talked with her last month when we were still doing head pressure to speak and she didn't think that was enough but since we've made a lot of progress since I think she'll be okay with this for now. I actually may have talked with her about that recently too even... I don't remember xD.
  10. So I was evicted from my apartment because my managers can't do anything to save their life - a story rather beside the point. I've failed to force with Skye as much as I did the previous weeks (I'm too tired to check my math correctly, but I think between the end of September and so far this week I've only spent 30% of the time on average forcing with her than I did previous weeks) due to stress about my eviction and moving into a friend's place. I finally got most of, if not all my stuff moved in and it's been a hell of a stressful time for me. I've flipped the f'ck out before getting everything moved and my head feels like Silent Hill's fogginess but on steroids. It's crazy. The question is that can Tulpae have a reaction to severe stressors that their Hosts are under? Keep in mind Skye isn't quite vocal yet but we're excellent at having conversations together, albeit she's still thinking in my mindvoice. She can calm me down like no other and we even took a random train ride going absolutely nowhere the other night since I couldn't sleep for the life of me. I just don't want Skye to freak out because my brain is damn near giving me an "All Systems Failing" warning again. In the past couple of weeks she's talked me down from rather serious things I'd considered and even in our narration/letter writing/proxying she's managed to stay above it all and help me. I wonder if it's in her personality I've built for her to be able to withstand all that. She's even been kind of enough to tell me it's all right that I haven't forced with her as much because she knows I need my health in order to keep my own life going and by extension, hers. Anyone have similar experiences or thoughts on this? I'm more concerned about Skye than I am about myself, honestly, though my stress is slowly going away a bit at a time. - Ricin the Pirate Wolf
  11. I've found dissociating helpful in vocalization as well. Granted I deal with hallucinations anyway to some extent, I wonder if Skye will become vocal as I dissociate and hear the myriad of voices that I end up hearing. Excellent guide though. I'll continue to work on this and see what happens!
  12. I created my Wonderland for Skye a couple years back when my mind's eye was a little bit clearer. It's a two bedroom house on the corner of some neighborhood and inside is a long wood panel flooring with a living room/kitchen at the back ends and opposite sides of the hallway. Upstairs are two bedrooms. Everything is supplied and decorated nicely and I actually remodeled the living room to have a fireplace and some other amenities Skye might enjoy. We also have a park I recently added for us to go to and other small odds and ends. Still a work in progress and as of late I hope she's enjoyed it because I've been crazy stressed and haven't had too much time to spend with her.
  13. Tulpa: I actually think I've gotten a lot better. I'm practicing listening to Skye's thoughts and we've had conversations long into the night until I fall asleep. She sits somewhere just outside of my mind, so to speak, so hearing her voice (even if it similar to my mind voice) is a little bit easier. But that is an interesting idea - agreeing strongly with Floh here as well! I'll have to try that. Tewi: I kind of have lately. When she speaks I have to sort of... oh, I don't know, overlay the voice I imagine her saying it in? It's getting a tad easier to do but I'm letting it develop on its own as we continue to have conversations together.
  14. Tulpa001: I hear my own voice when reading your comment and I've been attempting to figure out a voice for Skye. It's leaning towards Maka from Soul Eater and it's been a fun cluster of nonsense for me to imagine Skye using that particular voice but also not parrot her responses in doing so. Temar: Thanks for the additional response! Skye's gettin' there for sure so I'm ready for the work and patience, I'm just part happy and partly antsy about it xD. I'll try associating her voice with the voice I imagine/want her to have if I can and I think I'll try to play more games with her that involve her responding to me and see if that helps. I tend to be more active with her while narrating/active forcing but without really hunkering down to do it. Thanks you two, though ^^
  15. So since last month or so I've been forcing with Skye quite a bit I'm proud to say and recently I think I've been hearing more of her thoughts in my head - usually answers to my questions to her while passive forcing/narrating. My only problem is that (I'm aware this is a step in the Tulpa creation process) all of her thoughts are in my mind voice. I've gotten into the habit of mouthing what I'm thinking, usually when speaking to Skye. I'm fairly certain she's been responding, sometimes faintly, but enough for me to wonder if that's her or if in the very back of my mind I'm parroting her responses. I did some very light parroting some weeks ago but eased off quite a bit to see if Skye would say anything. Her responses are simple enough for now as we've also done hand touches, side pokes, and head pressure responses to Y/N questions. I've been trying to find guides or something on giving Skye a voice/getting her to speak to me in her own voice. I don't mind that her thoughts are in my own mind voice even if it does get a tad confusing much of the time. I can be half done with a thought or statement and I can feel her thought already responding. This week I've been gently egging her to say something no matter how stupid it might be so I feel like I'm kind of stuck in a rut here. On an unrelated note I feel like I'm stuck in development hell with her - my mind's eye is still incredibly fuzzy but when I do get down to it she does seem to respond to questions from me but as far as fluent conversation we haven't. Any ideas to help out?