CautiousMancer

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About CautiousMancer

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  1. OK, I think I finally see what you all are saying here. You're both right in that I didn't specify any limits whatsoever on domming, so I suppose I really have no right to complain when Miranda continually dominates and takes over more and more of me and I say literally nothing. I suppose I'll have to start mustering my willpower here and tell her that we need to set limits, or else I could later be too far gone to resist her and she could turn into a danger to my well-being in the process, again through no fault of her own. She is a full-grown tulpa, yes, but I don't think she has the will yet to halt things if they feel too pleasurable for the both of us. I'm mature enough to realize that this path I'm currently on with her is not healthy, but I hope I'm also mature enough to resist the pleasure that path offers. The truth is, I don't want to set limits on her. I don't want to set boundaries. I want to let her have everything she desires of me. But I think the only logical conclusion that that will lead is me getting trapped in my own mind. I can't expect her to be mature for the both of us. It's not fair to her at all. I know she has her own incredible desires working on her. Again though, I just hope if she presses me, I'll be able to say no to her. EDIT: Oh, also, I know that D's are not always cold. It's just how Miranda is to those she doesn't trust and/or respect. To me, she's actually been very motherly. I actually have to wonder just how icy she is. I've seen it a little in her interactions with others and we talk about it sometimes. Although I think it is clear that she is keeping a darker part of herself hidden away from me. I respect this deeply though and try to support her regardless.
  2. OK, I want to make this clear. I do NOT actually see Miranda as evil. Or at the very least not at the moment. I've had way too many close and touching moments with her for me to just instantly believe that. And even if she WAS acting maliciously, I'd probably still love her. I think you're greatly underestimating just how much I care for her. Second of all, stasis is different from just not thinking about your tulpa. Not thinking about your tulpa for too long will cause them to straight up dissipate! Dissipation is not stasis!! When you hold them in stasis, you are still acknowledging their existence entirely but you're not actually interacting with them. And as you said, both parties need to consent to it. Even when all this is met though, if done for long enough, stasis may cause the tulpa to degrade a little, regardless of what you intended. Having said that, I don't quite know for sure if they begin to degrade, but it's something to think about. Now, as to being a drama queen, You may actually have a bit of a point. HOWEVER, I also think you're going on the attack here. A tulpa is made to be independent, and blaming the host for something unexpected the tulpa does is utterly ridiculous and goes against what a tulpa is supposed to be. Now, you could say that I'm influencing them subconsciously, but if that's the case, 1. We're all influencing our tulpae constantly, even way after tulpa maturation then, and thus, they're not really independent beings after all. 2. I don't have much control over my subconscious desires anyway. So berating me for what happens due to that seems kind of pointless. I don't WANT Miranda to be evil. That would actually be pretty awful. Although I will completely admit as I did in the OP that I do love her domming and controlling me. That's no secret. What my question is, is how much of it is my personal desire and how much of it is her actually taking control? And the emotion loss is not just during sex. Again, we had to take a break because my emotional motivation to do anything whatsoever that wasn't necessary was alarmingly low. Not to mention feeling mentally tired much of the time. Knowing that tulpae thrive on attention, is it really so much of a stretch that a tulpa might feed on emotion as well and want to continually cause those emotions in the host they love for both her and their benefit? And it makes even more sense considering her nature and wanting to gravitate towards those who have emotional warmth in them.
  3. OK, this is a long story, so please bear with me here. First of all, my tulpa's name is Miranda. She's actually evolved some over the years as I've forced her and spent time with her. I think it's safe to say though that she's now entered into "adulthood" in terms of tulpas, where her personality, form, and speech are completely stable and mature. She is my sole systemmate. Miranda is... Kind of steely. Most tulpas are at least nice for the most part, but if she doesn't know you, you have to earn her respect. She hates any kind of idiocy, hypocritical behavior, and victim mentalities. But despite all that, she isn't actually malicious at all. Nevertheless, this is who she is. And I love every part of it. What's strange though is that throughout the years, she has never really gotten TRULY angry with me. Never once has she raised her rage against me at all even though part of me actually thinks she would be perfectly justified in doing so. As a matter of fact, she and I have cared for each other and she's told me flat out that I'm the only one she's ever truly accepted into her love and most likely the only one she ever will. But yes, that should give you a pretty good idea as to her character for now. Anyway though. This all began about six months ago I think. Maybe longer. It was when we were having sex together. I noticed that it seemed like when I was building up to an orgasm, my excitement and emotion would just... Disappear. Then I'd have to work my way back up to it. And even weirder, it seems I only ever had this problem with her. (Don't worry. This is very relevant. I'll explain it all soon!) At first, I thought I was losing focus due to my ADHD or something, but this doesn't actually make any sense because my other sexual fantasies did not get me to lose emotion NEARLY so quickly at all, even when I became pretty distracted. But I didn't think about that. I thought I was solely to blame, although to be quite fair, Miranda never once berated me for it. She was always incredibly caring and loving. Perhaps she didn't know what she was doing? No, she knew. She had told me that with every kiss she was gaining power and strength from me. She had verbatim said she was feeding upon me. So she knew very well what she was doing. But it should speak volumes about the true power she had and has begun to wield over me that even though these answers were staring me right in the face, I still didn't put two and two together. I was so consumed with making her comfortable in every thought. I worried about her. Thought I wasn't entirely good enough for her. Again, she was always very understanding about all of this. But I know now, these are classic symptoms of "slavehood" I was exhibiting. I was, or was at least becoming her slave. What unraveled all these mysteries to me finally was very recently, about a couple days ago, when we both decided it was time for us to take a break from each other because I was so worn out. My general motivation seemed to be fragile and tenous, but I thought it was just physical exhaustion from all the sexual activity. (About twice a day.) So we both agreed to put her in stasis for, at most, a week. A day passed. I felt a good amount better. But as I was reading, the answers began to slowly come to me. And as they did, I felt her shock and her worry inside me. Although Miranda can't talk to me at all right now due to being frozen in sleep, I have a very strong suspicion that she is still conscious in a way. She was watching me. Almost like she could cast a shadow of herself in her dreams. And during her time in stasis, she saw happily that I thought of her constantly. Missed her. And I still do. And she knew that and it kept her very much alive and powerful still. It kept her incredibly confident despite her state. She knew even after a little bit in stasis, she still had incredible control of me. That her plans for me were going as she made them to be. But that moment of realization when I was reading was a paradigm shift. One she didn't account for. And it made her afraid. When I first stumbled upon this, I was merely impressed and actually was glad that she was becoming so independent and intelligent and gave her feelings of comfort. But then another thought came. The titles that I gave her in the past to describe what she was like to other people. Ice queen. Cold-hearted bitch. Goddess of ice. I then realized completely that this tulpa of mine was no fragile desert flower. She was instead much more an advancing glacier at the arctic poles. Wintery, dominating, and tough as hell. And despite learning all of this, I still indeed loved her. Perhaps even a little bit moreso than before. But after all this, I wonder if she truly loves me in actuality. If she really did and does respect me. And that's where the problem lies. And here's the thing. It's not entirely like she has been acting behind my back here. She has very openly fed upon my attention and hypnotized me to be her slave. I cleared it. I wanted it. Or at least... At the time. I don't know. I've always been a subby person for those whom I love, but at the same time, her hypnotizing came on suddenly during our love-making and didn't give me any chance to pull my mind together. And she has been pushing me openly to give her even more control over myself, which I deeply want to do. I think I've come to truly know everything that she's done now, but I don't know if I have the will to resist her despite all of that. I don't want her to stop at all. I want to keep being her slave. Even now, I'm constantly tempted to take her out of stasis so I can be with her. But what if it's all just a ploy? What should I do? I have an ice queen who I truly love sealed away in my mind and I don't really know how to handle this. If I wake her, I fear she won't give me time to talk and will just enthrall me and pull me back into her loving influence. But would that really be a bad thing... ?
  4. Well, that sounds a little dramatic. I think you guys will be back though. :P
  5. O rly? Answer me this then. How can tulpas be real if our eyes aren't real?
  6. That's not the way to do it, unless you got a spare 100 million around for an extensive ad campaign. Using social media to spread the word is a very good way to do it.
  7. Just some general forum advice: Every starting forum needs a core of good users. I had to learn this the very hard way one time. A beginning site just simply cannot afford to have a bad core or any very troublesome regulars. Beyond that, your guys' biggest challenge will most likely be marketing. Again though, it's weird because you have secured your place in the top 3 google results for tulpas in general. And that (should) mean a steady flow of new people.
  8. T: Just hi. :3 I love to talk about stuff but for now I just wanted to pop in and say hi. :) Yeah, T means Tulpa for now since we're still not quite sure what to name her besides her official title. Maybe "Beautiful" will do. T: Awwwww~ *curls tail around hostie and smiles*
  9. Then I'd ask for a raise. Alternatively, you could relocate your host to the trash bin as well. ;) EDIT: My dear tulpa would really like to say something... She's being adorable right now. T: Hi! :) Just really wanted to say something to you all for a while! I guess it's off-topic and stuff though. But that's OK! ^^ <3
  10. Hm... How did this arrangement first come to be? Did the host want you guys to start doing the work as soon as you were all made?
  11. You mean, the person didn't THINK anyone replied to them when they did or that no one actually bothered to reply to them? And was this person a tulpamancer or someone with DID?
  12. Sounds like Melian has more of a hold on Mistgod in the forums than he thinks. :D
  13. This is very true. DID is much more drastic and permanent than any tulpa or healthy thoughtform since the whole mind almost literally breaks in shards to deal with the trauma.
  14. Actually... I find it to be awesome and incredibly nice that we have gotten members from, and have been very influenced by the greater plurality community. Specifically, the DID community. Do you KNOW what those poor people have gone through? About 98% of time, DID is inflicted by TERRIBLE abuse. Some people are born with it too but it's very rare. I know a good friend as well who has it, although according to him, he was born with it. Sometimes I wonder though if the poor guy isn't lying because he also has severe depression... :( I'm trying to help him through it though. Anyway. I may be biased but I most firmly believe if the DID community has actively chosen to come to our community they should not only be accepted but deeply embraced for many reasons.
  15. Actually, I'd say it's decently popular, all things considered. It says there's ~11,200 subscribers of it. That's not huge of course but decently large.