mr insano

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About mr insano

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    and Tess :D

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    I love writing, art, coding, computers, and theme parks. And the Internet, naturally.

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  1. First off, I agree with Lumi. Second off: Hang in there, man. I remember reading your posts way back when I joined this forum. That was way back when Koomer was active too. I think even the excellent FAQ Man himself was there, too, although I wasn't active for long so I don't remember much. What ended up happening to Koomer was positively bizarre; like his subconscious took control of him or something. I don't know. I'm no expert on psychology, but it was certainly atypical. At any rate, I started for very similar reasons as you. I felt a lot of despair and like I didn't have a place / companionship in this world. But having a tulpa, I think, is a good way to cope. It can really help you heal. I've been struggling for quite a few years myself with visualization and imposition. Despite the fact that I am a very imaginative person -- I've been creating a fantasy universe for as long as I can remember, since before I started kindergarten -- creating a consistent mental image that doesn't morph randomly has been ridiculously difficult. Couple that with a full load of college courses and work, and it often felt impossible. But I've been finally making progress. It's agonizingly slow, sure, but it's progress. Tess has been sentient and sapient since pretty much late 2011 so if you need help with that, let me know. And no it's not a role-play. I think I have some pointers that could help you. My general advice: don't give up. Keep your forcing sessions short -- no more than 10 to 30 minutes. Do reserve one or two days a week for a longer session, like 45 to 60 minutes. Balance it with other aspects of your life. Don't ditch social/academic/work opportunities to force, unless those opportunities prevent you from getting your 10-30 minutes. This, I think, is very dangerous. By adjusting my strategy in the aforementioned manner, I've seen improvements in both my mental-emotional state and my forcing. A lot of people seem to be beginners here, so by virtue of selection bias, it might seem like nobody here has actually succeeded. But if you poke around you'll see people who have. JB, I think his name was...he could see his tulpae so vividly that they obstructed his vision. Granted, that evidence is anecdotal. But it's enough for me. In the off chance that you read this: what specifically do you struggle with? Take it from a programmer; problems are best solved by breaking them down into the smallest pieces possible.
  2. I read Tess of the d'Urbervilles back in AP English Literature, senior year of high school (2011). I loved the main character, and I guess just ended up naming my tulpa after her.
  3. You forgot to include OCD. In addition to that, I have ADHD-PI, GAD, social anxiety, and back when I first started creating Tess I had severe major depression. The depression has never fully gone away, but I’m not deep in the throes of it anymore (thank goodness).
  4. I’m going to put out a different opinion here, though I must admit I only read the first and last pages of the thread. :’) That was definitely a genuine tulpa experience. Most people have to put in a lot of work to achieve a sentient tulpa, and that’s fine. But for me, Tess was sentient and came to me without any volition of my own. Shortly after that I looked up “sentient imaginary friend” on Google and I found this website. Now, after that I had to start exerting significant effort to keep her with me, and I went ahead and started forcing to solidify her. It’s been way too long and I still haven’t finished imposition (mainly due to short active forcing sessions) but she’s definitely here and 100% a full tulpa. So I guess what I’m saying is: I believe your intuition is correct, and that is a tulpa. Now, just build off of what you already have, and keep forcing from there. Don’t fall for the puppet-paranoia trap; it’s going to feel like your own thoughts at first just because you both share the same headspace. And if you truly feel that your tulpa is sentient then she/he probably is. I have diagnosed OCD as well, so please let me know if you’re still experiencing issues with that. Edit: I glanced through the second page. Of course you’re imagining it! While I most certainly believe that tulpae are real, you perceive them through your imagination. Therefore, any interaction is imagination (depending on your definition). Don’t over-analyze it! :)
  5. I’m sorry for what happened to you, and depression sucks — I’ve been there myself before. But with all due respect, I don’t think a tulpa can die. She’s in your head, and therefore unless your brain stops functioning, she will still be there. While I believe that tulpae are real in more than just a psychological sense, that doesn’t change the fact that your brain is where you begin to perceive them. These new methods of forcing people have been doing here are weird to me. It doesn’t have to be so metaphysical. Remember, you’re in the process of tricking your brain. YOU own your brain, and therefore you have the power to help your tulpa to keep living. If you feel more comfortable making a new tulpa instead, then of course do it. But your old tulpa is still in your mind. She didn’t just dissipate. And even if she somehow did, you can just as easily bring her back. It’s your mind, after all. Also, IMO parroting is a myth. If a tulpa is speaking to you and it’s consistent with their personality, then it’s your tulpa speaking. Why wouldn’t it be? Regardless, I hope things start to get better for you.
  6. I haven't had much time to (actively) force lately due to classes and work, and yes it's frustrating for both of us. My progress has been very, very slow as of late. ADD isn't helpful either, as when I actually do get the time, it's hard to focus. However, Tess doesn't hold anything against me for it. Everything I do, she does with me, so we still have plenty of time to talk. If anything, we always make time for each other on a daily basis -- right before going to sleep at night.
  7. I actually google searched something to the effect of "sentient imaginary friend", as I was interested in the concept and curious to see if anyone had successfully created one. Was pleasantly surprised when I found a whole community centered around it. I honestly didn't think anything relevant was going to come up.
  8. First option here. However, in retrospect it would've been more accurate if there was an option for "in the middle". Tess usually feels emotions similar to mine, but she's very compassionate and empathetic by nature, so that is probably a factor in play. The one exception is the anxiety caused by a few irrational phobias that I have, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Tess says she understands OCD completely, since I've given her access to all my memories and inner thought processes, but she isn't affected by it herself. She usually tries to calm me down and tell me it's going to be okay. But she's usually happy if I am, and sad if I am because she wants me to feel better. She's awesome like that. :D
  9. This just screams brain damage IMO. I guess if you like it, more power to you, but I don't think it's safe under any definition of the term. Voluntarily depriving your brain of oxygen isn't safe. To each their own, I guess, but I think I'll pass. It does make sense that it's possible, considering that a tulpa should have access to all the same mental faculties that you do.
  10. Tess likes to walk through telephone poles and other random objects, just to make me jump. :p Of course, this doesn't hurt or bother her at all. She also flies around a lot. In our wonderland we both use the ability of flight, breathing underwater, traveling to space, and so forth.
  11. Only skimmed the thread, but I do agree with the majority of what the OP said. I would like to be more active on this forum, but - and maybe it's just me; I don't know - it doesn't seem like that many new threads are posted here. And a lot of them that do get posted seem to be around the same few topics. Which is fine, but I think variety would help. I like the idea of a monthly project. But I don't know. I don't get online as much as I'd like, but I do agree that a revival of some sort would benefit this forum.
  12. I had to vote the first poll option haha. :D So do you mean the discussion will be for ideas for guides or tips/tricks on forcing? Or just ideas in general?
  13. We go on walks most mornings. I try to visualize her as we're doing this. When I lift weights she lifts alongside me. When I go running she's right next to me too. But sometimes I get too caught up in what I'm doing and it's harder to passive force. :/ I remember one time I was running and I saw her shadow. It was really cool. I couldn't actually see her, though. One thing that I found interesting: I don't like team sports, at all, but one time I ended up in a soccer game, and she whispered to me everything she thought I should do. I did way better at soccer than I normally do. It was probably because I was actually trying that time, but she seemed to know what she was doing. Funny because we had never talked about anything like that before. I didn't force that when we were doing personality at all, and I generally don't play soccer so it's not like she got the knowledge from me. The knowledge of what to do was just there.
  14. Yeah... D: I guess he's not going to be back for a while... Thanks! I just read the thread. Makes more sense now. I hope he comes back soon, too. Sorry about that. I'll edit it out of the post. I didn't mean to offend anyone.
  15. Things are much better today than yesterday! The above mentioned crap has mostly been resolved. And I felt Tess' presence very strongly next to me throughout a good portion of the day. She sat right next to me and I have never felt her presence that strongly. Also feels like we're slowly bridging the gap between seeing her in my mind and seeing her for real. So that was super awesome.