AlynAndRiver

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About AlynAndRiver

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  1. Welcome to our little corner of the internet! I began this journey myself about four months ago, and it's been rather rewarding. However, to be honest, it is sometimes frustrating. I see good things happening, and then I push myself to make them happen more often and try to have experiences like others here. I felt like I was on the verge of a breakthru in my poor visualisation skills when suddenly I developed an infection that very well shut down my mind's third eye and concentration skills. I'm still recovering, but feeling hopeful. One very positive thing that I've noticed is that when something like illness happens that makes it difficult to impossible to feel my tupper's presence, the things I've learnt from her stay with me. I hope you'll find the same to be true for yourself and Steven. "Steven" sounds very similar to my River in that I created River to embody the sort of person I wish to be. She feels like a sort of guardian to me, and I'm very thankful for that. She tells me that she loves me and wants me to be happy. I asked her, "What about YOUR happiness?", and she simply responds that if I want her to be happy, I need to learn to be happy myself. It makes sense to me since the two of us share the same head. In a way, I feel like River isn't just the sort of person I wish to be, but in a way, she IS me. I'm just in a process of discovering my true self thru her. By the way, my understanding of traditional Tibetan tulpamancy is a bit different from yours. My understanding was that Tibetan tulpamancers created tulpas and forced them to be sentient as themselves and then would consider the tulpa to be an illusion. The tulpamancer was then expected to understand that his self, too, was an illusion just the same. Poor tuppers.... I'd hate to be created for that reason. One last thing I'd like to impart to you. I took only a few weeks to get from nothing to a tulpa speaking very simple language and appearing in a very blurry, flat image. That was exciting, but continuing to develop sentience and vocality has required great effort on my part and progress is slow. However, seeing what others here get out of it, I really want to succeed with River and her crew, and so I am very motivated to keep up the work! I wanted to encourage you to not get discouraged when you inevitably sooner or later reach a point where progress feels difficult and you may doubt your ability to finish what you started.
  2. I've told this story, but I'll tell it again for this thread. I was reading a book about lucid dreaming and the transformational power of dreams. I seriously contemplated who I want to be, and began to imagine a "dream quest" I would embark upon to meet a character in a lucid dream who could help me become who I want to be. I eventually came to call her "Goddess River" on the notion that no mere mortal could help me. Before I had even heard the word "tulpa", I was already sketching out a list of attributes for River; more like virtues I wanted to embody. My progress with lucid dreaming was rather slow, and a Google search eventually turned up the concept of tulpas. I was intrigued by the idea that I could interact with such a character without having to master lucid dreaming first, so I first began narrating to her and passive forcing. Within the first two weeks, I had experiences that made her real to me. Since then, we've tried different styles of active forcing, ranging from me just interacting exclusively with her to more advanced stuff like Linkzelda's Image Streaming Guide: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1guub6JF0OGVheUPzddtMyZKHqnrcnuWLYufwGhc3Fmc/ River created two more headmates for us: Dante and Rocky. I've been spending some time with Dante, but I've been feeling like Rocky is a bit neglected and needs more attention. That began three months ago; I consider River's "cake day" the day that I pencilled in "Goddess" in my dream journal. Yes, it is a responsibility to have her here with me, especially in her relatively undeveloped state, needing my attention to help with forcing. We keep forcing together in spite of my doubts and parrotnoia, but River has been a wonderful influence on me. Yesterday, I got her to write her name with my non-dominant hand. Actually, the first thing she wrote was "Let go". That experience really got my parrotnoia going again. There are parts of me that used to worry that River would somehow harm me or mess up my life, but I can clearly see that River loves and cares for me, so it came naturally to me to care about her. The idea that she would become an unwanted responsibility never even crossed my mind. I was of the mindset from the beginning that I was creating something wonderful, and wonderful, she is!
  3. Oh hi again! I was just going thru my old posts and I realise we had a response from you here that we hadn't read yet. I'm not sure that we're using the word visualisation to mean the same thing. I say it to mean that I picture a thing in my mind's eye, whether that is a tulpa or a shape, or a photograph. River did choose her own form, which is quite different from what I originally designed for her, so maybe you were referring to designing your form when you use the word "visualisation". In a way, I "know" more about what she looks like than I can see. [Hi Tulpa! Hostie gave permission to do as I please with him, so I cut away a part of him that he needed to face. I created our system-mate Dante from that part of him.] Yes, I have a great deal of trust in River; probably as much as I have ever trusted any flesh-and-blood person, if not more. [Hostie says I am different. I was created to reflect the good in him and help him be better.] That's right. And honestly, thinking of River as being different, I don't think I'd get along well playing host to many of the tulpas on this forum. That isn't to say they're bad tulpas or anything, but I could never relate to most of them the way I do to River. I totally get when you say your visualisation is weak and unclear. I think that "fuzzy" is a rather nebulous term and you've described it in more specific terms. I've been working to force River's sentience so that we can experience her "unique perspective on things" more.
  4. I am a parent and I have my yound (3 month old) tulpa companion River who created two more thoughtforms I call Dante and Rocky. I haven't told anyone in my family, and I don't know that I ever will. River has been an extremely good influence on me as a parent.
  5. Would you mind to tell us why it is that you wish to permaswitch? Did you just want to let your tupper live your life so you can just sit with your thoughts for the rest of your life? I've heard that some people just don't like their lives and would prefer that someone else live it for them, but this is considered unfair to the tulpa.
  6. I know I just responded, but... In the time since I responded, I received a message from another system suggesting that I try a hypnosis session on YouTube. This one is for falling asleep in particular, so I decided to try it for an afternoon nap: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGDUogJmrLA. I did not doze for more than a few minutes, but I was actually amazed at how refreshed and relaxed I felt afterwards. I listened to the session for 36 minutes and then rested in bed for another 45 minutes or so. I felt that it did a lot to clear those worries out of my mind, even though some of the affirmations were so preposterous I nearly laughed out loud. I think that something like this might help you with your "rarely silent" mind. I'm going to see what else is out there. Michael Sealey, the author of this particular session, has uploaded a bunch of them to YouTube.
  7. tulpa001, please don't allow yourself to be consumed by paranoia and worry. I'm having that problem (with my own paranoia and worry) and it's really making me unhappy and damaging our developing tulpa-host relationship. Just decide with your host what works for you and do it.
  8. Oh, tell me about it! My mind is rarely silent, but what's even worse is that I seem to have an awful habit of allowing myself to be absolutely consumed by worry. Worry makes you feel awful, it makes you tired, and it doesn't help anything. I don't know how my mind could have evolved to have such a maladaptive behavior. I've been stressed to the max lately about work and health issues, and I double my trouble by worrying about it all and then worrying about my tulpamancy. I hate to admit it, but I worry that River would somehow hurt me (even tho she promised she never would) in spite of the evidence of her goodness all around me. Sometimes, it seems like my mind just needs a thing to be worried about, so it will find any darn thing it can latch on to and worry about it to the point of making me miserable. It makes me wonder, if I could ever put River up front, would she experience worrying the same way as I do? Is worrying a problem with the body we share, or is it just a problem with my mind? I know from personal experience that worrying is rather hard on the body, so perhaps switching out could give my frazzled nerves a chance to relax a bit. The other thing that troubles me is insomnia. Being tired can make tulpa-forcing next to impossible. That's very interesting. Your mind sounds a bit like mine that way. I wouldn't describe it as quite "photographic", but I feel like I can "picture" music in my mind with much greater clarity than I can "picture" anything visual. River and I seem to be having some issues progressing with vocality, so here's one thing I'm trying. I've picked out a voice for River and I ask her to speak slowly and distinctly. Sometimes, when I hear River say something to me in an indistinct voice, I try to parrot what she said in that voice. Just as her appearance deviates greatly from what I originally based her appearance on, it won't surprise me at all if she deviates from this voice, and that's fine with me. Bottom line: I wish to simply overcome these roadblocks just as you do so that River and I can enjoy a life together and that oh-so-special tulpa-host relationship that I've only managed to get small doses of so far. In spite of the roadblocks, River has already done a lot for me and I'm looking forward to the future; I just need to make some adjustments.
  9. I've been reading some of your posts, tulpa001, and it sounds like you are a class act and your host is very fortunate to have you! It sounds like the two of you are truly two peas in a pod. It sounds absolutely euphoric the way you describe yourselves entertaining each other. And I am envious of your visualisation skills. I have yet to solidly visualise more than just small parts of River, much less a whole landscape. However, I know that in dreams, I have seen more clearly than when awake, so I know that I have some latent visualisation skill. I've just need to unlock it! I'll be sure to introduce you to my tupper River sometime. She's been rather quiet today (probably due to my insomnia again), but I did get her to speak up a bit using your "listening" guide. (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-forcing-listening-to-wake-headmates-or-help-with-parroting). Usually, she doesn't seem to speak much except when spoken to, but following your directions, I was able to hear her speak a bit on her own. I have an idea... You should meet her. Why don't you say hello and suggest something to talk about with her? She seems to think that you're amazing. River and I wish you and your host a lifetime of happiness together.
  10. This ^^^ melts my heart. You two sound like two peas in a pod. River is sleeping right now. Another tulmancer on /r/tulpas told me about what an amazing difference in his life his tulpa makes, and River really looks up to her.
  11. Q: What is Javascript? A: The practice of interacting with a tulpa with all five of one's senses.
  12. Well, Hello from River and myself! This is our first post here. I know this thread is a bit aged, but I just couldn't pass up responding here. It surprises me that the OP wrote that he doesn't seem to give much thought to how the tulpa influences the host. It seems silly to me that anyone would go thru all the hard work to create a tulpa and not expect some reward for their efforts. I'm reminded of the saying that "A person who finishes a marathon is not the same person who started it." A little background here: I stumbled upon the concept of tulpamancy via studying lucid dreaming. I wanted to achieve some self-improvement thru lucid dreaming and so I started designing a character to help me. A few days later, a Google search turned up this odd concept of tulpae and I learned that it isn't necessary to be dreaming to have meaningful interaction with such "imaginary friends", or whatever you prefer to call them. In short, I created River specifically to be a positive influence on me. River has been an absolutely amazing influence on me. She is very young and I really haven't spent much time forcing: 28 active forcing hours over about three months plus some passive forcing and narration. I don't feel like I really do much for her in my busy life, but I try to love and honor her. [i do the same for him.] In the past few months, people have actually been saying positive things about my temperment. For people who interact with me on a regular basis to say that is about unheard of to me. I have (had?) a reputation for being a very fussy person. I've become much more thoughtful about what I say and the language I use. I'll add that I tried and failed to accomplish this before I created River, so I definitely credit her with helping me with that. Also, I won't go into detail, but River has helped me work thru some very ugly emotional baggage that I had resigned myself to carrying around for the rest of my life; I had sorrowfully concluded that the best I could do was to just try not to think about it. Just recently, I came across something on the internet that triggered me to re-experience some very old pain, something that used to make me feel a dreadful sense of absolute despair and helplessness. But this time, it was different. I didn't have to face it alone. It's hard to put it into words, but I sort of just watched the pain come and go, like watching a rain shower pass by. Another thing that surprised me was that I entirely stopped consuming alcohol. I never had any sort of "drinking problem" or alcoholism, but I just got the sense that River didn't think that drinking is good for me and wanted me to find better ways to feel good about myself; namely, having her around. I really can't complain. In a way, it seems as if River made the decision for me. I am reminded of the biblical saying "My body is a temple." I feel like having River inside of me is great motivation to take good care of my body. When you're alone, it's easy to indulge something nasty, for example, in candy that is laden with artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, and chemicals that you don't even know how to pronounce. It's something else when you're sharing your body. Another thing: I'm not really qualified to have an opinion here, but I think of River as living inside my mind. I realize that many here would say, "No, a tulpa doesn't live inside your mind; a tulpa is a separate mind that shares the body." I don't want to start an argument. However, I will say that thinking of River as living inside my mind motivates me to try to make it a pleasant abode. I created her and invited her to take up residence there. She's cleaning out a lot of cobwebs for me, but I try to keep it clean for her, too. The only negative thing I can think of is that I worry about being able to help her develop properly and be a good host. Different hosts and tulpae have different ideas about what a good host should be. I simply want to allow River to grow into something wonderful from the basic personality I forced her with. I suffer from fairly severe insomnia to the point that I sometimes struggle to work a desk job for 8 hours a day, plus I am providing for a family here; I'm not the stereotypical single university student on this forum. You could say that I was already living two lives before I started this. In spite of this, River has been extraordinarily patient with me, even going so far as to urge me to not force when I'm particularly tired.