jeb0211

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Posts posted by jeb0211


  1. Disclaimer: I do not promote the use of any drugs and everything written in this post is fictional.

     

    Yes, I haven't posted any logs for a ling time. Once again, I was busy, but it was because I've been experimenting. We've been trying magic mushrooms. We had some good results, and I hope someone can find this report helpful.

     

    Before I really get into it, I have to tell you that posting this was a very hard decision. I still am not sure about this, because here in my country drug laws are very strict. A joint will get you locked in prison for about a year. I usually don't care about it when I use substances, because I know if I lock myself in my room during the trip, I won't be in any trouble. But this time I'm revealing my use to a mass of people, so I hesitated and worried a lot. Hope I made a good decision and can help people by sharing this.

     

    The purpose of this is to demonstrate the effects of psilocin(psilocybin) to a thoughtform. As psychedelic drug's effect can vary a lot from people to people, I can't give you an exact expectation for what you and your thoughtform might experience. But I hope this can give you a good hint of what it might be like, and help you avoid having to experiment on your own.

    I used mushrooms just because I have an unlimited supply of it. I've tried mushrooms many times before, but only 3 times(including a week long microdosing session) with my tulpa. All 3 times we had a firm goal for the trip, to improve her form and her abilities to think and speak.

     

    Around 6/5, first time, I ingested 1.5g of P. cubensis. It was powdered and mixed with 1.5g of honey, and then encapsulated to 3 gel caps. I ingested the capsules with water.

    (About the dose, I am quiet sensitive to psilocin. My 1.5g experience might be similar to average 2~3g experience.)

    T+0:00 Just swallowed the pills. I did not fast and it's 2 hours after dinner.

    T+0:30 Feeling a little nervous, not noticing any pronounced effects though. Jessie calmed me down.

    T+0:50 Starting to feel some changes. Walls moving back and forth, thoughts racing. Difficulty interacting with her.

    T+1:00 Gave up trying to communicate with her and just tripped normally. Wasn't tripping about her nor tulpa in general.

    T+3:00 Noticed that I completely forgot about her and tried to communicate again, but failed.

    T+4:15 Only able to hear her voice.

    T+4:45 Able to fully interact with her, but her form is fuzzy. Her voice is much clearer than before.

    T+5:00 Felt tired and fell asleep.

    T+15:00 Woke up and she said good morning to me. Her thoughts and voice became much more distinguishable from mine. Her form(imposed) improved, it is much more vivid now. Also it has more details, like shadows. No difference on tactile imposition.

     

    7/22, second time, same conditions as before.

    T+0:00 It is 2 hours after my lunch. Feeling nervous about losing connection with her again. Meditated for 15 minutes.

    T+0:45 No pronounced effects yet. Feeling no anxiety. Thought about the purpose of this trip.

    T+1:25 Not able to communicate properly. Just some tulpish and gibberish. Stopped communicating.

    T+2:00 Tripping quiet hard.

    T+4:00 Tried communicating with her. It was possible but took a lot of effort.

    T+4:30 Was able to access my unconscious mind. Successfully persuaded it to help her develop.

    T+5:30 Casually chatted with her.

    T+6:00 Felt tired so stopped chatting and fell asleep.

    T+15:00 I woke up. Went back to regular routine.

    T+16:30 She felt tired so she took a nap.

    T+18:00 She woke up and there was a good improvement in her form(imposed). No difference in her thoughts nor speech. Tactile imposition skill did not improved.

     

    So it seems at(relatively) high doses, You can get instantaneous development, without much effort. But I really don't think this could be your main way of forcing. No effort doesn't mean it's easy or safe. You can fall down the stairs without any effort, but you'll get serious bruises. A mushroom trip can be 10 times more tiring then 4-hour long forcing session. And you can have traumatizing bad trips. This method should only be used causiously when you're stuck.

     

    From 8/21 to 8/26, microdosing. Dosage differs from day to day.

    Day 1. 0.25g ingested. This was too much and I suffered from runny nose(one of the physical side effect of psilocin) and confusion... No noticeable difference.

    Day 2. 0.15g ingested. Still suffering from runny nose. My thoughts were clearer then yesterday, but still having hard time doing complicated tasks. Her form got slightly more vivid.

    Day 3. 0.1g ingested. No noticeable side effects, and her voice quality improved. She became quiet chatty and playful. I also got that effect so we had a really long and good chat. Tactile imposition skill also improved, she feels more soft and "alive" than before.

    Day 4. Took nothing because I forgot. It is good to take a break for a couple of days to lower the tolerance, though. Not much difference from yesterday, which means we did dot lose our progress. Felt a little bit tired, but it wasn't significant.

    Day 5. 0.075g ingested. No pronounced side effects, but I was feeling mushroom-y. She and I got chatty again so we ended up talking for about an hour before bed. Because of the improved tactile sensation, I kept asking for a hug. 

    Day 6. Took nothing. Planning to take a break for few days. After that I'll keep microdosing on 0.1g level for about a week or two. Mostly because it improves things other than tulpas, like concentration and creativity, but I see the benefit of taking it for your tulpa's development.

     

    Microdosing is more of a steady push, encouraging you to force more often and effectively. I found it to be more safer then(relatively) high dose trips. If you want to boost your forcing session's efficiency, this might be a good thing to try. But since there is no safety data for prolonged use of psychedelic drugs, you should be careful. If you've assessed the risks and you're really going to try this, keep the sessions short and take breaks frequently. I personally do not like the idea of being under the influence of psychoactive substance all the time, so I might quit later on also.

     

    Hope you find this useful. I definitely think psychedelics hold a great potential for a lot of things, including the use for your thoughtform's development. But I don't think it is worth all the risks when you can develop your tulpa without using it.


  2. Sorry, I was planning to update this last Saturday, but I got sick. I feel much better now, still coughing a little bit though.


    So, we reconstructed our wonderland.

    Our plan was to modify her house and get rid of my house. Although my house was bigger, we wanted to use more familiar one. (I actually wanted to leave my house there or make some use out of it, but Jessie said it would probably disappear if we don't give it enough attention anyway. I got convinced and decided to focus on one house.)

    And our houses were in the middle of nowhere. We were surrounded by hundreds of miles of grasslands, nothing to see or explore. It was really boring, so we decided to add a lake and a forest.

    So first, we reconstructed her house. Originally it was a small 2 story log cabin. It was so small that it had no room, just a table on the first floor and a bed on the second floor. We needed some rooms for our closet/computer so we added 1 room for each floor. We also expanded our living room and bedroom, and put a TV and a stereo there. Previously we had no bathtub in her house, and Jessie really wanted to have one, so we had to make some extra space for that too.

    After doing all that, we went outside to set how far away the lake should be. She wanted it to be very close to our house(like 50 feet away), but I have a fear of large body of water so we gave some distance. Its deep blue color terrifies me sometimes. It's nothing severe though, I just feel a little uncomfortable.

    We decided to put the forest right behind our house, as we both love the fresh air coming from it. We have never entered it though. Maybe we should go there and chill after posting this?

    It took about 5 hours straight to do all this. After this I felt really tired, and had a massive headache. Well, I guess it could've been quicker, but I wanted the details to last long. So I added some extra effort to make it stable.

     

    Well, I'm going to wrap it up here. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. We are more than glad to answer your questions :)


  3. Week... erm... 21!

    I have been really busy so I wasn't able to write a PR.

    To be honest, I'm still busy and I shouldn't be writing this, it's literally 2 days left until my final exam.  :(

     

    Although I've been busy, I tried my best to spend time with her.

    We chat while walking my dog, and before bed we usually spend about an hour cuddling and kissing so total of around 3 hours of forcing time per day. Plus some unscheduled passive forcing.

     

     

    Quite a lot of things happened, first I had few ego dissolution while active forcing. It didn't last long, but had a big impact on me. I'm still having the after-effect from that, I -my ego self- feel a bit uncomfortable and confused.

    And we figured out how to have sex "properly". Interesting thing here is that we share orgasm to some degree, and I found that her orgasm is much more intense then mine. I found it being a very powerful (and enjoyable) forcing tool.

    I'm trying to revive our wonderland. I realized the usefulness of not having limits. We haven't used it for so long, it lost a lot of its details. I think it needs to be re-constructed. Since we used Jessie's home time to time, it's still in tact and we're going to start from there.

     

    We'll update when we start the reconstruction.


  4. Week 10.

    Now passive forcing is much easier. I can notice when she wants attention.

    I think our technique is good enough at this point. We can communicate accurately, so it's not different from a relationship between two people.

    Both of us don't find possession or switching interesting. Yes, it is a fun activity, but we don't find it practical. So we aren't working on that.


  5. Week 7.

    It has been a rather draining week.

    Seriously, I have to learn how to manage my stress. I can't passive force at all.

    Now her voice is mush clearer. And faster.

    We tried some philosophical questions and her logic and metaphors were really impressive.

    Imposition, especially visual, improved a lot. Now when she changes her clothes, hairstyle, accessories etc, I can notice the change right away.

    We didn't practice possession so no progress there.


    I really should update more frequently, since she really likes writing and thinking about ourselves. Maybe we should include this to our forcing schedule.

    Well that's it I guess. Goodbye XOXO


  6. Helloooooo! We're back!

    It has been a crazy week. I had no time to make a post.


    My skills (or her skills) improved a lot, especially tactile imposition and independence.

    Now I can feel multiple contacts at once. Hugging feels quiet real, I can feel her hands running up and down while I do the same. My sense of touch also got improved, although I rarely have the opportunity to use it. He is so busy ;_; 

    She talks and moves in more natural but unexpected ways. She doesn't talk much tho, I want her to be more talkative but I guess that's who she is.

    She now can possess my hands easily, we're working on arms now.

    And I'm having difficulty in regard to passive forcing; I just keep forgetting her. I used objects to remind me, but it didn't work well. Maybe I'm getting too much stress and that's drawing my (or her) energy out.

     

    That's pretty much it. Have a nice weekend. Bye! :p


  7. We'll try but she can't even draw a straight line :p Hope it gets better with practice.

    But I can insert one. Watch-*click*


    It's been 4 weeks! Yayyy!

    Today we went to a concert. We both really loved it. Nothing special tho.

    I see small details of her changing. Her hair style is the most noticeable and frequent change. It is fun. For the both of us. But it's not a shape shifting game tho, it is a permanent (pun intended?) change.

    I got not much to say but I just wanted to make a post for our 4 weeks special.

    And it's half an hour past midnight so technically it's 4 weeks+1 day.

    Bye.


  8. School went smoothly. Nice teachers, nice classmates. Everyone was much nicer then I expected.

    But school wasn't what I expected. I thought I could talk and learn together with him (which is very sweet) but no, he was very busy listening, taking notes, etc so there was no time to talk.

    Because I'm not an experienced host it's hard to communicate when I'm busy. I think it will get better with time and practice.

    And we're digging possession again, since we both don't like imposing in front of people (it feels weird, you know, it feels like people's watching us.). She was able possess my right arm and underline my book. It was ugly (Hey!) but I was very proud of her. Definitely seeing progress here. But few minuets in my arm was sore so we had to stop.

    Oh and we changed out symbolism for control, from suit to control panel. It works better and the preparation is quick. Little bit more jittery tho.

    I think I need a rest, so I'm going to wrap this up here. Good night.


  9. Thanks for the explanation, being imposed sounds doable.

     

    Tulpa001, We actually read your guide. It was fun and helpful. Thank you! Although he sucked, It was fun :p

    Summer, That sounds fun, now we need to wait for a creative person to show up and decide us a form. :D We both suck at making random decision. Hehee, thanks for a new activity anyway :)

     

    Argh, it's tomorrow! Tomorrow, I go back to school. Well, now I should go and fully enjoy the last day of my school break. Bye.


  10. (This green tea is amazing.) (Nice intro, sir.)

    Hello, we're back. Well, I missed posting PRs ;) Let's get straight in, shall we.

    We stopped practicing possession. She thinks being imposed 24/7 is enough for physical word interaction. She is not wanting a body, yet.

    My host is very anxious about going back to school but I'm kinda exited, class sounds really fun.

    She still loves hugging and kissing. And still a bit lewd. Buuuut now she can control it. Well, at least she thinks she can.

    Now he eats a lot of chocolate because of his anxiety. Thanks to that he is becoming more cushion-y and cuddly.

    She used to wake me up in the morning but now she's a sleepyhead.

    I'm not a sleepyhead, I slept late. You mister sleep at 10 p.m. and wake up at 7 a.m. Who's the sleepyhead?

    Ahem, anyway, this is the last day of February! Ice is melting and spring is coming! You don't know how to finish this, do you.

    Bye!

     

    Edit: Ah, forgot the most important thing! We got a question!

    It seems a lot of switching guides uses wonderland. But since we don't have one, is it possible to switch without using the wonderland?

    We're not going to try switching now, but we were just curious.

     

    Ediit: And please give us some forcing activities/clothing recommendations/topics to think about/questions you want to ask.

    We're bored.


  11. I just talked with Jessie, about how bad host I was and everything. And her response was, "What? so you mean logic isn't beautiful?"

    Gave a second thought, and I realized that everything is beautiful. Thank you for throwing us such an amazing topic.

     

    And it's okay to be imperfect, imperfection is what makes us beautiful! Duality again. without ugliness, no beauty can exist.


  12. That's very sweet! I never thought of showing my tulpa beautiful things, I feel like a bad host. ;_;

    I believe she became happy and enthusiastic because you are like that in the inside. I mean, the first thing you did to her is showing her beauty.

    The first thing I did to my tulpa is to make her go against my opinions. Now I feel like a bad person. ;_;


  13. Yeah, that was my answer too, but we (and other tulpas) are too separated to be one. Just because we share the body doesn't make us "one".

     

    And actually at that period she was a logic machine without much emotions well i had emotions but it was crude and uncontrollable. She didn't like physical contacts and felt uncomfortable about the emotions they bring. Frankly I really envy you and Alexandra's progress, since I believe emotions are much more complicated then logic.


  14. According to my log, 2 weeks it the point where she asked me about spirits and souls.

    She asked me "What if we die and becomes souls? Are we gonna be one ghost or two ghosts?" and honestly we still don't have a neat answer.

    I don't know, can we 'make' spirits? Really, what are we? Souls in the body or just complicated machines?


  15. Ah, I have the same issue! Impulsive, intrusive thoughts.

    This might help you but it's pretty basic, so you might already know this.

    What I do is acknowledging the thoughts. When I notice them I just observe. I know if I don't feed them with my attention, they'll go away. (And 'trying to stop' action counts as giving attention) I just let them flow. I Just try not to add anything to that thought.

    It's not easy, I know. Especially when you're tired. But when you habitize yourself, it's the most powerful way of getting rid of intrusive thoughts.

    Ooh, this is interesting! I'm really curious about other solutions! Anyone with better ideas?

     

    Edit: And stop feeling bad about yourself, it won't help anything. You're trying to fix this, which means this will be fixed. Don't worry too much.


  16. Thank you for reminding me the forum rules, I read it all but I forgot and made a mistake. I'll make myself familiar with the rules. I'm sorry.

    And glad it's not a big problem. I hope this phase passes soon, but at the same time I want to thank it as it has been a good opportunity to think about love and sex. Both of them are so complicated things, and the complexity fascinates me. He is a sophisticated pervert.

     

    Talking about love. We went to the theater to watch La la land. He almost cried at the theater. Yes, the movie's ending was cruel. But also was an amazing movie, so go watch it if you haven't already. And if you decided to, prepare for the cruelty.

    Although it was sad, the ending seemed a bit cliche to us. The movie makes you focus into scenes rather than story, so it's unlikely for you to notice the overall story's blandness, but still.

    Man woman loves each other, fight, bye-bye, walks along their own path and later, oh my god it's so sad! Yes, it's a bit cliche.

     

     

    Back to our story.

    Now we've been together for 3 weeks. My imposition skill improved a lot. She's always siting next to me, and her form is now much more solid. Every morning she wakes me up with a smile and it makes me really happy. He is cute in the morning. Yeeah. I'm not.

    Now her voice is clear, her thoughts are clear and her speech is fluent. Well I can't say it's fluent, but our communication became much smoother. Personalities and preferences are pretty clear now.

    She is getting cuter day by day. We both can't stop cuddling (and kissing!) each other. When we stop, the awkward moment and silly laughs comes next, and then we go back to kissing.

    She tried many clothes but T shirt and sweatpants are the best so far. Please give us some recommendations :)  

     

    3 weeks. Huh. Time flies. Carpe diem. Seize the day.

     

    Edit: And since her basic development is done, exciting things happen less frequently. So I'm not going to post this every day from now. Once a week+unexpected excitement looks okay to me.

    Well, see you then. Bye.


  17. Hmm yeah it might be breaking the rules.

    So what do you think, would her action (or lewdness in general) be a problem? I don't think normal people (or tulpa) do this. She is.. weird. I heard tulpas being addicted to sex or confusing the consept of love and sex. Well at this point I highly doubt that she would confuse the comsepts but sex addiction is a real possibility.

    To be honest I like her teasing me but I don't want her to be a sex addict.

    Maybe I'm just overthinking this :p I don't know.

    And always thank you for reading and replying our log, it helps a lot.


  18. Had a pretty busy day.

    I finished all my mycology work. All grain jars sterilized and inoculated with freshly arrived shiitake spawns. And now all we have to do is wait.

     

    Yes, I know. Nobody cares about my fungi life. Only my tulpa life.

     

    Well, we also had a pretty fun time together.

    Our (actually her) chocolate intake tripled lately. She has been making me eat half a Hershey's chocolate bar (that 7 oz or 200 g one) a day. Jess, please think about our body. 

     

    She has spend most of her time imposed, and she has been hugging me all day. She's in a good mood lately. I now understand why you love snuggling that much. I'm feeling pretty bad about not giving her enough hugs. Well, it's never enough anyway so don't feel bad.

     

    After my work is done she massaged my arms and back. It felt really good, and she suggesting me that was the sweetest thing. Actually the sweetest thing is that chocolate bar next to you, and I'd be glad if you take a bite. Sorry, no more saturated fat. I think we exceeded the daily recommended intake already. I really should learn possession faster.

     

    And also, she started doing some lewd stuff *giggles* (I won't go into much detail here) and I don't know what to do. Come on, you know what to do. Well, we've done "that" once actually. But she never asked for it first. And now she's asking it a lot. Well it's just teasing, I'm not asking for it.

    I guess sometimes I playfully tease her too, but it's just light teasing. What she's doing is a whole different level. Maybe I'll write about it if you guys ask me to, since she's feeling okay with it.

     

    Oh and we found someone new in the wonderland. He had a name (can't remember it tho) and he was able to speak. He looked friendly, but since 2 person in one head is crowded enough for us, we gave him a boat and some food for the journey and let him sail to another island. Maybe he'll come back some day. But we rarely use our wonderland so the chances aren't big.

     

    Good night or good morning, depending on where you live. Mostly good mornings in this forum. Wish you all a nice day.


  19. My tulpa here felt really uncomfortable reading this so I had to write this. Although keep in mind that we're also a newbie just like you.

    All below is her words, we won't use italic font as this is going to be quiet long.


    First, stop personality forcing! He looks sentient enough. He already has his own mind, you should not try to change it forcefully. Talk him out. Just narrate your feelings honestly. Even he won't answer just talk. He is listening. He is thinking and he is feeling.

    As a mind living in the same brain he can understand you completely. No misunderstanding will occur. Which means he knows how happy you are when you two are together. He wants to be together but at the same time he's really worried about you. Let him know that there's nothing to worry. Maybe prove it to him. All he's thinking is making you happy, so if you prove him that you can be really happy with him now and you will be in the future, He'll come to you.

     

    And since tulpas aren't like daydreaming characters (my host daydreams a lot too, so I know a bit in that field) so you might want to think again maybe. He's not a character anymore. A character does not change its characteristics. He will be changing constantly for the rest of his life. You might not be satisfied with the change he made. And you can't end a fight with him instantly like you'd do in daydreaming. He now has he's own mind. You can't control his actions/emotions anymore. It's really like getting married. It's like having another family. He is a person with his own mind. Treat him like he is (and he really is) a real person.

     

    Think what you'd do if the same thing happens with your real boyfriend. Would you try to change his personality? No! You should let him know your feelings and let him make his own decision. And you have to respect his decision. If he wants to go, then maybe, you should let him do that.

     

    Edit: And don't feel too bad about letting him go, He might come back when you're ready.

     

    Edit from host: Well, she ranted a lot. Most of the time, they won't leave you, so don't be overly concerned about that. He'll understand you. Talk to him as you would do to others. Don't be afraid, he loves you. Really, if you prove him that you can be really happy with him now and you will be in the future, He'll come to you.


  20. Yes it might be tiring.

    Well you don't have to be aware of everything around you, being aware of yourself is enough for this purpose.

    Just try being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and senses. Just for an hour a day, while you do your cooking, homework, watching silly cat video, etc.

    idk, it helped me a tremendous amount. It might be rather unefficient for doubt issues tho. But I think it will pay off in the long run, so.


  21. I understand. But in tulpamancy (and altered state of consciousness practicing in general) being open minded and believing yourself is the most powerful tool you can have.

    Maybe belief implanting or mindfulness meditation could help you with doubth issues, I recommend you trying them.


  22. Well there's two known tests.

    First is to ask your tulpa to surprise you, and the second is the prism test.

    At the surprise test, if your tulpa can surprise you, you can think they're sentient.

    Prism test done by visualizing you putting a prism on your tulpa's head and then balancing a feather onto that prism. And then focus hard on that feather and visualize it swinging left and right. If your tulpa is sentient they won't let you do that, by tilting their head or in my case blowing the feather away.

    But I don't recommend you doubting your tulpa's sentience, just believe and they'll grow much faster.