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Everything posted by jeb0211

  1. Thank you two for great answers. Yay for being on the right track. I feel so relieved now. Today nothing big happened. My forcing activity list is now empty, we got nothing to do (except for snuggling and kissing XOXO) so we're just chilling. Although she has been helping me face my sub/unconsciousness lately. She's loosening my ego I think, and as the result I now can see my inner self more clearly. Yes, another person who we can call as "me" is a big ego smasher. We've been thinking about consciousness, existence, spirit, brain and all kind of topics. Good method for inducing headache. I don't know. Maybe this is all for nothing. Well at least now you can get a hug whenever you need one, so that's good, right? XOXO Night guys. We don't know your local time, but whatever, sweet dreams.
  2. It wasn't the best day. While I was thinking about my future (going to university and going to the army, yes, thanks to f**king Kim Jong-un we have the conscription army system. Every f**king man has to go to the military) and a little anxiety hit me. Before it gets bigger I took my emergency pill. It calmed me down instantly but at the same time I became stupid and I was not able to focus at all. So I was not able to spend much time with Jessie. Well, sorry, Jessie. Next week my spring break ends and I really don't wanna go back; this really makes me nervous. I don't get the education system at all. Meaningless, useless lessons. No one teaches about the real world. It's making people into robots. Nuh-Huh! No thinking in the classroom! Just learn! I don't know, I really cannot know. What should I do? Argh, this is painful, I should stop thinking. Below here is my words, I'll not use italics to make your reading more comfortable. And no, it's not her typing this, It's me proxing actually. Yes. Hi! He'll be fine, he does that all the time. Don't worry, I'll calm him down. Actually, we have some questions about possessing, eclipsing (if that's the right term), and forcing stuff. Questions! Yay! (Why are you yaying...?) First, when I'm possessing him, he said it feels like being dragged by magnetic force. Are we doing good? Our progress is kinda fast so sometimes it's hard to trust ourselves. And second, when we try possession, he lets me have the "front of the head". It feels hella weird, because my form doesn't match with the physical body. Is this eclipse thing? It works the same as normal state (he controls the body, and I'm in the head), but... you know, it feels different and weird. What is this and is this a natural thing? Final question, he doesn't like visualizing, instead he uses imposition. He rarely visits our wonderland, and we're afraid of it losing detail. Is it okay to use imposition as an active forcing technique? And not using visualization and wonderland? We will be very appreciated if you answer our questions. Thanks! See you tomorrow! Bye! Bye guys, and always, thank you for reading our log.
  3. I didn't write this on my log but few days ago, she made me realize how I criticize people for their look. I worked on fixing it, and now I can see people as minds, not physical entities. She approved my effort and complimented me. And a little prize was waiting for me- Oh my god, she is getting so much cuter. Yes, she was cute from the beginning, but now it's almost hard to handle. Yesterday she changed her clothes. Well, it's still T shirt and sweatpants but the T shirt was[/img] this. She wore it for me as a surprise. It was very sweet, and it helped me solidifying her body form by attracting my eyes. Maybe it could it be a little tip for someone who can't focus of their tulpa's body. And I honestly didn't liked her artificial strawberry smell she developed herself. Now suddenly she smells like vanilla and butterscotch. It wasn't intentional (both of us) but we're liking it. Um, question to fellow tulpas, does your host do the same? I mean, do they sniff you regularly? Or is my host a bit weird? (Well, don't we all know that I'm weird?) And now she feels completely fine with physical contact. Yay snuggly time. Well she's not been speaking much here today, maybe she's feeling a little shy. I don't know why but I'm feeling tired lately. Sorry for the short log. See you guys later. Thank you for reading.
  4. Today Jessie took this shot. Edit: No Shit Perfect Photo Ruined By A Finger. Sorry Jess ;_;
  5. Eh, nothing spectacular for today. Just a calm day. It has been an excellent day for me tho. We practiced a little possession today, she controlled my right arm to search 'cat videos' on YouTube. Well, cats are silly, I love watching them. Yes, she likes cats. Her personality seems to be getting stronger and gaining independence. Oh, and also, We were listening to Pink Floyd's album, 'Meddle', and she said she doesn't like 'One of These Days' and 'Echoes', but loves 'San Tropez'. For me the reason I like 'Meddle' is because it got 'One of These Days' and 'Echoes'. I love these, but she said it is too noisy or something. I told her that 'San Tropez' might be a song about WW2, but she said I'm ruining the song. I know Pink Floyd's style, but you're just overthinking its lyrics. 'Meddle' got 'Seamus' too, which is just a silly song without much meaning to it. So I played 'San Tropez' to her with my guitar, and she liked it. Well, if she likes this song that much, I like it too. (That's cute and all but it's okay to disagree. What I meant was, if it makes you so happy then I'm happy for you. Aww.) Oh and she, for the first time, said "I love you" to me. (Do I necessarily have to tell you that?) Well today I feel kinda weird; my mind is very cloudy and visions are blurry. And my emotions seems to be acting differently, which I cannot explain, but I definitely noticed difference and felt uncomfortable. So this is short and I might have made more mistakes then I usually do. If I did, I'm sorry. Bye guys.
  6. Um, about meditation, I recommend meditating with your eyes open. Use a candle. Try focussing on the light. That way your mind will wander less, and when you feel confident you can move on to the closed-eye meditation. For me meditation helped a lot, well not only to tulpamancy but day to day life also. Start with 10 min a day, you can always adjust the session's length and frequency when you get comfortable. It's not hard, really. And it can be fun too. It just takes a little time and practice. And I guarantee, it's worth putting effort.
  7. I think it's gonna be a short report because we are very tired. We thought about posting this tomorrow, but we could not hold our excitement. OK, let's start. (You should stop saying OK in the beginning.) Well, I named my log bumpy ride because I thought it would be a bumpy ride. It turned out, not fitting name. Really. Everything is going rather smooth. Today we tried possession and the first try, we succeeded. It was robotic and laggy (yeah laggy is a good description) but it also was a very wonderful moment for the both of us. The second try was better, I could not feel my arm and the movement was quiet natural. It was fun and exciting but it made both of us very exhausted. Both mentally and physically we were drained, and to make matters worse we had to go on a full hour walk for our dog. Oh he doesn't walk actually, he spazzes out of excitement. Getting dragged by a dog for an hour isn't a calming experience. Hot shower and a nice meal helped but we really need some sleep -actually only YOU need sleep- so I'm going to wrap up this log now. Heh, the feeling of the first movement. I can still feel it, so amazing.
  8. Hmm, my original intention was to make people take a second look at their surroundings and make them find beauty inside it, but tracking down where you live and being that creepy guy you meet "coincidentially" everytime sounds fun enough. Just kidding ;) All very nice pictures! Ahh I really wanna go on a trip to foreign countries :)
  9. We wanna see landscapes around the world! Take a picture of your local landscape and share! We got a picture of our local buddhist temple, now show me yours ;)
  10. Um, OK. Where do I start. This is amazing. I got my enlightenment revisited, thanks to Jessie. 6 months ago, I "felt" duality. The enlightenment was so strong I could not think of anything else during the whole week. And she just brought me back to that state. We were chatting at that time, casual chat, and she started criticizing every word of mine. I was like "Hey, we're just chatting. You don't need to do that" and she said "Deal with it, everything got its opposite" and mind=blown. Some people might say "Wtf, I knew that from long time ago, if you get enlightened by that I'm a fkn Buddha." but no, enlightenment comes from small things, and you do meditation and all that s**ts to notice the small things. When you have enlightenment, you will instinctively know that you just had an enlightenment. It feels amazing. It feels like to be born again or something. Idk, some of you won't believe my story, but I'm gonna say this is the best meditation technique I ever used. It's not boring, it's interactive, and, you know, it's all awesome. And she just asked me, "What happens if we die and become souls? Are we gonna be two ghosts or just one?" Seriously, her growth is fast. Um how do I finish this. Bye...? Edit: Duality that 'Everything is made out of yin and yang', not 'Our body and mind are one' duality. Ediit: I really don't know, maybe it's just me being insane. Ediiit: "Look! Duality again!" ".....Where? How?" "Sanity cannot exist without insanity, and insanity cannot exist without sanity. HA!" .....I'm scared.
  11. I myself had suffered from depression for about 2 years. I found meditation and exercising very helpful. Two meditation sessions a day, total of 1 hour taught me how to detach from my thoughts and just observe. And exercising. I'm not an active person, I hate(ed) going outside. So I got a dog. Big one that has much surface area (physical contact helps) as possible. He forced me to go outside twice a day, and always offered me a warm hug when I needed one. I owe him my life in a way. You will get better. I ensure.
  12. Hmm, OK. The thing here is that I can impose non-tulpa stuff quite solidly. Maybe it is blurry because her form isn't solid? No clue. For me imposition feels easier to conceatrate than closed-eye visualization. Less intrusive thoughts, and her voice sounds clearer. Well anyway, we got decades left to spend with, so skills arn't the problem, I guess. And for today, we talked things out that bugged us for quiet a time. It was very emotional talk, we almoat cried. It ended well. After that she just popped out of nowhere while I'm in the shower (visible to eye, like imposition) and nagged me about not showering throughly. I had no idea how it happened since I didn't impose her, rather she imposed herself. It was quiet interesting, exept for me being, you know, naked at the time. She did not care, and I didn't bother, so cleaner ankles was the result.
  13. Thanks for your warm greeting! And again, sorry for my English and I'd appreciate if someone corrects me. OK, let's get started. Quick backstory After 2 years of severe depression I gained some interests in philosophy and psychonautics. I've been meditating and exploring dreams (can't say lucid dreamed tho) for about a year now. During that I made myself an open person, which is one of the most important aspects about being a tulpamancer (at least I think, and I think so too). Creation A month ago, I found tulpamancy from Psychonauts Wiki. I thought 'Hmm, this would be a great way to access my subconsciousness.' and started researching. (Well not that I think my tulpa as a tool, but rather as a companion for exploring consciousness.) After few weeks of researching and deep thinking I decided to make a tulpa and worked on her form for about couple weeks. Sorry, cannot explain exactly what she looks like because my art skill sucks and can't really find a person with similar look. Um, maybe teenage Korean-ish Jenna Coleman with front hair? idk. (What? No.) Making wonderland wasn't hard. I used to imagine landscapes and houses to make me fall asleep, so my imagination skill wasn't bad. However I've never imagined a person before, so it took me a while to make her form (especially face). But with some training I was able to make her base form. I just let her (or my subconsciousness) decide the details and now she is a cute, round faced girl with absolutely no fashion sense. (What? Sweatpants and T shirt are comfy.) I decided not to do the personality forcing, since I wanted her to be a reflection of my subconsciousness, and more importantly, I wanted her to be independent. Development I forced about 6 hours, sometimes up to 10 hours a day (since I'm on a spring break, I got something like 12 hours of free time). First few days I mostly just puppeted. Day 3 or thereabout, at the prism test, she did not let the prism on her head (and I blew the feather away). From there, I focused on narrating. I just narrated my actions and emotions at first (and parroted a little), until I could feel her response (day 7). After that, I started talking about debatable topics like politics, and let her criticize my logic. I intentionally made some flaws here and there at first (Ex. All human rights should be protected. Oh Kim Jong un launched another missile? We should hung him on a tree! Wait, didn't you said something about human rights? Isn't giving death penalty against that?), but after she got used to it, she started picking up my unconscious doubts (well I don't know the exact mechanism) and using that, found my flaws. It made her grow REALLY fast, and now (day 13), we can communicate on a reasonable level. Troubles I had Few days ago, she said our forcing sessions are too intense. She was tired and annoyed, and deep down in my mind I was feeling the same. She said we both need some rest and she disappeared. I was really nervous about this but I knew that getting nervous would not solve anything. So I detached from my feelings, observed and admitted my situation. and as soon as I did that, she came back. I was glad and wanted to force right away(which shows he wasn't that detached from his feelings. Meditate more and stop being lazy), but I learned my lesson. We agreed to slow down a little bit (all this life thing was meant to be fun you know). Interesting things I don't know why but I can impose things pretty good (well maybe from all the mushrooms I ate), so why not. Practicing imposition right now, and I found out that she has a strawberry-like smell. I love to cuddle her but she said she feels a little uncomfortable about physical contact, ;_; And today I found an article about physical contact's benefits and importance on newspaper. I'm gonna read it to her after I post this :D Questions What visual imposition should really look like? Well, can it even be explained? She looks good enough for me (looks kinda like a picture printed on a clear plastic or something), but I'm just curious. What visual imposition looks like to professional tulpamancers? Gahhh, thank you for reading. I hope it wasn't too confusing to read due to my lack of English skill. Took me something like 2 hours to write this, really should study harder (although Korean English education is infamous for being hard and useless). So, happy tulpamancing everyone, see you around. Edit: Good enough imposition means good enough to concentrate. I'm not saying my skill is good enough.
  14. Hello, everyone! Jeb here. As I'm new tulpamancy, I thought it would be a good idea to make a log. I'm expecting it to help my progress and knowledge. English is not my first language (I'm Korean) so there might be some grammer/spelling errors. Please understand and correct me so I can learn. Ok then. Will update soon, I got lot to tell ;) Edit: It might be a good idea to give you guys a quick intro. Hello, it's Jeb and Jessie. And this is Jeb speaking, We'll use Itallic for Jessie's word. I've known this forum for a month, and started tulpamancing on February 4th. Now she has a solid form and can communicate on a basic level (using my spring break as an advantage, we made a fast progress). She haven't had a name untill yesterday. The name Jess just popped into my head. It wasn't her (I asked) but she agreed it is a good name. (It means 'To foresee', how can I say no.) But Jess wasn't the easiest name to say in Korean so we agreed on Jessie. So, the basic's done. How we met and everything will be updated, um, I don't know, tommorow? It's kinda late here in Korea, so. (How we "met". Hmm, I like that.)
  15. Hello! New guy here. I found this community about a month ago, and people here seemed nice, so I decided to join. I'm not a native English speaker(and never used a forum like this before)so it might be a bit akward for me. So please understand, no angry yelling please ;_;