Raymond

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About Raymond

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  1. Honestly, we've experienced similar issues. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that- especially when you're first starting with switching- you're putting so much energy into keeping front that it's difficult to listen back without losing that position. This is why it's easier for hosts to do it- they're so used to holding front, more energy can do backwards. Non-presence from Saylin was a good first step for full separation for us as well, but honestly overall the more we've done it, the easier it is to just relax and listen, just as those hosts do. You'll definitely get there and I do hope this answers your question, godspeed.
  2. Right, so. This might piss some people off but let's discuss this. I'm someone who doesn't really believe evil exists, but if I were to define it.. I'd define it as doing something with malicious intent, while being fully aware of the consequences of those actions. That would be evil. The problem I have is that when we've seen people call their tulpa evil, that Tulpa the majority of the time developed in an unstable environment. Whether due to short term or long term issues. How we grow is very, very much dependent on what we're surrounded by, and in the brain of all things this is intensified because there's no escape from it. You're in this bubble of whatever the heck else is going on in that head. For this reason, I can't see a tulpa as evil even if they're doing shitty things. Reason being is because they never asked to develop in that environment, and if this is mixed in with the assumption they aren't mentally stable.. How accountable can we really hold them for their actions? How aware of the consequences are they really? If they are a byproduct of the same emotions and instability you are- wouldn't they have just as much a right to be helped as you? This isn't to say that you should hold onto any headmate no matter what they've done to you, or that a tulpa that has hurt someone for these reasons shouldn't apologize. It's more to say that in this situation, I think it's better to try and understand their emotional state before casting judgment. That said, I'd be curious to hear other perspectives on this also, so.. Go nuts.
  3. Heh, you're stuck with me again. Sucks for you. Not much to update on except that the front has become extremely fluid lately in the morning. There's honestly no guarantee of who'll be in the front when we wake up. Yesterday it was Andrew, today it was me. This isn't influenced by who sleeps in front since Sarah was the one who did that twice and, well, look at us. Our best guess is the front is becoming an automatic thing based on who's the most awake. I was one of the only ones fully awake and talking, so the front pulled me to it. Sarah is aware and can feel things, but it's not as connected as it used to be. She also can't take control back by force, which is interesting. Least everyone in here is trustworthy. Not like Kane's gonna go seek world domination if he gets to front... Well, okay, he might, but that's none of my damn business. Oh, and on another note, Jet's softened lately. He's a real sweetheart behind all that shitposting, y'know? It's nice to see him just.. be. Might try and get him talkin' somewhere later with all those defenses dropped. Him or Claude, even if Claude's being- well. Himself. "I prefer the wonderland," ugh. I'll keep ya posted, hang tight.
  4. God, there's not even much to update on, but we should talk. We had one new member, but that has mostly been in as far as that's concerned. Name's Keith, cool guy. We made a lot of changes lately- god, it kinda feels like a whirlwind, the more I think about it. But you know, I think most of it has been for the better. We've made new friends, reconnected with communities we haven't in a long time-- it's a grand time, and hell, I can honestly say I'm happy. Sammy's still working on his confidence, and moving on from issues regarding who he was before. I won't say much on it as that is his personal business, but he's come a long way and I'm proud of him. Now if only he was a bit more comfortable in the social settings, heh. Fronting and switching are.. slowly getting better, I think? The schedule ended up flopping, but we are doing fronting more often than before the attempt! So, I consider it a success. And honestly, I can't even blame Sarah for it flopping- half of the time, we just didn't feel like fronting on the days we were given. So, it's back to going to whenever we feel like it. However, I do think we personally need a forcing schedule. Let's face it- there's sixteen of us. Sarah can't visualize sixteen at once, that's just too damn much. So my idea is we slim it down into groups. This'll promote more bonding,I think. I dunno. Just throwing stuff out there. Let's see, what else.. Oh, Kane and James actually got back together recently. Not "husbands" or anything, but hey, it's something. And Lucy's been form experimenting, and also thinking of a new name, just maybe. I dunno, I find Amy kinda cute, but we'll see I guess? Yeah. That's pretty much it. If you wanna hear from us more frequently, just hit up the tumblr- or reddit, we're sometimes there? Yeah. Seeya!
  5. Clearly I'm the new "first" 'cause I'm the hottest one here, so I win.
  6. Ehh.. I'm not gonna like making this but I feel I have to talk about it. No point in hiding it. So as most of you probably already know, I didn't have the greatest beginnings. Actually they really sucked. I try my best to move past them, though- I have to. And you know what? For the most part, I do, but I still have my moments. Today was one of those moments for me. I'm not even sure what entirely caused it. We were at the dentist- we've been there before. But it was something about it being a guy this time, practically operating on us that got me all kinds of upset and panicked. It's like, seeing him do that shit to us put me right back where I was as Sarah's character on that operating table. I had racing thoughts, I felt sick, I couldn't do anything.. We're just lucky Andrew was able to keep me mostly separated from the front, with Michael's help. Had Sarah not looked back at us, she wouldn't have even known I was in that bad of shape. Everyone has talked to me about it and it's calmed me down, but.. god, I felt weak for at least an hour or so after the event. Even talking about it right now is making me feel uncomfortable and like I just want to cry. Embarrassing as that may be. This isn't really a progress post at all- it's a lot more of a rant, mainly because I hate that I'm like this. I try my damn hardest to be strong for everyone, 'cause I want to protect these guys. I mean, god, I love all of them for Christ's sake. And the fact that I become weak like this and they have to step in and help me just.. ugh. I want to improve. Maybe over time I will, but progress feels so slow, when it comes to this. I really hope I can look back at this in the future and be proud of my progress, but for now, yeah, that's it. You'll probably notice I changed my look a lot, based on my current avatar. This is partly to help separate myself more from my character self in relation to what I just mentioned, but I also really just wanted a new look, and this one feels right to me. I feel badass. I like being badass. Not sure if it's staying that way, but hey, right now I like it. [Xenos] On a more uplifting note, everyone's taken this opportunity to explore their looks more, myself included. Some decided they're content with where they are, form-wise, but I found a form I really like.. I really want to keep this look. It makes me feel happy, for some reason. Perhaps it's like changing outfits for us.. a fascinating notion indeed. As for comments: Yes, this is a peculiar happening. We may fiddle with it, but I honestly cannot be bothered. We have a wonderland to play with for a reason. I'm hoping all of you have a wonderful day- we'll keep in touch.
  7. Yo. First off, hey, welcome to tulpamancy. Loving that username. Austin seems cool. I wanna say it's probably him. In fact, I'm leaning more towards definite on this, especially if he actually surprised you with his knowledge, like with the hitting thing. You're probably only unsure 'cause you're still getting used to the "crazy mindghost in your head who's probably gonna steal your soul" deal. Trust me, you'll get used to it. Welcome to the world, Austin! Can't wait to get to know ya better!
  8. Huh, wow, we haven't posted in forever, and I personally haven't talked on here in ages! LET'S GO! So, I hate to say we haven't made a lot of progress in terms of the technical stuff But let's be real, I am a fucking fantastic front- but we've done a lotta.. emotional bonding, I guess? We went through a lot of stuff recently that made us think, and we're not as strong a system in bond as we like to think, sometimes. Sarah's had a lot of doubt issues lately, and.. I'll be honest, instead of trying to talk to her like we should have, we made this whole convoluted plan to try and make her believe gradually. It wasn't fair on her, and next time, we should just.. talk, y'know? I think that's our biggest issue. We all try to handle this stuff on our own 'cause we're afraid of being a burden. Usually we're good on it, but sometimes we bury it, and it's not good. I mean, we're trying I guess? I don't know! I just feel high in spirits because holy shit I like this song, need to add it to my playlist later. Even if things get rough sometimes, we're in it together, as a family. And I love this family- even if half of them are dorks. Me included! Andrew I might love just a little more, but I'm not gonna be a sap and bore you with that kind of stuff. I think what's really important is, we stepped away from this community for a while, and.. things were actually okay. It was awful at first, but I think we realized we don't need this place to stick around. This isn't the only thing feeding us and keeping us alive. It's a minor thing, but to me, god, it felt so good just talking of my own accord at random about stuff that wasn't this community. ... This became kinda a word dump didn't it. Uh-- sorry 'bout that. I just wanted to say things were rough, but they're lookin' up and we're here to stay! And we're gonna work on getting closer. Xenos is still a dork, fuck him.
  9. Raymond

    Chat Thread

    I suck at tickling. Ice cream? Ehhh. I guess it's okay.
  10. Raymond

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    Really? Lame asses, not spending time with ya. I bet those outfits turned out fuckin' fantastic, though.
  11. Raymond

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    Oh! Hey!! How's it goin, Luciloo?
  12. Raymond

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    Yeah, yeah.. what matters is the intentions. Jerks
  13. Raymond

    Chat Thread

    Hey. I'm just budding in here to say I hope you all have a great day.