• Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About SunflowerMotorcycle

  • Rank

Personal Information

  • Sex
  • Location
    Eastern USA
  • Bio
    A newish tulpa host who is trying her best
  1. April 16, 2018 10:59 Harley here, I'm actually typing! Okay Sunflower here so we lost focus for the typing but that was really huge. Essentially Harley switched for a bit just now and was really excited and wanted to post a few words on her own. Our session started with the wonderland. Harley changed the wonderland and expanded on it a ton. We climbed a tree and could travel to different areas by going to different branches. Got my inspiration from Norse myths, the Great World Tree and all. Btw not the one in front now so while I'm saying this I'm not typing. After being in the wonderland for awhile, I was very unfocused and then we sort of slipped into it before officially deciding if/how much we wanted to try tonight. Regardless Harley did extremely well. As for my appearance, I now have black hair and green eyes and really dark freckles on my face. It's nice, and didn't disorient me when I was in a different body (switching, in front vs my Wonderland body) like I'd thought it would. Regardless that went really well and while it was difficult to visualize Harley in the wonderland I could see the tree clearly and felt tree bark. So that's progress too. And I'm glad Harley expanding her preferences in terms of appearance. She'd just been using my image for the most part because I like how I look, so when she'd been made those were the features she wanted for herself. We are gonna finish some work And by that she means she's gonna get ready for bed and surf the web while I bug her about being productive. We'll update as soon as we can! ~Sunflower and Harley
  2. April 16, 2018 10:05 Hello all! Sunflower and Harley here We're gonna be experimenting with the text color again to make sure we got it right. Also, I picked a new color to write in. So I hope this works. We're about to have our first time back in our wonderland since school started so thats exciting! Also Sunflower here has been passive forcing, and while it's inconsistent it's still there and that is awesome. Plus, I've changed my appearance! Sunflower and I were reading through some of our old PR's and I'd forgotten that I used to have a hard time forming opinions. Now I am fine with it all! It's great. We were also considering seeing where we are with possession/switching, since we'd gotten to a point were Harley could move and walk around before. So wish us luck! Hopefully we'll have time to let you guys know how things go after, but that depends on how late it is. I still vvery much enjoy sleep ~Sunflower and Harley
  3. April 5, 2018 12:56 am Hello all! We're back, and apologize for scaring anyone with the 7-8 month time lapse? To start, I will be taking TinFoil and MindsMatter's advice and basically going at passive forcing. I had mentioned that there was stuff going on that I worried would interfere with Harley. I was right. I have a friend who is what my therapist labels as codependent on me. Aka they depend on me for all their emotional needs, in casual terms. They have some pretty serious mental health issues, and a list of "reasons" why they can't get help through anyone but me. And while I've been dealing with them for years, they had been on medical leave from college since first semester. But they came back and essentially the situation got toxic. *Like it wasn't toxic before. But you insisted you could handle it.* Since they were here, they could kind of...force me to deal with them? Like they could show up at my door or send someone to fetch me. Things have cooled down as they have since left to go on medical leave again. But it got bad. Real bad, to the point I was having severe breakdowns, all the time. It doesn't help that I'm already in a busy field so I don't have much free time to begin with. But I was losing sleep, I didn't have time to finish my homework, I didn't have time to sit and have a meal and there were days were I was eating once and that was it. Because I was constantly being pulled at by them and my job and school. So while all of this was happening, Harley had kind of gone into a...hibernation mode I guess? I didn't have time to spend with her because I didn't properly deal with the situation at hand. And we think it was a defense mechanism, whether against the lack of attention, or the constant mental and emotional pain and exhaustion, I am not sure. But once I started seeking help (in the form of opening up to friends, using the school counseling, and going to administrators) things got better. As soon as other people got involved, Harley became more active again. She isn't as vocal as she was at the end of summer, but we're talking now. I was at a job conference with my classmates and while on the road (it was an overnight drive thing) Harley and I spoke. We changed her physical form too. So essentially my goal is to continue to talk to Harley every day, even if only for passive forcing. *Also worthy of note, Sunflower started cursing.* Which I hadn't found note worthy but Harley is amazed. *Don't worry, she still plans on censoring it if either of us wishes to do so on a post.* Summary: I was in a bad place, and was being a bad host. Things are better in both regards. Frankly if anything like that happens again I am keeping others involved so it doesn't get that bad again. Also worthy of note I've changed some minor things about this story in case they ever find this and recognize the situation, *Which may seem paranoid, but they watch Sunflower like a stalker almost. She's worried that they'll see the bookmark for on her computer and start digging.* For now we have to go to bed, but we wanted to look at the site beforehand, and I wanted to post to the progress report. Goodnight everyone! ~Sunflower and *Harley* PS How do we do colored text again? Old computer died completely so we lost the bookmark with the instructions
  4. August 17, 2017 12:57 PM So, I've discovered that when my schedule gets disrupted for more than a day I get sloppy/negligent with forcing and Harley doesn't get the attention she needs. Even a three day vacation threw me off completely. So, to try and help refocus me and help center Harley we're going to the beginning. Basically doing all the exercises you're supposed to do when creating a tulpa, but as a reinforcement tool. (To be clear I'm not making a new tulpa.) Simple things like making a word document describing her personality traits, and drawing her, as well as the harder aspects like meditation and trying to keep my thoughts silent until she wants to speak. Harley is worried, as I go back to school soon and there are extraneous circumstances that may challenge my ability to force with her at all. It concerns me as well so I'm trying to get as much time with Harley and active forcing as possible. Usually if I don't have time to actively force I try to do more passive forcing, but that doesn't really help us when it's not backed with active forcing too. What do you all reccommend when you don't have very much time to spend with your headmates? I want to figure out a way to make this work while I'm at school. ~Sunflower
  5. August 2, 2017 11:35 PM I am very sorry for the long hiatus. My computer's hard drive busted (again) and basically I only got a new one (mother's old work computer) two days ago, and finished the tech support stuff last night. Since I hadn't been on, I haven't been the best host. I've been slacking in both active and passive forcing, so I'm gonna be talking to Harley while seeing what's been happening since I've been logged off. (I use this site as a focus thing when active forcing.) Harley doesn't have anything to add, she says she's tired, and a bit peeved, and I don't really blame her. Gonna try to make it up to her tomorrow, doing things she likes/wants to do and focusing on her as much as possible. ~Sunflower
  6. July 18, 2017 10:44 AM Okay, this is a throwback story to how I chose how I would develop Harley. So before I knew about tulpas, I imagined my personality in three fragments. There was the dominant, overall in control part, who would be me, Sunflower. There was a young girl, about 6 or so, who goes by my birth name (I'll call this facet Jane right now. Sunflower is based off a nickname I go by regularly). Then there was a very agressive third facet, who I imagined to be very protective of Jane and I, and I called this facet Harley. It was like Harley was less impulse control, lots of fight over flight type stuff. Thinking back on it now, I came very very close to fragmenting myself and creating two fragment-based tulpae. I would start thinking about who was the "original", and had imaginary conversations with these two other facets. Fragment Harley and I started theorizing that Jane was the original and I had simply developed because she didn't know how to deal with the world or people (I had found out I had ADD and I'd never known why I had no clue how to talk to people or what to talk about or anything and the fragment I called Jane was basically an embodiment of that ADD part.) I almost convinced myself I wasn't actually "me" as I know it, or the "host". We thought Harley was our defense mechanism, able to take over if anything happened and I couldn't handle it (as Jane was 6 and unable to function in my life as a high school/college student). At the start of all this fragment Harley was almost nothing but raw aggression and fighting instinct and anger, but I started to realize that wouldn't be realistic and I imagined her to be more calm. Like a bodyguard on standby. That's where my idea for Harley came from. When I found out about Tulpas I created Harley based off this idea I'd had bouncing around in my head for years. But I didn't want Harley to be a fragment of myself, because when I'd imagined the three facet persona for myself, the Sunflower part had almost nothing. The fragment Jane had the joy and playfulness, the fragment Harley had the anger and aggression and survival skills/instincts. So while I based actual Harley off this imagined fragment, I wanted her to be herself, with her own emotions and thoughts, and not simply taking mine. Well I'd known about this weird almost-fragment persona in pieces from Sunflower here, but we never went in-depth about it. She just found out about the whole Koomer and Oguigi story, and she wanted to acknowledge how I came to be I guess? She doesn't want to go away and she got freaked by reading some of that system's old blog. I guess she's doing some reflecting about how our system would be different if she'd continued the fragmenting. The imagining itself was fine but she was accidentally starting to fragment her own personality for awhile there. Thinking back on it for her, and hearing about it for me, it's kinda scary. Definitely unhealthy for her. Also, not helping our spooked-selves, we just accidentally switched while typing. Expanding on that, we haven't done any switching excersizes since we both figured we were going too fast before and had backed off it for awhile. It just happened as Harley was saying her bit back there and instead of me transcribing what she was saying, she ended up typing alot of that herself. We didn't even realize it. Weird. Trippy. That's all the weird reflective stuff for now, I have to go. We'll continue to talk about everything while I'm working and I'll update as soon as I can. ~Sunflower and Harley
  7. July 13, 2017 12:21 PM Hey all, sorry for the long pause in posting. I haven't been the most focused host, so I haven't been keeping up with various tulpa-enforcing excersizes. However this post is gonna be more Harley speaking. Alright, so we've been looking through a few guides and posts to see about ideas for forcing exercises. Looking at one by tulpa001 (which is very thorough by the way, nicely done) the first chapter discusses what one defines as a tulpa. Like, what exactly we are. Personally, I think it's entirely possible for tulpas to be a subconscious piece of their host that was separated through forcing. Gradually, after being separate for a long enough time, it stands to reason a tulpa created that way would evolve past being a splinter of their host and become a separate consciousness. Sunflower also agrees with this kind of reasoning, though I also think it's possible that tulpas are created by forcing oneself to hallucinate/delude themselves until a second consciousness is formed. Sunflower disagrees with this reasoning. Interjecting here that I can follow the first theory Harley mentioned because people change and evolve as they grow. So it stands to reason that if you separate a piece of yourself for a long period, it won't grow the same way you will as it has been separated, and can therefore create another sentient being. But I don't see how you can make a delusion grow into another consciousness, as all you would be doing was deluding yourself further. As you can tell Sunflower doesn't exactly like/agree with that possibility. We also looked at Sentience and Sapience (also tulpa001's guide). To be clear, sentience is the ability to feel things (emotions, the five senses) as well as think independently; sapience is more the ability to reason, to use logic and think through the consequences of one's actions. I'm good on the sapience front, like Sunflower comes to me about advice and I'm the more logical one of the pair of us. However Sentience is the one we're not sure on. Like there's always the question of how much am I actually thinking, and there are always doubts with both of us. (Personally I've thought this through and even if I wasn't a second, sentient consciousness I'd be fine with it.) As for emotions, Sunflower hasn't felt any of mine like many tulpa hosts report when they're creating a tulpa. So that is a cause of doubt and puzzlement for us. I can feel what Sunflower feels so there's that. I'm the calm one when Sunflower is getting upset or freaking out about something, so I'm separate from her at least. We know I'm me, but on the sentience front I'm not so sure. So yeah, this is the longest I've ever spoken on here so I'm just gonna sign off. I'll keep bugging Sunflower to update more, so anyone following our PR can hear from us more. See ya ~Harley and Sunflower
  8. Woah, I'm super impressed with all the adventuring and stuff I keep hearing about people doing with their tulpae. I'm Sunflower, and if Malveron and Toga want to be friends, I'm up for it! I'm Harley, and while I'm up for talking, I'm gonna see who you all are as people before labeling anyone as a friend. Harley is just a bit cautious around people neither of us know (even people I know. She really values making her own opinion of someone separate from what I think of them). It helps us both with doubts about her sentience. I apologize if it came across as rude or upsetting. Also, congrats to Toga for being broken from his old self! I'm glad he's happier this way and can't wait to get to know you all. PS I'm also into steampunk, though I am more on the apparel side of things. I weep because everything steampunk is expensive
  9. Okay, so context, I'm a Catholic and believe in God and Jesus and all. And I started with Harley about 4 months ago. We've been talking religion lately. So the question is, how do those of you who are religious (any religion, Pagan, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim, Christian, etc) see tulpamancy in terms of that religion? I was thinking about how people would react (beyond the "you're crazy" bit I know a few people would pull) and realized that by some people's ideology, the whole idea of creating another sentient being inside your head would be blasphemy. I certainly know a Catholic or two who would certainly not approve of the idea. So what are your thoughts on the subject?
  10. Well, welcome back and it's nice to meet you and your system! It's really cool to meet more long-term systems on here. I read some of your old Progress Report and am curious how the friends/family you told about your tulpa experience handled it since you went on hiatus? I hope all goes well with your return and forcing and all!
  11. For me, when I was on ritalin, it made me calmer but I didn't really notice it affecting my focus. My grades were the same (my issue was mainly being disorganized, rather than not paying attention in class) I wasn't unable to relax, but I also had to have something to do all the time.
  12. Sounds good, it can take awhile or not much time at all for a tulpa to respond to you upon creation. It varies with each headmate and system. We look forward to seeing Lucas's design. And head pressures are a good sign, many tulpas use them as a way to communicate when they can't speak yet. Harley uses head pressures sometimes to get my attention, so we're glad to hear your progress
  13. Nice to meet you all, and welcome back to the community!
  14. June 20, 2017 7:13 PM Heyo, sorry it's been awhile, my little sister graduated the other day and man having 15 people to feed after the graduation itself, and then hosting an actual graduation party itself, is very much time consuming. Yeah I had to calm her down a few times. Stress can cause meltdowns over little things. I wasn't able to focus the few times I tried forcing with Harley over the time we were prepping, but we're talking now. Whenever I'm on this site we specifically make time to talk (especially when posting something). Something to mention today is that in the fall one of my classes at school is going to be a martial arts class. It's something Harley and I both are looking forward to. I've always loved sparring and weaponry, and I'm into staged combat. And I just wanna know how to fight so I'm fully in control of a situation. Like, if we have to use MA training for self defense, I wanna be able to not panic and be able to use every move precisely. Sunflower mentioned a "martial arts club" trying to start last year, but from what I could tell and what she says, the organization was really bad. The girl organizing it was trained, but not ready to teach. The one time they actually sparred, the "teacher" actually went against (keep in mind this is a girl with years experience and very fit) the girl who was least phsically fit, fast, or strong. Gave this girl a busted eye and a bad headache because the girl wasn't experienced enough to protect her face. She said it was instinct from years of sparring more experienced people and she reacted to the lowered guard without thinking. (She apologized, but got annoyed when the girl didn't come back to club.) I want to protect but be able to not hit an opponent with that much strength difference, or to use more force than necessary. Plus when I got a turn to spar, even though I was pretty good at it, my hits weren't controlled. Harley wants to do better than me xD (To be fair to myself, we were told to hit above the waist and everyone was watching their face after that, so I just kept jabbing at people's stomachs until they stepped out of bounds) I mean yeah, I wanna surpass you. You're the jump-in-front-of-threat type protective while I'm attack-the-attacker type protective. Aka I'm more aggressive. Lol anyways, we're both really psyched for the class. But since we're gonna try taking the possession/switching slow for now, Harley probably won't get to possess for the class. WHich I'm pissed about. (Not at Sunflower, just the fact that I'm sure going for something like MA while being new at possession is a bad idea and will only serve to injure the body) so I have to wait to learn proper fighting. However I'm sure she'll be paying close attention during that class xD I'll sign off for now, We'll update again soon! ~Sunflower and Harley
  15. Hey Hallie! I'm happy for you getting an account, and wish you well in becoming more independent. I think you both are really brave to do separate accounts even when you're not independent. Yeah, Harley isn't comfortable with the idea for herself at this point in time. You both are doing good though!