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About Michael

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  1. It has been ages, since I've made an update... Perhaps it's time we see something from my perspective. Oh, and have a picture of me, for shits and giggles. The system is doing extremely well! I'll admit it hasn't been perfect, we were sick, there were quite a few emotional low points, and Leroy has had a difficult time especially, lately. We love him, dearly- but he has this... tendency to put himself in this bubble of cynicism, which he calls "realism," but we feel it is more a fear of being hopeful. After all, if you aren't looking forward to things, you can't be hurt. That said, I myself have also been forced to look at myself- the walls I put up, how I seem to fear people viewing me as less than initial impressions. It's been... very difficult for me. However, I feel I'm starting to finally let go. I still love this system, I still take care of it, but I am human. A human who makes mistakes, who will be angry sometimes, and will be selfish sometimes- and that doesn't mean anything is wrong with me. That doesn't mean I've failed my job. We also finally combated out fear of solid, lore-filled wonderlands finally. At least- a little bit, anyhow. We now have a wonderland which is more of an island-like continent, a mix of futuristic and fantasy with more rural and more bustling areas. This works very well for us and allows almost everyone to find their preferred area of it. We, for ages, worried that having it would be damaging to us, enabling people to hide in there... but something we've realized, is it was our fear of indulging in wonderland too much for fear of it being roleplay or escapism which truly limited our system, not allowing any attention to be put on someone unless they were up front. This is a good step to giving everyone the best life possible. Speaking of, we've hit quite the odd part of our journey- Saylin having memories of spending time in wonderland, whenever she's come to front. These aren't exactly fabricated on, they're clearly also snipits that whoever was in front noticed while in front- but it's something. [Raymond] While budding in at this out kinda pisses me off since it's like I'm condoning progress reports at godforsaketh in the AM, the whole switching talk reminded me of a thing I wanted to talk about- how switching really feels. So many people expect switching to be this magical thing where BAM, you're this entirely different person, wow everything is so new and grand and-! It's not. Honestly, the more you settle into actually switching, I mean- sure, it's you. I can't deny it's you, but it also begins to feel so natural you might as well be your host, fronting in that same spot. Outside of what you do that'll make things different, it really won't feel different- at least for us- and I finally understand why. It's because what happens when you switch in isn't a magic trick- you're still a part of the same brain, the same body- you're basically adding a new flavor to the milk. Sure, Strawberry Milk is definitely different from Chocolate, but it's not going to suddenly taste like say... water, or beer. It'll still be milk- likewise, you are different from your host, but there's always going to be some limitation on that because the base is still the same. This is not to invalidate switching, or the individuality of us. If anything, we need to have a switching schedule, for reasons Saylin will discuss below- but it's important to keep your expectations realistic. [saylin] So as Chel mentioned, the body was sick. And for that because a lot of the system kind of noped out on that (and my own stubbornness really), I fronted and took the brunt of it. We learned something important, and it's that we really, really need our system. I did okay for a bit there, but over time I became exhausted emotionally and physically, and things just went into decline. I could barely take care of the body properly. Kai and Linus have been our main people with such responsibilities, with Kai focused more on the body's self care, and Linus focused on organizing say, our room. This often is a lose-lose situation for me- if I stay in front I'll beat myself up for not having the energy to do these things, but if Linus or Kai take over, I'll feel ashamed that I couldn't do it myself. I'll admit, it makes me feel sad at times, but the system insists I'm a bit too hard on myself in that regard and do better as a primary front than I think. I'll see that perhaps in time, though for now I'll be honest- it doesn't feel like it.
  2. This will be more of a personal update. I am a wreck. I have people who care for me, yes, but I'm an absolute mess. I've no idea how to begin loving myself, I can barely see myself as something more than someone.. here, to give others what they need. And I'm happy to live, happy to exist, but I feel like such a bloody burden to everyone around me. I wish I.. was stronger. I want to be, I don't want to drag the people I love down like this. I don't want the ghosts of the past, my own inner demons to continue controlling me like this, bringing me to such low points. So.. I am going to. I'm going to fight for my own happiness. I will learn to not only forgive myself, but those who have wronged me so I may move forward. So that I may properly learn to be happy for myself. I want to thank everyone who has stood by me, who has kept my head held up when I couldn't do it myself. I won't let you down, that is a promise.
  3. My my, that reminds me a lot of when we first received Andrew, as well as Sammy. They also were worried we didn't want them. I'm very glad that was quickly amended. Welcome to the world, Jane. <3 I'm sure your presence will make it just a bit brighter.
  4. Why wouldn't you have green hair? It's fashionable!
  5. A fleeting moment can cause great impact on one's life without them even realizing.
  6. Daily reminder that all of you are wonderful. <3
  7. [saylin] Probably. But keep that on the down low, I'm 'pposed to be smart, y'know. Greetings, you wonderful darlings. Isn't today a wonderful day? I suppose for starters, I should say hello, this is Michael: I've finally got my own account to speak with, and this will most likely be the last of accounts given. Progress is mostly related to me, and thus, I am the one who will speak today- if that's alright with you all. Okay? Okay. <3 RIGHT! So I actually was able to front with free reign, and golly me it was the time of my life. Typically I simply front to voice chat, but oh, not this time. This time I was able to clean! I scrubbed the windows, the oven, a few dishes and the fridge! My only disappointment is that I was not able to conclude with tidying Sarah's room a bit. It honestly needs some work... oh well. Perhaps another time! Now if only I could get to cooking, or baking, that would be fantastic. In addition: I must note it's very unpleasant to front and feel the brunt of the foods the previous fronter just ate. I am not a fan of spicy food, and before fronting, my host had these awful Jalapeno things.. the sting was extremely uncomfortable. Next time I refuse to front until that's died down a bit. Though I suppose I could also just get used to it, but... I'm the queen of this system. I want proper treatment. ;) Life is taking a wonderful turn for me, for the better- I feel most of the things I've dreamed for are coming true- and I certainly am looking forward to life more than ever, now. On a single side note, we've found that my form is essentially stuck. I've tried changing it before, and it just.. reverts. Clothing is the only exception to this. And from what I know, this isn't me or my host doing it.
  8. Honestly and truly, I think this is a good thing. Switching and fronting require so much trust in your tulpas. To be able to just have them front like that, in control so easily? You've definitely done something right here, and should be proud. Keep up the good work. <3