VforVendetta

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Posts posted by VforVendetta


  1.  


    ***Log 11***

     

    2012.12.4 - Tuesday - Day 25

     

    Slept in because I stayed up too late the other night, but did manage a proper session after getting home from work. We tried using the "Clairvoyant Focus v2 r2" tone for the first time, which apparently inflicts stronger effects than the normal tulpatone. I noticed while listening to it that I could hear a kind of bubbling sound, like the sound of water boiling. I also felt like the room was shaking while I had my eyes closed. I could especially feel this shaking in my legs. As for the forcing itself, it was fairly average. I didn't really find it easier or harder to stay focused. Because I'm fairly sleepy from staying up all night yesterday, I found my thoughts drifting off to random dreamlike topics a couple of times during the forcing.

    So I see you've tried Clairvoyant Focus... Yeah wait until the next day or two. Your mind will start drifting off onto random tangents, you probably won't be able to stay focused, and you feel aloof throughout the day. But man, that was one hell of a trip. How long did you listen to it for?


  2. Whichever one is currently being burned on a fire.

     

    Q: If you had 5 minutes where the entire world was listening to you, what would you say?

     

    Yes, very much whichever one is currently being burned on a fire. Too many ponies in the world.

     

    A: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

     

    Q: How many people have you ever had sex with?


  3. We've all seen the forum posts, the entries in the Shoutbox, the IRC discussions... But today I am going to explain, at least from my perspective, why I decided to make a tulpa.

     

    At first it was just a passing fancy- I was scrolling through some websites discussing various aspects and different concepts about tulpae; what they were, how they worked, how you could get one. After meandering my way around the various sites, I was pointed here, to tulpa.info, where I learned not only WHAT a tulpa was, but HOW I could make one.

     

    My first imaginings for my tulpa were of a certain video game character (This was, of course, before I found tulpa.info), but having read through a couple of guides I found that this was not such a good idea, due to the countless judgings of character and whatnot that could occur. Therefore, I finally settled on letting HER chose what she wanted to look like. This was not so simple, though, as she was not yet sentient; merely an idea.

     

    So there I was- an idea in my head and an extreme, albeit insane, curiosity as to what it was that I should make. So instead of sitting down and conjuring up a list of what normal characteristics were and then selecting the ones that I liked as a good many guides suggested, I did what I felt was right (Which usually ends up leading to a lot of trouble, but in this case, I deemed it appropriate.):

     

    I started telling this idea, this... as of then nonexistent being that existed inside of my mind what it was going to be. It would be happy; cheerful; the antipode of my own existence in nearly every way. Where I was depressed and depleted, she was going to be joyful and full of energy. Where I had a stone-cold heart towards the rest of the world, she would love everyone and everything almost unconditionally. She enjoys classical music, I enjoy classic rock. She has an all-spanning acceptance towards nearly everyone; I am critical and narrow-minded towards all but my closest friends. In short, she would be everything that I could not be. She was, in a sense, my own fulfilment of perfection- shy, caring, and undeniably beautiful.

     

    Not beauty as in that vague, neo-classical fashion type, but an all-encompasing sort of beauty. She was as virtuous as she was wholesome, and her features were unblemished by the defilement of the world of today. She would look innocent, but she would hold many a deep, dark secret. Yes, she may appear pure, but the more pure a thing is, the more satisfying it is to corrupt it.

     

    So corrupt her I did; she would have some inexplicably horrible hidden memories and emotions, but she would never let them surface outside of our relationship. (I will not go into detail for the sake of privacy, but there are some very horrible memories which she tries so hard to suppress. This is part of the reason why she is so shy.) You know the rest of the story of our relationship if you have read our progress report, but I have not really gotten down to the bare-bones essentials as to WHY I made her the way I did.

     

    You see, there are not enough people in this world who CARE any more. I know I don't , except for a select few (And even THAT is more than most.) There are too many "thinkers" and "workers" and "lovers" in this world. But there are no people who actually QUESTION their teachings; no more people who actually ACCOMPLISH anything, and no more people who actually LOVE someone else. Everyone and everything today is the same as it was a decade ago. NOTHING has changed.

     

    Sure, there have been new leaders, and new rebels, and new "terrorists," but they are all the same in practice. We will wage war on people who have done nothing to us, we will hate a person who we've never even met, but we will never once stop and think what on Earth we are doing.

     

    Yes, too many people today are caught up in themselves to care at all about the person beside them. Do you even know your neighbor? Do you even speak to others, outside of the common pleasantries and politenesses needed to uphold a social standard. Do you even know YOURSELF?

     

    Yes, you may understand your behavior and your system of ethics and morals, but do you ever stop and question WHY you are the person you have become? Can you admit to another person that this is who you truly are; not the pack of lies that you have been selling to everyone else? The answer to many of these questions for most people is, sadly, no.

     

    And yet I myself have found that it is these very questions that have driven mme to create my tulpa, and my wonderland. I need someone who loves me unconditionally; regardless of what I have done, am doing, or will do. And I need someone whom I can love unconditionally, regardless of what THEY have done, are doing, or will do.

     

    I have found that the reason why I created Amy, our wonderland, and just about everything else up to this point was because I needed a REAL PERSON. A person completely devoid of social standards who is able to look at the world through untainted eyes and see for me just what it is to be simply that- a person. Not an American, or a Christian; not a plebeian or a government official. Not poor, nor rich, or common, or criminal, or normal, or average, or superb, or Democrat, or Republican, or any other type of affilation. I needed a raw, unaltered, down-to-Earth, real, live, PERSON.

     

    Today it is difficult to find such people; people who are totally open to you, who care about you, and who truly love you, just because you are a person. I have yet to find such a truly perfect person, but I have found others who share in my search; people looking for someone to be totally open with them, people to care about them, people who truly love them. Together we are totally open to one another, we legitimately care about eachother, and we truly love on another. Thus far there are only two who have these qualities, but they are not aware of the other's existence.

     

    One person is in Asia, a complete and total stranger, who I met in a class assignment for "penpals" via email. We barely even know eachother, but we would die for one another if we had to. The other person is my best friend of a good five years. We would die for one another if given the choice. Why? Because we are REAL, and we LOVE eachother for that. The reason I made my tulpa was because I wanted someone like that, but always around, always open, always caring, and always loving. She is the manifestation of all of these qualities; the thing my heart longs for the most. She is not perfect, but I never expected her to be. I adore imperfection. But she is REAL, and she is MINE. She is Amy, and I couldn't have asked for more.

     

    -V

    I am but a man...

    But I am REAL.


  4. Ideally, I feel like Saya and I should be like this:

     

                  Saya  Me

    Conscious     | ̄ ̄ ̄| ̄ ̄ ̄|

       ↓         |    |    |

       ↓         |    |    |

       ↓         |    |    |

       ↓         |    |    |

    Subconscious   |______|

     

     

    However, right now, I feel as though we are more like this:

     

                  Saya  Me

    Conscious     | ̄ ̄ ̄| ̄ ̄ ̄|

       ↓         |    |    |

       ↓         |         |

       ↓         |         |

       ↓         |         |

    Subconscious   |______|

     

     

    [[You have no idea how frustrating it is trying to quote from a wall of text. You're almost worse than Barktooth, Jesus.]]

     

    Anyway, I felt the same way about my tulpa, but from my experience it is generally solved through time. I'm not entirely certain how to explain it, but there has definitely been some separation between Amy and I over the past few weeks.

    I believe that the best thing to do in your case is to think of her as a separate being, not as yourself. This may seem simple and not worth your time, but it helped me to establish in my subconcious that Amy and I are two separate individuals. (Although we share the same mind... it's complicated.)

     

    Hope this helps!


  5. Imgur updated with Hex (for Hush), Amy (for VforVendetta), and titles and descriptions for everything that was missing them.

     

    ERMAHGERD I FINALLY GOT A PICTURE

    Thank you Amadeus. I'll give you another $5 if you draw her again, I'll send you details in a PM, and her hair needs to go down to her waist (If you do it in color that's another $5- total of $15 coming ur way); expect the donation in the next two or three days (I get paid Saturday)

    THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!


  6. I posted in your "Fix Amadeus's screen" thread earlier; same thing applies, if you would like to draw Amy, I'll give you $5- if you can draw her exceptionally well, I will pay you more as the funds come in. (I'm low on money, so I don't have much to offer at the moment, but I'll have some soon enough and I'll probably just chuck some your way anyway. A key thing to note while drawing is that she is relatively short; about 5'2" at most, but I care more about her body than anything. She has relatively small breasts, she does not have wings, and her personality is overall extremely happy, not depressed as in the picture. Again, thank you so much! :) owC8h.jpg?1


  7. Well, this post plays into my fears...

    Casually tossed around the idea of a malevolent tulpa(Familiar with our resident Pinkimina? Think that but more malicious in intent), dismissed it outright, but my mind continues to dwell on it, I fear him showing up quite a bit.

     

    DAMNIT MAN!!! I hate when people bring this up because it always brings back the fear that I may already have another one coming... which I don't want! >.< Also, suggestions on how to get rid of said thought?


  8. She wants to sex me up, I won't consent, she made it clear that next time she's lucid in my dreams and I'm not, its gonna happen. I don't mind it happening, I just mind being a willing participent, so I guess everyone wins.


    Oh

    Q. Does your tupper ever stop you from bullshitting yourself?

    A: If by bullshitting you mean making shit up that's not true, then yes, very often. But not very successfully lol it's more like the whole "You shouldn't be doing that" But it's more of a joke than anything between me and her

     

    Q: Do you like opera/what is your favorite?


  9. Hmm, Well, kind of. When I masturbate she likes me to actively think of her because she can feel my physical sensations better when she's on my mind. I haven't managed to do so while with my woman, too stimulating to remember to I suppose. She still intends to do that whole dream rape thing next time she's lucid and I'm not. Hell, maybe its already happened but the dream wasn't something either of us can recall.

     

    Q. Does that count?

     

    I'd say it does.

     

    Q: Define "dream rape thing"


  10. A. Cliffhanger that continues in the manga, its also pretty fucking tragic, prepare your heartstrings. Without paying attention to the plot, its like violence porn, if you really pay attention its a fucking Greek tragedy using the violence and sex as a medium to carry the amazing plot.

    Low animation budget btw, at times it just pans over almost still shots for the illusion of animation. amazing in all other aspects.

     

    Q. Own any weapons?

     

    Let's see... I've got:

    my yogurt cannon my 12-gauge, my .22, AR-15, M-4A1, M-16A2, a Remington .22 that says patent pending on it (it's probably old as fuck- never shot it cuz it might blow up), machetes, hatchets, an old Colt .45, a replica sword (real metal, mind you), grenades, cherry bombs, a katana, a couple of pellet guns, a crossbow, a 30 pound bow, a 50 pound bow (sadly no explosive tips), and a genuine Red Ryder 200-shot Carbine Action Air Rifle- that's about it.

     

    Q: Are you ready for the zombie apocalypse?


  11. Oh, silly V. I don't want respect. If everyone liked me, I'd be worried that I wasn't doing my job very well. Which is part of why I think "mods by democracy" is a silly idea. Popularity contests do not produce effective mod teams.

     

    But you must admit that they do prevent defective mod teams. If a community does not like a mod, simply put up a poll for it. 50%+ vote gets rid of them.


  12. I think you're just jealous that Fede gets more respect than you because you're a moderator that no one likes

    entitled to your opinion, but at the end of the day, I think that there should be a vote every so often that will ensure fairness as far as selecting moderators go. For instance, an open poll where people can put in their candidates or something like that and then have the community vote on it. (Although I think Glitchthe3rd and Chupi should be permanent mods)


  13.  

    There's something to be said for seeing another person's interpretation of something in their drawings. It can help change our perspective on things we think to be familiar.

     

    So basically, don't be rude. :I

     

    Probably should have stated the general, all-spanning apology that's necessary to not offend anyone:

    I'm sorry if this offends you, and I'm not trying to step on any toes here or whatnot, but:


  14. >Already has multiple pictures of tulpa

    >Requests more pictures

    Why the fuck are you asking for more pictures when you already have high-quality forcing material right there? I may not speak for all, but I know that some of us have little to no material to force with, and need the pictures slightly more than you, just sayin'.


  15. Well you know what they say, mods are fags no exceptions. (Also, you do realize Goopi is Glitchthe3rd, right?) But I honestly don't see any problem with the moderators. A simple "take this to OT" would be nice enough, but some people just can't take correction or get butthurt too fucking easily I like (I never thought I'd say this) the mods the way they are now, and as they say, they're only human.


  16. Not to be rude or step on any toes or anything like that at all, but ummm... if we/he/she/it/they are going to write a novel, shouldn't it at least be made with half-way decent grammar, and a halfway-decent storyline? and kid you can't spell for shit