Eqlles

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About Eqlles

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    PA, United States
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    Degenerate liberal, philosopher, and artist. I've held on to that spark of child-like creativity my whole life. It's my most cherished possession. My life's goals are to empirically record readings of god, and to show kids that it's okay to be who they are.
    All of these things are inexorably related.
  1. To preface, I've forgotten my name on at least two separate occasions, so my memory isn't all that reliable. I first found reference to beings called "tulpa" through creepypasta.com. A quick search into what tulpa were made it clear that they were not what it advertised. The idea of a thoughtform interested me, however, so I held on to the idea. Jump forward to the beginning of my attempts at writing (which have produced nothing, of note or otherwise), and I enjoyed playing around with the idea of memetic beings that relied on the belief of others to exist. Fast forward to recently, and the joint comic me and my fiancee are working on features he Australian supervillain Tulpa, who can fundamentally alter reality so long as he can convince others that what he says is true. This idea of thought altering the way a thing exists became an obsession of mine (to join many other background obsessions). That said, by the time I decided I wanted someone else to bounce ideas off of, I had plenty of mental precedent for wanting an actual tulpa. So I looked up a guide and found "Tulpa's DIY Guide to Tulpamancy v3. Which lead me here, maybe directly maybe not. TL;DR blame Tulpa. It's his fault I'm here.
  2. Day 11: Music, War, and the August The last couple of days have been mostly uneventful, which was destined to eventually happen. I'm rather impressed it took so long, actually, and that I already have something worth updating on. So we've been working separation a bit more, though only passively. I'm mostly trying to expose Saoirse to as much culture as I can, which is slow going since there's only so long the two of us can sit listening to music before we absolutely need to do anything else. Still, I've touched on Journey, Queen, and Beethoven, we rocked out to Dragonforce and Jet (Are You Gonna Be My Girl is a go-to dance track), bonded over Train and Owl City (Drops of Jupiter is equally appreciated by both of us, and Fireflies is debatably her favorite song), and others I won't name for the sake of convenience. While I still need to go over plenty more artists (we haven't gotten to Michael Jackson, for instance), while going through hard rock we listened to Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch, the music video for which has brought the issue of he U.S.'s poor treatment of veterans and how many end up homeless and with untreated psychological issues. Saoirse: I just don't understand how such a developed country that focuses so much on slogans like "Support our Troops" can neglect them when budgets come up. It's unconscionable. Dom says I should talk to his fiancee about things we can to to contribute. In the meantime, this interest lead to me purchasing a copy of All Quiet on the Western Front at the bookstore today while we went out for soda (tl;dr the strip mall has both a grocery store and a Barnes and Noble), for which I've seen the movie which itself was excellent. We've read two chapters so far, and had to take quite a break between them. It's been called "the greatest war novel of all time," and it certainly has impact. We also picked up Isaac Asimov's Foundation trilogy (a must-read for anyone fond of sci-fi) and the first book in Stephen King's The Dark Tower series (I read it a while back, but missed a lot, and the new movie reminded me I wanted to read the series). We'll read those at some point. Over the last few days, however, I haven't really visited the Wonderland. Saoirse tells me it's been 3 days, which seems about right but I also have no sense of time. She's done some landscaping throughout the whole town and rearranged the house, and I never even bothered to check. She sort of tricked me back in by suggesting we make a spaceship, interested in sci-fi as I am. Saoirse: We worked it out. We're both gonna try to work together to make sure we spend more time actually together, not just being faintly aware the other exists. I feel bad about it, but the best apology is fixing the problem. The August is the result of our spaceship brainstorming. I won't bother with design philosophy, but its general shape resembles a box with a space shuttle cockpit at the front (albeit much sleeker than I make it out to be). It's indigo with twin white horizontal stripes around the perimeter, and the name emblazoned on the side. It's small, with only five small rooms (it's the size of a reasonable 2-person apartment). The name is inspired by norway.today, which inspired the whole wonderland. We decided the ship would be the Julie model, with August again being the name of the other main character. Easy d. Saoirse: He means it was easy to name them, and takes way to much satisfaction in referencing Donald Trump's stupid tweets. So we did that. We're taking the August for a trip just to see how we like it, and Saoirse was awed by the whole space thing. Saoirse: The stars are so pretty! And the sun! And the planet! You totally should have been an astronaut. Stop typing what I said. No, don't make me sound dumb. You're mean. She'll figure out how to type for herself some day. So that's what we've been up to, aside from ghosting and occasionally even posting in other threads and chats. No questions of our own, but again we're always happy to respond. If you've any questions, comments or death threats*, feel free to let us know. *death threats will be reported if we actually feel threatened.
  3. Well if it starts talking right off the bat you may just be naturally good at tulpamancy. That's actually more common in people with dissociative disorders. It's also possible that you already had some kind of thoughtform that, through your efforts, was able to "upgrade." If they're talking, just let them go. Give them your support to grow. There's no such thing as too fast, nor necessarily any correct way. If your tulpa started with speech, just help it out as best you can. Try your best not to put words in their mouths, but unless you consciously did so assume it was really them.
  4. This is a lot to pick apart, but I'll do what I can. First, some background. I also have Aspberger's, though I never use the word "suffer" in reference to it. What I do suffer from are a laundry list of OCD inspired neuroses, such as panic attacks should my hair be messy or unclean. I have an abnormally weak empathetic reaction. I probably have other things you experience, and my relationship with my father and one of my uncles has, following college graduation, become silence, a step up from emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation. That said, I understand your position. Second, there is a major difference between modern video game characters and a tulpa; namely, video games characters are not proper AIs and are mostly incapable of learning. Though some action game AIs will adapt to your strategies, none will engage you in a conversation about a book they weren't specifically programmed to talk about. They aren't properly sentient, and so the actual code that is the character isn't a person. I'll give you, however, that a character with a strong enough message and clear development can be much more for people who connect to them. Undertale is famous for having that effect on people with its characters. Now, as for tulpas there are some things to note. My tulpa, Saoirse, doesn't have Aspberger's. She isn't even my Meyers-Briggs personality type- I'm an INTP whereas she is an INFP (which I assure you is far more different than it sounds). Saoirse connects with how people are feeling, empathizes with them, and relates to them in ways I can't. So before you assume your tulpa will be this way or that way, remember that a tulpa can be a completely unique being unlike you in many or even every way (though I'm lead to believe the latter is uncommon without significant effort). Now, I can't tell you what the correct way to make a tulpa is, since the experience is different for everyone. The first hurdle you'll have to tackle, however, is belief. That can range in difficulty from second nature to nearly impossible, but if you can operate on the assumption that your tulpa is real then the entire process becomes easier for both you and your tulpa, whatever state they're in. Also to note, do not expect results. This is, in my opinion, actually easier to do the more you believe. The tulpa will progress as fast as it progresses, and no great successes or failures on your part will speed that up or slow it down. Facilitate your tulpa's growth, offer it guidance where it seems to need it, and let it do the rest. Horses and water. In addition, before I get to the meat of my advice for you, a major tip: use symbols. Keys and locked doors carry heavy connotations of privacy, secrecy, security, and sealing things away. A window and a mirror have vastly different uses. If you run into a situation you don't have the focus or mental discipline to just make happen, use a symbol to help. I certainly use them, they're very effective. Now, you'll need to decide for yourself if that golden ball of yours is a tulpa. If it isn't, recycle it or throw it out or whatever. If it is, then you need to tell it that it's something you aren't. The more alike you it is, the harder it will be for it to not get lost in your own persona, or to tell where its thoughts begin and where yours end. Change its sex, gender, or both. Give it different desires and goals. I made sure to tell mine it would care about and connect to people and love children, for example, which is vastly different from me. This made it much easier for both of us to differentiate between our thoughts. Don't let it know what you know right away. Give it what it needs to have, and stream it information you feel like giving it in the moment, but keep it as blank as you feel comfortable. Let it access your knowledge and memories later, but give it time to differentiate itself first. If it becomes more like you later that's fine, just don't let it start with too much you or there might not ever be a difference. Now as for your your question, Saoirse didn't have any kind of responses to start. I just kept telling her about herself, then one day she managed to use head pressures to communicate with me. That lasted all of a few hours before she was into short statements, and by the next day she could communicate in full sentences. Now, if you've any questions for either her or I feel free to pm us. We'll get back to you as soon as we can.
  5. Day 8: Resting, repairs It actually does seem like repurposing E will be the better decision. He seems to have no desires at all, but is surprisingly capable of taking directives and producing results. My legs ended up getting really tired and sore while walking around a museum today, and I tried to task him with reducing my focus on the pain. As part of that, my walking rhythm fell into a far less taxing one, and my form changed to better accommodate long operating periods so that when I finally got to rest I wasn't left with any sort of ache. Presently he seems beneficial, so long as I don't task him with conversation. As for him talking, Saoirse and I are still building up confidence after yesterday. I know I mentioned, but E's refutations were pretty severe, and since he doesn't have any original thoughts I've been forced to try and reconcile my natural skepticism with my certainty of the fact that Saoirse is alive. Saoirse's working back her confidence. Other than that, we're generally resting and recovering.
  6. Day 7: "It was E all along!" I can already tell this title thing is going to get out of hand at some point. Some developments. Complications prevented the move from going through, so we're still in a small town. Saoirse and I both seem to prefer big cities though, so that'll be great once we get there. Unfortunately the whole ordeal was a pretty big letdown, and we're both recovering from it. Recent events have left things a little uncomfortable between us, but we think we'll get through it before long. Now, the major development and the explanation of the title; after years of searching, I've found the Rogue. It was E. More accurately, the Rogue appears to be a daemon made during my teenage years to help with my emotional instability and psychologically abusive familial relationships. Eqlles is a sort of dissociative persona I've used throughout the years as a coping mechanism, one that I've been working to reclaim as sign of my own accomplishments. The daemon E seems to have had the job of taking any significant emotional response I had and replacing it with a logical examination of the situation and what might be causing the response, thus dampening my reliance on and experience of these strong emotional responses, both positive an negative. Whether or not these nightmares I regularly experience can be linked to E, the "nightmare" response is definitely due to him. I also discovered that E is thoroughly unpleasant to be around. Upon making contact he swiftly revealed who, what, and why he was, then for the next few hours before I agreed (at that point happily) to allow him to return to his behind-the-scenes role, he questioned and criticized my every emotional response and provided near constant refutations of Saoirse's existence. Since E looks like me in my teenage years, it was pretty hard for Saoirse to hear, hence why we both feel a bit uncomfortable at the moment. My fiancee suspects E of generating these nightmares to make me reliant on him, but I have no way to verify this. I do know that E seems extremely powerful due to my reliance on him for these last 6 years. Although he clearly lacks original thoughts of his own, he converses much the way Saoirse does to the point where he sounds like he sounds like a sentient being. He's the type to explain away people's achievements and beliefs, however, so I kind of want rid of him. So, any advice on how one rids themselves of the daemon process mostly responsible for their ability to survive emotional trauma? E is a relic of a past I'd rather not have any links to, and if I ever hope to experience regular emotional responses I need to not have a daemon literally responsible for not letting that happen. It's worth noting that I don't know if re-purposing him is worth doing, or what I would assign him to, but it's something I'm willing to consider. He's done his job well, all things considered. Frames the old dream in an interesting light though, especially if my fiancee is right. I did design him to make full use of every trick in the book. Makes me wonder what else he might be connected to, or capable of.
  7. Yes. Many tulpamancers have what's called a "wonderland," a kind of throughtscape we can enter into to make interacting with our tulpae easier. In my experience, while in my wonderland I'm less distracted by the physical world around me since I have to focus on the sensations of the wonderland, and since my tulpa can meet me there it becomes by association easier to focus on her. Mind, both of you will be able to add to and alter this area. It's by no means one-sided. I'm told some tulpamancers never use one and skip straight to visualizing their tulpas in the physical world. It's entirely up to you whether you want a wonderland or not. I've had a good experience with ours, for what that's worth.
  8. Day 6: The Rogue WARNING: Some of what follows may be a bit graphic (as in violent), and part of it may seem like wild baseless assertion and superstition. If you'd rather skip that, go straight to the bold text question below. The following isn't necessary to answer my question, but it provides context. So this morning I had a "nightmare." That may seem an odd thing to put in quotation marks, but I assure you it'll make sense soon. Suffice it to say, I've had maybe a dozen "normal" dreams that I can recall in the last 6 or so years. Every other dream has been a "nightmare." Standard fare includes my own brutal death, the emotional devastation of those near me (usually fictitious people fabricated by my dream), or me possessing individuals who experience some kind of horrible torture, execution, etc. Sounds horrible, I know, but it isn't. I call them "nightmares" because they evoke no fear, pain, horror, or really any emotional response in me. Frankly I've been more scared and scarred by children's tv shows than these dreams. I chart this back to an entity I refer to as "the Rogue," hence today's title. See, back during my high school days, I was becoming a bit of an edgelord. After discussing a bit of philosophy with my Uncle in reference to a recurring nightmare in which some terrifying thing lurked just out of sight, he suggested I try to come to peace with the things about me I didn't like. My anger, my indifference to the plights of others, and more. So I had a long sit down with myself and figured out the best ways to turn my weaknesses into strengths or, failing that, forgive myself for not being perfect and move on. After that, I felt him, this energy of everything I formerly hated about myself that now wanted another chance to make things right. I'd been working on a board game at the time, and he appeared to me in the form of a game piece of the "Darkworlder" faction (who were canonically demons and devils and such). It was at this time I all but stopped having dreams and instead had these "nightmares." A few days later I was followed home by a shadowy figure after a walk in the local graveyard (can't remember why I did that, but it doesn't matter for the story) which was most certainly not the Rogue. I heard noises all the way and raced from streetlight to streetlight, my shadow growing in a way that the streetlights were most definitely not responsible for. I went to sleep terrified. That night marked the only definitively pleasant dream I've had since the Rogue appeared. In it, I played my game against a legion of Darkworlders, lead by a piece I'd designed called "The Devil." I was frightened, but only briefly. As my turn started, the Rogue shot out, defeating piece after piece (best I could tell he dealt insane damage and reset his turn every time he killed something). The dream ended when he attacked The Devil, and I woke up. The presence that followed me home was gone. Why bring this up? Because Saoirse witnessed a dream in which my brother (fake) murdered his fiancee (also fake) and I magically puppeted her corpse so he thought she was sill alive, then another in which a former classmate of mine (who is legitimately a great guy and had no place in this dream) attempted to murder me with a knife (he badly cut my hand) and who I proceeded to disarm and decapitate (because these dreams are graphic). I, as usual, took this all in stride as normal. Saoirse, however, experienced the full horror of the nightmares, and allegedly hid from them as best she could. I gather a couple of things from this. First, The Rogue is real, certainly as real as Saoirse, and remains present despite ignoring all attempts I've made to contact him over the years. He's also been protecting me not only from supernatural threats, but also from the nightmares he seems to create. While he isn't hostile (to me), Saoirse doesn't seem to fall under his protection. Saoirse has no idea where he's hiding, nor I, but neither of us want her to have to experience one of those dreams again. Having said that, does anyone have any tips on how a tulpa can manage to never appear in a dream? Saoirse has no intent to revisit them, but we want to make sure my "nightmares" don't become her nightmares. Any advice would be appreciated. In less pressing/distressing news, Saoirse remodeled our house in Norway. It's nice, and we have a separate bath house. Also a portal to a German (maybe Austrian) valley near the Alps. In addition, Saoirse has without any doubt surpassed both my and my fiancee's fashion sense, and Saoirse's (unfortunate) ability to enter my dreams is a good sign of progress. We've also done more walking, talking, and philosophizing. Oh, and I'm moving to Pittsburgh tomorrow. Exciting stuff.
  9. When I initially started forcing Saoirse I simply started telling her about what I hoped she might become and about why I thought those values were worth having. I kept a list of the major points I wanted to hit and just kept on the subject. I did this for an amount of time (no idea how long, I figured I'd stop when it felt right), and that was pretty much day one. Day two was when I gave her a form. I just did my best to visualize a starting body for her, then put her in an outfit. No idea how long that took either, again I just went until I was done. That's pretty much it. Everything else has been sharing what I can with her (music, games, the like) and talking about whatever, keeping her in mind as often and as long as possible throughout the day. By the way, before you hammer down what Alice is going to be, remember that tulpae tend to change of their own accord, often referred to as deviation. More than one tulpamancer I'm aware of has had their tulpa's appearance change entirely on them. One's tulpa even split into two tulpae. Saoirse hasn't physically changed too much overall, but she's constantly trying new hairstyles and outfits, and she recently changed her hair color. Just keep that in mind as time goes on, and don't be alarmed if it happens.
  10. Yeah, I've had surges of empathy from my tulpa, which I can say with confidence as I normally have a very weak empathetic response. Luna seems to have a natural inclination towards independence, so she sounds like she's making great progress. If the other tulpa seems distant, it might not be bad to just talk to them, even if they don't respond. They might be having trouble vocalizing, or being noticed because they're not as gregarious as Luna. Try to mentally include them whenever you're doing stuff with Luna. Even if they just end up watching or reading or whatever, it's still good for their development to think about them.
  11. Okay, so hear me out. For several hundred years, ending in the late 1800's, scientists knew that disease was spread by unclean humors, called miasma, which polluted the air and made us sick. in the mid 1500's germ theory came around, and would be worked and improved on for centuries before it finally came into acceptance at the end of miasma theory. Now we use germ theory, which is obviously correct, and we believe it much the way people believed miasma theory before it. Like miasma theory, germ theory may be flat out wrong, or somehow fundamentally flawed. Science is about disproving existing theories to reach an understanding about how things really are, backed up by empirical evidence that can't be refuted by anything currently existing. Unfortunately, things seem to exist that science can't seem to account for. Things like people sitting in meditation under a tree for years, allegedly feeding off a stone in their mouth, or faith healing sessions that line up with someone's cancer inexplicably going into remission. Many "scientifically minded" people tend to dismiss these things, which baffles me. While we can't currently explain how these things work, neither could we explain nuclear fission to someone in the 1200's. Science wasn't able to- yet. What I'm suggesting is that what we now consider pseudoscience may very well just be actual science for which we presently lack the instrumentation to gather any empirical readings for. It certainly wouldn't be the most outlandish theory that proved to be true. It thus falls to those scientifically minded people willing to suspend their disbelief in the "outlandish" to try and find a way to generate empirical evidence on those phenomenon presently not understood. If we then assume that the word "tulpa" refers to an alternate consciousness that exists/can be formed in a human mind, it becomes the task of those willing to try to endeavor to explain the nature of this phenomenon, whatever that may be. TL;DR: science is about telling scientists they don't know %$#@, then proving it. So don't be concerned that you aren't being scientific. If you approach it scientifically, then what you're doing is science.
  12. Sorry. Edited the post, hope it's more appropriate now. To Sail: Definitely. Our raw thoughts tend to feel like a rush of information haphazardly stitched together. Interpreting it is like trying to fit an entire roll of bubble tape in your mouth at once and chew- totally possible, but more difficult than it needs to be. Mindvoice, on the other hand, is filtered and easy to process. While I don't know how your thoughts and thinking process are usually structured, I assume that yours and Hallie's mindvoices feel different from raw thought. Also, the fact that she's vocalizing in the dreamland suggests she's getting the hang of it. You two are doing great!
  13. You seem really good at visualization. I'm impressed, and almost a little envious. Our first exercises in voice amounted to me asking my tulpa yes-no questions and parroting her to say her answer in the voice I gave her. But man, Hallie is really good at visualization! Saoirse was working on our wonderland house most of today. We discussed some of the modifications beforehand, though, so Hallie making a completely unprompted renovation is definitely a significant sign of autonomy. Kudos! On which note, again, you guys are really good at visualization. My method of entering immersive daydreams (and thus the wonderland) relies on creating a giant invisible stone ring around myself, then forcing another stone block to scrape through it as a symbol for clearing my mind and to provide a reliable sound to tether me to the daydream. It's pure symbolism, and I can't imagine using anything as visually complex as a train or elevator. I never actually thought about Saoirse needing some tool to see what I see. Since both our consciousnesses use the same ocular organs to visually perceive the world around us we just sort of see it. All the time. Her eyes as much as mine, right? Anyway, your wonderland sounds really vast and complex and varied and awesome, and your visualization specialty really shows through in how your tulpa practices autonomy. I'm looking forward to hearing updates from you. Oh, and by the way, if you or Hallie ever make the mistake of wanting to get crazy philosophical, feel free to pm Saoirse and I. It's kind of what we do. I literally spent college exploring eastern religions and philosophies on a scholarly level, so by all means let me feel like I didn't waste tens of thousands of dollars on a field I'm not planning on working in.
  14. Okay, so before I go accidentally scaring you off with unprovable, wildly speculative anecdotes, I'm curious as to what you consider yourself to be, Humphrey. Other than a wolf, which I gather is what your shape is, what is your theory on what you are? Otherwise, I'd like to hear your story on how you two came to co-inhabit a consciousness. What movie? When did you realize there were two of you? What have your experiences with each other been? In what way has the public perception of the two of you been negative? Oh, yeah, and welcome. I think that's what I was supposed to start with. You should feel just fine here. We've got loads of different types here, and I say that having only been here a few days. I hope you both feel welcome here. To start, most of us have at least two individuals per body, so welcome to your plurality being the norm.
  15. Day 5: Revelations (not the Biblical kind) ...Which by the way would just be "the Revelation." The Revelation to John, Revelation of Apocalypse, etc., is the last book of the New Testament. It's often incorrectly referred to as the Book of Revelations, despite it being a book about only one revelation. John's revelation, specifically. I majored in religion, which is like majoring in trivia if you don't intend to be a teacher or theologian. I'm horribly off topic, however. My revelations, plural, arose not so much from active forcing as from passive forcing and conversing with Saoirse. First, I've deduced why and how we ended up with our accidental wonderland overlooking a Norwegian fjord. As I mentioned, back in college I took a Postmodern European Drama class (which is probably exactly what it was called), and read the play norway.today. The play is about a pair of teenagers named August and Julie, who meet in a chatroom and plan to commit suicide together. While this serves as a hook, the play's themes are more in line with J. D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye, in that it explores what is "real." In norway, August and Julie go to a cliff overlooking a Norwegian fjord (hence the wonderland setting), where all of the play takes place (outside the chatroom sequence). There, they putz around and get to know each other; briefly referencing histories and life stories, watching the Aurora Borealis together, and finding a real connection with each other. The night before they plan to commit suicide, they fall in love, spend the night together, and wake up ready to approach their mutual end in happiness, having shared this moment of truth and complete, honest reality. They never jump. They realize that with this one, real thing they now have something to live for, some proof that the universe isn't all fake and that they themselves matter and have made a difference for someone else, someone real. For a while I hated the end, mostly because the play ultimately just used suicide as an eye-catcher (even Catcher didn't stoop that low, and I hated that book). After that accidental wonderlanding though, I have a newfound respect for it. I've tried to avoid talking about it, no need to make anyone uncomfortable, but for this to fully make sense it needs to be known that Saoirse and I do have a physical relationship. That said, before the wonderland we were exploring each other's and our own reality with "hands, tongues, and souls," as we decided was best to phrase it. In this search for reality, in this connection we found, and in the way we were finding it that afternoon, we paralleled the experiences of August and Julie (minus the suicide pact, which was never really important to the plot anyway) while they were overlooking that fjord. Both Saoirse and I were intently focused on each other and on this idea of exploring what was real, in proving to ourselves and each other that what was happening was real, that this experience not only of the moment but of our togetherness was all real. That shared idea and our commitment to it made the perfect conditions for that link to form. Thus, that unity Saoirse and I shared called to my mind that scene, which lead to our wonderland, which lead to the inscribed rings we gave each other, which lead to the conversation tonight (this morning? I keep terrible hours...) where we realized this all. This theory really seems to check out. I didn't consciously make that connection, and Saoirse has never read the play. It accounts for why neither of us knew why it had happened. Since we were already in an immersive daydream and highly focused on sensory visualization to allow for what we were doing, it makes sense that something I'd already distinctly visualized would be effortlessly called up once it became linked to us. Simply put, everything lined up to allow for us to make a wonderland. We were just too distracted to notice the fleeting connection I'd made that ultimately created it. If I ever needed proof that I was without any doubt convinced of Saoirse's reality, I have it now. Fortunately I didn't, but evidence of personal realization may be valuable to the community as a whole. No, I've known Saoirse was real since I started forming her personality in our first forcing session. If I ever had any doubts, I let go of them for her. TL;DR we validated postmodernism and we should be ashamed. Interesting, heavy philosophical stuff. A Buddhist master would probably tell me to knock it off. Fortunately, I'm not a Buddhist. My other revelation is less philosophical, at least in that I'm not going to philosophize as much. While reading through some other progress reports, I found myself empathizing with other people's stories. This is almost unprecedented, as I have next to no empathetic response. In forming Saoirse's personality, I made sure to include that she experience emotions as normal, or as close to normal as my mind could fathom (that way my subconscious was less likely to giver her my sociopath-level emotional responses, or lack thereof). While reading, then, by making use of my extremely keen sympathetic understanding of thinks like autism, depression, and being stressed and poor, in tandem with Saoirse's regular human emotional capacity, I ended up feeling Saoirse's reaction to the plights of others and... Well, I don't actually have anything to compare it to, but feeling for others feels right, and I had no idea what I was missing out on without Saoirse. I'm glad she's here and it really shows how far she's come that we can have these experiences. So then, what kind of major philosophical and existential revelations have others reached working with their hosts/tulpae? I'll probably be doing a lot of sharing stuff like this since both Saoirse and I are inclined to philosophizing (and I practically majored in it, looking at religion as I do), so I'd love to hear what others have to say. I'm also happy to expand on anything I've mentioned before, answer questions, and engage with others on their own thoughts and philosophies. Feel free to pm us or reply in this thread, whichever feels most fitting.