LittlePebble

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About LittlePebble

  • Rank
    Member

Converted

  • Sex
    Male
  • Location
    Missouri
  • Bio
    I am a Christian BabyFur. I am an artist and a writer. I am going to college to become a computer technician. I love mathematics especially the binary system that computers are based on. My two programming languages currently are Python and C.
    .
    I had Tulpas for about 10 years now. I began because I was dealing with depression and severe anxiety. Over the years I had my wonder land I managed to become in control with my disability. So long as I have my Tulpas around I am functional in society.
  1. They were there before Knowing what they were . . Surely I am not the only one who created a tulpa before hearing of the community. I created my first tulpa named Seria (See-air-ah) back in 2008. I was also became a My Little Pony fan about the same time with G3. Basically there was a period of my life where I felt isolated. I did not try to hide my fascination with MLP because you can't really hide that when most of your art are ponies and some tattoo/t-shirt design stuff. . My parents soon found out about Seria and I already seen a couple different psychiatrist. I been diagnosed with autism and OCD at a young age. It also did not help that I was constantly fighting depression and anxiety. I remember there was a day not long after the laws changed with the school system. Basically I was taken out of small group classes and put into classes of more than twenty other students. My social anxiety was really bad and I decided to start drawing in class one day. All I remember is how there was no question. There was only if I don't the tension would become excruciating. . Apparently one of the special needs monitors was not too thrilled I was not paying attention. After that day I began trying differnt ways of coping like writing. I guess the teachers thought it was note taking. Eventually my grades started going back up because although writing had been distracting me from the lessons at hand I did not always need to write. I basically started to feel her presence. Its hard to explain because she was there when I needed. It was a long and bumpy ride to 2008 when that happened. I even had a teacher accuse me of cheating on a test when all I did was use a strategy of studying through sketching symbols and memorable pictures. I basically drew stuff off to the side of my test to help me remember. I guess he thought I peaked at the study guide because I used the same drawings. . So, basically I was able to talk to her with out needing to write all the time. There were times I needed to write due to anxiety but, she became real to me. I graduated in 2009 and it was not until 2017 eight years later that I realized what this was called. At first I was scared to call them tulpas because of the smoke and mirrors called Creepy Pastas. I finally joined this forum because I was sick of being isolated. This was during the time I was opening up about it all on FB. I wanted to find others like me and I hated hiding all those years. You can read "Imaginative heart," on Fathomistic Fantasy to get all the details of what that was like. . . So, am I the only one on here who began like this?
  2. Just about all my Tulpas had their gender implemented when they first appeared in my wonderland. I am not the traditional tulpamancer because most if not all of my tulpas began with inspiration. Interesting part is, I did not make the choice and in a way my tulpas did not make the choice either. When I say inspiration I am talking about where they came from. My tulpa Molly was from MLP The saddle Row Review. Hasbro to my knowledge did not give her a name. A lot of people have argued over whether her pendant was a pacifier or a ring pop if that gives you a clue who I am talking about. . My Tulpas always begin as a persistent thought form that hangs around for a while. Some stay and others have left. Its really hard to explain because I only had to put effort into forging one tulpa and that was my first one Seria. Her name is pronounced See-air-ah. This was around 2008 when tulpas were not really a thing yet. So basically I began learning all the terminology and theories years after my thought forms became real to me. You could say gender is assigned at birth.
  3. I have not vanished into thin air . . At least not physically. I have been fighting to keep my sleeping patterns normal and I am trying to stay on top of my goals. I have re-arranged my apartment. I am still looking for ways to make things more organized but, I found this to be a process that will take time. I also been in the hospital for pancreatitis and been trying to get some sort of diet started. I have been trying to even get into the habit of writing in my private diary and sketch something daily. . As far as my tulpas go, I have been talking to them in my mind. Its important to me to get writing again because of how creative I am with my wonderland when I do. I also really wanted to get some sort art started like a group picture of us. I am pretty sure the summer is a little more than halfway over. I realize I have to prioritize my goals because of how there is not a whole lot of time left. The most important to me is to get posting blogs again. I am wasting money with my word press blog by being on hiatus. . The obvious goals to fallow will be writing and art. Writing in my private diary and doing at least one sketch a day should be fine. I just have to make a habit of it. I would like to get into posting a new blog every week end and have a new blog series started at the beginning of every month. It will become difficult when I start technical school but, it will all be worth it. Especially because its one of the ways I had success at fighting depression. Of course this does not count my little items. One can't have a stuffed animal in their arms 24/7 though.
  4. I hope you guys forgive me for vanishing when college went down hill. Long story short I am switching to technical school. Anyway my parents knew for a long time. As a matter of fact back in 2008 when I forged Seria I don't think tulpamancy was a thing. I can't remember how they found out. Whether I told them or they found out by snooping. I remember my mother stole my diary of private conversations with my Seria. Took me a really long time to get over it. They eventually grew accustomed to it. . After I moved out of my parents house I did not really tell anyone unless I knew I could trust them. About two years ago when I decided to find out what Tulpas were I decided to call my imaginary realm a wonderland and likewise called my thought forms Tulpas. I also decided on coming out to my friends and family about it. I was sick and tired of being isolated by it all. You can read all about it in my blog series "Imaginative heart. My blog should be linked in my signature. It explains everything from the very beginning to the point where I began to have suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I owe Tulpa dot info for getting me through those dark moments in my life. I know it sounds crazy but, I am so glad I opened up on Face book because now I know who my true friends are. I am no longer isolated. I am still learning to live with these emotional scars but, I am free.
  5. Hopefully I am not the only one who done this. I forget but, I am pretty sure there is a tulpa on here who took inspiration from a changeling from MLP. How many of you had a tulpa inspired by an artist, writer or some other inspiration? . . My response Just about all my tulpas took inspiration from somewhere. Odd enough some of them appeared to me as the form they were inspired by. My tulpas Molly and Alex my shape shifter have that in common. Molly is inspired by the pony who is also known as Pacific Glow. Alex was inspired by a Creepy Pasta picture known as "This guy." I kind of think there is a simple explanation for that one though. Alex became obsessed with Discord from MLP but, before that his primary form was the joker from Batman. As you could imagine he annoys the crud out of my other tulpas but, I am convinced that if he was not around to amuse all of us we would be lost. . I must mention Seria before I bring this to some sort of conclusion. I apologize if my response to this is too long. Seria was inspired by Saphiria from the Inheritance cycle. Because she was my first tulpa and I did not really like Polini's art I had trouble picturing her. I found a piece of art that I fell in love with by Sandra Staple who owns Canadian Dragon dot com. Her characters name was Elshiria. The color pencil piece is on page 7 of Sandra's first book on how to draw Dragons. Seria looks a bit different now then she did in 2008 when I discovered Canadian dragon dot com. I am really working on improving my art to draw all my tulpas soon. With luck I will have a basic sketch of them by the end of summer. . Before anyone asks. Its possible I forged Seria before tulpas became a thing on the internet. Back then I called it my imaginary realm because that kept my parents from forcing me to stop. Of course that did not stop my mother from stealing my diary of private conversations with my Seria. Ironically Seria has on more than one occasion repaired my things between me and my mother.
  6. Yet, again I have been silent. I have tried to get through pre-calculus and even when I put writing aside I was unsuccessful. I failed two very important test in a row. I also found that when I stopped writing on a regular basis has affected me both mentally and spiritually. I dropped my math class and decided on going to technical school instead of college. Now that I have more time on my hands I hope to be more active on the forums as well as my blog and public diary.
  7. I hope you guys forgive me for going silent for a couple of weeks. I literally got busy with college and rearanging my apartment. Its been crazy to say the least. Not to mention my job made things difficult with time. I love my job and the place I work but, what time I have is limited. . I have uploaded the first of Christian Tulpamancy. Its going to be a fairly long series. I was only going to have three parts and decided on doing a how to tulpa forge for the first three then the next 3-4 parts will be about the ethics of a being a Christian and a Tulpamancer. . There is some really good news about my writing in general. I think I had a stroke of genus with my book series. I am going to try and get book one written by the end of next summer. I will start saving up for self publishing while I do editing. Depending on how my gov checks respond with a savings account I might be squeezing a second second job into the picture. . As far as my wonderland goes, all is well considering I had to meditate a lot without writing. I have 5 hours between my two classes. I also don't want people reading over my shoulder and reading our personal thoughts. So I have been kind of forced to imagine things in my mind for now.
  8. I thought I would do another update since its been five days and a lot has happened. My Job has been really flexible as promised. That is a big part of why I accepted this job. With this I am also trying to get my full amount of hours. I am getting everything done in a lot shorter time then what they gave me. Good news is they are adding things to my tado list. On the flip side I am trying to make my schedule work. I had to cancel the cleaning that my friend does for my apartment. We could not find another day for this week to get it done. So, I am doing what I can in my spare time to get that done. . I don't know what I would do without my Tulpas. They really have helped me cope. I missed two days of my meds by accident. Needless to say I ended up skipping one of my classes due to the depression I was fighting. I am doing a lot better now that I took time to deal with it and get my meds back in my system. . With the bad news out of the way I do have a highlight. I got me a book on writing about my depression. I originally got it for my next essay on writing through depression. Its a causal argument essay so the cause it the writing and the effect is a decrease in depressive thoughts. I am also writing a blog series over my wonderland and my little head-space. I will be continuing to write the series "Christian Tulpamancer," but it will rotate with "Baby-fur wonderland." I really feel led to write it due to it being about depression and the coping mechanism of a Little head-space. . So please check one of them out if your interested. The first one to be uploaded will be a rewrite of Christian Tulpamancy part one.
  9. Update I got a job and have been busy with things. I have had some ups and downs. Mostly I am satisfied with how far I came even with the aggravating distractions of life. I am still trying to write in my wonderland diary. I did a short diary with my Tulpa Molly. I promised her I would and there was no way out of that one. . I also have been reading a book on dialogue. It has been helping. I just need to keep at my reading. Its just been hard due to some of the homework we have had from Rhetorical and Critical thinking. I really did not know I could suck at doing research. I do have some interesting news though. I am going to try my best at writing a causal paper with Tulpas. I am doing it with the angle of imagination causes psychological benefits. . My last essay was difficult to say the least. At best it was one of them things I wanted to start all over on. I am kind of glad I did'nt merely because of how starting over would cause further writers block. If not complete lock down on everything I am trying to do with my writing. You can't simply start over once you have a story or wonderland. It does not work that way in the real world and it should not be that way in your wonderland.
  10. The glue finally dried on my second diary. I messed around with a thing of stick glue and notebook paper. Gluing it into my new diary I got excited. Almost too excited to write. I started with my thoughts on the first couple of pages and then made sure that the glue did not get any of the pages stuck. Satisfied I convinced myself to write and meditate. Well my version of meditation anyway. . I could not wait to till next week to say this... I knew I was in the room, but some how I was able to let go. I had a need met and I think I can safely say its back. My ability to let go and write freely is within my grasp again. I just need to cultivate it by writing every night.
  11. Thought I would do an update since its been a week. I have managed to make a habit of writing every day. My next goal is to write on my public diary as well as my hard cover daily diary daily. I am also in the process of making a second hard cover diary. This will be strictly for my wonderland. I hope to write my wonderland twice a week and then every month I will add a day. I hope to get to writing in three diaries daily. This will be writing three times a day. . If all goes well I will start writing my book series again. Once I achieved this I will be trying to do art once a day as well. These are some ambitious goals but, I really think I can do it.
  12. Just to throw this out there I do a lot of writing when I am dealing with my emotions. Last semester I thought I was over the FB indecent I faced so, I took on full time. I ended up becoming really emotional again and even had a strong temptation to forget about college altogether. I wrote a lot and found homework very difficult. Needless to say I am retaking two of my classes. I am thinking about becoming an electrician and publishing my books before I go back to college to become an engineer. . I say this because writing is not difficult for me. I am just having a hard time writing down my momentary visions. Its confusing because I can write and edit my blog/diary but, when it comes to structuring a scene its difficult. I got two books on creative writing a little while back. I plan on trying to read through them and take notes. When I get a vision the feeling is so strong that I feel the emotions of my Tulpas and or characters. I remember becoming emotional one time at work only because I was visioning a scene with one of my Tulpas. This becomes a problem when ever I don't get enough sleep or I have missed a does of my meds. Long story short I had to quit my job.
  13. Its not so much that I am exposing myself as much as it becomes easier to just talk to them. If I don't write everyday then switching becomes very difficult. I plan on binding my own diary and dedicating it to them for private writings. This will help me and my Tulpas not have to deal with stage fright. . I kind of feel like that is part of the problem when I am writing on My-Diary dot org. I write in such a way that my Tulpas go silent. I also get OCD and become tempted to parrot. I might see if I can't just write in a note book while I am making the official diary. I am planning on learning how to bind my art into actual books anyway and I think the diary will be well worth the effort. . Thanks for your advice over dealing with the pressure of writing. I will keep these things in mind.
  14. I wrote a diary entry so, that is a start. I will say the progress report thread I had going before this one mentioned something about being afraid of the dark. Although I need a light on to be able to sleep I don't need as many lights as I once did when I made that thread. . I also want to set the goal of writing everyday and without fear of what people think. I also have a blog on wordpress. If anyone is interested please check out my Deviant art intro. I list it there. I will be looking into listing it in my sig as well.
  15. Thanks guys for the advice. I will keep this in mind. Also thanks for the link Angry Bear