LittlePebble

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Everything posted by LittlePebble

  1. They were there before Knowing what they were . . Surely I am not the only one who created a tulpa before hearing of the community. I created my first tulpa named Seria (See-air-ah) back in 2008. I was also became a My Little Pony fan about the same time with G3. Basically there was a period of my life where I felt isolated. I did not try to hide my fascination with MLP because you can't really hide that when most of your art are ponies and some tattoo/t-shirt design stuff. . My parents soon found out about Seria and I already seen a couple different psychiatrist. I been diagnosed with autism and OCD at a young age. It also did not help that I was constantly fighting depression and anxiety. I remember there was a day not long after the laws changed with the school system. Basically I was taken out of small group classes and put into classes of more than twenty other students. My social anxiety was really bad and I decided to start drawing in class one day. All I remember is how there was no question. There was only if I don't the tension would become excruciating. . Apparently one of the special needs monitors was not too thrilled I was not paying attention. After that day I began trying differnt ways of coping like writing. I guess the teachers thought it was note taking. Eventually my grades started going back up because although writing had been distracting me from the lessons at hand I did not always need to write. I basically started to feel her presence. Its hard to explain because she was there when I needed. It was a long and bumpy ride to 2008 when that happened. I even had a teacher accuse me of cheating on a test when all I did was use a strategy of studying through sketching symbols and memorable pictures. I basically drew stuff off to the side of my test to help me remember. I guess he thought I peaked at the study guide because I used the same drawings. . So, basically I was able to talk to her with out needing to write all the time. There were times I needed to write due to anxiety but, she became real to me. I graduated in 2009 and it was not until 2017 eight years later that I realized what this was called. At first I was scared to call them tulpas because of the smoke and mirrors called Creepy Pastas. I finally joined this forum because I was sick of being isolated. This was during the time I was opening up about it all on FB. I wanted to find others like me and I hated hiding all those years. You can read "Imaginative heart," on Fathomistic Fantasy to get all the details of what that was like. . . So, am I the only one on here who began like this?
  2. Just about all my Tulpas had their gender implemented when they first appeared in my wonderland. I am not the traditional tulpamancer because most if not all of my tulpas began with inspiration. Interesting part is, I did not make the choice and in a way my tulpas did not make the choice either. When I say inspiration I am talking about where they came from. My tulpa Molly was from MLP The saddle Row Review. Hasbro to my knowledge did not give her a name. A lot of people have argued over whether her pendant was a pacifier or a ring pop if that gives you a clue who I am talking about. . My Tulpas always begin as a persistent thought form that hangs around for a while. Some stay and others have left. Its really hard to explain because I only had to put effort into forging one tulpa and that was my first one Seria. Her name is pronounced See-air-ah. This was around 2008 when tulpas were not really a thing yet. So basically I began learning all the terminology and theories years after my thought forms became real to me. You could say gender is assigned at birth.
  3. I have not vanished into thin air . . At least not physically. I have been fighting to keep my sleeping patterns normal and I am trying to stay on top of my goals. I have re-arranged my apartment. I am still looking for ways to make things more organized but, I found this to be a process that will take time. I also been in the hospital for pancreatitis and been trying to get some sort of diet started. I have been trying to even get into the habit of writing in my private diary and sketch something daily. . As far as my tulpas go, I have been talking to them in my mind. Its important to me to get writing again because of how creative I am with my wonderland when I do. I also really wanted to get some sort art started like a group picture of us. I am pretty sure the summer is a little more than halfway over. I realize I have to prioritize my goals because of how there is not a whole lot of time left. The most important to me is to get posting blogs again. I am wasting money with my word press blog by being on hiatus. . The obvious goals to fallow will be writing and art. Writing in my private diary and doing at least one sketch a day should be fine. I just have to make a habit of it. I would like to get into posting a new blog every week end and have a new blog series started at the beginning of every month. It will become difficult when I start technical school but, it will all be worth it. Especially because its one of the ways I had success at fighting depression. Of course this does not count my little items. One can't have a stuffed animal in their arms 24/7 though.
  4. I hope you guys forgive me for vanishing when college went down hill. Long story short I am switching to technical school. Anyway my parents knew for a long time. As a matter of fact back in 2008 when I forged Seria I don't think tulpamancy was a thing. I can't remember how they found out. Whether I told them or they found out by snooping. I remember my mother stole my diary of private conversations with my Seria. Took me a really long time to get over it. They eventually grew accustomed to it. . After I moved out of my parents house I did not really tell anyone unless I knew I could trust them. About two years ago when I decided to find out what Tulpas were I decided to call my imaginary realm a wonderland and likewise called my thought forms Tulpas. I also decided on coming out to my friends and family about it. I was sick and tired of being isolated by it all. You can read all about it in my blog series "Imaginative heart. My blog should be linked in my signature. It explains everything from the very beginning to the point where I began to have suicidal thoughts. When I think about it, I owe Tulpa dot info for getting me through those dark moments in my life. I know it sounds crazy but, I am so glad I opened up on Face book because now I know who my true friends are. I am no longer isolated. I am still learning to live with these emotional scars but, I am free.
  5. Hopefully I am not the only one who done this. I forget but, I am pretty sure there is a tulpa on here who took inspiration from a changeling from MLP. How many of you had a tulpa inspired by an artist, writer or some other inspiration? . . My response Just about all my tulpas took inspiration from somewhere. Odd enough some of them appeared to me as the form they were inspired by. My tulpas Molly and Alex my shape shifter have that in common. Molly is inspired by the pony who is also known as Pacific Glow. Alex was inspired by a Creepy Pasta picture known as "This guy." I kind of think there is a simple explanation for that one though. Alex became obsessed with Discord from MLP but, before that his primary form was the joker from Batman. As you could imagine he annoys the crud out of my other tulpas but, I am convinced that if he was not around to amuse all of us we would be lost. . I must mention Seria before I bring this to some sort of conclusion. I apologize if my response to this is too long. Seria was inspired by Saphiria from the Inheritance cycle. Because she was my first tulpa and I did not really like Polini's art I had trouble picturing her. I found a piece of art that I fell in love with by Sandra Staple who owns Canadian Dragon dot com. Her characters name was Elshiria. The color pencil piece is on page 7 of Sandra's first book on how to draw Dragons. Seria looks a bit different now then she did in 2008 when I discovered Canadian dragon dot com. I am really working on improving my art to draw all my tulpas soon. With luck I will have a basic sketch of them by the end of summer. . Before anyone asks. Its possible I forged Seria before tulpas became a thing on the internet. Back then I called it my imaginary realm because that kept my parents from forcing me to stop. Of course that did not stop my mother from stealing my diary of private conversations with my Seria. Ironically Seria has on more than one occasion repaired my things between me and my mother.
  6. Yet, again I have been silent. I have tried to get through pre-calculus and even when I put writing aside I was unsuccessful. I failed two very important test in a row. I also found that when I stopped writing on a regular basis has affected me both mentally and spiritually. I dropped my math class and decided on going to technical school instead of college. Now that I have more time on my hands I hope to be more active on the forums as well as my blog and public diary.
  7. I hope you guys forgive me for going silent for a couple of weeks. I literally got busy with college and rearanging my apartment. Its been crazy to say the least. Not to mention my job made things difficult with time. I love my job and the place I work but, what time I have is limited. . I have uploaded the first of Christian Tulpamancy. Its going to be a fairly long series. I was only going to have three parts and decided on doing a how to tulpa forge for the first three then the next 3-4 parts will be about the ethics of a being a Christian and a Tulpamancer. . There is some really good news about my writing in general. I think I had a stroke of genus with my book series. I am going to try and get book one written by the end of next summer. I will start saving up for self publishing while I do editing. Depending on how my gov checks respond with a savings account I might be squeezing a second second job into the picture. . As far as my wonderland goes, all is well considering I had to meditate a lot without writing. I have 5 hours between my two classes. I also don't want people reading over my shoulder and reading our personal thoughts. So I have been kind of forced to imagine things in my mind for now.
  8. I thought I would do another update since its been five days and a lot has happened. My Job has been really flexible as promised. That is a big part of why I accepted this job. With this I am also trying to get my full amount of hours. I am getting everything done in a lot shorter time then what they gave me. Good news is they are adding things to my tado list. On the flip side I am trying to make my schedule work. I had to cancel the cleaning that my friend does for my apartment. We could not find another day for this week to get it done. So, I am doing what I can in my spare time to get that done. . I don't know what I would do without my Tulpas. They really have helped me cope. I missed two days of my meds by accident. Needless to say I ended up skipping one of my classes due to the depression I was fighting. I am doing a lot better now that I took time to deal with it and get my meds back in my system. . With the bad news out of the way I do have a highlight. I got me a book on writing about my depression. I originally got it for my next essay on writing through depression. Its a causal argument essay so the cause it the writing and the effect is a decrease in depressive thoughts. I am also writing a blog series over my wonderland and my little head-space. I will be continuing to write the series "Christian Tulpamancer," but it will rotate with "Baby-fur wonderland." I really feel led to write it due to it being about depression and the coping mechanism of a Little head-space. . So please check one of them out if your interested. The first one to be uploaded will be a rewrite of Christian Tulpamancy part one.
  9. Update I got a job and have been busy with things. I have had some ups and downs. Mostly I am satisfied with how far I came even with the aggravating distractions of life. I am still trying to write in my wonderland diary. I did a short diary with my Tulpa Molly. I promised her I would and there was no way out of that one. . I also have been reading a book on dialogue. It has been helping. I just need to keep at my reading. Its just been hard due to some of the homework we have had from Rhetorical and Critical thinking. I really did not know I could suck at doing research. I do have some interesting news though. I am going to try my best at writing a causal paper with Tulpas. I am doing it with the angle of imagination causes psychological benefits. . My last essay was difficult to say the least. At best it was one of them things I wanted to start all over on. I am kind of glad I did'nt merely because of how starting over would cause further writers block. If not complete lock down on everything I am trying to do with my writing. You can't simply start over once you have a story or wonderland. It does not work that way in the real world and it should not be that way in your wonderland.
  10. The glue finally dried on my second diary. I messed around with a thing of stick glue and notebook paper. Gluing it into my new diary I got excited. Almost too excited to write. I started with my thoughts on the first couple of pages and then made sure that the glue did not get any of the pages stuck. Satisfied I convinced myself to write and meditate. Well my version of meditation anyway. . I could not wait to till next week to say this... I knew I was in the room, but some how I was able to let go. I had a need met and I think I can safely say its back. My ability to let go and write freely is within my grasp again. I just need to cultivate it by writing every night.
  11. Thought I would do an update since its been a week. I have managed to make a habit of writing every day. My next goal is to write on my public diary as well as my hard cover daily diary daily. I am also in the process of making a second hard cover diary. This will be strictly for my wonderland. I hope to write my wonderland twice a week and then every month I will add a day. I hope to get to writing in three diaries daily. This will be writing three times a day. . If all goes well I will start writing my book series again. Once I achieved this I will be trying to do art once a day as well. These are some ambitious goals but, I really think I can do it.
  12. Just to throw this out there I do a lot of writing when I am dealing with my emotions. Last semester I thought I was over the FB indecent I faced so, I took on full time. I ended up becoming really emotional again and even had a strong temptation to forget about college altogether. I wrote a lot and found homework very difficult. Needless to say I am retaking two of my classes. I am thinking about becoming an electrician and publishing my books before I go back to college to become an engineer. . I say this because writing is not difficult for me. I am just having a hard time writing down my momentary visions. Its confusing because I can write and edit my blog/diary but, when it comes to structuring a scene its difficult. I got two books on creative writing a little while back. I plan on trying to read through them and take notes. When I get a vision the feeling is so strong that I feel the emotions of my Tulpas and or characters. I remember becoming emotional one time at work only because I was visioning a scene with one of my Tulpas. This becomes a problem when ever I don't get enough sleep or I have missed a does of my meds. Long story short I had to quit my job.
  13. Its not so much that I am exposing myself as much as it becomes easier to just talk to them. If I don't write everyday then switching becomes very difficult. I plan on binding my own diary and dedicating it to them for private writings. This will help me and my Tulpas not have to deal with stage fright. . I kind of feel like that is part of the problem when I am writing on My-Diary dot org. I write in such a way that my Tulpas go silent. I also get OCD and become tempted to parrot. I might see if I can't just write in a note book while I am making the official diary. I am planning on learning how to bind my art into actual books anyway and I think the diary will be well worth the effort. . Thanks for your advice over dealing with the pressure of writing. I will keep these things in mind.
  14. I wrote a diary entry so, that is a start. I will say the progress report thread I had going before this one mentioned something about being afraid of the dark. Although I need a light on to be able to sleep I don't need as many lights as I once did when I made that thread. . I also want to set the goal of writing everyday and without fear of what people think. I also have a blog on wordpress. If anyone is interested please check out my Deviant art intro. I list it there. I will be looking into listing it in my sig as well.
  15. Thanks guys for the advice. I will keep this in mind. Also thanks for the link Angry Bear
  16. I have not kept up with things and lost track. Needless to say I am starting over on this. I am book marking this so I can find it again. I hate it when there are large gaps between each time I write. I get to where I talk to my Tulpas in my mind. Then when I get to writing I have trouble getting stuff written down. . As they say try and try again! As for the official update. Glimmaria only comes to visit every so often. Plus she allowed her physical representation to become Rosetta's which I thought was nice. I have another plush that Can be her representation if she wants it. . So the Tulpas I have are Seria, Rosetta, Molly, and Alex. Seria is a standard dragon with scales and a breadth of fire. Molly is an anthro cat and in her main for she is a cat pony. Alex is a shapeshifter, but he likes the form of a draconecuus. He has an obsession with Discord from MLP.
  17. When I began with my first Tulpa Seria I mainly wrote dialogue, but eventually I started to include thoughts and feelings. I even created an atmosphere through description. The downside though is that this turns into creative writing. This is not really a bad thing, but I kind of want to make something unique for my Tulpas to work with. . So I am curios if any of you write to your Tulpas in a diary. Do you write it as if you were role playing? Example you write the name every time one says something. Or do you write it more like a story? Back when I was writing daily I was able to forget I was writing and I was there like it was real to me. . So needless to say I am looking for ideas in order to try and achieve this again.
  18. Intro This is my new thread for my progress reports. The thread title comes from the book that I am writing based off of my wonderland. I have had tulpas for a little more than ten years. In the beginning I thought of them as imaginary friends. My first tulpa was Seria (pronounced C-Area). I don't remember where the rest came from because it has been so long, but many have come and gone. I have one tulpa now that comes to visit me only so I would remember her. Its interesting what your imagination can do if you just sit down watch it go. . I have had ups and downs over time. My mother even stole my diary from me one time just to give copies of it to my psychiatrist. I had times when I felt like giving up and my tulpas were there to turn things around. Recently I have been reminded the responsibility I have to keep evil things out of my head. When your curiosity gets the best of you things can go downhill. For the first part of this I thought I would overcome my fears and refocus my life on what really matters. . . Set backs I thought I would start a new thread entirely because I had some aggravating setbacks. I got really busy with homework and did not have extra time on my hands. I was spending my nights in my wonderland, but I did something stupid that made this difficult. There was this advertisement for a horror movie that I kept seeing on FB. Yup I made the dumb mistake to read up on what it was about. I was smart enough to stay away from creepy pasta stories, but I watched a couple of Youtube videos on where it came from. . I have been trying to clear my mind at night and it has been a little tricky. There was a couple nights I fell asleep with my bed side lamp on. I am a firm believer in The Holy Fathers protection. Especially because he has woken me from nightmares before. Even if something metaphysical was going on I have a lot of faith that God would be there with me. Even though I can't prove it I have been protected from some really dumb decisions. . My plan For the most part this has made it difficult to set a peaceful atmosphere in my wonderland. There is this thing that I call static that makes things difficult. Its where random things happen and in some cases makes my fears difficult to control. If I am going to get back to where I was I will have to face my fears. I don't plan on staring into a mirror lit by candle light and I definitely don't plan on taking a walk in the forest after dark. . I plan on working my way up to a candle lit alter in my room to spend time with God and my wonderland. Lucky for me, my room is above ground. Some people think that the worst place to have an alter is below ground. Personally I think God can do miracles anywhere, but I would not want to make it any harder than it has to be. . When I created my first Tulpa a little more than ten years ago I did it with pencil and paper. I will start there about 5pm when its still daylight. Writing has helped with filter out the random things static has done in the past. Once I get used to switching I will change the time about half an hour later. When I get to 8pm I will make it a bed time routine. With any luck I will be able to overcome my fear of the dark.
  19. I never thought of trying this before. What is your favorite flavor of gum to focus with?
  20. Have you ever used incense or scented oils to help you concentrate? I plan on using it to help clear my mind and be able to imagine my wonder land. I also talked to my psych therapist about being able to focus. She mentioned that there are even oils out there that you can put in a tiny jar and wear it on a necklace. . Side note; Sorry I have not been on in a while. College class work got crazy there for a while.
  21. I get what you guys are saying. I guess this goes back to my original point. I don't want to base my success over a fake persona. In other words I don't want to live a life on the net and then live an entirely different life for people to accept me. I understand that in a work place its inappropriate and I probably would not bring this up there. On the flip side I don't want to hide or flat out lie about my Tulpas. . If I am going to be around my friends and or family I kind of would like them to at least be aware of them. Like you said Lucilyn I do have trouble with social ques and I sometimes misjudge what is appropriate because of that. Its aggravating enough let alone the fact that some people think I am crazy when I explain my wonderland. Also You did not offend me Lucilyn rather you pointed out some important things I need to remember. I guess I would like friends who could be close enough to accept my imagination. Perhaps even interact with it during appropriate times. . Tulpa001 I appreciate you leaving this thread open. I just thought that because this thread will be about my psychiatrist and my Tulpas that it would be different then a progress report.
  22. Sorry I have not been on in a while. Home work got crazy. I got stuck on a test in my math class. You don't progress unless you pass the tests and if you don't progress far enough then you get a poor grade in the class. So anyway I finally got a psychiatrist that I am going to be seeing in person. I was really nervous the days I did intake. I think I am back to normal now that I managed to get back on Face Book and my friends compromised with me on things. . With that said I kind of am stuck with having a psychiatrist. I don't mind it, so long as the person does not put a label on me that will make my life difficult. For example worst case scenario I am labeled Skitzo if you know what I mean. Some of the people in my life think I have been wrongly labeled autistic. I have severe anxiety sometimes and I deal with it by being halfway in my wonderland. . I am making this thread because I want to be sure I have a place to ask questions and if no one minds have a rant every once in a blue moon. I don't like to rant, but ya know... Life is not perfect. The local counseling office is often times busy and I might not see my psychiatrist too often, but I have really mixed feelings about all this. So ya know if I could at least have a thread that would help me and my Tulpas out greatly.
  23. I thought I would create a thread for my art concerning Tulpas. Please look into my Deviant art page for information on art requests before asking thanks. . . I am still working on the Tulpa Record sheets. They are done, but I wanted to do a full explanation. I am taking a break from homework and thought I would start a thread for my own art. I wont list all the art that I have done, but I will post the recent one and new ones from here on out. I did this one late last night and lost track of time with it. Kind of wish I got other work done, but hey you got to live the life you got. .
  24. Ok finally I managed to get these done. I have a lot going on with classes being past the mid semester mark. so much so that it slowed me down a bit more than I liked. I have the work sheets done for the Tulpa records. They are not perfectly 8.5 by 11, but they are really close. You have to use a program that allows to modify page setting because pixels are not relative to inch's. I don't have adobe yet. I am using Gimp and Paint tool Sai. I am still working on the guide for these Tulpa records, but all in due time. . Tulpa Records DA
  25. . I can do that. I will be sure to get everything done by tomorrow night. I had a really busy week end. Like I just got done with the Character sheets for Creative writing. I also cleaned my apartment. Sigh its finally clean . As for Tulpa001 & RaveCrazedDave Thanks for noticing. I will make all the edits and have them posted tomorrow night. I have college classes tomorrow. I can write and edit the explanation of all this while I am between classes. . Edit Update: The ink I used is something I got from a grocery/general store and I think it needs a little time drying just to be sure it does not smudge. I will scan them again and edit them tomorrow. Sorry for the wait.