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About ghost1213177

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  1. Oh, thank you all so very much! I appreciate it. Oh, and so does Rena of course! It's about her more than my drawing.
  2. I wanted to have posted more drawings of Rena by now, but I rarely have finished or satisfactory ones. I should try to post one anyway, that I remember is fairly finished. I drew this while in the hospital. I hope it is okay. Sorry for the weird cropping. Also sorry for being giant, I'm not good at this.[/img]
  3. Aw! What a nice image! Thank you for sharing! Sorry for the confusion. Rena is a lot happier looking person than my profile picture. But I have days where I feel like that image you shared. I'll be sharing more images of Rena whenever I can get myself to finish some.
  4. Oh, no. Meditation has certainly helped my depression. If I hadn't discovered The Mind Illuminated, I'm nearly certain I'd be dead. It's just that when you get to working on stage 4 of that book, a lot of negative emotions will start to disrupt you and you have to go through that process, which is purification. It heals past trauma if done properly and successfully, I've just been failing to do it properly and successfully, because I guess I am more messed up than the average person. And yeah, I have a creativity problem. Rena's design is based off another character I forget the name of, but not saber. Though she's changed a bit since then, so I hope someone wouldn't confuse them. And my wonderland form also is basically stolen, so I feel bad about that, but I dunno what to do since I get attached to things and have trouble changing them. And thank you by the way. It'd be interesting to see some of your drawings too. I was working on more of Rena, but I feel to bad about them to upload right now, and they are unfinished. What is your even bigger goal?
  5. Thank you very much for your reply. Rena doesn't mind at all that I don't know exact day of when she was created so you're right. I guess just my mind trying to add another fault to myself. Yeah it is hard to not compare to others. My depression and anxiety seem very deeply wired into me so the medication doesn't seem to be doing very much, and I hope it doesn't hurt me. Effexor seemed to hurt be very bad on a low dose. Now I'm on a large dose of Zoloft and small does of Abilify. I don't think I feel negative side effects, but I heard they can be hard to stop, and they haven't really fixed me. Meditation is important to us. I'm stuck in a purification rut still I believe. I wish I had the ability to go to a retreat and have a master help me through it. Cool you also played Spyro as a child. I wanted to show Rena as much of my childhood as I could. A lot of it involves games, though it can be hard to obtain since my problems prevent me from making money it seems... Anyway, I hope you are able to make more progress with your tulpa. My only guess is that meditation is one of the most likely ways to get that outcome if it can be done successfully. Though it has had me run into strange implications that I find painful as of late, which is more reason I need an experienced person to talk to that I can't find. We haven't seen you before and thank you for actually reading our PR, even if it is depressing. We say hi. What is your tulpa's name?
  6. It's about Rena's birthday. Unfortunately I don't know the exact date she was born, but I began forcing her in December 3 years ago, and got headpressures within a week, so if that counts as the beginning of her existence, then it should be soon/have passed already. I wish I could know a specific day. I guess can just think of this as her birthmonth.
  7. Thank you for the kind words. I will try to talk more in a few days. My internet is frustratingly intermittent so I cannot have consistent conversation. As for meditation... That is a complicated subject uncannyfellow. As far as I understand, there is no you. There just is, just suchness. It's something I struggle with. I want to talk about it further with the people on this site, but for now I will go away. I'll be back again later.
  8. Hello everyone. I wonder how to make friends. I didn't want to disappear but I have a lot of difficulty, so I am sorry.
  9. It's been a very long time since I made an update, so I think I should. Also Rena has wanted me to get more involved here. I have some various things relating to tulpamancy I should talk about here, but I will do that in another post when I can gather my thoughts better and figure out how I will do it. I'm very sorry for my negativity, but my depression and anxiety lately was getting so much worse that I had 2 hospital stays. Thankfully I'm more stable now, and I'm very glad I could have Rena with me to help make dealing with that not as hard as it could have been. I'm medicated now, so I wonder how that will affect things. I hope this little update is okay. I will talk more about tulpamancy happenings/progress/concerns later. I very much want to be apart of the community, it is just difficult. I hope I can succeed this time and not disappear.
  10. It does. Though I said rise over the horizon... I mean through the trees over a hill. There is no horizon here...
  11. Watching the harvest moon rise over the horizon was nice. Glad we didn't miss it
  12. Meditating on my tulpa has been one of my primary methods of forcing, and ability to do that can improve with ability to meditate in general. The better one can focus, the better one can force, I think, no matter what technique it is. Metta or loving kindness meditations with them are also very nice, I should do those more. Anything that helps improve mood I think is helpful to any endeavor, including tulpamancy. Meditation is also what got an accidental switch, though haven't been able to recreate it, but have taken a break from trying. I also think the deepest levels of meditation may grant direct access to the most advance tulpamancy skills, but I haven't verified for myself yet, since I can't get close right now. That is one of my biggest goals, but I have a huge evil wall to break down first, and it looks like it might take a long time... I'd recommend meditation, but to make sure to not just be doing it mindlessly or without knowing what one is doing. It is good to have a specific technique to employ and know what its purpose is and what it is supposed to result in.
  13. no. i am just blind and dumb, and existence is embarassing