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About Cat_ShadowGriffin

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    Gray the Cat-Griff


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    Short details? Life story? Half the time I can't even type less than a 100 characters. I'll pass and save everyone some time.

    Ranger used to speak in orange text but now it's azure text.

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  1. For a long time, I have been fascinated by one of my headmates, Duck. He has a few interesting quirks and he insists that he sees himself as a young child- and last night he confirmed he saw himself as a 5 year old. My headmates all notice his behavior is different from the norm- he insists on using as few words as possible, he likes to use smaller words (or more complex ones if they are more efficient at getting the message across), and he easily gets overwhelmed. However, after mentioning this to my therapist and talking about it, I can rule out the possibility he has the cognitive limitations of a 5 year old. Even though it shouldn't be surprising he can understand complex concepts as a capable adult, I wanted to rule out the possibility he couldn't just in case. Ranger and I were worried it was a mindset thing and it was our fault for expecting him to be a child. When he was created, we assumed he was another representation of our subconscious mind and we thought of Duck as a mix of both of us. ...I guess that turned into us being his parents and it stuck... Ever since, we told Duck he was more than welcome to walk away from that and he adamantly refused each time, and to the point he told us to stop worrying about it because our anxiety over it was frustrating for him. I wonder if later on he will decide to "grow up" like some other child-like tulpas. So far, the only change was a long time ago and he changed his former adult form to match his ideal child identity. However, I still feel like it's too early to call if Duck will soon deviate and mature his ideal age because he has received far less time than the average 1 and 1/2 year old tulpa and may simply be behind on some development milestones. [Duck] I tried to "grow up" in wonderland. It felt wrong, so I turned back into myself. I'm happy as myself. Duck isn't the only one in our system who sees themselves as younger. Fish, Jasper, and Evergreen also see themselves as children, but not as young as Duck. All three of them seemed to embrace being children because there's an association made between being social and being a kid. Aside from Fish and Jasper's use of more causal language and shameless silliness, Evergreen doesn't have any obvious quirks except that he currently sees himself as a tween rather than an 8-11 yr old like Fish and Jasper. Like Duck, all three of them have experimented at some point with viewing themselves as adults, but all three of them seem to prefer a younger form. As for the social aspect, Ranger, Blue, and Exabier are more outgoing but all three of them see themselves as adults. While Duck is somewhat social, he can be fairly reserved at times. Unfortunately, having a social and outgoing personality is only a piece of the puzzle and not the core explanation for why my headmates feel more comfortable seeing themselves as children. I would like to discuss the following: Do you have any tulpas who identify or used to identify as children while the body's age is older? How do/did they feel about being a child vs. matching the body's age? If your tulpas identify as children and never "grew up", how old are they and roughly how much time did they get on average? Any ideas or theories for why a tulpa would feel the need and/or desire to be younger? Do you think this healthy for tulpas or this is a red flag of some kind? While this is not the same thing as littles or age sliding from traumatic systems and Duck or any of my other headmates should not be thought of as littles, please feel free to share any possible connections if you're comfortable doing so (or any elaborations for why these two topics are not one in the same). I also found these threads that seemed somewhat related- Does anyone else feel like having a Tulpa is like a child? My Tulpa calling me "Mom"? tips on maturing a tulpa?
  2. I'm skeptical of Duck Duck Go's claims it's a much more private alternative to Google. To be fair, I don't have real evidence to back this up, but I have the feeling if I did do some research, I would find a flaw or a lie.
  3. I have been scared to lose our possession to switching just from our internal experiences. Since learning how to switch, our possession changed a little bit. I easily go quiet, and Ranger possessing me felt a little too much like he was switching with me at times. The line between our full body possession and switching is actually quite thin. Ranger and my headmates have enjoyed feeling alone in the body with possession and can be really productive in that state. And then when we're interrupted for dinner I'm walking to go get it, immediately or almost immediately kicking everyone from the front. Before regaining control, I'm as dissociated as if Ranger were switched-in, if not really close to it. Sometimes I wonder if mindset is one of the only reasons we have both in the first place, but for some reason that slight change in experience makes a huge difference for Ranger so I feel like our mindset has acted as some sort of unconscious training or something. If course, I'm too hesitant to try and test our switching simply because I believe Ranger's switching isn't stable enough yet. Plus, I think our switch is weaker than other systems because we still have possession. I can still easily move after Ranger switches in, where other systems report a loss of movement once switched-out. Ranger being slow to accept me possessing him is partly because Ranger can't do long stretches and I haven't possessed him while taking to my parents, which is the only thing stopping Ranger from being switched-in for a week. I'm not aware of many systems who have both, and if they do I don't know many systems who have both full body possession and switching. I agree that re-learning or learning possession after switching should be possible, but I don't know anyone who has achieved possession like this or know how easy it is to do. [Ranger] There are lots of benefits to full body possession people overlook once they learn switching. One of them is it gives more control over the body to everyone in the system. Once you're switched-in, you're in charge of everything. Once my switching is developed, there will be no risk to losing the front accidentally, not even a headmate trying to possess me could take it. I already have crowd control when switched-in, and having the ability to control who is or isn't fronting is a cool ability. The second is your headmates can casually hang out while you're in the middle of something. You don't need to impose them, and them looking through the eyes to check out what's going on doesn't stop you from going back to your task and it doesn't switch them in. It also makes co-fronting easier to perform. The third is our possession doesn't completely connect you to the body, and that's very useful. Being in the front can drag you down, but it's more severe when you're switched-in. Having that little extra distance can make doing certain things more bearable. Fourth, I don't know exactly how our back-seat fronting works, but it requires the switched-out headmate to do most of the thinking and enough awareness of the environment to give instructions. This state is incredibly useful when the fronter is overwhelmed and struggling to think, and it's surprisingly stable. If possession was key to making this state possible, it would be a shame if other systems couldn't experience it.
  4. Ah, okay. Interesting... So I guess I would have to rethink the portal exit concept. In theory, I wouldn't leave my bed, so I may have to shake a visualized object or twist it like a doorknob as if I were walking through another portal door
  5. Asdfjkl I don't have ' next to l 😞
  6. It depends. If I'm not in a quiet place where I can zone out and talk to Ranger, having Ranger around can be stressful. I have also had trouble with weird fronting stuff lately and if I feel too dissociated or dizzy, I will want Ranger to stay away or leave. The only other exception is if I'm embarrassed to talk to him about something or we're in conflict for whatever reason. However, this is unlikely and can apply to close friends too. On the other hand, I like talking to him and having him think can force me to stop thinking about whatever I'm worried about. Sometimes just hanging out with each other can be relieving in of itself.
  7. I was playing around with this not to long ago, I just forgot to bring it up. I didn't feel safe playing with this without a safety exit, so I thought of a pink "portal door" that would take me back to our normal wonderland with the exception I can wake up in reality. Otherwise, I ran through the chaos using a white door to go from place to place. That time Ranger and Evergreen decided to tag along. The order was random wonderland, random wonderland, and as close as I can get to a recreation of reality. I tried to visualize my bedroom as accurately as possible, only Ranger and Evergreen stood in my room. I'm not sure if this and a pink portal door appearing wrecked the illusion. After a few rounds of this, I think I either fell asleep, went through the pink door, or completely forgot what was going on and slept later. I would like to try it again soon, but maybe not tonight because I just want to sleep.
  8. There's no harm in playing around with it. Just remember that if you are struggling after 5-15 minutes, that's normal and don't push yourself. Feeling disoriented and nauseous isn't fun nor necessary either, and if you feel that way you should stop and try again later. I prefer to practice meditation in a quiet room or place to minimize distractions. I do not regularly meditate, but I have used it to quiet my mind before bed and waiting in a place I was really bored. If you are more experienced, I think you can do it just about anywhere. I know it's possible to force while meditating, but it may look like focusing on the details of your tulpa's form or personality forcing even. I don't know if you can have a conversation with your tulpa while meditating, but you can use meditative techniques to immerse yourself in wonderland and dissociate from the front to then have a conversation after that. Although I'm not sure that isn't just another form of hypnotism.
  9. I remember dreaming about having headmates that are not part of my system and being stressed about their existence when I woke up half asleep. Once I fully woke up, everything is back to normal. I'm sorry though, that sucks. When I woke up half awake at one point this morning, I tried talking to Ranger and I got a headache. After a little while I got impatient and I talked to him anyway, thinking it was a weird mindset thing. I also remember having some nausea. Eventually all of that went away. Not sure if that's related to last night where we had a headache while I was switching in.
  10. Using symbols to better understand yourself is a form of creative expression and there's nothing wrong with that. The biggest thing I would watch out for is how you interact with your symbolism. Assume your symbolism is you, and make sure you are thinking for your symbolism than expecting your symbolism to think for itself. If you feel like you are talking to your symbolism as if they were a separate entity, I would stop what you're doing and change gears. Instead of talking to your symbols, imagine them as characters in a story and you talking as your symbols to an NPC. Before discovering tulpamancy, I made "clones" of myself for a very similar reason. I wanted to talk to certain aspects of myself to get a better understanding of who I am. In reality, it was a coping method to avoid talking to myself due to my self-hatred and I was trying to understand why I was broken by creating tulpas that represented the "broken" pieces. I treated them like separate people who lived in my head, and after discovering tulpamacy realized I created at least 17 tulpas that are still around now, and possibly more that I don't wish to go looking for. I honestly don't know, but I would be cautious to assume this is related to DID/OSDD. You may want to ask that specific question in a plurality discord server with both tulpa and traumatic systems. I had a slightly different idea. I assumed I had a "subconscious" and he lived in the dream world waiting for me to discover him. I assumed he observed me while I was dreaming, unaware of his presence. It turns out he is the oldest tupa in my system and currently remains very attracted to basically metaphysical power over the unconscious mind. Based on my best understanding of DID, the "benefit" is to be unaware of the trauma and continue to live a normal life. The trade off is having little control over your life, retaining some of the symptoms of having a trauma history (such as being at risk for having PTSD flashbacks, heightened anxiety, difficulty in self-regulation and ability to have relationships with others, dissociation, etc.) and amnesia. Working together to help with life is a generally accepted benefit to plurality in general. Tulpa systems experience the same thing, where hosts and tulpas work together to get through rough or stressful times. I found using tulpamancy as a coping tool to not help with my problems. Writing stories and using symbolism and metaphors can help you become more aware on how you feel, creating tulpas to represent your troubles just creates a lot of in-system stress and makes you less confident in how much control you really have. I only got better until I learned how to stop making tulpas, learned how to effectively communicate with Ranger, and receiving therapy from my therapist.
  11. Expectation is an important ingredient to making imposition work. If you expect to hear something that isn't there and try hard enough, eventually you will hear it. If you look at static and expect to see an image, eventually you can make out an image. You don't necessarily have to believe it, except for being willing to suspend your disbelief. Believing a hallucination is a hallucination doesn't stop it from happening in my experience. Imposition seems to have this other important skill- overriding your sense of reality and training the mind to treat some hallucinations as real. When I was really sleep deprived once, I expected my cat to be on the ground and saw him only to realize seconds later he wasn't there. I also expected my brother to bother me and turns out he never went to my room. For whatever reason, I was more prone to perfect hallucinations for those few days, and my expectations were able to override reality more than than usual. Also, certain bugs like roaches freak me out, so I probably have better memory recall of what they look like. Coupled with some hard-wired fears of something crawling on me, roaches are probably easier for me to impose than a stuffed animal. I have found presence imposition to be really effective at making Ranger feel real, and as a result it seems like he's really there even though I did not impose him visually. If your visualization ability is really strong, I believe it's easier to hallucinate and have the brain take that mental image and treat it like reality, and I believe that's the largest barrier I have to visual imposition. Ultimately, I think both are required- you need expectation (presence imposition or a strong emotional response) and strong visualization skills to make visual imposition work.
  12. Every chunk of quartz and granite I found laying on the ground