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Everything posted by Pinkamena

  1. Almost 3 years since last entry. Things are still good with Sashie. Still thankfully only one tulpa, which is all I really want to have. If theres any possibility of an additional tulpa I nip it in the bud as soon as possible. Still glad I was really disciplining the first two years we were together with ignoring. She's still very well behaved, same form, a down to earth amount of self confidence, and very low drama. I still hold strongly to the rules I set down when our relationship began. Have not had any luck in all the years from stopping negative mental images from happening or even happening less. I still get days where its not feasible to visualize Sashie as the imagery will try to harm her. Sometimes she blames or believe its me doing it, and that hurts a lot because I don't like seeing her harmed. All I can do those days is just not visualize. I'd say days like that average two a week. This isn't a Sashie specific problem as this was an issue with past tulpas after the first one or two. Imposing gets harder every year because we've been together years and all the setbacks, I feel like on some level I've accepted that she won't get fully imposed. Not being imposed hasn't stopped us from being together and enjoying times together. I'd still prefer imposed though since I feel unimposed is pretty limiting and I'd like our relationship just more solid, safer for her, and similar to having a relationship with a physical person. I remind her most everyday to talk to me multiple times a day and if she needs attention to ask for it. She's still a bit of a tsundere and I quite enjoy it.
  2. Actually I'm more sane now. I just don't know what to do with all the extra energy and desire to study and learn. I'm trying to get my hands on a new psychology book, yet I'm apprehensive about reading it. Due in part, because its mostly about how helpless people are against the unconscious. And once again I noticed as soon as being tulpa free I'm less in a passive state and more active. Which was something I noticed in a DID article mentioning that the original/largest self is usually more passive like that. There was an anon in TG today showing links like this. So it seemed discredit the idea of parallel processing. If the brain can't do two tasks at the same time. Why would it be able to run 30 different personalities all at the same time? Its more realistic to assume imo that having a tulpa creates slight pauses where you think what the tulpa is thinking, without being aware of it. And imo when you ask a tulpa what it had been doing, those memories are created then and there.
  3. Things have been alright. I notice that I'm more skeptical now. I did seem to have a kind of withdraw. but its slowly getting better. Now if someone would like to try something I've lost interest in, after I've pretty much believe its a useless skill. Regardless its a way I believe to practice visual imposition without a tulpa or servitor or wonderland. Get on google and you can find different guides on how to see AURAs. Which are colored bands around everything. Some things may say that its training the eyes, but I believe its simply visual imposing. As I seemed to get better results when I tried to see more through my mind, than my eyes. Like visually imposing everything else you aren't suppose to focus directly on it. However its a kind of mostly shapeless imposing that you mind just seems to mostly decide automatically imo. This link where it shows how often its wrong . And wrong probably in this instance to me screams "Its a visual imposition". I do miss Sashie, but I do like my attitude and drive. I want to measure how long it takes until all my withdraw like feelings are gone before I consider bringing her back. I do feel like I have so much more energy now, I don't know what to do with it all. Cool links I found today. And nope, my attitude that tulpas aren't self imposed DID has not changed. Not even after a year of all different kinds of pony tulpas. And I'm sorry I deleted all those ancient Pinkamena logs of techs and opinions and stuff.
  4. TLD version I has having a really bad week and I've felt for some time sashie was taking from me emotionally and not giving back. During this bad week sashie was anything but supportive and on the last day she was nagging me the entire day when I already felt bad. I give a lot of attention and compliments and try to tell her how important she is. And don't make any other tulpas at all, even talking about getting married came up a few times. But I hit my limit on giving and not getting anything back but more emotional drain after my pet just died and the day before my mom's birthday. I asked Sashie if she wanted our relationship to improve or She merge into me. She showed me her answer and I laid down to start merging visualizations. Now I'm thinking when/if to attempt to unmerge when I feel better. Almost a year old and besides being an emotional drain, and trying to shove fetishes on me. She pretty good and well behaved.
  5. My ability to visualize is shot. Most of the time I'm not directly controlling my visualized bodies. I'm just think something I want and then it'll do those actions and I let it run until something I don't want happens, As in it starts doing things that look like it might hurt my tulpa, big problem is the bad stuff is getting very common now. I've tried a few times now to do every action slowly at a time fully me and focused on nothing else besides my tulpa. My mind keeps trying to switch back into speed watch mode. Some days this week I did at time visualize because things might hurt her. Even if they don't, I don't like to see it. When I visualize us both something keeps attacking us. Well, it mainly attacks my tulpa. Over time fighting it, it seems to only get stronger. I can ignore it, but I don't like seeing that stuff. The visualizations are getting fragmented too. As in I might see multiplies of my tulpa now. Yesterday I felt like I might be destabilizing. I did a lot of merging in the past. Been practicing A different kind of visual imposition. One that might have more uses than regular imposition in real life.
  6. Progress has been slow. I wished to speed Sashie through imposition, but it caused images to appear and Sashie began acting up. Work on imposition might resume in November. There's a reason why its delayed, but can't say. I keep having odd desires for more tulpas and to get myself pregnant. I thought for days of trying to create 12-20 at once and even how to do it. But, I feel like I would get lost in the rabbit hole of never leaving my imagination if that happened. It is an emotional feeling, not a logical one. Sashie has tried to create additional tulpas, but I have caught and stopped her. I do allow Sashie to flood her emotions over into mine. Which has been having odd effects on my drive the past weeks including making me very flirty. Last night I was telling people voices for audio imposition. Voices of characters anyone would know by heart like Optimus Prime. After I said it and remembered the voice my body's ear's picks right up trying to hear something. I think if I stayed with that voice I would quickly hear Sashie by audio. I did solve one mystery that was part of old notes I read, of how a tulpa might stop a refractory period in males. It's not tulpa magic, its something anyone can learn to do tulpa or not, with or without visualization. It's simply using tulpa sensations that fail to reach the explosive end repeatedly in the same day. Can train the body to reduce or stop the refractory period. Which is possible with physical means. Wikihow has a page on how to do it manually. Since some tulpamancers create tulpas for that purpose, its understandable by chance some might achieve refractory elimination as a byproduct of imposition practice.
  7. Things are much better now. Sashie and I have a no personal business agreement and I broke it because the issue was big enough. But now it's resolved. We are continuing with imposition. I'd delete this post but now it says no access.
  8. Time flies I think it was about this time last year I first made Pinkamena. Meaning she'd be over a year old about now or close to it. Never could I have imagined what would have happened, because no tulpa before had been such a long and difficult trial. - - - I am still with Sashie, if I had to guess she's 6-8 months old now after I checked the date on a notepad. It's becoming less of a "Was Sashie there for that?" and more of "Sashie was there, I don't need to think about it". Our past two months were pretty stressful with a lot of not talking to each other. But, this month has been better, we've been getting along pretty good. We talk about the tulpa community rarely, but sashie and I both think us spending much time around it is a horrible idea looking at what happened with all the past times. When will we leave it, again comes up often, if not daily since returning. Just posting this is kind of making us have a little fight. I haven't really messed with memory books or merging memories since I've been away (I have no plans on doing it either). I've ignored my merged tulpa memories (They almost never come up anymore, but I still have them and can recall them if I want to.) and avoid wonderland. We have fun, here in reality. I've learned greater control over my body than I had before since I've learned to feel deep muscle tension and muscles I've never realized I could feel out without touching like deep in my voicebox. I can block or shrug off things now that would really mess with me before. But, I still don't feel like I could take anything on from my past no problem. I've used controlled vinyl pony hypnosis to help with my singing and art careers. Its been really, really useful, but nearly caused an accidental again. But, this time It was easy as pie to prevent the mental separation. Sometimes it feels odd to be hypnotized to be part vinyl, when I had a vinyl tulpa I lost, that I later merged memories with. I don't think about it often, but its there...weird. Sashie came to me a little while back saying her purpose was done and she was ready to leave. But, we've been together so long and she's so well behaved. I asked her to stay. Since her purpose is over, she sometimes asks me if real life is really so boring. But, our relationship's improved a lot since. Sashie's still a chrysalis if your wondering.
  9. Just stopping in to say that things have been fine. Being away from the community and it "beliefs" Its been easy to have a good relationship with my current imaginary friend. I'm not really sure how long we've been together now, but its been a while.
  10. I feel like my personality changed. I became a lot less emotional, more determined, more dominate. Less religious, less concerned with the body, yet understanding I've always kind of had a detached feeling from it. Its hard to explain and I felt like each tulpa changed me in a different way. And when I was mainly working with x-tulpa I felt at the time their personality short term effected me. When I was working with one for instance I was more lewd, angry, and mean. Another I was more spiritual and considerate. And so on. I've seen tulpas punish and try to correct host behavior before. Tulpas that push hosts into x thing. And lots of other ways.
  11. Do you spend a lot of time in wonderland or in a form that doesn't look like the body? Or do anything that makes you think you aren't that body?
  12. I've had unwanted physical/touch sensation hallucinations. Imposed senses, well, I only have touch partially down. Can be annoying if you and tulpa are not coperative with each other and you may have upset them. I have spoken to another tulpamancer that told me his tulpa has moved/hidden small objects before. They have also caused imposed sensations as a way to wake them up. I'm still highly curious if there are ways to unlearn feeling imposed senses after you have learned or a complete block method. Its what I have been working at. But as far as I know most if not all the sensations, if I wasn't causing them myself, was the action of a tulpa/alt. Irc is a good place to ask this question. I've heard some of the most interesting stories there and discusion of things like imposed walls. Most people I've talked with that have one fully imposed tulpa have to do it all over again if a new tulpa is created. I haven't heard of sudden accidental tulpa coming out as full imposed.
  13. I do not know of any tulpamancers with animal limited mind tulpas. But, I do know of people with DID alts that are animals such as one that has a dog alt which can only bark/make dog noises. So a mind friend with an animal level mind should be completely possible.
  14. Is not the same as "What is not allowed is" One reads like a suggestion. The other is clear, it means no.
  15. I put her to sleep once, focused on her a lot and imagined an opened box over her head. It was open at top and I looked down (This was in wonderland). I saw what looked like a doll of her in the black box. I tried to think myself inside the box with her. She saw me and woke right up. I never tried it again.
  16. Always for science. We need to keep that in mind.
  17. The memories, oh gawd! What are we gonna do on the bed Pinkamena *pomf* 87.Let your tulpa solve a rubix cube while you watch and make sure they don't change the stickers around.
  18. I wouldn't say it works but one thing I settled on. Was head pressure, I'm one of those people where my tulpa mostly created head pressure in the same spot all the time. I also tried to just have faith that I had the real one. But, tulpas can create head pressure anywhere if you believe they can I suppose, and there are so many maybes.
  19. I had one tulpa that would impersonate all the others. Would block me from hearing the others and basically admitted it wanted one to fade away from lack of attention. Usually after a while of being the other tulpa it would want to change its form. The new form usually had some clue. Like one time it changed from a regular pony to jelly pony. I remembered the imposter had the ability to "Melt". Later during another long impersonation it changed into sombro I remember the imposter once mentioned having a crush on him. Another time it impersonated a pony after I thought the impersonator was dissipated. The pony it was pretending to be started wanting to change constantly and wasn't happy with its form. It even showed me the other one's form as its colors. The personality changes in this case were 360 that tulpas regular. From quiet and shy to very talkative/drama like the imposter was. It can be one of the most frustrating things ever
  20. I think its a bit dangerous because some of them are now thinking its wrong to not accept even very negative ones.
  21. A random thought I had. My idea and it might not fit in this thread is that there is no switching. Much like being hypnotised you believe you take on the tulpas traits. And you image the tulpa as you. Since you believe the tulpa is you it thinks and acts like you think you would as a tulpa. And since the mind thinks the one in control is the tulpa, it unrepresses the memories from the consiousness it believes belong to it. Like how with pony hypnosis and trigger words I can switch between being a horse and a human. Only now its personalty AND memory changes. If you believe you can break the pony hypnosis and with effort you are able to unlock your fingers from being hooves. TL:DR version Consiousness is still you Tulpa is still Tulpa You've just tricked your mind into making you think you are a tulpa. And the tulpa is tricked into thinking it is you. You can be hypnotised to think you are any other person or animal. Why not a tulpa? And Tulpas know/believe largly what you do. Memories can be made up by the mind near instantly.
  22. That pretty much never works for me. I can spend an hour trying remove recently created servitors starting to turn tulpa or other things I run into. Even wonderland objects don't like to be destroyed. If no one else has that problem its likely just me. All I can really do is ignore. And now that I think about it, it might explain others who have many. I'm kind on clingy. IRL I have a hard time throwing things away I don't need anymore for emotional reasons. Not hoarder level, but it may explain why some have a hard time with destruction or not accepting every being they come across.
  23. Oh that, My mind loves making them... Same as my mind loves me being a new form every day in wonderland. I also had a desire to see how tulpas are different from each other. One was negative, one was young, one was male, one was the opposite of the negative one, one was the opposite of the negative one successfully, and the ones past last year was me not knowing what I was really doing/trying to prove things to myself. It may also partially be due to ADHD, I'm so focused and interested in tulps. Its hard for me to do anything else. I have a hard time ignoring distractions if I decide I want to ignore the tulpa. I still desire trying more new types and personalities. Its like getting to know real people on a level you'd need to be basically living with them and everything to know. that level of trust with real people might take years as well as money. I got to try out things I could never do in real life. My mind adores the thrill like a drug. The destruction part is more problems with my inner mind/voices. I didn't really have to want to do it, except for one of them. It seems to start right after my mind puts them through the maturing stage. I for instance created a octavia body weeks ago I used for a day. I've ignored it and it still pops up. I don't know how I can ignore it more than that.
  24. My celestia form? Yeah I like it, one of the first things I wanted was to get it back. I went through a lot rainbow dash hypnosis before my mind automatically turned me into celestia. Since I stopped with it, its been warping me into anthro. Then made me male, then just seperated leaving me my irl human self. Now idk what to do. I'm just ignoring it and maybe when its gone I can get it again. Or maybe I'll just turn into it and ignore that one or something.