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About Ranger

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  1. For one, I do post there. Two, I have at least one thread I want to make and a post I want to write, but the former I want to get the arm test survey stuff done and for the latter... I procrastinated on it because the post is huge. I also owe a response to the GAT thread on PP and the GAT, but then I got distracted with reviewing a submission. I hate my ADD
  2. I should remind myself to post more
  3. With that context, I'm starting to wonder if there's more to the story here... Even with my host having depression, she never had an intrusive thought she couldn't get away from. I'm curious how this formed, because I feel like I'm missing some important context.
  4. I'm really tired, and that post I made in the merge thread is poorly written. I can't do better until tomorrow. We have never had a deep conversation silently to each other in front of other people. I have spoken to Cat on the bus before, but it's frequently not as intense as the ones we have when we're alone. I and the others can be very expressive on the face, but Cat feels too nervous to ignore her surroundings and focus on just me and the others when in public. Cat never feels comfortable with sitting down and relaxing to talk to us in public, so our conversations probably do not display as dramatically. However, Cat has wondered what would happen if she had the opportunity to demonstrate our facial expressions to a curious observer who knew we were a system.
  5. Cat and I tried to merge recently, but our attempt failed. Maybe we were too tired, anxious, doubtful, not focused, or even too excited. When we got together, Cat and I were sitting thinking to ourselves and we talked more than focused on becoming one. Soon, our forms started to melt into each other at the belly (both of us were sitting back-to-back) and we realized it could have been us merging. Our forms started to melt more, and then it just suddenly exploded. We thought about trying again, and suddenly we snapped back together? We felt kind of disoriented and possibly slightly dissociated? Our form doing weirder stuff while our mindvoices stayed stable. We thought about Granger at one point and soon our slime started to resemble his more, which was odd. I believe at one point we thought of the name "Ray", an idea Gray and I had for a possible name for a future merge, and then the attempt's form turned into someone who looked like me. We? decided we didn't want to look like me and tried to change into an alternate form of Gray. This too was abandoned and the merge form melted. After that, the merge attempt exploded again, with more emphasis on the spray this time. Red Gray noticed the goo on the walls reminded him of Granger's goo (only it didn't catch fire). We paused and then Cat grabbed my attention. She thought maybe we needed to re-do our consent ritual and slow down, so I agreed and we tried again. After re-doing our consent ritual and trying again, things seemed promising. Our forms slowly melted into a purple blob and stayed that way for 5 seconds. However, our mindvoices were still stable. We tried to re-focus and attempted to use the same voice. We came up with a woman's mindvoice and the attempt's form morphed into a black woman. The form melted back and it didn't change when we tried a deeper man's voice. Soon, the attempt exploded again and Gray and I were on the floor sticky. Gray pounded the floor and felt "weak". I felt tired. I noticed that afterwards, I had a headache. Red Gray said "third time's a charm" and he told us we should stop because it wasn't going anywhere. Both of us are pretty disappointed, but not every merge attempt works out. I like to document our failures because they are still interesting. Even though we have had failed attempts explode before, I thought our merge being prone to exploding was interesting. It didn't explode in the same way, it was low to the ground and there didn't seem to be as much force behind it as the spectacular and dramatic fail I had with Blue. The other thing I want to note is our merge exploding is not necessarily the norm? Maybe it's inspired by a new idea? Who knows.
  6. I'm sorry Théotime, I don't know who that is. I searched their user name and nothing popped up. Within created the Tulpanomicon, they may have a better idea on how to track them down.
  7. It's unsurprising that it's claiming it will stay. It won't. If it starts talking to you, put it in a safe place and imagine moving away from it in the mind. Then, it will be easier for you to do something else. There isn't a set time date for dissipation. I don't want to guess one either because I don't want you to feel like this has to be over with by X date and then lose confidence when that doesn't happen. All I can tell you is the more progress you make, the weaker it gets. The basic idea behind dissipation is the intrusive thought will die from not being able to think or take up your attention. In other words, it not thinking will result in its death. Once it is no longer able to think, the next phase is to forget the majority of your experiences with it and only remember the cliff notes of its existence. Once this is achieved, dissipation is complete. If the intrusive thought is not thinking, it's not around. You thinking in general does not keep it alive. Reading your post, it sounds like your intrusive has some triggers laid down. These are associations you have made between your activity and the intrusive, which lead to the summoning of it when you do that activity. Unfortunately, it sounds like hearing your own mindvoice is a trigger that causes the intrusive to wake up. Luckily, this can be undone. To undo it, just calmly think about something else whenever you hear the intrusive thoughtform speaking. It may feel like a back and forth, but continuing to focus on the other activity such as reading will weaken the intrusive's voice and train your brain to associate reading with sitting down to read. Over time, you will train yourself that your mindvoice is for letting your thoughts wander or doing tasks like reading, not to talk to your intrusive. As a result, the trigger to summon your intrusive thought weakens. Eventually, the trigger will be overwritten and you won't be bothered by it suddenly popping up anymore. If you are really having a hard time with this process, go ahead and take a break by playing a video game or watching TV. Doing something like watching TV or playing a video game will be more helpful because people generally don't think much when playing a game. You will probably be more focused on the game than what's going on in your head. However, everyone is different. If you don't think TV invests all of your attention, find another activity that does.
  8. Ranger

    Event test

    It's a secret thread lol
  9. Do we really need these features? Status updates can be turned on by going to edit profile and flipping a switch. Once enabled, you can write new posts directly to your feed and so can other people. I also saw another user slip PR content into their status feed, and I can see this as a get around for having 1 PR thread. As for events, any user can create them. Again, I'm not really sure what the point of these are since users can just create new threads and announcements already have their own thread.
  10. Welcome to the forums Sector-C-! We are also a system with anxiety disorder, and that has lead to induced depression for my host in the past. We are not experienced with servitor making, unless my host's story characters count. Otherwise, Cat created several characters in the past only for us to realize they were all tulpas. We have some ideas for how to prevent system inflation, feel free to PM us if you have questions. You may want to PM or quote Leander so they see this.
  11. I don't agree that a tulpa's reactions have to all be internal. My reactions can be interpreted internally, but I also create outward reactions that can be seen on the body's face, even when I'm not deliberately controlling the body. Your tulpa's life is not in the balance because you stumbled across some new advice. The important thing to remember about advice and guides is not everything you read is true for you and your tulpa. Remember that every experience explained is about how their system works and may or may not translate to everyone else.
  12. How did Cat get 4 hours??? aaa I got 3 once but not 4!
  13. If you're thinking to yourself, no. Talking to yourself does not affect intrusive thoughts. You may cause the intrusive thought to wake up if you think about it, but with some practice you can thinking about the thought without waking it up. I guess it's trying to dominate the conversation? You have the power to take its voice by forcing it to whisper, and then the intrusive is distracted by you muting it. I don't recall any of our intrusive thoughtforms doing that, you'll have to experiment with that. It can't. Talking to it doesn't make it stronger, it just maintains the thoughform and it hurts. Technically, the older an intrusive thought is, the weaker it gets. Eventually you get tired of it, and the longer you are exposed to the intrusive thought, the more resilient you become. It's like playing a horror game and after dying over and over again it becomes a rage game, soon the scares are not scary anymore and it's just frustrating. As for dissipation, it's basically a waiting game combined with healing from the last couple months. Recovery from your feelings towards this thing can happen really quickly or you may need weeks or months to sort out your feelings. Sorting out your feelings is not required, but it will make dissipation a little bit easier. Taking care of your body and even spending more time on things you enjoy will help a lot.
  14. It gets on my nerves when we don't use our correct accounts when it's not for a joke. Whew, that post I just made exhausted me. I figured it would be a long one. I hope it's helpful.