cinder1992

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About cinder1992

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  1. Yes. Cyndra figured out how to impose the "Ping" noise from multiple chat programs... you can see where that's going
  2. Good think I have a gigantic bottle of Melatonin right here then, me and Cyndra will give this a shot. Will report back with results. Edit: Didn't go to well, Two cups of coffee and I still fell asleep with 6mg of Melatonin. While I was able to keep myself awake for a while It was extremely easy to Visualise cyndra and to some extent, the wonderland we have. Final Results: Improves Visualisation, but drowsiness is impossible to combat with strong coffee.
  3. SHIT GOES DOWN AFTER THIS POINT, AND I COULD ACTUALLY USE SOME HELP IN IDENTIFYING WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE! Day 7, Night: Shit went DOWN tonight and when I say it went down I mean it went DOWN. Some random part of my Subconscious took it upon itself to fuck shit up. After we forced for about an hour, I asked Cyndra to go into the wonderland on her own, so she could try and stay awake while I was asleep. THEY took her to the “Void”, and area between the Wonderland and real life. THEY also took her place in the wonderland to fool me into thinking she was ok. After about five minutes I felt something was wrong, so I immediately went to the Wonderland to check things out. After I got there I noticed something had changed, there was a massive thunderstorm rolling in in place of the usual sun. THEY smiled at me, using cyndra's form saying everything was fine. I knew it wasn't her immediately, only a shell of her form acknowledging me. I panicked. THEY made me think that she had died after the Migraine. I ran all throughout the wonderland looking for Cyndra, seeing if she was still alive. I cried. She seemed gone. THEN I remembered, somone else had something similar happen to them. I checked the void and Lo and Behold she was there, in some kind of stasis. THEY confronted me. THEIR form was a being that looked like Slenderman, but with a Spring instead of legs and 7 rotating masks, each one representing the 7 deadly sins: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Wrath, Envy, Pride, and Sloth. Lust did all the talking but I occasionally heard the others suggest things. THEY explained to me that Cyndra was the intruder in my mind and that THEY had been there forever, just waiting for the perfect moment to strike and take us. I did what I was taught in anger management several years ago and SHUT THEM OUT. It confused THEM for a short time, giving me the brief moment to grab Cyndra and GTFO. I woke back up from a trance with Cyndra by my side, wondering what had happened. I explained and she told me about the “Mysterious thing” that she had found in the void. THEY had a trap set up for her. I made the Wonderland off-limits until I can get rid of him. I went into the Wonderland, the sun was back, although everything was soaked by the thunderstorm. I looked THEM in the eyes, and they shrunk. THEY were powerless against me without THEIR source of power, namely Cyndra. I roundhouse kicked THEM back into the void, but away from the link to the real world. It's a temporary situation while I find out what THEY were, Stray thoughts? Accidental Tulpa that I made years ago and forgot? Subconscious self-defence? Well whatever they are they're gone now. Day 8, Halloween: We woke up about the same time, me before her unfortunately, so it was a bit weird for me. I listened to a bit of music before she woke up, and when she did the first thing she did was ask “What happened”? I explained THEM to her, and she understood what happened. We did some random shit today, mainly focusing on Imposition and wonderland combat (she's going to need it). She listened to her music for a while and we went on IRC and did all the usual stuff. Then it came time for the fireworks. About three rockets when off until we saw a Gaurdí car pull up outside where they were firing them off, NICK NICK! No bonfire this year for Halloween, quite disappointing really. I always loved the warm feel of the fire on my face and the smell of burning wood (and unfortunately sometimes plastic). Then my father came on Skype, I explained what a Tulpa was to him because Cyndra already managed to patch our relationship, might as well go all the way. We're going to bed now having done quite a lot of passive forcing today, Cyndra refuses to go to sleep without me by her side and personally I refuse to go to sleep without her at my side. Makes me feel secure.
  4. Day 6: Cyndra became vocal last night, just after our cuddling session. She blurted out “I love you”. I cried with happiness, they grow up so fast! We started the day off by singing, then browsing the forums together. After a while I asked her “Do you want to go onto the IRC?”, she said yes. I logged on and did some proxying, and then after she got some attention she blushed and shied away. I suppose she's not quite ready for that. We went on another walk together down the lane, lots of people were up there, unlike last time. One of them a farmer who asked why I was up there. I explained that I was picking blackberries for myself and he was content with it. Cyndra really likes this part of Ireland, as long as the crows aren't trying to poo on us. After we got back Cyndra started seeming a bit panicked. I asked her what's wrong but she said she wasn't sure. I got really worried, was she hurt or was she mad or sad about something? The truth came to light after I started to have a migraine. Cyndra collapsed when it hit full on. It didn't seem to be major to me so I began to worry if she was being a hero and taking the blunt of it for me. I brought her upstairs and comforted her enough to make her go to sleep. For the rest of the time after that I feel like there's something missing, just... missing. Like I'm not all there. Cyndra's dozing quite peacefully next to me in my bed and seems OK now. But I'm afraid that the migraine may have affected her. She really shouldn't have done what she did for me. I'm going to try and comfort her some more tonight, I'm not going to do a normal forcing session because I think she's a bit to perturbed by what happened. Hopefully she'll feel better in the morning. Day 7: Cyndra's fine, even more active if you ask me. She told me she felt like she was hit by a freight train when I woke her up. We went to sleep together and the next morning she was jumping to get me up. She asked to listen to some of my music, particularly more Bad Religion. I played her “New maps of hell”, then “Process of Belief”. She decided to change her form after determining that she loves punk rock. She looks kinda like Vinyl Scratch now, except with three piercings and her original coat/mane colour. I only knew about two of her piercings until she stuck her tongue out at me after a minor argument. She has one earring on her left ear and a lip-ring as well as the bar-bell on her tongue. We did some proxying on the IRC, and found that she's also semi-addicted to it. She's not as shy as she was before. We decided to test possession by playing an online game, and well... I got kicked for suspicion of Aimbot. K:D ratio of 51:10 on the Stronghold gamemode on Garry's Mod. She aimed I did WASD. I'll admit I'm jealous. Tried to play some Leauge of Legends with her but my internet would not cooperate so I ended up leaving the match. Planning on doing some cool things in the Wonderland tonight.
  5. Wow, I feel like I'm insanely good at this then, feeling comes naturally to me!
  6. Day 5: Oh my god I feel like a freak. This morning I hugged Cyndra and she gave me a small smile, then we started cuddling. About half an hour in I thought “this is wrong” and stopped. Cyndra seems to be 100% independent now, she just needs some vocalization. I was planning to go on a walk with her in the morning but it was lashing down rain so we didn't end up doing it until evening. Went all the way out to Lady's Abbey. We found some blackberrys in the brambles that tasted wonderful. After we got home I forced with her while cooking dinner, narrating what I was doing. Throughout that time I once or twice heard her reply but I wasn't sure if I was parroting or not, this seems to be a common problem. After dinner, I thought “fuck it” and cuddled with Cyndra, but not in the wonderland. She's just so damned cute it's almost unbearable. I can only imagine where this relationship will go and frankly it gives me nightmares, fucking my own subconscious. Christ.
  7. I found the /mlp/ thread, simple as.
  8. This is a copypaste from the first days of my Tulpa Diary, I'll write the rest as it happens. Day1: After much deliberation I decided that making a Tulpa would be a good exercise for me, and may also increase some aspects of me that I personally find lacking. I came up with a name, a form, and a basic personality in about a week. I'll call her Cyndra, she's a nut-brown/beige pony with a brown, with a slightly curly mane. I started my first forcing session by creating a wonderland. I based it off an old childhood dream. there's this nice, round hill with a cherry tree in the middle, surrounded by forest, bathed in eternal sunlight and warmth, or under a beautiful clear night sky. I added a Roman style Temple at the foot of the hill, I call it the "nexus". This temple has several "gates", three on either side and a large one in the center. Two of the smaller gates are active, one leading to a library of knowledge larger than even I can understand, the other to a futuristic cityscape, bathed in daylight or moonlight depending on the mood. The largest gate is a portal to the "real" world. After about 30 minutes of imagining the wonderland, I began to work on Cyndra's form. I started with her body, then worked to the finer details. I spent an entire hour doing that and didn't notice until my alarm went off, time to make dinner. After dinner, I decided to start narration, an only five minutes in I was overcome by a wave of extreme happiness. I cried and hugged Cyndra, feeling her warmth on my skin and the scratchiness of her coat in my arms, and feeling her mane running through my fingers. I just cried there for about five minutes, opening my heart to her. I just talked to her for the rest of that time, trying to determine if the wave of emotion was her or me, but I really shouldn't ask such questions, as I've been told that doubt is the worst thing you can do at this stage. Day 2: The day was mostly uneventful, I did some passive narration and felt what I could of sworn was a response, but it was so faint it was hard to tell. I ended up not doing a 2 hour tulpaforcing session because I kept on getting cut short, got about a constant 30 minutes until I got interrupted by the dog next door tearing my litter bin apart. Didn't feel much during forcing, so I went to bed after an additional 30 minutes. Day 3: Started the day off by passively narrating, then I started typing this entry and felt... something, a presence possibly. I'm now 100% sure that Cyndra is there and listening to me now. I read a book to her, "How Many Miles to Babylon". The feeling of a "presence" got stronger and by the time I was in engineering class I felt her 100%. I mentally narrated through the class, introduced her to everyone (telling her who they are, not actually introducing, for fear of being called crazy!). And as I write this entry now I can feel her "by my side", per say. I went home after class and narrated for a while, also go a small headache (PROGRESS!!!). I did some Forcing to try and touch up on a couple of physical details of Cyndra that I left out (Face, movement, etc.). Ended up going at it until I fell asleep like a baby. Day 4: I fried my RAM on my Fileserver, the one ALL of my movies, music, and documents are on. I had to drive down to Cork to get some new RAM. I narrated to Cyndra the entire time I was driving and played some music, and I felt her respond to some of my statements. We got down to cork, first went to the Indian shop on the hill then to Maplins to pick up the RAM. We stopped at Mickey D's to have lunch, not the healthiest lunch but it's better than nothing. On the drive back, I started playing Louise Morissey’s “All around my Hat” from my MP3 player, and THAT'S when I got the biggest positive response from Cyndra I've ever gotten, so much I almost swerved off the M8. Scared the living daylight out of me, Suppose I need to be careful when narrating while driving! Got back home in one piece and rebuilt my Fileserver and plan to do some more forcing tonight to some more Irish music, Cyndra seems to like it. When I forced that night, I decided to have Cyndra sing along with me, and quite soon she was singing on her own, I call this brilliant progress and it quite shocked me as well.
  9. Hello, I'm cinder. I began Tulpamancing about five days ago and so far me and Cyndra have made pretty good progress. I come from a little village in County Tipperary, Ireland. People here think I'm crazy anyways so I don't see the harm in having a Tulpa.