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Everything posted by Miri

  1. Miri

    Ashley's Lounge

    Oh boy where do I even begin. First off, both of them supported me emotionally all the way, and I am immensely grateful for that. The fun begins when Mirichu turned host. So you know I created her with the sole purpose of having her replace me so I can escape this world, but the plan failed and instead I got stuck (yeah, serves me well I guess) so that sucked. But on the other hand, sticking around and watch her go through life with a way better mindset than the one I had, kind of got to me 'maaaybe the world isn't sooo bad and you can be happy'. Sadly, she still got to deal with a lot of the crap I had to deal with before but she did a much better job than me at it. By fronting all the time, she managed to bring her mindsets with her to the front. I was a fan of solipsism and subjective reality (literal subjective reality) and oh god it was a mess, I used it as coping mechanism because I couldn't stand the way this world was, so 'erasing it from existence and starting from scratch with a better one' was my all-fix solution to everything, forgive the edgelord I was back then. I was so scared of being hurt and suffering that I saw no other way to cope, it was extreme escapism and thank goodness Mirichu became host in time, thinking about what my future would've looked like if she never did scares the hell out of me. Now she got us a wonderful partner, in a place far away from our stressful environment. You see, this is the kind of thing deep down I always wanted but had no hopes of getting. Ironically, permaswitch, even if failed, might've been the best decision I took in my whole life, because it literally saved it. In short, I came looking for cooper and I found gold.
  2. Miri

    Ashley's Lounge

    At some point around last September, Mirichu and I started going to sleep ''together'', basically co-fronting to sleep, as we thought that could help with switching. One night when we woke up co-fronting, I told her if she could turn off the TV and it felt literally the same as when I was a kid and would have friends sleep over, it was some sort of 'hyper plurality' that felt way more real than if I had imposed my tulpas or saw them in dreams. Countless of nights when I asked Mirichu stuff like 'can you ''wake me up'' if I stop replying while we talk?' or 'put the phone in the desk if you wake up alone in the body' and it felt like I was asking a physical person in the same room! Co-fronting for so long brought plurality to a level of realness I thought was only possible through imposition or lucid dreaming, the ever lasting presence of someone else sharing body. Not counting the fact that short after becoming the host, Mirichu started appearing in all of my dreams, co-fronting even when asleep, dream buddies. Hyper plurality at its finest.
  3. Always the hosts who are most desperate to switch out are the ones stuck, pls
  4. I have a feeling there's a difference between influencing a headmate and having them do stuff based on old patterns. I know full well when I am influencing Mirichu, it feels like stuff that I would like to do, and it feels like I am doing them, but under Mirichu's identity, some sort of full-body proxy? Instead of dictating her what I want to say like I am right now, I tell her (in tulpish, usually) what I want to do
  5. I feel like I've totally hindered my fronting skills by passive influencing Mirichu all the time. I want to eat chocolate? I 'influence' Mirichu to do so. Want to go to this place? I do the same, all without stealing the front, or who knows if I do but we don't notice. We're starting to feel less separate and more blendy lately. Apparently belief died in this system long ago. Sure I could confabulate that my tulpas couldn't read my thoughts and other shit but I can't go away by sheer belief? suuuuree
  6. One thing is for sure, I feel more dissociated and less there whenever Mirichu is focusing on Akai, it's just that as soon as I notice something is happening (be it feeling like vanishing or falling asleep) I automatically come back. It happens randomly too, me suddenly 'waking up' and not remembering experiencing Mirichu talking or doing something, yet she did. I don't know why this happens tho, and also, reaching the level when I actually start to 'fade away' seems super hard. Akai as a FBI agent feels different, she requires attention to think or talk (unless there's a trigger) while I don't. So she stays aware of what's going on, but isn't processing anything or thinking on her own, unlike me and my dozens of intrusive thoughts annoying Mirichu.
  7. Essay on how to vanish from the front, pretty counterproductive
  8. Wow Okay, Akai and I have different troubles when it comes to fronting. My issues are anxiety-related mostly while Akai's more of a lack of activity than anything. But yeah, she's second on line and who knows if she'll start fronting before me Yeah, we changed it
  9. She wants me to get more involved and hoping that makes it easier for me to front, idk, but it's hard Nice to see you too, btw
  10. I remember the ice fortress but I don't remember denying your offer, in fact I even said I'd like to go
  11. They have helped immensely, did I ever mention (I know I didn't) that this system has a bright future thanks to them? I used to be scared of people or even taking walks alone, but now it is such a huge part of our life, and it comes very natural too. Last year I was so anxious and scared of entering adulthood (leaving our house, finding a job, dealing with people, etc...), and now we're moving out to live with our partner, miles away, and the odd thing is that I am even excited myself! Everything feels so surreal compared to when I was main fronter. Yes, yes they helped. Oh, add on top of that hanging out with friends and even looking forwards to school, fricking school. Damn Mirichu and Akai, congrats. I love you both.
  12. No, not really. I did so a lot of times back in the day and it just felt rude or annoying at most.
  13. When you think about something, do you do it in literal words or is it more like concepts? tulpish for us is abstract thinking
  14. I usually communicate in tulpish most of the time and I know both my tulpas would appreciate if I talked in mindvoice like they do. I don't why it feels like it takes more effort doing it in mindvoice, I am not very good at it lately unless it's short stuff, I struggle a tiny bit with long conversations. Tulpish is better.
  15. Akai took a while (can't remember how long) because she was the first tulpa, so it took longer. And Mirichu was vocal almost instantly, although her first -actually-her- memories she remembers are from 1-2 days after her creation, so pretty quick. I am assuming it was because the brain already knew how to do it.
  16. Mirichu helped me with a lof of things just by fronting and facing it together. Like refusing to go outside in fear of facing certain people but if she's fronting I feel much more comfortable and it's not like she's going to let those fears stop her from enjoying life. And Akai was a comfort source for when I was down and still is for the both of us. They both enjoy life a lot but it's actually rubbing off on me so I am also starting to enjoy it too, we're actually doing stuff that years ago would've been so hard for me to do.
  17. I'm the original weeb and they just followed. Although Mirichu is also a pretty big weeb too, Akai is mostly aesthetic.
  18. Yeah, if there's an animal inside. rip account switcher
  19. That was my exact thought process for creating one of my tulpas. I wasn't in a very good mindset and wanted someone else to take over, so I ended up creating a tulpa for that purpose. If you think about it, most reasons behind a tulpa's creation could be considered selfish. But of course, creating a tulpa because you wanted a close friend sounds much better than creating someone to take over your life. It's the way you treat them that really matters, what's the point of creating someone just because you wanted a companion if you're not going to treat them well anyway? Even though I created my tulpa with the sole purpose of being my replacement, I saw and treated her as a person and not just a tool to escape life. From the very beginning, I let her make her decision and asked countless time if she was still okay with it. I never forced her into anything and made sure to let her know that I'd still love her regardless of her decision, if she ever changed her mind. Mirichu: my host also has many negative thoughts and that has only made me want to help her even more. Dealing with them if you have someone else there to see what's going on first-hand is much better than dealing with them alone. Sometimes they're painful but I can't blame someone for things they have no control over. Most tulpas actually want to help their hosts, regardless of the problems they're dealing with. And don't think of yourself as a burden. Sometimes my host thinks she's holding me back and I have to deal with helping her out and at the same, living our life. But in the end it's worth it to see how much you've helped someone and knowing that they'll always see you as someone to trust. Also, sharing your life with someone else is much more rewarding than being alone, even if you think of yourself as a burden. I also agree with what Vesper said about not providing someone with a body of their own. That's even more cruel than just creating a tulpa to take over, in my opinion. And I'm not talking about tulpas who simply don't want anything to do with the outside world. I would't want this life to be taken away from me, even with all the hardships.
  20. EDIT: I did it AGAIN dammit! This is MIRICHU, not Miri. Ugh. Danke! Gotta repay the favor and make the body multilingual.
  21. I always found it suspicious that he was so interested in helping supposed ''dream characters'' he believes to be just him. Kind of made me thought he was just saying those things to get the attention of people who want to believe that.
  22. Did he actually believe in anything of what he said in his past (or present?) craziness?
  23. This is what most people mean by subjective reality. This is the idea I got from reading a shit ton of his stuff. Funny that you mention that, Bre, because when I was obsessed with that (and synchronicities) I read one of your posts that literally was: ''it was bound that someone would experience so many synchronicities that they would end up believing reality is fake and that they're god'' and jesus did it scare the hell out of me.